by Gina Calanni
“Hey there.” Brandon pulls me in close to his body and kisses my lips.
“Hey… you can’t do that.”
“Why not?” He tugs on my hair as we step off the porch.
“Because Ms. Myra might see.”
“Might see what?” Brandon opens the truck door for me.
“Might see you kissing me.” My eyes bulge out of my head.
Brandon slides into the driver’s seat and stares at me. “What would be wrong with that?”
I shrug my shoulders. “It’s just probably not polite… you know?” I wrinkle my eyebrows.
“I think it would ruder if I didn’t kiss my girlfriend when I see her than if someone saw me do it, don’t you think?” Brandon revs the engine and pulls out of the driveway as I’m trying to pull up my jaw. Girlfriend? Does Brandon really consider me his girlfriend? My stomach does a twisted backwards somersault and tingles of sparklers run all over my arms and neck. I’m so far out of my comfort zone I need a map to find my way back.
Chapter Eleven
Brandon stops in front of gates that read “Texas Off Road Ranch.” I read the sign once more to make sure I didn’t mess up the first three times. When he asked me if I wanted to go for a spin, I didn’t think he meant off roading. Shoot, I can’t remember the last time I went off roading; maybe in middle school? I had some friends with jeeps that were in high school, but as soon as my mama found out about it… well, that was the end of it for me. Nope, no siree. My mama said she wasn’t going to spend the rest of her life praying over a hospital bed. Which was a bit grim, considering the only person we knew that ever got hurt off roading had a minor arm break and was back in the business… but my mama has never been into the softer side of things or lowest common denominator or possibilities. If my mama wants to knit something, you’d better believe it’s going to be the whole afghan.
Brandon reaches into his wallet and hands the handkerchief-wearing guy a twenty and he lifts the gate for us to enter into the ranch. I swallow. I’m not sure what kind of wild driving Brandon has in store. The truck pushes past the entryway and he takes an immediate right as if he’s been here before. Shoot, maybe he has. I clear my throat.
Brandon turns and inspects my face. His eyes are brighter than a Fourth of July sky at this point. This is obviously something he really enjoys. I bite my lip. He’s like a little boy who wants to show off his new Tonka truck. I can’t help but be a bit nervous, though. The jostling from going off roading is big. And what if we get stuck?
“You all right?” Brandon squeezes my knee.
“Yes, it’s just been a while since…” I take in a deep breath. “Going off roading.”
“I haven’t been in a few years either, and this is Shane’s first time.” He laughs.
I can’t help but laugh with him. His voice is calling out to me and I’m running full speed, but I’m so darn scared that I’m going to fall flat. He’s so sweet and fun and I’m so darn afraid that after he’s had his fun, he will be gone. I don’t want to stop myself from enjoying this moment, but the fear in the back of my mind is flashing big red lights trying to warn me to stop and not go ahead. To let it just be what it has been up to this point and not go any farther. Like the farther I go, the harder it will be for me. But why? Why can’t I have this? I don’t want to listen to my scaredy-cat brain. I want to forget all the troubles with Eagle and the debt I owe them; I want to forget my worries about Ms. Myra. And I want to be with Brandon so bad. He makes me want to lay down on a blanket of bluebonnets and stare up at the stars with him forever.
We crash down into a deep, muddy pit and the sides of the windows are covered with brown soppy mess. Brandon’s shiny new Ford is filthy. I glance over at him and he is laughing. He swerves the truck and we skid into another big puddle of mud.
“Whoosh.” He laughs.
He is like a kid stomping in mud puddles. I scream as he crashes into another puddle and then climbs a hill taking us to a new height. He swishes the windshield wipers so that we can see. And it is a sight. Like a pretty backdrop for a fancy movie. I’m in awe of the shaded green trees and purple hills. Brandon unbuckles his seat belt and puts the truck in park.
“What do you think?”
“It’s real pretty.” I nod at him.
