His thoughts tormented him as they vacillated between doubt and a deeper conviction that the vows they’d made to love one another for ever were valid still.
FOUR
On the first day of the New Year, the weather was so cold that permission had been given for a fire to be lit in the drawing room at Hannington Hall before lunch despite the shortage of coal. The twins were sitting close to it, Dilys’ face pale and drawn while Una’s was glowing with health. Her voice was full of concern as she leant over and grasped Dilys’ hand. ‘If you go on like this you’re going to fade away!’ she said anxiously. ‘As Doctor Matthews thinks it’s a grumbling appendix I don’t see why he doesn’t get on and remove it. I looked it up in that old medical directory of Father’s and it said it is important to remove it before it bursts.’
Dilys attempted a smile. Her whole body ached with the constant vomiting every morning which sometimes now continued into the afternoon. She, too, wished their family doctor would be more positive. He seemed concerned that she had no pain, only the ache from retching.
Una’s frown deepened. ‘I heard Father say that Doctor Matthews was too old and Mother should take you up to London to see a specialist.’
Dilys shrugged indifferently. The fact was she felt too exhausted to care about anything other than the need to stop feeling so ill every morning … that and the continuing silence from Kristoffer. News on the wireless announced that the Russians were attacking Finland; and Germany, having invaded Poland, might well have Norway, Sweden and Denmark in its sights. Even if Kristoffer had not forgotten her by now, he must have many more urgent things to think about. As for the threatened appendix, she wished it could be removed and she could feel healthy and energetic again. It had even affected her once-regular monthly cycle, the absence of which she and Una attributed to the constant vomiting. They had not been able to account for the soreness of her breasts but Una thought that might be due to the fact that Dilys’ new bust bodice was too tight.
Una suddenly scrambled to her feet, saying excitedly, ‘Gosh, Dil! I never thought of it when I looked up “appendicitis” in Father’s dictionary. I should have looked up “nausea”. I’ll go and get it!’
‘Una, that old thing was published way back last century …’ Dilys began when Una interrupted.
‘So treatment might have changed now but the diagnoses won’t have! Anyway, you can stay here if you want. I’m going to see what it says!’
It was nearly a quarter of an hour before she returned, a look of uncertainty on her face as she sat down once more by the fire. ‘Took me ages because there were masses of causes listed …’ Her voice suddenly deepened as she looked anxiously at her twin. ‘Dil, there was a reference to “morning sickness” like you’ve been having but …’ She broke off momentarily to lean over and grasp her sister’s hands. ‘Dil … Dil … you and Kristoffer … you didn’t … you would have told me, wouldn’t you, if …’ She choked on the words, then, drawing a deep breath, concluded: ‘You didn’t let him do it, did you?’
The colour rushed into Dilys’ white cheeks as she nodded. ‘Once … only once! I know it was wrong but we love each other, Una. He does love me. I know he does! He gave me this ring, remember!’ She reached beneath the collar of her blouse and held up the chain on which the ring was hanging for Una to see again. Then, as she grasped what Una’s question implied, the colour rushed from her face and her voice dropped to a whisper as she said breathlessly: ‘You don’t think … I can’t … I can’t be going to have a baby!’
Seeing the look on her twin’s face, which mirrored her own horrified feelings, Una said gently: ‘It might not be that, Dil. It was just a thought … I could be wrong, but … oh, Dil, what are we going to do if I am right? We’re going to have to tell Mother.’
Dilys’ breath caught in her throat. She and Una gazed at one another in horror as they now pictured their mother’s shocked face and their father’s reaction. They recalled his long diatribes about the family having an exemplary reputation: flawless characters and the necessity to be known for their strict observance of the laws of good conduct. They had all been made aware of the seriousness of the responsibilities he had to his constituents and of his hopes for a seat in the Cabinet. White-faced, the two girls then thought of the utter impossibility of him having a daughter with an illegitimate baby.
‘You’re not to tell them, Una!’ Dilys said violently. ‘Not unless I’m sure. You might be wrong … it can’t be true … we only did it once!’ Then she burst into tears.
Una put her arms around her twin and hugged her. ‘Don’t cry, Dil, please!’ she begged. ‘I’m sure I was wrong, and if … if the worst came to the worst, we could find a way to tell Kristoffer and he could come to England and marry you. I know you are underage but Father would want you to get married.’
‘Una, Kristoffer hasn’t written to me,’ Dilys said in a choked voice. ‘I believed him when he said he loved me.’ Her voice was almost inaudible as she added brokenly, ‘He said so every time we were together. He wouldn’t have given me this …’ She fingered the ring on the chain round her neck once more. ‘He said it was an engagement ring and when I was older we would be married. That’s when we did it. But it was only once.’
Una remained silent as she listened as Dilys confided how wonderfully close she and Kristoffer had felt and how happy she was that her first experience had been with him. That although it had hurt at first he had been so gentle and caring.
‘We truly loved each other, Una!’ she wept now. ‘We were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He loved me! I know he did!’
