She smiled warmly and kissed my forehead. "It wasn't your fault, and I think you handled it wel . Sleep in tomorrow, okay?"
"Can't argue with that." I laughed. "Good night."
"'Night, El ie Bean."
I headed toward the stairs, but I stopped dead when I heard a voice growl with rage behind me.
"What the hel did you do?"
An awful feeling in my chest plunged deep into my gut when I saw my father stomp toward me, his face beet red and his eyes wild. I staggered back, tripping on the bottom step of the staircase, and I hit the wal as fear whirled through me.
"It was an accident," I pleaded, my hand crawling along the wal to try to maintain my balance. "I didn't mean to--"
"You wrecked your car!" he snarled through grinding teeth, spittle flecking my face. He raised a hand, and I didn't know what he was about to do with it. "You've had it for a month!"
"Richard!" my mom cried as she ran up to him and grabbed his wrist. "Richard, be glad she's not hurt."
"She's not hurt?" he roared, turning toward her. "What about that thirty-thousand-dol ar car I bought for her?"
Mom pushed his shoulder, firmly guiding him away from me. "Richard, listen to me. It was a deer. The accident couldn't be helped." I noticed how she reiterated that it had been an accident, but it didn't make any difference.
"Her carelessness can't be helped!" he shouted inches from her face. Mom closed her eyes as she was blasted with his breath and spit.
I felt heat rise in me as my anger grew. I stared at my dad as he yel ed those awful things into my mom's face. They weren't true. I had done my best. I was only trying to protect others and myself, but I wasn't perfect. It wasn't my fault that things got damaged when I fought the reapers. It wasn't my fault. "It's not my fault," I said aloud, trying to convince my dad and myself.
"You'd better believe it's your fault!" that monster hissed, turning his attention back to me.
"I'm not careless," I said, my voice eerily calm as the rage churned like an undertow within me.
"Al you do is break things and fail in school. Can't you do anything besides cause destruction?"
"I'm not failing in school." My grades weren't amazing by any means, but they were certainly fixable. He had no right to bring up school.
"You have no respect for anything or anyone," he growled, ignoring my retort. "You're worthless."
Fury spun through me. "Not as worthless as you."
He certainly didn't ignore that. He grabbed me around the jaw in a surprisingly fast move and lifted my face up so that his eyes bored down into mine. He might have meant the hold to hurt, but it didn't. Not for me. Not as much as his words did.
I fought everything in me not to snap each of his fingers like little twigs. My breathing grew longer and steadier as I stared up at my father and said, "I hate you."
His gaze didn't flicker for even a heartbeat, but his fingers gripped my chin tighter. "I don't care."
He held me a moment longer before releasing me roughly, knocking me back into the wal . He whirled around and stomped away. My mom started toward me, but I rushed up the steps and ran into my room before she could say a thing, slamming the door behind me. I flipped on the light and threw my purse at my bed, spil ing its contents al over the floor. Once I was alone, my composure was gone and I started to hyperventilate as my gaze spun around the room. I couldn't focus on anything. I was dizzy, furious, and exhausted.
Final y, my eyes rested on the music box on my dresser, the music box my dad had given me, which I loved. Instead of opening it and watching the bal erina twirl around to pretty music, I grabbed the box, shoved open my window, and chucked it as hard as I could into the night. I watched the music box fly through the air and shatter when it hit the ground. I never wanted to see that bal erina dance or hear that music ever again.
Spinning away from the window, and I buried my face into my hands and let out a muffled scream into my palms. Once it was out, I began to sob. I ran my hands through my hair, pul ing the locks away from my face so I could breathe better, but it didn't work. I cried and cried, and my knees started to buckle, but I refused to fal down.
"El ie."
The soft voice behind me, more familiar than any sound I'd ever heard before, sent a rush of relief through my body. As I turned around, Wil wrapped his arms around me warm and tight. He felt as familiar as his voice, firm like the foundation of a skyscraper, and I hugged him tight and buried my face into his chest as I cried. He touched my hair and held me as close as he could and said nothing. I didn't need him to say anything. I just needed him to stand there and hold me. We stayed like that until I stopped crying and loosened my grip. He smel ed so good, so much like home, more familiar than the house I lived in, that I didn't want to pul away, but I knew I had to. I stepped back and let go, unable to look up into his kind green eyes and face him.
