“See. I told you if you wear a dress for Finn, he would love it.” Understatement of the millennium. “You look totally fuckable now!” Now? She always is to me.
Becks lifts her head from my shoulder and sarcastically says to Morgan, “Thanks.” She then sets her gorgeous green eyes on mine. “Wasn’t I before?” She has to ask that? I besieged her this morning. I’m always fighting to keep from ripping her clothes off.
“You don’t need to wear a dress to turn me on, baby.” My gaze drops to her luscious lips that I want to be kissing instead of being here listening to Rod.
“We could tell yesterday after the race,” Rod disparages. Becks’ lips are suddenly on mine, which is a good thing for Rod because that was one of the instants when I could have taken away his ability to breathe. He mutters something else, but I again don’t particularly care.
My dick begins to harden to a dangerous level. I can’t hold Becks this close to me in front of everyone without my groin being the center of everyone’s attention. I drag my lips off of Becks’ and say to Rod, “We’ll find you…someone.” I can’t miss the opportunity to zing that to him.
“A woman, Wilder. I’m not gay!”
I know he’s not gay and that’s what bothers me.
Morgan turns to Rod. “That’s not what the wall in the men’s room at the gym says.”
“How in the fuck would you know what the men’s room wall says?”
“I’m dating a personal trainer who likes to be daring in his own way.” Morgan looks over at me and laughs.
I smirk at her. “That’s my favorite way to be daring.” I want to be more daring with Becks, but if we go anywhere in public and we get caught, I’m sort of recognizable. I’d probably lose my job, but I’m more concerned about my coworkers reporting her as the top story.
Becks moves her head to the side of mine, away from everyone, and licks my jaw. Oh, fuck. My eyes automatically close and I have to keep myself from loudly groaning. I have to get her off of me.
I slide her down. “What the hell goes on at the gym you three go to? Maybe I should join yours instead of working out at the station.”
Becks fixes her dress. The movement of the material shows more of her leg than the dress usually does when it’s in place. I want to lay her down on this blanket and run my hands up her dress, along her silky thighs.
After some idiotic bickering between Morgan and Rod, Morgan stands and walks over to me. “I want to get a closer look at this hickey that Rod has been carrying on about.” That’s right, Rod. Suck it up. I tilt my head proudly to the side so she and Rod can see Becks’ lipwork. She smiles and smacks Becks on the arm. “Nice one!”
I unabashedly grin. “Isn’t it? My girl just can’t help herself.” I love it. I lean in and bite at Becks’ neck. She shrieks and giggles. I love when she gives me love bites. They usually can’t be seen by anyone at work, except for Pam, who does my makeup. Pam thinks it’s “cute” when I show them off to her. Her nickname for me is “stud.” Pam’s the only one that sees my love bites at the station. If someone does see my bruise, it’s not too much of a big deal because of my so-called reputation and they assume I had a hot date the night before. At work, only Pam and Milo know I have a girlfriend, though, they’ve never met her. Milo saw me with Becks at the race, but I didn’t introduce her. I trust Pam and Milo. They wouldn’t run off and tell anyone since they’re not the gossipy type. Pam’s a nice woman in her 50’s with a girlfriend named Lisa. Once, she had Lisa give her a love bite so we could compare notes. That Pam is funny.
I’m also glad that Becks didn’t ask me to name four people that know about her. Besides family and Ricky, three is all I have.
We take a seat and Becks hands me a sandwich with a pretty smile. I smile back at her and hope that we can leave soon. I’d rather be loading the dishwasher with her than sitting here listening to Rod anymore.
They continue to argue as I watch Becks unwrap her sandwich. Her honey brown hair is glowing in the sunlight, creating a reddish halo effect with her natural highlights. I love the floral smell of it, especially when she leaves it down and she’s on top of me in bed; her hair veiling our faces as we kiss, hidden by her caramel curtain.
“That fucking thing was chasing me! I swear to everything holy! That bee was on drugs! It chased me two blocks! I think it even had a pitch fork. You probably put a hex on it, witch.”
I take a dig. “Maybe it was the women’s perfume you like to wear.”
