by Piper Rayne
“Listen, I might have gone to Jasper to get him to invest in my business, but things changed.”
“So you admit that’s the entire reason you met him? To get him to invest in your company?” Jacob clarifies.
“Yes, but if you would have just introduced m—”
“Don’t pin this on me. You sought him out.”
Jacob’s right. I know it, but we’re twins. I’m not going to let him know it that easily. I let out a deep breath. “Yes, I saw on your phone that he was going to be at some bar, so I went there that night to get him to invest in my company.”
“What?” Jasper asks behind him and my entire body freezes.
I spin around to find his face pale and that sparkle that’s always in his eyes missing.
“No, it’s not what you think,” I say.
“Classic Lennon. You never even told him your meeting wasn’t coincidence but a calculated plan on your part.” Jacob shakes his head and slides past me. He clasps Jasper on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, man. I wish I could say I was surprised.”
Jasper disregards him, his gaze remaining solely on me.
“You knew who I was the entire time? This whole thing was a charade to get me to invest in you?” His hand flies through his hair.
“No.” Why won’t my words come out now? Tears well up in my eyes that he’s this upset with me.
“And I fell for it all. I set you up with Drew. Were you just going to be with me until your business succeeded and then you’d kick Brady and I to the curb?” he asks and begins to leave, but I pull on his coat sleeve.
“No, Jasper. Don’t leave.”
He shrugs me off and turns around, staring down at me, his hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks.
“You pretended to be as surprised as I was to find out we had Jacob in common. Tell me you didn’t plant your friend to call about the sex toy when we were together, knowing that I’d bite. Tell me you didn’t show up at that Starbucks before the speed-dating to have a leg up.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“So, I’m imagining all those things or I misunderstood somewhere along the way?” he questions. His tone and his body are all calm and collected while my mind is bouncing around like a deflating balloon.
“Yes and no. I knew you were going to be there at the bar that night, but Starbucks was not planned and when I realized there was something between us I gave up asking you about the business,” I fight back, finally finding my words.
He leans down and lowers his voice. “In the end you got what you wanted, an investor for your business. Maybe you should’ve been fucking Drew this whole time and not me.” He shakes his head and looks at me with disgust. “I hope your dildos keep you warm at night and screw you as well as I did, because I’m out.” He turns around and I cling to his sport jacket, ready to fall to my knees, but he shrugs me off, leaving me in tears.
I wait for him to return. Because if he loves me like I love him, how can he just leave me?
He doesn’t come back.
38
It’s been two weeks.
Two weeks with no word.
He hasn’t reached out and I haven’t reached out to him.
I sit on a bench at the park, watching Brady play across the street at the school. He’s there for day camp and I wonder where he thinks I’ve gone. Did Jasper tell him that I was away on business? Or did he break his heart and say I wanted to leave? The thought of Brady thinking it has anything to do with him has brought me to my knees sobbing more than a few times.
He’s running around, playing tag with a group of kids. He’s full of life, running and laughing, which means that he might not know anything.
“What are you doing here?”
I think I could pinpoint Natalie’s voice from across the Bay Bridge. I turn to find her glaring at me with her hand on her hip. Boy, am I ever glad I wore my ‘Friday Is My Second Favorite F-Word’ shirt today. Not.
“I was just walking by,” I lie. I came here on purpose, needing to see Brady. To see if Jasper told him I’m out of their life for good. I figured I’d be able to tell by the look on his face. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe he just as easily tossed me aside as his father did.
“Another lie? Shocking,” she says. “Haven’t you done enough?”
She must know. Jasper told her.
“I had to see Brady. I’ll go now.” I stand and spin on my flats and start walking down the sidewalk.
“Stay away! You’re no good for them,” she calls out and I glance to the playground, finding Brady still playing with his friends.
When I turn back around, my eyes fix on her. “You know nothing about me. I love both of them.” I push back the tears that have been threatening to fall all afternoon. “I understand you think that because I look a certain way and because I’m not Suzy Homemaker, I’m not good enough for your perfect boy and grandson. You’ll probably run off every woman who ever wants in their life, and if you win kudos, but all you’ll do is make them unhappy in the long run. I love your son and your grandson. I would’ve made them happy.”
“But you screwed it up, didn’t you?” she asks.
My head falls between my shoulders and I try to slyly wipe the tear from under my eyes. He never told her. “I did.”
With my admission, I turn around to walk away from the Banks for good this time.
“Brady is getting his cast off this afternoon. Jasper is out of town. Would you like to say hello?” she hollers and my footsteps halt.
“Really?” I ask, not sure if I should see Brady. It might only piss off Jasper more.
She smiles. The gesture looks foreign on her. “Brady and I had a long talk the night of your dad’s retirement party.”
I walk back toward her, unsure if I can really trust her. I mean, this is the first time I’ve even seen the woman smile.
“You did?” I ask and she nods.
“He asked me why I hated you.” Her head falls and she shakes it while walking back to the school building. “I’d been giving Jasper hell for being with you and I never realized Brady would see it. You need to understand how much it broke my heart to see Brady’s mother just toss him aside like he didn’t mean anything. Her own child.”
