“So, this weekend. Big plans with Louis?”
He could say that. We had Thanksgiving but, yeah, I had big plans. I needed to work off some of this tension between me and Connor. Even the high from Evan didn’t sooth that other craving as much as I’d like.
“You know turkey and stuff.” He knew. He also knew we didn’t talk about that stuff. Not me and Evan. That would be… weird. Like talking to your brother or something.
Nope, I thought, snuggling closer, feeling the warmth and studying the black shadows climbing the walls. Everything was compartmentalized. Evan. Louis. Connor.
I had no other choice.
*
Louis: See you on Saturday?
Jane: What time?
Louis: Eager much?
Jane: Totally. Like you aren’t.
Louis: Text me when you get home. I’ll come over.
Jane: No. I’ll text and we’ll meet. Alone.
Louis: Yeah?
Jane: Yeah
With our first projects turned in, the energy on campus lightened just before fall break. Ava and I had been invited to a Thanksgiving dinner the night before we left for home with Amber and some of her friends. Tonight, though, we decided to hang out with pizza in the room and chill.
“You ready?” Ava asked, situating herself on the floor with the pizza box between us. We’d decided to have a cheesy girls’ night and had picked a couple of movies to watch.
“Yep,” I said through a mouthful of garlic bread.
Completely engrossed in Zac Efron’s chest and his beautiful, blue eyes, I said, “He’s the prettiest crier ever. Although this ghost story of his is pretty lame. Does he only see them in the cemetery?”
“Right? Why is there even a plot? I just want to wipe those tears away and then take his shirt off.”
“His shirt is off, like, 90 percent of this movie.”
“Oh, I know, but I want to take it off. With my hands.” Ava fake growled and made clawing motions with her hands.
I laughed with her because, man he was hot, but Ava’s comment made me curious. “What’s the status with Christian? Planning on cashing in the V card over break?”
Ava found the remote control and turned down the volume on the movie. We’d both seen it a dozen times before. “I don’t know. Maybe. It’s come close a couple times.”
“Same with us,” I confessed. “I think Louis will want to when I see him this weekend.”
Ava tilted her head. “Do you want to?”
“Yeah, but…”
“But what?”
I hugged my knees. “I’m confused I guess. The whole Connor thing.”
“Right,” Ava sighed with sympathy. “What’s going on with that anyway?”
“Nothing. We just kind of run together. Sometimes we talk about the ghosts. You know, he’s got one in his dorm. I’ve seen a couple on the street. We’re comfortable with one another, but he’s kept his distance on a personal level.”
“That’s good, right?”
“I think so.”
Ava laughed and grabbed my hand. “It’s too bad Zac Efron isn’t one of your choices. He’d be the best boyfriend ever.”
“Totally,” I agreed laughing. “He’d mesmerize me with those eyes and I’d have no choice, you know? And sex? Obviously.”
Ava settled back in her seat and turned the volume back up. “Connor’s got some killer blue eyes, no wonder you’re confused.”
I picked up the pillow and smacked her with it, sending her into a gale of laughter. In retaliation, she pinched my calf, knowing it was my weak spot and I shrieked. Ava snorted – an ugly snort and we both got the giggles until I started crazy laughing to the point tears streamed down my face.
“Someone’s at the door,” Ava said, choking though a laugh. I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself. Sure enough, someone knocked softly on the door. She flung open the door and when we saw Connor on the other side, we both burst into laughter again.
“What?” he said, touching his hair and face. He eyed the pile of pillows and blankets on the floor and lifted an eyebrow. “Were you just having a pillow fight?”
“You wish,” Ava said, waving him in. She held out the half-empty box of pizza. He took two slices and shoved one in his mouth. “What’s going on?”
Connor turned toward me, mouth full and held up a finger. I fought back a residual burst of nervous laughter while he chewed and swallowed. He rolled his eyes, ignoring my obnoxiousness. “I have a problem back at my dorm. Can you help?”