"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely, looking at the floor instead of at him, wiping at the tears streaked across my face. "I'm okay now." I was embarrassed by what he knew had happened and by my reaction to it. But I also knew that he wouldn't judge me, even though I did.
"Anything for you."
Those words made me look at him at last. His expression was firm with worry and anger, but he tried to appear calmer than he truly was. The kindness of his effort made me terrifical y grateful to have him in my life at that moment. He swal owed hard and his gaze flickered. "If he had struck you," he said slowly, "I would have kil ed him."
I stared at him, looking him up and down, registering the rigidity in his shoulders. "I know."
Our eyes met again, and neither of us moved or spoke for some time. I was final y lucid after al , as if his presence had washed away al the sadness and anger flooding my heart.
"I have to go," Wil said.
He disappeared out my window, leaving me alone, once again putting distance between us as soon as we got close. I stared after him, past the curtains bil owing in the icy nighttime breeze and out that black hole of a window. UNCORRECTED E-PROOF--NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Children's Books
..................................................................... 18
I NEEDED TO CALL KATE. SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN worried about where I was. I grabbed my phone, cleared my throat, and cal ed her.
"Where are you?" she asked as soon as she answered.
"I'm at home," I said, switching on the lamp by my bed and turning the overheard light off. "My car is totaled."
"What?" She shrieked so loud, I had to pul the phone away from my ear.
"We hit a bunch of deer on the way home. My car is seriously trashed."
"Oh my God," she gasped. "Gross. Are you al right?"
"Yeah, we're fine, just real y tired and dirty." I didn't tel her about what had happened with my dad as soon as I got home. I didn't need to relive it again.
"Do you stil want to come over? I can come and pick you up. Evan got a fifth."
I felt bad turning her down, but I was just not in the mood to drink. A monster had tried to kil me only a few hours before. Al I wanted now was to sleep. "How about tomorrow night?" I asked. "I'm stil pretty freaked out. Tomorrow night, we should get everyone together at your house."
"Al right," she said. "You had better not bail on me again. I think we should hang out before the party, too. It feels like I never see you anymore."
I laughed. "I won't bail, I promise. I'l even bring Wil ." If he was going to stick close to me, he might as wel show his face and enjoy himself a little. It was a good excuse to keep him nearby.
No sooner did I think that than I saw Wil climb back in through my window.
"Hey, I'l give you a cal tomorrow," I offered, trying my best to be cheerful. "We'l party then, I swear. We'l even hang out earlier, too. Laser tag, maybe?"
"Okay-bye-love-you," she said in one breath.
I hung up, tossed my phone on my bed, and turned my attention to Wil . "What are you doing back?" I asked. "I thought you'd be gone for good
tonight."
"I changed my mind about leaving you alone. I wanted to make sure you were real y okay."
"Oh. Thank you."
An awkward silence fel between us. I hated that it had come to this when only hours ago, everything had felt so right between us. I had to get away.
"I'm going to take a shower," I said at last. "Are you . . . going to stay here?" I felt a little odd about a guy hanging around my room while I was showering. There wasn't real y much I had to hide. I supposed the most embarrassing thing I had was my movie col ection. Then again, he probably didn't care that I had al the High School Musical movies next to Sailor Moon on my top shelf. I was such a dork. At least Gossip Girl was up there too, so I was sort of redeemed. He nodded. "I won't get into anything, I promise. I've known you for five hundred years, so I don't think anything you do now could shock me." He stifled a laugh, but I gave him a quizzical look. A fleeting worry about what he might know about me crossed my mind.
I hurried in the shower as fast as I could. When I finished, I stepped out and toweled myself off. My reflection in the mirror was mildly more pleasant considering how my face no longer quite resembled the car wreck I'd been in that night. I looked around for my robe, but I didn't see it. Worried, I wrapped the towel around myself.