“It’s not women’s! It’s unisex, Wilder! Fuck me!” His mouth is getting him close to a fat lip.
How much longer do we have to be here? “No thanks. I’ll pass.”
“It seems like you do have a crush on our resident hottie here, Dick Rod.” Morgan nods her head to me. What? I hope the hell she’s joking!
“I do not have a crush on Wilder!” He sounds desperate for everyone to believe him. Rod looks at me. “I promise you that I do not harbor any kind of sexual feelings toward you!”
I frown at my sandwich, deciding if I’ve lost my appetite or not. “That’s good to know.”
“You’re taken anyway!” Rod says. We both stop dead and uncomfortably glance at each other. “That did not come out right!” No shit!
“Sure.” Becks smiles. Why is she egging him on? “Do I have to worry about you stealing my man?” Is she fucking serious?
“Shut up, Hadders!”
“Hell no!” I reply, annoyed that I have to listen to Rod’s mouth all day.
“I am not riding you. Don’t even joke about that.” I lean closer to Becks. I wind my arm around her, my hand next to her leg on the other side of her. I can smell her hair and skin. When the two scents combine, it’s heaven. Her neck is exposed and I want to give her the love bite she denied me last night. I like giving her one because it shows everyone she’s not single, although, I think all of her coworkers know who she’s dating.
“Ahhh!” Rod shrieks at the ground.
“I’ll eat your sandwich, Rod.” Becks holds her hand out for him to hand it to her.
He looks up with a salacious grin. “That sounds naughty, Hadders. I don’t think Finn wants you taking a bite of my sandwich.” Yes, and Finn is ready to rip your heart out through your chest with his bare hand.
“You’ve got that right,” I snap.
Morgan glances at Becks. “Don’t eat too much. You know how Shane is already going to be kicking your ass tomorrow.” Shane? Who the hell is he?
She sighs. “I know. Especially since Mondays he’s even more sadistic with an extra helping of relentless bitchiness.”
I sit up straighter. “Shane?”
“Shane is my personal trainer. I told you about him.”
I shake my head. “I just hadn’t heard you mention his name before.”
She nods over to Ivan and makes a face. “He and Ivan are best friends.”
“He’s not that bad.” Ivan laughs.
“Oh, yes he is! He hates me!” If she hates him so much, why is she putting up with him? Can’t Ivan take her on or someone else if she thinks she needs to work out with a trainer?
“He only pushes you because he knows you can do it. He likes you.”
“He does?”
What the fuck? “He does?” Now I know I need to join her gym.
“Whoa! As a client.” Ivan, laughs again and rolls his eyes.
Do I have other men I have to worry about now? She doesn’t hide the fact that she has a boyfriend, unlike the way I avoid mentioning that I have a girlfriend. People don’t need to know my business.
“I’m good. He’ll own my ass tomorrow.”
I look over to Becks. She looks frustrated thinking about tomorrow. I can help her with that. I tuck some of her hair behind her ear and whisper, “You won’t need to work out tomorrow once I’m done with you tonight.” I glance down and see her biting her lip as she looks down, making me grin.
“Cut it out over there!” Rod cries.
I incline away from Becks an
d look over at him. “Cut what out?”
“Making out, or whispering sweet nothings to Hadders.”
“You think this is making out?” I clasp Becks’ chin and pull it so that she looks at me. I lean in and kiss her fervently. My tongue slides into her mouth without me even thinking about it beforehand. I grip her shoulder, holding her so she doesn’t jerk away from me. I want to show that bastard that she’s mine.
“Come on, you two! I want to see both of your hands, Wilder, above Hadders’ dress. Don’t try to get her off in front of us!” I feel something soft hit me in the arm, but keep kissing her. I shouldn’t be doing this, but it’s better than punching him in the face. I know Becks would be pretty pissed at me for doing that, though. “This is a family event! Let’s not try to make a family here and now.”
I abruptly stop kissing her, and I sit back.
Fuck. I’m going to kill him.
Incensed, I stand. Becks tries to grab for me, but I walk over to the oak tree on the other side of the blanket.