For a moment, neither spoke as Una considered the absence of a letter from Dilys’ Norwegian boyfriend. If there really was a baby on the way, it was imperative he was told about it so he could marry her. It was now four months, she calculated, since Dilys could have conceived a child, and according to the medical directory a birth followed less than a year after.
If Dilys was having a baby, Kristoffer must be found soon but it was not going to be easy. Dilys could only tell her that he lived near a place called Bergen, that it overlooked a beautiful fjord and that his father owned a timber company. The only other fact she was certain about was that he had already done his compulsory military service.
‘Kristoffer will come to England and we will be married!’ Dilys announced to Una. By then she would be eighteen and, although not yet an adult, she had told Kristoffer she thought her parents would agree to a wedding even if it meant her going to live in Norway. ‘Kristoffer had it all planned!’ Dilys now whispered. ‘Oh, Una, what on earth am I going to do?’
Una drew a deep breath. ‘You’re going to stop panicking and wait, Dil. Any day now you will have got the curse and we’ll be saying how silly we were to have got in such a tizz about something which was never going to happen. Meanwhile …’ she smiled disarmingly at her twin, ‘… I’ll tell Mother I’ve now started being sick, too, and she’ll think you’ve passed on some sort of bug to me.’
Dilys hugged her. ‘I suppose I was silly, Una!’ she muttered. ‘I mean, not to have told you about me and Kristoffer when it happened. We always do tell each other everything and …’
‘And I didn’t tell you that I had done it, too!’ Una admitted, ‘but I was luckier than you because nothing has happened to me since.’
For a moment, both girls were silent as simultaneously they realized that Una’s last words were all but an admission that something had happened to Dilys, and that the ‘something’ could only mean she was going to have a baby.
January and February 1940 gave way to March and there were welcome signs of spring following a winter so cold that in January even the River Thames had frozen for the first time since the eighteenth century. Everyone now had ration books and although meat was not yet rationed, other daily requirements were. The weekly ration of butter was four ounces, sugar was twelve ounces and bacon or ham was three and a half ounces. At sea, German U-boats were regularly sinking sup
ply ships and all the country’s imports including war materials were similarly at risk.
Albert, Sir Godfrey’s chauffeur, had been called up, as all men between the ages of eighteen and forty could now be conscripted, so Henderson, a veteran of the last war who ran the village garage, came up to Hannington Hall to give the twins driving lessons in the family’s Bentley. He also served as the village taxi, and had been taking the twins to the secretarial school in Fenbury and bringing them back at lunchtime, but since petrol rationing had started the girls were going by train from Hannington Halt.
Neither of the girls were enjoying the course insisted upon by their father. Now eighteen years old, Una in particular missed the carefree, active life they had enjoyed in Germany, and she was still finding it hard to believe that their former German friends and companions with whom she had danced and skied and flirted were now her enemies. The war itself was going far from well and news of the terrible losses of shipping in the north Atlantic filled the newspapers. Sir Godfrey, now almost exclusively in London, forecast that the Germans would attack Scandinavia and the Low Countries before almost certainly turning their sights on Paris, attacking the French and British troops, and then invasion of Britain might follow. The situation was very grave.
Dilys was still without word from Kristoffer, and she had lost all but the very faintest hope that she would hear from him. Dire as the Allies’ situation now was, her own frightening situation preoccupied her and, on her behalf, Una, too. She had even felt the baby move inside her.
Most of their friends in the neighbourhood had either joined up or were in jobs or on courses in London. James Sherwin was one of the very few people who called to see them at Hannington Hall. He had asked their mother’s permission to take them out one evening to the cinema where the film Wuthering Heights was showing. Dilys had wept, her thoughts filled with her lost love, Kristoffer.
James drove them home afterwards and they had thanked him for inviting them. He had said that the pleasure was entirely his, and he hoped he might do so again.
‘I think he’s probably lonely living in that big Victorian house all on his own,’ Una said. Their father approved of their friendship as James had treated his Labrador successfully when it had broken its leg and Sir Godfrey happily praised James’ skills.
‘It really is a pity he’s so old! I might have fancied him,’ Una had commented later with a grin. ‘Not that I’d want to be the wife of a vet. I want to marry someone rich and important and travel round the world in my own huge yacht!’
Despite her dislike of the idea of marrying a vet, Una read in the local paper a few days later that James was looking for a replacement for his receptionist who had enlisted in the Land Army. Standing in the cold, unheated hallway outside the cloakroom where the telephone hung on the wall, she asked the operator to connect her to his surgery.
‘James, it’s me, Una Singleby!’ she said when he answered. ‘I’ve just seen your advertisement. Dilys and I have finished our secretarial course so we could start right away if you wanted. Would it be all right if we both shared the work? We’d only expect one of us to be paid.’ Without giving James time to reply, she added: ‘We’re both bored stuck at home with nothing much to do. I’m sorry about the shorthand but we are both good typists. Dilys got ninety-five per cent for her exam mark and I got eighty-four.’
