by Liz Eeles
Suddenly, there’s a flash of red on the opposite side of the road and I spot Kayla with her hair tied back in a ponytail. Chuffing hell! Kayla has brought Josh with her. While I stare out of the window in horror, the two of them clasp hands and leg it across the road between a stream of cars and taxis. Josh looks fashionably casual in jeans and a battered leather jacket, and his thick black hair flicks into his eyes as he dodges round the back of a bus. I feel sick.
When the two of them burst into the bar, flushed from their sprint across the road, Kayla sees me at once and waves frantically.
‘Hey Annie!’ Heads turn as the pretty, flame-haired Aussie makes her way between the tables. ‘It’s so good to see you.’ She plants a huge smacker on my cheek while Josh hangs back. He’s had a haircut and looks tidier than usual but there’s a dark shadow of stubble across his strong jaw that looks sexy as hell. What is wrong with me? I force myself to think of Stuart’s clean-shaven jaw and immaculate clothing. That’s the sort of man I go for. Clean-cut. Metrosexual. Uncomplicated and cheerful. London-based. It’s true that he turned out to be a cheating git, but you can’t have everything.
Thinking about Stuart isn’t working so I picture Josh and Kayla kissing passionately and remember how quickly he moved on from kissing me. That definitely does the trick! I glower at Josh when he sits down and gives me a slight nod across the table. He seems ill at ease and stands up immediately, pushing his chair back across the concrete floor with a scraping sound that puts my teeth on edge.
‘Can I get both you ladies a drink? I could do with a pint.’
Once we’ve given him our orders, Kayla watches Josh weave past people to the bar and then drags her chair round next to me.
‘It’s so weird seeing you here rather than in Salt Bay, and you look super sophisticated in that dress. You’d never have managed the death slide to the beach in that.’
‘Ha, perish the thought! It’s lovely to see you too, Kayla, but what are you doing in London?’
‘Helping Josh. He’s supervising a load of science nerds from his school who went to a talk about the Francis Crick Institute this morning and to the Science Museum this arvo. It was really fascinating but, believe me, you do not want to know how much bacteria is living inside you. It’s gross.’ A huge cheer goes up as a glass shatters on the hard floor and Kayla shuffles closer so I can hear. ‘I stepped in to help with the trip ’cos the science teacher coming with Josh ruptured his Achilles tendon last week. I’ve helped with trips before so I’ve already been checked out by the school.’
‘How long are you up here?’ I have to shout above the wailing of an ambulance rushing past on blue lights.
‘Only two nights. We got here late yesterday and had to settle the kids in. They’re seventeen and a nightmare with rampaging hormones so we’re having to make sure there’s no boy-girl bed hopping.’
‘How’s Alice doing?’ I ask quickly, keen to move on from bed hopping.
‘Not so bad. I’ve been keeping an eye on her since you left and Emily is about to move in. I bumped into her the other day while she was wandering round the village and we had a chat. She’s quite’ – Kayla frowns – ‘old-fashioned, but she seems great. Oh, that was quick.’
Kayla moves her bag off the table to make room for the tray of drinks Josh is carrying, while I ignore a flash of disquiet that Emily is about to take my place. It was never ‘my place’, just as Salt Bay with its windswept beach and fledgling choir was never going to be my home.
‘The prices here are crazy. Roger would have a heart attack,’ grumbles Josh, thrusting the change into his jacket pocket and handing out the drinks; a white wine for me, gin and tonic for Kayla and a pint of bitter for him.
‘Josh isn’t a huge fan of London,’ grins Kayla, winking at me.
‘Why did you come up with the students, then? There must have been another teacher who’d do it.’
Josh takes a sip of his beer and wipes foam from his lip. ‘To be honest, none of us were clamouring to come up here and leave the fresh air of Cornwall behind.’
‘And the rain.’
‘Does it never rain in London, then?’ asks Josh snippily, his dark eyes glinting in the bar’s halogen lights. ‘I suppose you get nothing but wall-to-wall sunshine three hundred and sixty-five days of the year.’