“Finn?” I hear Becks as I walk away. I need a breather from that asshole. He’s always making comments that infuriate me. It seems that my girlfriend has mentioned to him that she wants kids, but I don’t because he’s been making comments alluding to getting her pregnant. How can she share something like that with that prick? I absently rub my index and middle finger over my lip.
Does Becks have to tell him something so personal like that about us? What else has she told him? I can only imagine. Has she told him about my feelings about her taking the Pill? Yes. I’m Catholic. I don’t agree with everything the Church teaches, but there are some that I do. During Lent, which is right now, I still give up something and abstain from meat on Fridays. I also attend Mass once a week and I asked Becks to not take the Pill. That was one that my mom adhered to until my sisters entered high school.
I didn’t demand that Becks not take it. I just asked and she said she wouldn’t. I knew it was my responsibility, as well, to not get her pregnant, so I was prepared to wear condoms. I wasn’t happy about it since I wanted to feel her, but I wanted to follow that rule because I, like the Church, don’t believe in her taking a pill and changing her body so that I don’t knock her up. I don’t want to get her pregnant. I really don’t. I know I’m taking a risk with her since condoms can break, and I can still get her pregnant even if we have sex during her period. Anything is possible. I feel that if God wants us to have a baby then it’ll happen no matter what; birth control won’t stop it from happening. All we can do is to try to prevent a pregnancy. The Church approves of the rhythm method, but that’s not very reliable.
Sometimes we do go without condoms during her period, but she doesn’t like to because she gets embarrassed during that time. I talked her into letting me try it with her. At first, I have to admit, even I wasn’t too sure, but I almost cried when I felt her for the first time. And I don’t cry. No matter how many millimeters thin the latex is, there’s a huge difference in the sensation without one. I had never felt that previously since I always had used them. So, having sex with her while she’s on her period definitely isn’t as bad as she made it out to be, especially when I only get to see her on the weekends. Becks gets the raw end of that deal anyway. We take a shower together afterward, so that’s a bonus.
Then one night, Becks told me to forget about using a condom. She said she had bought a spermicide gel. We tried it and that is my new favorite birth control. I get to feel her and not have to deal with pulling a damn used condom off.
What would happen if I did get her pregnant? I don’t know. I think Becks’ dad, Adam, would put a shotgun to my head if I didn’t marry her. I don’t want to think about that happening, though.
I hear a song vaguely blaring behind me and Becks and Morgan singing. I also hear Rod bitching again. When is this going to end?
I sigh and turn around to see Becks dancing. I take a few steps and lean against the tree, crossing my arms and ankles as I watch her. She looks so carefree. I wish she were more like that. She’s always worried about why I don’t tell people about her. She thinks it’s because I’m ashamed of her. That is so far from the truth, but honestly, I don’t want people to know that I have a girlfriend. I’m not trying to be an asshole. I want to protect her. I’m in the public eye daily. That’s what I love to do and I can handle it. I don’t want people making negative comments about her because it would piss me off; however, that’s not the only reason. Despite me being a public person in my job, outside of it, I’m a much more private person than Becks is. She wants me to shout from the rooftops that we’re together, but I don’t want to. I want to keep some of my life private from the viewing public. They can think what they want about me. Whether they think I’m single, a manwhore, gay, or a eunuch, I really don’t give a shit. Let them think what they want. They will anyway.
Becks turns and our eyes snag each other’s. She’s so damn beautiful. I don't know how I got so lucky.
Morgan pushes Becks forward and she stops before running into me. My eyes don’t leave hers as she stares up at me. She grips my arms and tries to pry them apart, but she can’t. “Come on, baby dance with me.” She knows that one thing I don’t do is dance. Her hands move down to my hips and she tugs as hard as she can, but she still can’t move me. She then tucks her fingers into my front pockets. What is she going to do? She looks down as she tries to pull me forward. Oh, shit. Her fingers are precariously close. She has put the key into the ignition. I quickly look around to see who is watching us. Rod is staring at Morgan and Ivan. My gaze falls back down as hers returns to my face. Her eyes slightly widen as our gazes again lock.