Una finally ran out of breath and, having got over his initial surprise, James was now smiling. He liked both of the twins and the shy, gentle Dilys slightly the better of the two. She only smiled rarely and more often than not left it to her twin to speak for them both. However, he had now been without assistance for two weeks and was becoming desperate. Two young girls were not the replacement receptionist he’d had in mind, but it was just possible that they could manage the work between them. They had pleasant, educated voices for telephone enquiries and appointments. He guessed that the dominant one, Una, might be good at dealing with impatient clients and the quiet one, Dilys, good with calming anxious ones and frightened pets.
‘If it’s all right with your parents, Una, I’m happy to give it a try,’ he told her. ‘The surgery is only a ten-minute walk from Fenbury Station, so it would be just a short walk here, and I could run you home in my car when I close the surgery at night. I should warn you that it could be quite late – six or even seven o’clock if there’s an emergency.’
‘We wouldn’t mind that!’ Una spoke for them both. ‘As for the parents, they’re mostly up in London now because of this silly old war. This horrible blackout everywhere is such a bore; surely a German bomber couldn’t see the streetlights!’ She gave a quick snort as she added: ‘We had the village ARP warden come up to the house the other evening blowing a gasket because there was a chink of light coming from our maid’s bedroom at the top of the house. He—’
She would have continued had James not been obliged to interrupt her, explaining that he needed to get back to the surgery. ‘Could you both come and see me in the surgery after lunch on Saturday?’ he asked. ‘Then I can explain what you would have to do. Meanwhile, it will give you time to discuss the idea with your parents.’
Replacing the telephone receiver, Una turned to Dilys, her expression now concerned. ‘You do feel well enough to do the job, don’t you, Dil?’
She broke off as Dilys interrupted, saying: ‘I really want this job. Don’t you see, if our parents won’t let me keep the baby I’ll have saved some money and it will show them I can earn my own living if they won’t let me stay at home.’
With difficulty, Una hid her dismay. Stupid of her though it was, she had been hoping that somehow the problem of Dilys’ baby would go away: there was no baby; the baby would die at birth; Kristoffer would suddenly appear and marry her. That her sister might actually have a baby was too frightening to think about, still less their parents’ reaction. Hastily putting such thoughts aside, she decided to telephone her father about James’ job, praying that he would not disapprove.
They were over the moon when their father gave his approval. ‘Do you girls good to find out what it’s like earning your living. Nice chap, Sherwin. Did a really good job on Bracken that time he got run over.’
Sir Godfrey did not have time now to see a great deal of his two Labradors. They were kennelled in the disused stable and exercised by the gardener handyman, Norman, who had been his batman in the last war. If either of the dogs was ill, James was the vet called in to look after them. Since the outbreak of war and the need for Sir Godfrey to spend so much more time in London, Norman had been paid to take the dogs home with him, which he was more than happy to do. He was also grateful for any scraps from the kitchen which Cook gave him to supplement their food.
The twins started work at the surgery the following week. James was surprised to discover how greatly they differed in character while resembling each other so closely in looks. Dilys, the quieter of the two, often had an expression which he could only describe as wistful. Una did all the talking and was surprisingly efficient. As he had anticipated, Dilys was gentle and capable with the sick and nervous animals and, indeed, their owners. Without understanding why he should do so, he began to feel concerned for her and in the brief moments when he had time to talk to the twins, he would feel quite pleased with himself if he succeeded in making her smile.
In point of fact, Dilys had absolutely nothing to smile about. She could no longer fasten the waistbands of her skirts and her breasts were fuller and tender. The movement of the baby inside her was more frequent and more pronounced. As Una kept saying, she could not put off telling their parents she was pregnant for much longer. By unspoken agreement, she and Una never discussed what might happen when they were told, although each had known that under no circumstances would their father allow Dilys to have the baby and keep it at home. Their job at the surgery was a very welcome diversion from their anxieties.
Dilys had finally given up hope of hearing from Kristoffer. She heard on the news that Norway was on the brink of being inv
aded by Germany. According to her father, British troops were being sent there to support their own army. She was now forced to accept Una’s sympathetic but firm conviction that Kristoffer’s feelings must have been a very great deal more transitory than her own.
‘I expect he meant every word he said at the time,’ Una had suggested gently, ‘but … well, everything was different over there, wasn’t it? It was all masses of students and young people like us having fun together. Just think about those Luftwaffe cadets,’ she added, ‘Heinz, Wilhelm and Konrad, who used to be such fun. Do you realize, Dil, that they are now almost certainly flying their beastly aeroplanes and trying to shoot down our boys? And your Kristoffer is probably trying to kill some of the other friends we made out there. I really do hate this war!’
At least while she was working at the vet’s, Dilys thought, she was able to forget her condition for a little while. She enjoyed the variety of tasks she shared with her twin. Una had turned out to be efficient as a receptionist, and on two occasions James had called on her to act as his assistant.
‘If either of you ever thought about a career with animals, I don’t doubt you would both do very well,’ he’d told them. It was something she would really like to continue doing, Dilys thought, before remembering with a sinking heart that she was soon going to be the mother of a baby and would not be having any kind of career at all.
FIVE
‘For heaven’s sake, Dilys, go and get out of that ridiculous smock!’ Lady Singleby’s voice was bordering on shock. ‘You look like a dairy maid!’
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