“This view has nothing on you. Are you ready to take the wheel?” Brandon runs his finger over my cheek.
“What? I can’t drive your truck.” I pat my hair down.
“Why not?” Brandon jerks his head back.
“Because, it’s your truck.”
“I want you to. Come on, it’s fun.” Brandon hits the button on my seat belt and pulls me toward him. His lips hover over mine. “Sahara, I want to see you behind the wheel of my truck.”
I surprise myself and kiss him. I kiss Brandon first. His lips were right there in front of my face and he’s saying such sweet things to me. This guy… my… my… I can’t even believe it enough to think it; he wants me to drive his truck. This is unheard of. I don’t know of any guy that has asked for their girlfriend to drive their truck. All the guys I know are stingy about their toys, definitely not wanting to share, and here Brandon is asking me to drive it.
Brandon pulls back. “Come on, steer my truck the way you just steered that kiss.” His eyes flicker at me and I’m on fire. I want to jump in his lap and not steer anything other than our two bodies together. I want to climb over him and grab his brown hair and grip the back of his neck for the rest of my life. I just want him. I swallow.
He lifts me over his body and positions himself in the passenger seat. I adjust the seat and check the mirrors, make sure my hands are at ten and two and then shift the truck into drive.
Brandon lets out a chuckle. “You don’t have to check your blind spots. The point of off roading is no rules. No lanes. You can be free. Roam where you want to go and don’t worry about any consequences.” Brandon squeezes my thigh.
I smile at him and slowly steer us down the next hill. I get what he’s saying but I am worried about consequences. I’m worried about the consequence of being with him.
The truck is heavy as we hit the bottom of the careen, and splashes of mud cover the windows. I ease up on the gas. The glass is nothing but brown. I’m afraid to push forward. What if I hit a tree? Or get us stuck? I press on the brakes and glance at Brandon. He leans over and kisses me and I fall deeply into his kiss. I let my foot off of the brake and the truck starts moving forward. Brandon grabs the gears and puts us in park. Good thing he didn’t entirely let go of steering the truck.
He unbuckles my seat belt and lifts me into his lap. Every time we kiss it’s like I’m transported into a magical world of happiness. I can’t imagine ever leaving this place and that’s what scares me so much about Brandon. The idea of no Brandon.
His hands are roaming all over my body and I’m heated everywhere he touches. I can’t catch my breath. I run my fingers through his soft brown hair. The smell of his woodsy amber musk cologne is at the tip of my nose. Our tongues are swirling a rampant dance faster than any two-step I’ve ever seen. Brandon unbuttons my shirt and runs his hands over my breasts and I’m quivering underneath his touch. I know I should tell him to stop and we should slow down and I should not let myself go. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to stop or slow down. I want to go all the way with Brandon and not worry about anything else.
All my senses are slipping away as every inch of my body is being brought to a level of pleasure that I’ve never experienced before. I’m drifting far off into a world of possibilities and I let myself go. I let go of the anchor of all my worries and set into Brandon.
Chapter Twelve
I fasten the buttons back on my blouse and peek up at Brandon. His eyes are on me like he’s never seen me before. Does he see me differently now? Like, in a bad way? I should’ve stopped myself and not got swept away in all his handsomeness. I should have been braver and stopped myself. Or maybe I’m braver for going ahead and not listening to my worries
. Maybe I didn’t mess up? But if I did… I just can’t even think about that. What if I’ve given him my all and he has given nothing? What if I’ve let myself out onto the ice and didn’t think about a rescue plan? The possibility of an exit if the ice breaks? I didn’t think ahead. Again. Just like Eagle Online. I saw the shiny brochure of Brandon and I read – or rather listened to – the lines that were delivered in the package and signed my name and my heart on the dotted line without any commitment on his part. I went all in for an idea of something that is most likely just a figment of my imagination or fascination. Not a reality, just like Eagle Online and accreditation being only a word. What word do I have from Brandon? What offering of something more than a moment in his truck in the depths of mud and filth? Could I be any more typical of a girl sprung out of the trailer park? Nope – I might not be there but I’m still of that nature, just like Ms. Mary said, and here I sit having given it all for what?