She pauses and presses her lips together, gathering her emotions, I think. For once I know when to stay quiet.
“I may be his mother, but I know how Jasper must look to single women. He’s handsome, successful, he has more than enough money, and he’s a good person. I’ve always been afraid that some money-hungry woman would try to swoop in, take what she can from him and then leave them both behind. I didn’t want to see either of them go through that again.”
I nod. I can understand why she might have felt that way, but it still doesn’t excuse the way she treated me.
Her hand lands on my forearm and I look up at her. “I want them to be happy and you seemed to make them happy. I don’t know what happened between you two, besides the fact that Jasper told me you lied to him. But, I believe you when you say you truly love them.”
These are the words I’ve been longing to hear from her, but they’re too late to make a difference. “You’re right. I messed it all up.” Tears well in my eyes again and I blink a few times to get them to stop.
“The one thing about my son, he’s forgiving.” She pats my arm and we enter the school.
“I’m not sure.”
She shakes her head. “Then you don’t know him at all.”
She signs the form from the office to get Brady and a few minutes later, he runs out with his backpack bouncing on his back.
His sneakers skid to a stop when he sees me. “Lennon,” he says so quietly and with such disbelief that my heart shatters. “Lennon!” His voice picks up and he runs into my arms, gluing my shattered heart back together.
I hug him tight to my body, picking him up. God, he feels so good in my arms.
“I missed you,” I say softly and then I hear the quiet sobs and a hiccupping fr
om his chest.
“You left,” he whispers and I shake my head.
“I’m sorry, Brady,” I say, setting his feet back on the ground.
“Hi, Grandma,” he mumbles, looking away.
“Are you surprised to see Lennon?” she asks.
He nods, a smile crossing his face and the tears fading. I wipe my own wet cheeks and he grabs my hand. “Are you coming to see my arm?” he asks and I laugh.
“I hear you’re getting your cast off.” I stare down at him. “I’ve never seen your entire arm.” I nudge him with my hip and he laughs.
“So, you’re coming?” he asks.
“No.” I look over to Natalie. “I’m not. I just wanted to say hello.”
“Come,” he whines, both his hands on my arm now.
I should have predicted this.
Natalie’s lips are sealed together, watching from afar.
“I can’t, buddy. I wish—”
“Did Dad tell you not to come?” he asks and my shoulders fall. I squat down to his height, taking both his hands in mine.
“No. He didn’t. I just—” I trail off, unsure what to say. I could kick myself for coming here. I’m only going to make it harder on him.
“Then come. I want you there,” he whines and I look to Natalie who nods.
I stare up at the ceiling. I could see him get his cast off and then say goodbye the right way. Maybe we just need some closure.
“Okay, I’ll come,” I say. He screams, jumping up and down. “But”—I hold my hand up—“I have to leave right after.”
He nods his head. “Okay, okay.” He runs over to Natalie. “Did you hear? Lennon’s coming.” He grabs both of our hands, bridging the gap between myself and a woman I never thought I’d have a kind thought for. But it must be a full moon because I feel like I understand Natalie a little better now. If things had worked out differently perhaps we might have been able to have a cordial relationship.
Now I’ll never know.
39
Forty-five minutes later we’re all in his doctor’s waiting room. Brady seems super nervous and Natalie and I have both tried to calm him down. But he’s quiet and from the small amount of time I’ve known Brady when he’s quiet, he’s anxious.
“It’s okay, bud, I promise.” I smile, but he sits on the table not looking like he truly believes me.
The nurse knocks and comes in with the doctor. “The day is here, Brady, are you excited?” The fifty-something doctor who dresses trendier than Drew walks in the office with a smile on his face. He quickly explains that Dr. Bierdman was called away on an emergency and asked him to take over.
Brady stares over at him.
“He’s a little nervous,” Natalie says.
“Oh, it’s easy. You’ll feel nothing.” The doctor logs onto the computer and starts typing in things and scrolls through Brady’s information.
The door opens again and I assume it’s another nurse, and it isn’t until Brady yells, “Daddy,” that I look up, finding Jasper in the doorway.
His wrinkled suit hangs off him and he grips the doorknob, probably wondering if he has the right room. The eyes that used to look at me with such love are flooded with hatred.
“You think I’d miss this?” he says to his son.
I slide off the bed, giving him room to say hello. He goes to the other side, taking Brady’s hands, and kisses the top of his son’s head.
“Okay, are you ready?” the doctor says, pulling out a huge pair of scissors.
Brady stiffens and the doctor looks between us. “Maybe if Mom and Dad each take a side.” He glances between Jasper and me.
“She’s not his mother,” Jasper says coldly.
Brady’s eyes are fixed on the scissors, not really paying attention to what’s going on around him. Natalie remains quiet.
“Well, then Dad, hold him tight,” the doctor says and slides the metal scissors under his cast.
Jasper does that and as I sit there watching Jasper calm his son, telling him it will be all right, getting him excited for everything he can do now that the cast is off, I realize—this isn’t my place. Not anymore.
“Done,” the doctor says and the nurse gives Brady a lollipop.