‘Ha ha, hardly.’ Kayla flashes me a ‘what’s his problem?’ look. ‘Though to be fair, it’s done nothing but chuck it down since you left us, Annie. Cornwall is crying out for you to come back.’
‘What about the choir?’ I ask, sidestepping any further conversation about me returning.
‘The choir’s doing great, thanks to Josh.’ Kayla has a slurp of gin and pats Josh on the back, making his leather jacket creak. ‘He’s been a star and has taken over running it since you had to leave. Jennifer insisted it should be her at first, but she’s coming round thanks to Josh’s charm and overall fabulousness.’
The thought of Josh being charming makes me choke on my Chardonnay but I’m incredibly relieved that he’s running the choir, and grateful too.
‘That’s very good of you, Josh. Is the concert still going ahead?’
‘That’s the plan, though there’s lots of work to do.’ Josh sits back, looking bored or sulky or tired. He’s almost impossible to read.
‘And how are your family doing?’ I’m determined to be an adult and make conversation even if he is having a strop.
‘Fine, thank you.’ Josh hugs his beer close to his chest. ‘Alice is keeping Serena on a couple of times a week even after Emily moves in.’
‘That’s good news and I know Serena will be pleased.’
Josh merely shrugs but I battle on.
‘Where are your students while you and Kayla are here with me?’
‘At a hotel round the corner. They’re under strict orders to sit and watch TV until we get back, and there’s a student teacher with us who’s keeping an eye on them. We’re taking them to see a show so we can’t stay long.’
He glances at his watch while I wonder if he and Kayla have booked one or two rooms in their Victoria hotel. I knock back the last of my wine and wish I’d ordered a larger glass.
After a while I give up trying to talk to Josh and he sits quietly while Kayla and I catch up on life in Salt Bay and London. He’s causing quite a stir in the bar, which is packed with twenty-something women, but he doesn’t seem to notice, not even when two spray-tanned girls in micro-minis walk past a few times and shoot me daggers looks. They must be mad if they think we look like a happy couple.
‘So what about your love life?’ I ask Kayla when Josh disappears to the loo at last. If she is still romantically entwined with Josh, I’m in two minds about mentioning the abandoned baby, especially since the information came from Toby, who’s not the most reliable source.
Kayla’s face lights up as if she’s about to burst with happiness.
‘It’s brilliant! He says we’re made for each other and he was an idiot not to realise it before.’ Wow, that feels weird. As though someone has clouted me in the stomach.
‘I think I might want to spend the rest of my life with Ollie,’ adds Kayla dreamily.
‘With Josh, you mean.’
Kayla runs her hands through her hair and laughs. ‘No, with Ollie. Why the hell would I want to spend my life with old grumpy pants? Though he’s not so bad when you get to know him. Why on earth would you think I was getting it on with Josh?’
‘Because I saw you and him all over each other in the pub,’ I stutter, feeling hot and clammy. Nothing is making sense but I think I might have made a mistake. A big one.
Kayla wrinkles her nose. ‘When? What are you talking about?’
‘The day I left Salt Bay and went back to London, after I found out about Sheila still being alive. I nipped into the pub to find you and saw you and Josh kissing. Proper kissing.’
‘Oh, that.’ Kayla raises her voice when a group of men in suits behind her start laughing loudly. ‘I didn’t realise y
ou saw that. It was a ruse.’
‘A what?’ I yell so she can hear me.
‘A ruse.’ The men behind her have quietened down and she leans forward until our heads are almost touching. ‘Don’t speak too loudly. I don’t want the whole pub to know about my wiles.’
She’s lost me completely. ‘Your what?’
‘My wiles. Feminine wiles. I adore Ollie and he felt the same way only he hadn’t realised it. Chloe didn’t help, sniffing around and messing with his mind. She’s such a cow. So I helped him make up his mind with some assistance from Josh.’
I’m still staring at her.
‘Jeez, keep up Annie. Don’t you have any wiles of your own? I wanted to make Ollie jealous so I kissed Josh in front of Kieran.’
‘Who’s Kieran? That young kid going moony over you in the pub? What’s he got to do with it?’
