by Harry Potter
“...apparently, he thought he deserved more money...” Remus continued to speak. And Harry continued to ignore him.
Harry gleefully imagined another mortifying predicament caused by Hermione’s Bad Lust potion. In his mind’s eye, Harry saw Remus stop by the Ministry of Magic to drop off some lunch for Tonks. He imagined them talking for a bit about inconsequential things, but the moment that Tonks’ supervisor happened to stop by, all hell would break loose. Harry fought the urge to chuckle at the imagined shocked expression on Tonks’ boss’s face when Remus put his willy in-between the pink haired witch’s boobs and began to whack himself off with her mounds.
Another image suddenly popped in Harry’s mind driving the current scenario from his imagination. Instead of Remus giving Tonks a good old fashion titty-fuck, Harry saw himself in the same position, but with Hermione and her wondrous breasts being the stars. He wondered momentarily if Hermione would ever agree to such an activity. He didn’t think that she would agree to such a thing just for the pleasure of it; but remembering his sore bottom and how moist and musky her knickers were from earlier, Harry realized that his girlfriend was at least a touch kinky. He even considered momentarily using his super-charged Cheering Charm just to bring that naughty girl out once more, but quickly put that thought aside. He could never use Hermione. He loved her and would never intentionally force her to lower her inhibitions for his pleasure. Hopefully, he thought, a ritual would be in the ‘special book’ which would require him putting ‘Harry, Jr.’ between Hermione’s beautiful boobs. He felt ‘Harry, Jr.’ began to stir at the thought of getting the opportunity to frolic with ‘Carmella’ and ‘Natasha’.
“... I’ve tried talking with Joseph.” Remus sighed dejectedly before continuing. “But he won’t listen to reason.”
The magnificent image of Harry giving Hermione his own special pearl necklace was sadly replaced by another vision of a “Bad Lust” attack. The image this time focused on Tonks taking Remus to visit her folks. Remus gave Mrs. Tonks a kiss as a greeting and shook Mr. Tonks’ hand like a gentleman before Remus began humping their daughter’s leg like a rabid dog - or in Remus’ case - a wolf. Granted, Harry found this image humorous, but he found the now banished image of a naked Hermione underneath him much more preferable.
“... I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now,” concluded Remus. “I just wanted to prepare you for what you’ll find there.”
“Oh, thanks Remus,” Harry responded, absentmindedly. “I’ll keep it in mind.”
What he’ll keep in mind was a total mystery to Harry since he hadn’t heard a word that Remus had said.
“Sorry about that,” Hermione began as she reentered the room. “Did I miss anything?”
“Nothing important,” replied Harry. Hermione gave him a look that clearly told him that the mission was accomplished. Soon, very soon, Tonks would be jumping Remus’ bones and their revenge will be complete!
“All right then, I guess we should be going,” Hermione announced.
“Okay, see you three later,” Remus bid them farewell. But before Harry could turn and leave, Remus said to Tonks: “Tonks, love.”
“Yes, sweetie,” she replied.
“Remind me to throw away the tea,” Remus said as he picked up The Quibbler and started to read it once more. “Hermione spiked it while pretending to use the loo.”
“Yes dear,” Tonks replied nonchalantly as if their tea supply was often spiked and she was rather bored with the chore of throwing it away.
“Why would she spike your tea?” Ron asked.
Harry could feel his eye twitch. His dream of revenge was destroyed before it even started. Remus had just callously and heartlessly killed his dream. Harry looked at Hermione and saw that her eye was twitching as well.
“Just for a prank,” Remus said to Ron.
“But... but... But how’d you know?” stammered Hermione.
“I have wards up all over the house, and they alert me if something gets disturbed.” Remus answered. “You two will have to come up with better ideas if you want to pull a practical joke on me. Remember, I am a Marauder after all.”
“DAMN IT!” Harry cursed and stomped out of the cottage. Hermione followed, grumbling under her breath. Ron silently followed, not realizing all the trouble his friends had been through.