“My arm is so small,” Brady says, staring down at his wrinkled arm.
“And smelly,” Natalie says, ruffling her grandson’s hair.
“Your dad will have to wash it good tonight,” the nurse adds, taking wipes and sliding them down the length of his arm.
Brady, calm now, looks up to me. “Now you’ve seen all of me, Lennon.” He beams and a pang of regret hits me that this is the last time I’ll probably get to see that expression on his face.
“Yep. I’m so happy for you, but I better get going,” I say. Jasper slides over on the bed as though he’d catch the flu by being near me. I bend down and kiss Brady’s forehead. “Bye, Brady.” My voice cracks, and I push back that tingling in my nose and the wetness pooling in my eyes.
“Wait,” Brady says before I can leave the door.
I turn around, smacking on a fake smile. Jasper looks over to me, but then concentrates on his phone.
“Grandma, can you get me my backpack?” Brady asks and Natalie smiles, handing it over to him.
“Here you go.” She opens the pocket he wants her to and his healthy arm digs into the zipper and he pulls something out.
The pin.
A heart-shaped pin with fake pearls and rhinestones glued to it.
“This is for you,” he says, placing it in my palm with a smile.
Jasper looks up from his phone, his mouth hanging open, his eyes flashing between me, Natalie, Brady and back to me.
“It’s beautiful.” I smile, pinning it to my shirt. “I love it.”
I lean over again and hug his small body to mine. My tears, unable to stay away, fall freely down my cheeks now. “Thank you so much,” I say. “It’s the best present anyone has ever given me.”
“Don’t cry, I didn’t want you to cry,” he says and I shake my head.
Natalie laughs.
“I’m crying because I love it so much. They’re happy tears.”
Okay, I may have just half lied to him, but I’ve been skipping mommy training classes lately.
“I’ll see you soon,” I say. Another lie.
I run out of the room as fast as I’m able, feeling bad for not staying with Brady, but there’s no way I can remain in that room with Jasper either. I stop in the lobby to compose myself for a second.
“Lennon,” Jasper calls after me and I look up, the tears that were waning rushing back.
I turn and he’s standing there with his hands in his pockets.
“I’m sorry,” I say, unpinning Brady’s gift from my shirt. “You save this for when you meet his real mom.” I hold it out but he doesn’t take it from me. “Just take it, Jasper.” I hold it out a little firmer this time. When he still doesn’t take it but remains silent, I slip it into the pocket of his shirt.
“Lennon. Stop.” His voice is cold and nothing like the one I’m used to.
“Just so you know, I did love you. I know I lied and deceived you, but my feelings for you and Brady are real. So, please, never doubt that.” I step forward and press my lips to his cheek.
His hands never leave his pockets and I fall back to my heels.
“How can I ever trust you?” he asks in a ragged voice.
I shake my head. “I guess you can’t.”
I turn around and run out of the doctor’s office and it isn’t until I’m in the elevators that I’m able to release the sob I’ve been holding in my chest.
40
“You’re insane. Don’t do this,” Whitney says through the phone.
“I can’t in good faith take this deal.”
I’m on my way to Jasper’s office because Drew has some huge deal that came through for me. It looks as if one of my patents is going to come through and one of the largest distributors of adult products in the country wants to lice
nse the product.
“Yes, you can. Who cares. If the prick can’t face the fact that you love him and accept your apology, screw him.” Whitney has a fierce side that many don’t see. But when she feels strongly about something it’s hard to get her to back down.
“I’m fine. Really. It’s for the best. I’ll figure something else out.”
Maybe I’ll be tattooing forever, but who cares? At least I’ll have proven to Jasper that I wasn’t with him for his connections. It won’t change the outcome, but I’ll feel some satisfaction knowing that when he thinks of me, it’s not to think that I’m a gold-digging opportunist. If he even thinks of me at all, that is.
“Oh, Lennon.” She says it like I’m attending a funeral.
“Whit, I’m fine. This is the last time I’ll have to maybe run into him. And I can try to get past all this.” My subconscious nudges me, knowing that’ll never happen, but a girl can dream.
“Call me when you’re done,” she says, defeat thick in her voice.
“Will do.”
I hang up and shove my phone into my purse. My stomach knots and I release a breath as the elevator rises. I step off and open the doors to the office. Brittany smiles and picks up the phone.
“You better be calling Drew.” I point my finger, my feet moving faster.
“Mr. Banks.” She shoots me a tight smile, but I reach over the receptionist desk and press the button to end the call.
“No. No Mr. Banks. I just need to see Mr. Ashland,” I say as nicely as I can manage and she scrunches her eyebrows and then nods.
“That explains Miss Schmidt.”
Miss Schmidt? Jasper’s seeing someone else already? I ignore the twisting in my gut.
She picks up the phone. “Hi, Sue, Miss Hart is here to see Mr. Ashland.” She pauses for a second. “Okay, I’ll just send her back.”
She hangs up just as Jasper comes out into the reception area.
“Brittany, why did you han—” He stops when he sees me.
Brittany’s gaze moves back and forth between us. “Awkward,” she says, her teeth clenched but her eyes fixed on what she thinks will be a show.