‘Everything. That kid is Ollie’s cousin and worships the ground he walks on. I knew he’d report back that I was kissing Josh, which he did. And it totally did the trick. Ollie asked me out right away. He said he realised what he might lose if he didn’t make a move quickly. See? Feminine wiles. You should get some.’ Kayla folds her arms, looking mightily pleased with herself.
‘But surely Ollie asked Josh about the whole kissing thing and realised he’d been… rused?’
Kayla snorts with laughter. ‘Oh Annie, do you know men at all? They don’t talk to one another about personal things. They’ll chat away for ages about cars and Peaky Blinders and the size of their boats. But discussing issues of the heart and appearing vulnerable in front of another alpha male? You’ve gotta be kidding. They’d rather sit through a chick-flick. Anyway, just to make sure, I got Josh on board. That’s why I’m helping him out in London, to repay the favour.’
‘So he knew about the ruse.’
She grins and starts ripping chunks off a beer mat. ‘Not at first. He thought I’d gone mad when I pounced on him. But after Kieran scuttled off and I explained what I was doing, he said it was about time Ollie made his mind up and settled down. I used to think Josh was a knobhead but he’s a lot nicer than he first appears.’
‘So Ollie still thinks that you and Josh were together for a while.’
‘Nah. After Ollie had been ensnared by my overall fabulousness, I told him Kieran got the wrong end of the stick and Josh and I were just friends. Ollie was relieved and now everything is wonderful.’ She starts swaying with a dreamy expression on her face.
‘Just to be totally sure, you’re not and never have been in any sort of romantic relationship with Josh.’
Kayla shakes her head. ‘Why?’ Suddenly, she starts gasping and shifting in her chair. ‘Bloody hell!’ she yells. ‘You want to have Josh Pasco’s babies.’
Jeez, there’s no need to tell the whole bar!
‘Shush!’
Kayla has knocked over her glass and I dab at the dregs of her G&T with a clean tissue.
‘Of course I don’t want his babies. You’re being ridiculous.’
‘Ha! You’ve fallen under the Pasco spell,’ stage-whispers Kayla. ‘I can’t quite see it myself. He’s too dark and brooding for me even though his backside is top notch. But why didn’t you tell me you had the hots for JP?’
‘I’m not sure how I feel about Josh and I don’t think he likes me that much. It’s pointless anyway because I live in London and he lives in the back of bleeding beyond. No offence. Why didn’t you tell me about your ruse?’
‘Honestly? I thought you might not approve. You’re quite prudish sometimes and I don’t know what you’re thinking most of the time because you’re very…’ She pauses. ‘Self-contained and independent. You don’t trust people, Annie, and you’re scared to let them into your safe city life.’
Psychoanalysed and summed up by a love-struck Aussie in a noisy London bar. Nice.
‘So what are you going to do about it?’ demands Kayla.
‘About what?’
She gives an exaggerated sigh and slumps theatrically across the table. ‘About Josh, you drongo. Now you know that I’m not abusing his body. Although…’ She runs her tongue along her lips.
‘Stop it, Kayla,’ I hiss because Josh is making his way back towards us. My head is reeling with what I’ve just learned and now I have to make small talk with him. Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe it – and then Kayla makes it worse.
‘Hey Joshie, welcome back. Where are the toilets? I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to pee.’ She gives me an exaggerated wink and bustles off, leaving us alone together while I mentally cross her off my Christmas card list.
Josh takes a seat and starts drumming his fingers on the table.
‘So Josh, did you ever get back together with Felicity?’ That was the last thing I meant to ask but the first thing that came out of my mouth. I look at Josh, aghast, but he just shakes his head and keeps on drumming.
‘Why not? She’s gorgeous. She’s tall and slim and pretty with fabulous shiny hair. Not like mine that goes frizzy in the rain.’ Stop talking, Annie! I clamp my lips tightly shut to stop the words tumbling out.
‘I didn’t want to get back together with Felicity,’ says Josh in his rich, dark-chocolate voice, putting his hands into his lap.