“Oi, Hermione,” Tonks called out from the house to the trio as Harry signaled for the Knight Bus. “Next time, turn your head. That way you avoid getting it in your eye!” Hermione shot Tonks a dirty look with her good eye as the pink haired witch continued to taunt; “Oh, and Harry, don’t forget to give Draco a kiss for us!”
The purple bus appeared with a bang and Harry gloomily walked on.
“Godric’s Hollow,” Harry told the driver. Harry sat on a chair in the back after paying the driver. Hermione and Ron soon joined him.
“Why were you trying to prank Remus,” Ron asked.
“He pranked us first,” Harry blurted out not realizing that he would have to describe the prank to Ron. Even though Ron was being a sport concerning Harry and Hermione’s relationship, Harry didn’t want to aggravate Ron by telling him the whole “Tonks caught me eating out Hermione while you thought you two were still a couple and then Remus pranked us by making us believe the Ministry made flyers describing the scene Tonks saw” ordeal. So, as quickly as he could, Harry made up a prank that wouldn’t possibly rile Ron. “Remus called me a poopie head.”
Hermione slapped her head in annoyance at Harry’s poor cover-up.
“Really? A ‘poopie-head’?” Ron asked; thankfully Ron wasn’t the brightest person in the world. “You’d think a Marauder would’ve come up with a better prank than that.”
Hermione slapped her head again; this time in annoyance to Ron’s stupidity.
“I mean ‘poopie-head’ isn’t even funny,” Ron continued, unmindful of Hermione’s vexation. “I thought the Marauders were supposed to be the best pranksters to ever attend Hogwarts. But ‘poopie-head’?” Ron concluded by shaking his head in a disappointed way. “Fred and George would be so heart-broken.”
Harry began to grow concerned. Not only was his friend digging into the very unlikely excuse, but worse, Ron appeared to believe it. Harry truly wondered how Ron could be that gullible and trusting.
“But there’s something I don’t understand,” Ron said. “Why would you want to prank Remus back if he called you a ‘poopie-head’? I mean, why bother? You could just call him a ‘berk’ and be done with it.”
Worrying that his friend might finally deduce that the “poopie-head” story was just a cover-up for the “I got caught eating out Hermione,” Harry decided to divert Ron’s attention.
“Hey, we found where the Horcruxes are hidden!” announced Harry.
“That’s right!” Ron responded. “Where are they?”
“Harry!” hissed Hermione. With a tilt of her head, she indicated a group of four wizards sitting near the front of the Bus. “Do you really want them to hear this conversation?”
Harry doubted that they had heard him mention the horcruxes, but he knew that Hermione was right. Discreetly pulling out his wand, Harry pointed it at the group of wizards and muttered: “Muffliato!”
The Muffliato Charm, as designed by Snape, was supposed to fill the ears of the people who were hit with it to have their hearing filled with unidentifiable buzzing sounds. It was a simple charm that would allow Harry and his friends to talk without being overheard. It was also a charm that wouldn’t harm anyone. Harry hated to admit it, but Snape did make some useful spells.
The Muffliato Charm wouldn’t harm anyone unless the caster had gone and unwittingly performed a power boosting ritual, much like Harry had.
“OH SWEET MERLIN!” the first wizard shouted while frantically looking around him. “ARE WE UNDER ATTACK FROM MONSTROUSLY HUGE HORNETS?”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?” the second wizard screamed at the first.
“THE AGONY OF TINNIUS!” the third hollered while
clutching his ears.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?” the fourth wizard yelled to the second.
Both Ron and Hermione shot looks at Harry as the four wizards continued to frantically scream and shout. Ron’s look told Harry that the red head was confused and didn’t understand why such a simple and normally harmless charm had created such havoc. However, Hermione’s look was different; it clearly told Harry that she was very upset with him.
“What’s going on?” Ron hollered as the first wizard continued to warn everyone around him at the top of his lung about the impending bee attack. “Why are they acting like that? The Muffliato shouldn’t cause that type of reaction!”
“Because Harry forgot he performed a power-boosting ritual!” yelled Hermione.
“What?” shouted Ron over the cries of the four unknown wizards.