“A problem?” I glanced at Ava.
“Yeah, I’ve got a ghost thing,” he said.
“Ghost thing?” Ava repeated. I breathed a sigh of relief. Ghosts with Connor I could handle. Other stuff? Not so much.
“Yeah, well, can you come over? I think I need some help.”
“Sure. Let me change real quick and I’ll walk over with you.” I ducked into my closet and pulled on some yoga pants. Halfway into my shirt, I peeked around the door.
He was entirely focused on the pizza box and not on the fact I was half naked. I guess we’d both moved on. I heard him ask, “Can I have that?”
Ava nudged the box with her foot. “Go ahead.”
Connor walked around the room, checking it out. His eyes skimmed past a photo of me and Louis on my dresser. He pointed at the TV. “Zac Efron?” he asked and then muttered, “Man, what a tool.”
“Ready?” I asked, closing the closet door. I wanted to get this over with. The sooner the better.
“Yeah.” He crammed the rest of the pizza in his mouth. Nodding at Ava he mumbled, “Thanks,” around a mouthful of crust.
“Be careful,” Ava said, following us to the door.
“We will,” Connor said. “I’ll walk her back when we’re done.”
Ava closed the door and it was just Connor and me. No music, no running, no gym. Just the two of us dealing with a spirit that had lost its way.
Just like old times.
*
“What’s going on?” I asked. We were a block away from my dorm, walking toward his. I’d never been to his room. I wasn’t even exactly sure where he lived.
“You know that man I told you about?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s not him.”
“Um, okay.”
“I’ve been waiting for him to approach me and tonight I thought it was going to happen. Instead, I got something weirder.”
Stopped at a crosswalk, we waited for cars to pass. I wrapped my arms around my waist. Even though we were pretty far south, winter was coming. “Connor, what are you talking about?”
“I was studying in the lounge and I heard this little voice. It sounded like a kid. At first I thought it was the TV or something, but it was coming from the basement.”
“The basement? Ugh, I don’t like basements.”
Connor smiled at me and bumped me with his shoulder. “It’s not dark and scary – promise. Our laundry room is down there. I live in one of the converted hotels.”
Looking for any available space to house students, SCAD transformed several old motels into dormitories. It was sort of weird, but everything associated with art school tended to be a little outside the box.
“Great,” I sighed. “Why did you come get me?”
“So, I go down there and it’s this little girl and she’s panicked. Every time I try to talk to her, she started freaking out more. I thought maybe she needed a woman to talk to or something.”
I gave him the side-eye because that sounded sort of lame, but whatever. In and out. I could do this. “Do you think the dead guy is related?”
“I dunno.”
“Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone.”
We reached his dorm and I followed Connor up the steps. He pressed in the code to the security pad. A buzzer sounded and he held the door open with one hand, letting me pass.
It’s late and the day before break. A lot of people have already left for home. Ava and I just stuck arou
nd for the Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. “This way,” Connor said, leading me down a well-lit hallway.
We passed a couple of open dorm rooms and I couldn’t help but look inside. Most were in complete disarray. Clothes and books and portfolios everywhere. Midway down the walkway, he pointed to an open door and said, “That’s my room.”
I recognized the guy at the desk wearing big headphones from the gym and eating with Connor a couple of times. He looked up and nodded at Connor and sort of glared at me. Okay.
“Your roommate seems charming,” I said.
“Eh, he’s okay. A little moody at times.” Connor stopped at a door at the end of the hall. It had a sign that said, “Laundry,” glued at eye level. “Ready?”
“Always.”
Like Connor said, the basement wasn’t that scary. Painted white and brightly lit, from the steps I could see a row of washers and dryers. I held my hand up to his chest, suggesting he not follow me down. He lifted an eyebrow in question, but I nodded that I would be okay. I knew he wouldn’t go far anyway.
“Hello,” I said at the bottom step.