"Oh no," I breathed. My robe was not in the bathroom. There was no way I was going to put my bloody clothes back on. I kicked at the filthy pile of laundry in the middle of the bathroom floor and cringed. "Gross, gross, gross . . ."
I'd have to go back into my room in my towel to get clean clothes. This was not good. I did not want to walk around practical y naked in front of any boy, let alone Wil . I trembled as I walked back to my room. I poked the door open a few inches and whispered just loudly enough for only Wil , and not my parents, to hear me.
"Wil ?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you turn around for a sec?"
He paused. "Okay."
I tiptoed in, hugging the towel as tightly as I could. He had turned around and faced the window.
"I need my clothes. Sorry." I shimmied into my closet and shut the door behind me. I blew out a loud sigh and let the towel drop. I put on a lacy tank and flannel pajama pants and left my closet.
"I was hoping you wouldn't have to meet Ivar for a while,"
Wil said. He didn't bring up my embarrassing episode from minutes ago, and I was going to be eternal y grateful.
"Yeah, me, too," I said, my voice quivering. "I could feel her power, Wil . It was so different from Ragnuk's. His energy felt angry to me, like pure violence. But hers . . . Ivar's power was dark. It made me feel fear. Not afraid, but it felt like fear. Does that make sense?"
His lips tightened. "You've said things along those lines before."
"What does it mean?"
"It means that you, the Preliator, are beginning to awaken," he said, picking absently at a rip in his shirt. "As your strength and memory return, your abilities wil , too. It wil take some time for you to reach your ful potential."
I sighed. "And here I thought Ragnuk was the scariest thing out there. Ivar beats him by a mile."
"There wil be other vir--Bastian's thugs--that you'l meet," he said gravely. "They wil only get worse. Bastian is likely to save his best for last."
"Great," I groaned. "So the scary chick and Ragnuk are the weak ones."
"They are not weak," he insisted. "They've earned bragging rights, believe me. Ivar could kil Ragnuk with a single strike. And she is not the weakest of Bastian's vir. She was sent as a messenger, not to kil you, which makes no sense. I feel like Bastian is stal ing. Perhaps kil ing you isn't his ultimate goal, since that would be pointless. You would just be reborn again."
My lips tightened. That wasn't good. How could I possibly defeat any of them when Ragnuk had nearly kil ed me twice already in this life, and actual y succeeded once in a previous one? What was I going to do when I had to face Ivar and the other vir, or even Bastian? And what was this game Bastian was playing with my life--sending an assassin to kil me and then cal ing him off? Was he trying to keep me occupied while he looked for this Enshi? Was al of this real y leading up to the Apocalypse?
Wil seemed to read my mind. He tucked my half-dried hair behind my ear sweetly. "You can do it," he said, his soft voice fil ed with hope. "You're stronger than any of them."
"Then why do they keep mopping the floor with me?" I demanded.
He let out a breath. "You need to have more confidence in yourself. Believe you can do it."
"I need some proof first," I said with a smal laugh. "It's a little hard to believe I can defeat Ragnuk when he keeps kicking my butt."
He frowned. "That's the point of believing in something. There's so much doubt and tribulation during your journey that you've got to hang on to something, or else you'l fal ."
I rol ed my eyes. "Stop being so wise. You make me look bad. What do you think Ivar meant by 'developments'?"
"Most likely something with the Enshi. We need to redouble our research efforts. Maybe Nathaniel has found something." He frowned. "I don't even know where to start looking for information."
"Then I guess we'l have to concentrate on kil ing Ragnuk and Bastian's vir?" I asked, unable to quel the doubt in my tone.
He nodded. "Ragnuk is hunting you. We caught a lucky break tonight when Ivar cal ed him off, but I don't know much we may benefit from that in the end."
"What do you mean?" Light bulb. "Oh God, you don't think they found the Enshi, do you?"
"We can only pray they didn't," he said. "But Bastian cal ed Ragnuk off for a reason. They wanted you dead and now they don't. But there isn't much we can do about it now."