“Harry performed a power-boosting ritual!” she yelled louder.
“WHAT?”
“HE PERFORMED A POWER-BOOSTING RITUAL!!!” screamed Hermione; her face had turned a bright red as she shouted at the top of her lungs.
“Oh, how’d you do it?” Ron asked Harry rather loudly.
Sharing a concerned look with Harry, Hermione began to sputter: “We... um... he... err... well...”
Harry noticed that Ron was trying his best to hear what Hermione was muttering but he could tell that Ron couldn’t hear anything she was saying over the shouts and screams of the four wizards. Harry shouted to Ron “NEVER MIND, IT ISN’T IMPORTANT.”
“ALRIGHT!” Ron shouted and asked “SO, WHERE ARE THE HORCRUXES?”
Hermione must have realized that it would’ve been very difficult to tell Ron the locations of the Horcruxes over the four wizards’ screams so she pulled some parchment out of her robes along with a quill and scratched out some notes. After a moment, she showed Harry the note and shouted in his ear so that he could hear what she was asking: “Does this look right to you?”
Harry quickly read the parchment.
“Slytherin’s locket was at Borgin & Burkes, but was sold to an unknown wizard.
An unknown item is hidden under the orphanage where Riddle was raised.
Hufflepuff’s cup is at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. (R. A. B. most probably was Regulus Black, Sirius’ Death Eater brother)
Voldemort himself, the final Horcrux.”
Harry silently nodded his head in approval and handed Hermione’s note to Ron. After reading the note once (which took an abnormally long amount of time), Ron reread it again, this time, it appeared that he was counting off the Horcruxes. With a perplexed and somewhat pained look (Harry couldn’t tell if the pained expression on his face was due to the fact that he just had to read something that wasn’t homework or Quidditch related or not), Ron attempted to ask Harry and Hermione a question. Unfortunately, Harry couldn’t hear what he was saying over the four wizards who were now panicking.
“To hell with this,” Harry muttered and pointed his wand at the wizards. “Finite”
“Thank heaven,” the first wizard exclaimed as he sat back down. “The monstrously huge hornets have called off their attack”
“I’ve been cured!” the third wizard cried out.
The other two wizards sat down and appeared to be pretending as if nothing unusual had just happened.
“What was that, Ron?” asked Hermione.
“There’s only four,” Ron answered.
“So?” asked Harry.
“Well including the diary that you destroyed in second year and the ring that Dumbledore destroyed last year; that makes only six.” Ron explained. “I thought there was supposed to be seven of them?”
Harry and Hermione were taken back for two reasons; firstly, Ron was correct in the fact that somehow they were one Horcrux short. Secondly, and more shockingly, Ron was correct.
“Maybe we did the ritual wrong,” speculated Hermione. “Perhaps we should do it again.”
Harry’s heart leapt up at the thought of Hermione’s small hands wrapped around ‘Harry, Jr.’ and a goofy grin stretched across his face.
“Maybe I could do it too?” Ron asked hopefully.
The goofy grin quickly disappeared from Harry’s face and he glowered at his friend. ‘What the hell is he implying?’ Harry thought.
“Just what are you implying, Ron?” Hermione demanded, scandalized.
“What? Wait,” Ron sputtered, noticing the shocked looks of his friends. “What’s wrong with me wanting to help? Why can’t I do the ritual?”
“Ron, weren’t you listening to me back in the Common Room?” Hermione asked. “I told you: Harry and I performed a... sex based ritual. That’s why ‘not you’!”
“Oh god, no, Hermione,” Ron replied quickly. “Um... No, what I mean is that no I didn’t really pay atten... that is understand you back there. But why can’t I do the ritual? No, no, not with you, Hermione. I was thinking about giving Lav-Lav another go.”
“What? Lavender Brown?” Hermione screeched, obviously upset with Ron and his choice of witches. Harry was just glad Ron wasn’t propositioning Hermione. He loved Ron like a brother, but he had no intention of sharing Hermione with him. Or anybody for that matter. “She is a bubble-headed, silly girl,” Hermione continued. “You will not date her again.”
“Why not?” asked Ron.