I swallow hard. I’m not going to cry. Definitely not.
“Hey, Sahara, you all right?” He tips my chin up and our eyes meet.
I blink. “Yes, you?”
A wide grin flashes across his face. “I couldn’t be better; with you here at my side I feel like I can conquer the world.”
I laugh. He can’t be serious. Me? I’m pretty sure Brandon could conquer anything he wanted, and all of it without me.
“You seemed to be enjoying yourself. Or do you need a refresher?” Brandon leans toward me and kisses my lips. He presses his mouth against mine and his tongue reaches out to me, like it’s guiding me back to him. I want to be there with him. But what if he is one of those guys that is a rolling stone not wanting to be with a girlfriend. Girlfriend. Brandon did call me his girlfriend but what if he just said that so that I would come here with him and do this? Am I a fool? I pull back.
“We should probably go. I need to study for the test tomorrow.”
“You’re not worried about it, are you?” Brandon starts the truck up. I’m not sure how we are going to get home with this mud-soaked mess. How will he be able to see? The windows are covered in mud and it’s not the dirt on the glass that I’m having a hard time pushing past. This moment is more than everything I’ve ever experienced before. Shoot, that part is obvious. But, there is so much to it that is tearing at my insides. And I want to tell Brandon that I’m wavering around inside myself with doubt and worry. But there is another part of me that is stomping her feet and reminding me not to act a fool. That I’m better than that. I’m better than a fake degree. I do have some qualities that are worthy. And I need to start realizing this on my own. I don’t need a flashy guy to make it happen for me. Shoot. I got here on my own. I didn’t even know Brandon last year and my life has entirely changed since then. I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. Something great might happen here and something might not. But I’ve got this. Yes. I’ve got this.
“Kind of. If I don’t pass, I won’t be getting the position I signed up for and then I’d have to go back to Mexia.”
“Sahara, you’ll be great. You’ve passed all the other ones.”
“Right, but this is the final. It’s a big deal.”
“All right. Well, let’s get Shane washed off and then I’ll get you home.”
Brandon drives the truck back over all the hills and paths we took to get out to our muddy moment. He stops the car and leans over and kisses me softly.
“Now, you going to sit there and look pretty or are you going to help clean up your mess?”
I laugh and shove him. “My mess? I seem to recall you being the first one to splash down.”
“I reckon you might be right, but I think that last mud hole was all on you. Seems we got stuck in it for a while.”
“Yes, I suppose we did.” I unbuckle my seat belt and hop out of the truck.
Brandon grabs the hose from the pole and begins spraying down the truck. I squat down and dig through the equipment for some sponges and a bucket.
“Looky here, Mr. Too Good is washing his own truck?”
“What’s up, Scott?”
“Nothing, just thought I would get an up-close view of you actually doing some work.”
I stand up with the sponges and buckets and take in the guy who is chatting with Brandon.
“Oh, never mind. Of course, you hired some help.” The guy cuts his eyes to me. “How you doing, sweetie? You wanna come scrub my truck down next?”
Brandon steps in front of me. “Scott, don’t you ever talk to her like that again. Distance yourself now; you don’t want to revisit tenth grade, do you?”
“Right, right, sure.” The guy glances down. “I’m sorry, I guess I just never seen you with… someone that wasn’t from the club.” He laughs. “I suppose everybody goes slumming every once in a while.”
Brandon retracts his arm and his fist knocks back the guy’s jaw. He stumbles and hits the ground with a thud. Almost as if he is in a daze, he glances up at Brandon and rubs his jaw. “All right, got it.” He lifts himself up off the ground and staggers to his feet. His eyes are red. He glares at me and spits a gooey amount of blood onto the ground and turns on his heel to leave.