I tried to steady my nerves, but I failed. Uselessness was not the feeling I wanted to have. "Wel , what are we doing sitting around here? They could have the Enshi in their hands as we speak!"
"El ie, what are you going to do?" he demanded. "Just waltz in on al of them? For one thing, we don't know if they found the Enshi tonight. It could have just been a lead. And, two, we don't even know where they are. I have no idea where Bastian would go once he got his claws on the Enshi. We just don't have enough information to play it safe."
"Isn't that what this is al about? A gamble?"
He laid a hand on my shoulder firmly, his green eyes brightening a little. "We've gambled before, and we always lose. I'm not taking any bets when your life is concerned."
"But I'l come back--"
"It's not that easy, El ie." He closed his eyes for a moment.
"It's not like a video game where Mario dies and pops right back in action two seconds later. You die. And it takes you almost two decades before you're back in the game. This time, it took you four. You have to start over completely. It's been harder every time. You're in a weakened state right now, and Bastian knows this. He'l want to finish you off before your ful power returns to you. If he fails, there is a higher chance that we'l stop him from getting the Enshi. This thing must be able to destroy you if he's going through al this trouble to find it."
"So once when get the Enshi, they're just going to come ful force at me?" He was scaring me again.
"I don't think Bastian is that serious about kil ing you now. Ragnuk is good at what he does, but it seems that if Bastian real y wanted you dead, he'd send more than just one assassin, and he wouldn't have cal ed them off the way he did. I hate to be brutal y honest, but if he sent someone like Ivar after you right now, there would be a good chance that you would not make it out alive. Again, I think he's stal ing for something, like he's keeping you busy while he searches for the Enshi. It makes me terrified of what this thing may be capable of."
I grimaced.
"But you have me," he said. "I've done everything I could over the last few centuries to keep you safe. I know I've failed you before, and I hate what you must go through, but how I feel about it doesn't matter. Emotion is not relevant. My reason for existing is to protect you."
What he said saddened me. Not the part about Bastian
trying to assassinate me, but rather when he said that it didn't matter how he felt. I wasn't worth someone's entire existence
--immortal or doomed. "That's not true," I said.
He studied my face careful y. "What isn't? I try my--"
"I care how you feel. Don't say it doesn't matter."
He smiled. "Wel , you shouldn't worry about that. My purpose is to keep you safe and fight alongside you."
" B u t why? " I asked impatiently. "Why are you my Guardian? Did you choose this? Did the others before you choose this?"
"Yes," he confessed. "I agreed to become your Guardian, because I believe in your goal. I believe in you."
I glowered. "That is not a good answer."
He smiled crookedly. "You'l understand. You know al these things already--they just elude you for the moment."
My fists rol ed into tight bal s. I couldn't take it anymore.
"I'm sick of being told that al the things I don't understand are right in the back of my mind and I can't reach them. I'm going insane, Wil ."
"Don't be so impatient."
"Too bad!"
He sucked in his upper lip, something I was pretty sure he did when he was nervous. "About tomorrow night."
"What about it?"
"Are you going over to Kate's house?"
"Yeah," I said with a tired voice. "I promised her. You should come."
He dipped his head just a little. "If that is what you wish."
"Yes, that's what I wish. I want you to come. I feel better when you're close to me and I can see you."
He stepped forward and sat graceful y down on the edge of my bed next to me. "Then I wil let you see me more."
"Thank you," I said, feeling very strange having a boy sit on my bed. It felt so intimate and foreign to me. "I know you'l protect me."
"I wil ," he promised, his eyes locked on mine.
I believed him.
"There's something I have to tel you," he whispered.
"About what I am. You know this already, but you don't remember, and I didn't want to tel you. I wanted you to remember on your own, because it's easier for you that way, but it's taking so long and I hate keeping things from you. It feels wrong to keep pretending that it doesn't exist, but I'm afraid you may hate me after I tel you."
Courtney Moulton - Angelfire 01 - Angelfire Page 16