“Because the only thing you two had in common was over-active hormones!”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“Yes!” Hermione called out. “You cannot have a relationship built strictly on lust. You deserve to have a real relationship, a truly deep and meaningful connection. Like Harry and I do.”
Harry tuned out his friends’ argument. ‘If you’ve heard them argue once, you’ve heard them enough,’ he rationalized. His mind drifted back to Godric’s Hollow, the place where he and his family once lived. His heart was filled with anticipation and trepidation at the thought of visiting the house where he was born and where his parents were killed.
“The only way that I will allow you to even contemplate participating in any ritual,” Hermione stated with authority, “will be after Harry and I find you a proper girl you can date.
“And that is final!” Hermione concluded, ending the argument.
The Bus suddenly stopped and a witch with four young children climbed on board. “Godric’s Hollow, please,” she said to the attendant who had replaced wrongly imprisoned Stan Shunpike.
Harry was a little more than taken back; she wanted to go to Godric’s Hollow like he did. Ever since he had first heard of Godric’s Hollow, Harry had assumed that it was the name of the house he and his parents had lived in. Harry looked over to Hermione, who appeared to be having the same quandary as he. Ron however, was still concentrating over Hermione’s dictate.
“I don’t see why I can’t have a say in who I’m allowed to date,” Ron muttered sullenly. “At least let me have some input, please Hermione?” he pleaded.
“Perhaps, if you behave yourself,” Hermione conceded, simply to stop the discussion.
Harry thought that maybe Godric’s Hollow was the name of the village where his parents had lived. This seemed very possible because the Bus stopped again and the people who got on also wanted to go to Godric’s Hollow as well. It seemed very feasible until Ron spoke up and said: “I haven’t been here since I was a kid. I know it’s kind of lame now that I’ve grown, but it’s still cool.” He then added very excitedly, “I can’t wait to ride the stairway again!”
Before Harry or Hermione could ask Ron what he had meant, the Bus came to a screeching halt and the driver announced, “Godric’s Hollow.” Harry was the first of the trio to exit the Bus, and what he saw made him almost faint.
Harry stood in front of a large grey warehouse-like building. There were a number of wizards and witches with their children that had formed a queue waiting to get into the building. This by itself wasn’t all that shocking, but the flashing sign hanging above the entrance to the warehouse was the thing that made Harry almost faint. The sign
stated:
“Welcome to Godric’s Hollow; Home of Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived! Watch Mr. and Mrs. Potter as they bravely try to fight off He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Marvel at the miracle of You-Know-Who’s downfall!
Ticket Prices:
Adults: 3 knuts
Children (11 and under) 2 knuts
Seniors (80 and older) 2 knuts.”
“Excuse me, but please either join the queue or get out of the way,” a witch with three children said to Harry as she pushed her way past him. The witch then stepped in the back of a line that went from the street where Harry had stepped off of the Bus to the entrance.
From inside the warehouse, Harry could hear shouts of excitement, cries of fear, and various explosions.
“What the bloody hell is this?” Hermione asked, giving voice to Harry’s internal question.
“It’s just a tourist ride,” Ron explained, ignorant to the shock Harry was experiencing.
Harry wanted to hurt somebody. Hurt them very, very badly. He didn’t care who that somebody was; he needed someone to hurt, very, very badly. Then Ron had the misfortune to offer, “Hey, I know: since I didn’t get you a birthday present, how ‘bout I buy you a glowing ‘baby Harry’?”
And the somebody that Harry needed to hurt very, very badly was going to be Ron. Chapter Eight Summary: Harry goes on the ride of his life... literally!
Harry slowly turned to face Ron. Harry’s rage and anger was about to be unloaded upon his taller friend. But before he could unleash his fury, one of the witches who had gotten off of the Knight Bus spoke up.
“Would you lot budge up or get out of the queue,” the witch demanded. “My kids have been waiting for this for months.”
Harry was quite surprised to find that he, Hermione, and Ron had somehow wandered into the line of customers waiting to enter Godric’s Hollow. He was even more surprised to see Ron already at the ticket window.