A tiny voice replied. “Who’s there?”
“I’m Jane. Who are you?” I couldn’t see anyone yet but I heard sniffing behind the last washing machine. “Can you come out?”
“I’m scared.”
“I know, but I’m here to help.” A small hand wrapped around the edge of the washer. Her fingers were streaked with red. “What’s your name?”
“Hazel.”
“Hi, Hazel.”
“Is that man with you? He came down here before.”
“Man? Did he have dark hair and a red shirt on?”
She waited a moment and then whispered from her hiding spot, “Yes.”
“He’s my friend. His name is Connor. He won’t hurt you either. I promise.”
I shifted and finally managed to get a look at her. She wore a white nightgown that fell to the top of her feet and had blonde hair that hung in ragged curls down her shoulders. She seemed about 4 or 5. Smears of dark red trailed along the side of her gown. Normally ghosts came to me clean – as they were before they died. But not Hazel. She still carried her wounds. “What are you doing down here, Hazel?”
“Hiding.”
I frowned. “From who?”
“The bad man. Daddy said they’re coming. I thought that man was him.”
“What kind of man?”
“The kind with guns.”
I looked up to the step, but only saw Connor’s feet. This place used to be a crappy motel. Who knew what this girl had seen.
“How long have you been here, Hazel?”
“I don’t know. I was playing with my brother, but I don’t know where he went. Have you seen him?”
I rubbed my hands over my face. This girl was so young. I didn’t know how much information I could get out of her. “Did your Daddy tell you anything else?”
She nodded. “He said to look out for the man with the gun, and when he comes we all need to hide.”
“Did he ever come?” I asked.
“Not yet, but he will. Daddy said so.”
I felt like I was going in circles. I needed to do some research – something that would take more than me poking around on my phone. “I’m going to try to figure out what’s going on okay? Will you be all right down here?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Sometimes I play games or sneak back upstairs.” She gave me a frightened look. “Don’t tell. I’m not supposed to leave here, but sometimes I do, because I get bored.”
“I won’t tell.” I stood up. “I’ll be back. Be careful. Remember my friend Connor?”
Hazel looked up to the steps. “He’s there now. I see his green shoes.”
“He’s my friend and you can talk to him.”
“I thought he may be the one, that’s why I was scared before.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be scared. He’s here to help you and me. We’ll figure this out, okay?”
Hazel nodded but the scared expression never left her face. Her body shimmered and I felt a blast of cold air. She disappeared to wherever it was ghosts went when they aren’t visible.
“She’s gone,” I called up the staircase. Connor waited at the top of the step and I followed him back down the hallway and out the door. I ignored the questioning looks from his dorm mates. We passed an open door and I saw Tony’s familiar dreadlocks hunched over a painting. He didn’t look up.
“Did you follow any of that?” Connor asked when we got out on the street.
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. “Not much.”
“Me either.”
“Another lost girl,” I said, meeting his eyes. Ice blue and as intense as ever.
“You handled that really well.”
“There’s no other way to handle it. At least, that’s what I’ve learned.”
We walked the next couple of blocks in silence until he said, “Before, we fought this so much, you know. The gift. Meds and therapy. The ghosts.” He glanced over. “Each other.”
“I know. It isn’t the right way to deal with it. I spent the last year getting it under control, but I admit Hazel shook me a little.”
“Why?”
“She’s just so young. She’s so innocent – like Tonya. Even if they know something bad happened to them, they can’t really understand it. I don’t like being the one to tell them.”
“I thought you did an amazing job,” he said. I cringed at the word “job.” Is that what this is? What was my payment? Huffing ghost energy? That wasn’t going to pay the bills.
“Thank you for coming to get me. I’m glad you felt comfortable to do that.”
He stared at his feet and said, “I’m not keeping secrets from you anymore, Jane. Relationship or not, you and I have to work together on this kind of stuff.”
