Today, however, that doesn’t happen. I dream of the man that saved me instead. I dream of the man that held me and told me to hang on. I dream of the man who’s strong and beautiful, and someone I don’t want to lose. I dream of a man that strokes my hair, and I let him because I don’t feel as if he’s too close. I dream of a man who’s my man, but then I wake, bolting upright from the first really great dream I’ve had in over eight years.
It’s the first time I’ve woken without screaming, crying, or shaking. Without the adrenaline surging through my veins as I try to calm my fast-beating heart. Today I awake with something I haven’t had in so long that I’ve nearly forgotten it even exists.
Hope.
It’s with this sense of hope that I begin my day. I start it by running over to my favorite bakery for my bagel, then I dash off to Starbucks for my usual iced mocha latte.
As I’m rounding a corner, suddenly he’s there. I’m not sure who he is, but he’s beautiful, and he looks like the man from my dream. Weird as it sounds, I just continue walking, getting on with my day. Not thinking any further about him than, Wow, he’s hot. It’s refreshing to notice a man in that way. It hasn’t happened in so long that I declare this to be a triumphant day, regardless of whether or not I even meet him.
He’s not really paying attention to me, so I continue walking on, letting it go as divine providence just gifting me with eye candy, and nothing more.
I’m halfway to my building when I see him again. Okay, this is getting creepy. Twice in five blocks? To some, it might be a coincidence, but not me. This feels downright strange.
Picking up my pace, I practically collide with the doorman as he opens the door for me, guiding me into the building. Alarmed as I am, Frank regards me with a crooked smile and steps aside to block the door again after I enter.
I didn’t think twice about letting the building know about my past problems. They said such an incident would never happen on their watch. That’s why I chose this place to live. The regard for the safety of the occupants has me working hard to ensure I stay as long as possible. Even though the rent is a little steep, to me the safety and consideration they are showing me is worth every penny.
Reaching the elevator, I punch in the code, realizing for the first time since I moved in that my heart is beating so hard, my whole body is moving to it. Shoulders heaving up and down as the breath expels from my system, I realize I need to calm myself down before I have a panic attack. It’s the onset of these stupid things that have me the most scared, and knowing the signs makes life so much easier to navigate.
I focus on my breathing, slowing my heart rate by thinking of the last comedy movie I saw. This always works, and it’s one of the reasons I don’t watch horror movies or read scary books. As the chimes for the elevator sound, the door opens and I enter, realizing I’ve regained my calm.
Frank gives me a wave as the elevator chimes again, and it begins its ascent toward the fifteenth floor. Opening the door to my condo, I rush inside, feverishly bolting the door. I turn to assess my space. Everything is intact, as I knew it would be, even the safeguards I’ve placed throughout haven’t been touched in any way. They’re things like the vase. It’s a bit too close to the edge, and if bumped or brushed against, it will fall over. That’s what us victims—sorry, survivors—regard as safety measures.
Some use tape on drawers or doors, but I’ve found booby traps more to my liking. They also produce greater results and quicker reactions. Once, just after the attack, when I got home from the hospital, I thought someone was in my apartment and spent several nights held up in my bathtub with the door bolted and only my cell phone for company. It took me weeks to navigate the booby traps throughout the apartment, only to find that the one day I left to start work again, the trap sprung, showing me I wasn’t crazy.
The police never found any evidence of foul play, and they took my statement out of kindness. I know I’m not nuts. I know he or she was in my place. That’s what I told the officer, anyway.
I’ve seen that man from today more than once. I know I’m not imagining it. If I see him again, I’m not sure how I’ll react. All I know is that he better watch out, because I refuse to be the victim of anyone’s obsession ever again. No matter how gorgeous his eyes are.
Stop thinking about how sexy he is! I chastise myself as I try to regain my calm. I focus on the power I’ll feel from confronting this person—and not swooning over how drop-dead gorgeous he is.
***
My nerves are shot, that’s gotta be it.
For someone who hasn’t flinched in years, suddenly everything is making me jump. It looks like I’m making up for lost time in that regard.
As I reflect on my feelings over the past week, here are the conclusions I’ve come to: Full-force flinching does come back—sometimes tenfold. Check. Hot stalker guy is everywhere I look. Check. Edgy nutjob may take frustrations out on the most innocent people. Um, that’s me. Double check!
My subconscious has had enough, but I see him just as I’m sitting down at the bakery’s outdoor vestibule to enjoy my coffee and sesame bagel with cucumber cream cheese.
He’s sitting just one table over, innocent as the day is long. Well, of all the freaking places! What the heck?
That’s it! I snap.
“What’s your problem?” I ask as I make my way over to him. “Why are you suddenly everywhere I go? Who the heck are you?”
That last part comes out a little harsher than I intended, but let’s just go with it and see what happens.
“Hi,” he says.
I can tell from the smirk of laughter in his eyes that he’s enjoying this—at my expense.