We sit in silence for a few moments before we both start talking over one another.
‘You go first,’ I insist. ‘I was only going to bore you about my new job.’
‘The job that Toby arranged for you, by all accounts.’ His words are loaded with sarcasm and put my back up.
‘That’s right. Because Toby’s family and that’s what families do, help one another. Like the Waltons or – or the Mafia.’ I wish I could take back the Mafia reference as soon as the words are out of my mouth but it’s too late. The Trebarwiths have now become the Corleones of south-east Cornwall.
‘I was sorry to say goodbye to the choir,’ I blurt out to cover my embarrassment.
‘Even though you didn’t,’ remarks Josh, gazing at me coolly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘You didn’t actually say goodbye to them, or to any of us.’ He sits up straighter, looking flushed. ‘The thing that happened in the garden when I picked up Serena – I apologised at the time and said it shouldn’t have happened, so you getting upset and rushing off the next day was a huge overreaction because you needn’t have worried that I’d pounce on you again. Although you’re very attractive, you’re not irresistible and I would have managed to control myself. Somehow.’
He raises an eyebrow and sits back with his arms folded and the muscle in his jaw working overtime. The arrogance of the man is breathtaking, thinking that I left Salt Bay early just because he kissed me. But mixed in with my indignation is a treacherous little thought that whirls round my brain: Josh Pasco thinks I’m attractive. Very attractive. I’m appalled when I realise I’ve pulled back my shoulders, which lifts my boobs and pushes them forward – it must be a reflex action when a handsome man pays me a compliment. I’m so sorry, Germaine; I am a terrible feminist.
‘I didn’t leave Salt Bay early because of what happened in the garden,’ I say as levelly as possible. ‘I left because I found out that my grandmother, the one who abandoned my mother when she was pregnant, is still alive and my great-aunt was keeping it a secret.’ Which does sound rather Mafia-like but that can’t be helped.
‘Why would she keep that a secret, for goodness’ sake?’ splutters Josh. ‘Good grief, you Trebarwiths make out you’re all holier than thou but you’d give Jeremy Kyle a run for his money. It’s all secrets and lies.’
‘What exactly is your problem with the Trebarwiths?’ I shoot back, not caring that people around us have stopped talking. ‘You had a run-in with Toby a few years ago. I get that, but isn’t it about time you got over it and stopped blaming the whole lot of us?’ I’m tempted to throw in the abandoned-baby rumour to judge his reaction but too many people are earwigging.
Josh glances round at our audience and bites his lip before saying in a low v
oice, ‘I don’t blame the lot of you, though I do think it was pretty shabby to leave Salt Bay without saying goodbye.’
For a moment he looks hurt and the urge to stroke my fingers across his strong, handsome face is back. I’ve always been a sucker for vulnerability – in Mum, in Alice, in Stuart, who told me the first time we met that he cried when his cat died. But Josh swallows and his expression hardens.
‘The choir were upset that you disappeared without a word so close to the concert, and before we’d properly sorted out a replacement for you,’ he says. ‘Cyril, in particular, was very disappointed.’
The thought of having disappointed poor bereaved Cyril makes me want to cry and I pinch my thigh hard to stop myself. I can picture them all in that ancient church, slagging me off for leaving and – far worse – thinking that I don’t care about them.
‘I’m sorry,’ I mumble into my empty glass. ‘What Alice told me was a shock and I had to get away. It was nothing to do with what happened in the garden, and you made it very clear at the time that you regretted it.’
‘Only because anything between us would be pointless with you about to leave Salt Bay. I’d been keeping my distance on purpose.’
‘So you didn’t kiss me by mistake.’ My mouth appears to be in full ‘speak before engaging your brain’ mode.
‘What on earth are you going on about? Do you really think that I kissed you by accident?’ The corner of Josh’s full mouth twitches and tiny crow’s feet fan out around his eyes. ‘I think you’re probably the strangest woman I’ve ever met,’ he says, pulling in his chair closer to the table.
The sound around me becomes muffled as Josh leans towards me, his dark eyes focused on my mouth.