Brandon turns around and rubs my arms. “Are you all right?”
Am I all right? I’m not the person wiping blood from their skin. “Who was that guy? An old friend or something?” I only say friend out of good manners. I’m not some tree trunk that’s been sawed off fifty years ago and everyone tramples over it. I get that these two aren’t friends.
“No, just a trouble maker. He’s had a chip on his shoulder since he popped out of his mama.”
We both laugh and I toss a sponge at him. It splatters on his shirt. Brandon cocks his head to the right.
“Sahara, did you just soak my shirt in soap?”
I squeal and run around the other end of the truck. I scan the top of the truck but Brandon is nowhere to be found. I inch my way around to the front of the truck and Brandon is crouched on the ground and jumps up to grab me.
“Did you think you could outrun me?”
I laugh. “No, I was just…” “
“Just what? Just want to get cooled off?” Brandon pulls the hose from behind his back and waves it in front of me.
“Brandon, don’t you dare.”
He wiggles his eyebrows. “What are you going to do? I’ve got you, Sahara, and I’m not ever going to let you go.” Brandon’s arms are wrapped around my waist as his lips meet mine and I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and he scoops me up in his arms.
“I’ll let it slide this time,” Brandon breathes into my ear.
I roll my eyes at him. “I could outrun you.”
“Not a chance.” He kisses me again before letting me go and I take the other sponge from the bucket and soap up the side of the truck. The two of us work well together, like we could open our own car-washing shop, though I can’t see Brandon working in a car wash. What’s going to happen to us when he is on the executive floor? Will there be an “us” at that point? My insides tighten and I swallow back the lump in my throat. I don’t want to think about that. But I feel like I might be doing myself a disservice if I don’t prepare myself for that moment.
“Brandon, what is it that you see in me?” I glance down at my lap. “I mean, it seems that I’m not your typical date material, given everyone’s surprise that we are anywhere near each other.” I swallow hard. It’s a question bigger than Halley’s Comet but I’ve got to let the slingshot go and see what type of shot I hit. I need to know where I stand. Where we stand. I need to know if I’m just the flavor of the month or not even close to that level. Whatever it is, I need full disclosure. I can’t be a part of any more agreements that leave me upside down and wondering what I put my name on… and in this situation my heart.
We’ve been driving for a few minutes, but now Brandon pulls the truck over to the side of the road. “That’s a difficult question, Sahara. I guess, to begin, it would be, what don’t I see in you?” He tips up my chin. “Which
is part of why what I see in you is bigger than anything words could describe. I see something in you that is not a part of my normal life. Not my family, not my friends. Not my school. You are different. Not just your upbringing. I know we have different experiences but you… you are like an anomaly that I can’t decipher. And I’m intrigued. I want to figure you out. I want to solve the puzzle of Sahara.” He runs his finger over the side of my face.
“Right, so I’m some sort of challenge and then what… you solve the Rubik’s cube of curiosity and then find a more complicated puzzle with a different upbringing?” The last part catches in my throat… I didn’t want to say all of it but it just came out and in a rush. I needed more time to mull it over but it blared out like a dam that had overflowed and now I’m sitting on the other side of the water, soaked and uncertain about which way the current is going to move.
Brandon pulls my body toward him and tips my face up toward his. “No, Sahara, there isn’t any other puzzle I want to solve. I’ve never been so mesmerized by a woman before. You are the only person I want to figure out and, once that happens, I just want to make my focus how to make you happy.”
My insides are dancing but my brain is saying slow down. “Brandon, I won’t lie and say you aren’t making me swoon for moments that I will savor for all of eternity, but seriously… I know I’m not a country-club girl and I can’t help but be concerned that this is some sort of phase or something on your part?”
Brandon retracts his entire body from me. “No. This isn’t a phase. Yes, you’re different than anyone that I’ve ever dated, but isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Isn’t the person that you completely fall for supposed to be extremely different and stand out?”