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say to me after stalking me for over a week? Hi?”
“Are you serious?” he asks, brows raised so high I figure they may get lost in his hair.
He actually has the nerve to look contrite as his eyes lower to take in my heaving chest.
As he shakes his head, I notice his dimples, and they’re the most appealing thing I think I’ve ever witnessed. Then right when I’m about to calm down from my embarrassing rant, he says something that absolutely blows me away.
“First off, I’m not stalking you.”
I have evidence to the contrary, but I decide not to voice my opinion.
“Second, it would seem that you’re stalking me, since I see you everywhere I go.”
What? I’m not stalking anyone! How dare he?
“Or did you ever think of that?”
Oh shit, am I stalking him? I think back to every time I’ve seen him in the last week. Was I just trying to find him around every corner? Oh shit, maybe I was.
“Third, I just moved here, and you seem to be everywhere I go. I thought for a while that I should feel complemented that a gorgeous woman would go out of her way to be everywhere I am, but then I realized, you just go there, too.”
Phew! That answers that question, at least.
“Who would have thought that we could enjoy the exact same things?”
My mouth has fallen completely to the floor as I take in this man in front of me. He’s still smirking at me, looking completely drop-dead gorgeous as he says all this.
Wait, what did he just say?
“You’re not following me?”
He shakes his head no as he continues eating his scone.
“You’re not purposely everywhere I am?” I ask, realizing how awkward this has become.
“You actually are just at the same places I am? Really?”
“Um, no and yes.”
How he manages to do it I have no idea, but for the first time in over a week, I actually am able to expel the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. Then I go and brush against his coffee sloshing it onto his hand and the table.
“Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry.”
I put a napkin in front of him as he reaches for something to wipe his hand.
“I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Our hands connect, and I jump back from the contact.
“Jumpy, huh? It doesn’t bode well for this town if the women here can’t even go around without worrying someone is after them.”
“I just thought it was odd seeing you everywhere I was.”
“It’s okay. I’ll leave you to your coffee and, what is that? A donut?”
“It’s okay, why don’t you join me? This way, at least you know I won’t be stalking you anymore today, since we’re already in the same place together.”
Chuckling, I somehow muster the courage to sit down with my latte and bagel, across from the god that is currently staring at me.
Did I mention the dimples?
Yeah, he has the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. It’s so familiar and beautiful that I just can’t get my head around the fact that I’m talking with him.
“My name is Devin, not God, but thanks for the compliments.”
Now he actually is laughing at me, even though he’s trying hard to contain it.
“Holy crap! That didn’t actually just come out of my mouth, did it? I think I’m gonna die right here and now.”
His head flies back, and the laugh that comes out of his mouth makes me fall in love with him on the spot.
“My name’s Clar… Wait, no. It’s Clara!”
Again, that comes out with a bit too much force, and now I bet he thinks I don’t even know my own name.
Way to go, dummy. My inner self just loves to kick me while I’m down.
“Don’t know about that last part but Clara is a pretty name.” He takes my hand for a shake and kisses it before he releases it. “Suits you.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Initially you thought I was stalking you. We’ve progressed in such a short time. Who knows? Maybe before you leave me today we could have a date to look forward to.”
“What did you just say?”
I think I must have heard him wrong. Did he just ask me out? First, I accused him of stalking me. Now, I may actually have a date with this godlike man in front of me.
“Honey, I’m glad you think of me as a god, but it’s still just Devin.”
“Crap, I said that out loud again, didn’t I?” That’s it! The ground needs to open up and swallow me whole. “I’m gonna go now. I think I’ve managed to embarrass myself enough for one day.”
I decide removing myself from his presence would be the smartest thing I did all morning.
“It was nice meeting you, Devin. I hope to see you again. Wait, of course I’ll see you again—you seem to be everywhere I go.”
Crap! There will be no getting away from this man.
“Please don’t run. Stay, let’s enjoy our breakfast, or whatever this is that we seem to be having at this location.”
He stands to block my exit, and for once I don’t panic from the simple gesture. I’m excited he wants me to stay.
“You’re funny, and I’d like to actually have a conversation with you where you’re not blushing and wanting to be swallowed up by the floor.”
“You heard that?”
My face is on fire from embarrassment, but I resist the urge to cover it for fear I may smear cream cheese all over it.
That would be really embarrassing.
“Well, I’m not deaf, and I’m beginning to enjoy your mumbling. It lets me know what you’re thinking. I like that.”
His smile lights up his face, and I’m caught in the hold it has on me.
“Can we start over?” I ask, shaking my head.
“Why?” he asks as he regards my expression.
Is he worried? Anxious? Constipated? Chuckling over that last part, I’m surprised when he busts out laughing, spurting coffee all over the table.
“No, I’m not constipated. But thank you for your concern.”
Looking perplexed, he adds, “I think.”
“Oh, my gosh!”
I need to seriously get a grip and stop talking, but the words keep coming.