I bit my bottom lip and nodded. “Night, Connor.”
“Night.”
I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around him, in a completely non-romantic hug. I needed to feel the weight of someone’s arms around me. Just to be safe. I tried not to inhale because one whiff of Connor Jacobs and I was a goner.
“Jane?” he said, not moving away. His eyes softened, quick like he was going to apologize for something, but then he took my face into his hands. He breathed, “Fuck it,” before pressing his lips to mine. He moved slowly but controlled. Very controlled. He tasted the same – like Connor – and I felt my knees buckle and his hands moved to my arms to hold me up.
Then reality rushed at me, and I pushed him back with both hands.
“Connor, no,” I said, breaking away.
Slowly, he released my arms and stepped back. He looked at me under hooded eyes and said, “I didn’t get a chance to kiss you one last time, you know.”
I touched my lips and thought back to breaking up with him in the detention center. My behavior had been cold and harsh. Rash, but right. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. But you owed me one,” he said, a sly grin forming on his lips. Damn you, Connor Jacobs. “Now, we’re good.”
My stomach rolled, guilty and exhilarated. I always knew Connor was either an angel or a devil sent here to test me. I’d either just passed or failed. Spinning on my heel, I raced up the steps and into the dorm without looking back. Connor was wrong. We were anything but good.
Chapter 11
Thanksgiving meal number two took place at Louis’ house. After two helpings of turkey, dressing and dessert on his grandmother’s best china, I could barely button my pants. All I wanted to do was sleep.
All he wanted to do was make out.
That worked for me, too.
Louis’ lips tickled my neck. His hands inched up my shirt and he felt so good. So safe. There’s nothing dangerous here. Just brightness and light. The energy I felt from his skin was pure. Lustful, but pure. Death didn’t follow him.
Yet.
With his breath in my ear, it was only a matter of minutes before both our
shirts were off and his hips pressed into mine, the thick denim of his jeans rubbing against my cotton pants. His bedroom felt hot, his bed soft, and my body reacted to his every move.
Louis had his hand on my zipper when we heard a sharp knock on the door.
He lifted his mouth from mine, “Yeah?”
“Louis, your grandmother is leaving. Come down and say goodbye.” His mother’s voice fell like a pitcher of cold water over my head.
“One sec,” he called. Groaning, he rolled to the side and we both straightened up. Louis cupped my chin with his hands and said, “We’ll get some time together before we go back, promise.”
The odds were against us – or maybe fate? Who knew. Every time we had a second or two together, we took advantage. The perpetual cock-block made me want Louis even more simply because I couldn’t have him, which was how we found ourselves in the back seat of his car three nights later.
“Louis,” I said, my breath leaving foggy trails of air into the cold car. Winter had rolled in Thanksgiving night. “I want to be with you – I do, but there is no way I’m doing this in a car. Not when it’s this cold.”
“What? I don’t warm you up?” he laughed through chattering teeth. We huddled in the backseat of his Honda outside my house. We’d barely had 15 minutes alone all break. I planned on leaving in the morning, after I ran with my dad, to go back to Savannah.
My legs straddled his hips and, while his fingers wandered, I knew nothing would go further than it had a dozen times before. There was absolutely no way I was losing my virginity in the back seat of a car. “Maybe over Christmas?” I suggested.
I didn’t know exactly why Louis and I hadn’t had sex yet. I was ready. He was more than ready, but something felt wrong. Maybe because too many secrets and lies destroyed my last relationship, building another on a foundation of omission seemed destructive at best.
“Definitely,” he said, pressing his forehead to mine. “I wish I had time to come down to visit but I don’t see it happening.”
“It’s only a couple of weeks.” I kissed him again. But every day I was at school, I changed. Gradually, I was becoming a different person, growing up and pushing my independence. Every day, Connor got a little more under my skin. I’d spent way too much time thinking about the kiss we had before I left. Wow. That kiss.
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