Her eyes rapidly scour my face. “Please dance with me.” What is she thinking? Why would she want me to dance with her when she’s fully aware that that is one thing that I can’t do?
It’s so hard to resist her. I shake my head and lean down so I can quietly say to her, “You know I don’t dance.”
She wickedly smirks. “There’s something Finn Wilder doesn’t do?” she asks teasingly. “Are you afraid?” Of dancing? Hell yes.
“No.”
Rod whines, “Hey! How come your men are allowed to dance to this song, but I can’t?” Becks turns her head and I follow her attention to look over at Rod, who has his arms crossed and is pouting like a little brat. I narrow my eyes at him, seriously wanting to make it so that his jaw needs wired shut. Becks stretches up closer to my face, bringing my concentration back to her.
I look into her sparkling pools of green. “Are you my man, Finn Wilder?”
She’s really asking me that? I forever will be. I don’t want to be anywhere else, except for in her arms and in her heart. “Always.”
She suddenly spins around and is up against me. I put my arms around her, holding her close as she rubs her lower back rigidly over me. All of my pistons are now firing. Shit. Is she doing this intentionally?
I grip her hips to slow her down, but she presses into me firmly. A painful surge of arousal pervades my groin and I bend to whisper in her ear, “You have to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” She knows what she’s doing.
“Brushing up against me like that, especially when wearing this dress. Remember this morning?” How could she forget? I’m still feeling the effects of it. She moves her head back to look up at me.
“Oh, yes.” She smiles coyly and tries to push into me again, but I stop her.
“Becks, I mean it,” I warn. “Stop.”
“I’m only dancing, Finn.” Only dancing. Right.
I lean in closer, my lips brushing over her ear and I can feel her shiver. How does she like me teasing her now? “Against my dick. I’m ready to lift this dress up again and unzip my jeans in front of everyone.” No lie.
“So, if I would turn around right now and kiss you, what would you do?”
Fuck you while everyone watches.
“Just don’t.”
She grins and pulls my face closer to her mouth. “That
sounds dangerous, baby.”
I move my mouth to her ear. “It is,” I snarl. I have to push her slightly away from me before I make good on my urges. She rotates in front of me so that she’s now looking up at me again. I wind my arms around her and rub her back with my fingertips.
“Do I turn you off that much?” she asks me jokingly as she glides her body agonizingly across me.
“What are you trying to do to me?” Why is she making it so difficult for me today when she was against us having sex this morning in the first place? I’m fighting from getting us arrested. Why does she enjoy revving me up in public? Is this her way of daring me? Oh, I get it now.
“I bet you say that to all the girls who try to get you to dance?”
I clench my teeth and glare at her to get her to understand how absurd that is. “Never.”
Rod interrupts us and complains, “I’m feeling really left out over here! Knock it off!” Without me taking my eyes off of Becks, she looks over at him and laughs. She relaxes her grip and drops her hands from me, but I tighten mine on her.
Without a warning, Becks is yanked from my hands. “Let’s finish this song!” Morgan yells.
I throw a hand up into my hair. Why can’t I keep it together? Why do I want Becks all the time? It’s only getting worse for me. It has to be because I see her living her life like it doesn’t even bother her that she only sees me on the weekends. Does she not want me with her more often? Does she actually like the way our lives are now? She wants to get married, but does she realize that would mean that we would live together? I think she only wants to get married just to get married to someone. We’ll be 34 soon, and she’s been bringing up the subject more and more even though I told her I don’t want to get married.
Becks argues that I’m Catholic. No kidding. She doesn’t think I know that? I am far from perfect. I do have premarital sex, want to live with my girlfriend, and I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. Marriage is a big sham. My parents tried to be happy, but they weren’t. They should’ve never been married in the first place. After they divorced, they each married other people. My dad married Marla and my mom married Sam, having my younger sister, Simone, as a result of that marriage. And after finally accepting both Marla and Sam as my stepparents, my dad and Marla got divorced and so did Mom and Sam.
Chasing the Wild Sparks Page 14