“I can’t believe I did that again. Seriously, what is wrong with me?”
Holding my head in my hands, I can’t contain my embarrassment as Devin regards me now with worry. At least that one I figured correctly.
He grabs the napkins on the table and begins to wipe up the sputtered coffee that’s now all over the table, still regarding me out of the corner of his eye.
I grab the napkins from the adjacent table and insist on cleaning up with him. Our hands collide as we frantically finish. I’m shocked as the tingles of electricity spark up my arm. Not unaffected himself, Devin gasps, and he, too, seems to feel the effects our touch.
“Did you feel that?” Devin whispers as we regard one another.
“Yes,” I whisper back to him.
“This seems to be a disaster, but I just am so happy to have met you that I can’t let you go. Will you go out with me, Clara? In a setting that we both decide, un-stalker like. In a place where we can both just talk and get to know each other better?”
“Um, I haven’t dated in a very long time.”
“It’s okay, we’ll take it slow. Get to know each other. Heck, we already know we like a lot of the same things.”
Yes, we seem to have a lot in common already, but fantasy and reality are two very different things. And I’m more than messed up.
“Say yes, say you’ll be brave. Say yes.”
Imploring me with hooded eyes and those dimples, he already knows I can’t refuse.
I must be nuts. Okay, that verdict came in a while ago. I am nuts.
“Okay,” I whisper, and he smiles this sweet mischievous smile that melts my heart.
Crap, I’m screwed.
Chapter Three
“So, you were stalking me?”
I can’t be any angrier than I already am.
“No!” He looks so worried. “Yes. No!”
He has the audacity to exclaim this as we argue outside his brothers’ pub/restaurant. Adam just mentioned in the conversation we were all having how he thought Devin and I had met. Had it not been for the bimbo that was Adam’s date mention, how sweet that kind of stalking was, I would have missed it entirely.
“Which is it?” I ask as I’m about ready to kick him in the… Well, let’s just say it wouldn’t be pleasant for him.
After what seems like an eternity, I stop staring at Devin and begin to head to my condo that’s just a few blocks away. I’m bound and determined to leave him in the dust at the fast pace I’m going. Onlookers glance up to enjoy the show as Devin rushes to catch up with me.
“Clara, baby, it wasn’t how you think. Please let me explain.”
“No.”
Okay, that came out like a five-year-old, but who cares. The bastard lied to me. I knew he was following me, and I let him.
“Clara, please stop so I can talk to you.”
Devin is succeeding in catching up with me, and also getting ahead of me as I try to walk away at a quickened pace.
“You’re not even going the right way to your place, you know.”
Bastard.
I can see he’s trying to contain his chuckle as he takes in the sight of my mussed-up hair blowing in the wind, which is generated from the positioning of the buildings to the proximity of the ocean. Ugh, I hate that he was the one who explained all that to me. Stopping rather abruptly, I stare at him and go the opposite way I just was heading.
Dammit, this man is exasperating!
“Clara, come on! Let me explain. God! You’re the most frustrating woman on the planet!”
“No! You’re the most frustrating man on the planet! Now move.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“We’ve been here before.”
“I know, I remember that tree.”
“Damn you, don’t make me laugh. I’m so mad at you right now.”
“Clara, please, let me explain.”
But I don’t stop. I just try to walk away from him again.
&nb
sp; “Will you just stop, so I can tell you all about it?”
“Fine.” I stomp my foot on the ground and let out a huff of indignation. “What?”
“Baby, please. When I first came to the city, I started walking around the neighborhood to get a feel for the shops and community.”
“You were jonesing for a donut. A fresh and hot one, but you couldn’t find a bakery.” He’d told me this part of the story earlier when we first started talking. “I know this already.”
“Let me finish.”
“Fine. Continue.”
“Yes, that’s how it started. I wanted a donut, but I couldn’t find a bakery. So I began walking around in search of one when I saw you carrying a bagel. It was so big that I thought, well, that wasn’t store-bought, and then I realized you’d just come out of Quintz.”
“So, I went past you inside and found the greatest hot donut that ever existed. By the way, thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome,” I say without realizing it.
Smiling, he continues.
“The next day I went again, and it started to become a routine. Around the same time every day I’d see you walk into Quintz just as I was rounding the corner. You’d get your bagel and head toward Starbucks. Unless you already had your Starbucks—then you’d head over to the patio out front to sit and enjoy your treats. It wasn’t until the third week that I realized we were bumping into one another at the same places. Honey, I swear I wasn’t stalking until the third week.”
I chuckled, knowing full well that I was beginning to melt after his recounting of how he’d found me.
“Please believe me. I wasn’t stalking you, but when we were at the same places I began to try to get you to notice me.”
“You did?”
“Yes, I did.”
A triumphant smile spreads across his face and those sinful dimples make themselves known again.
“Oh, Devin.”
Heart's Desire (Game of Hearts Series Book 2) Page 2