by S. Cook
While I busied myself putting a quick meal together, Mustang got up and tended to the horses. He came back and asked me to fill one of the tubs with water for them, which I did.
After breakfast, Mustang suggested we ride the horses back to where they’d been staying so the animals could adjust slowly to their new environment. He offered to keep watching them until I had food and a place for them to stay at night in the barn.
I changed clothes and then we headed out into the bright morning to ride.
Once we were away from the imposing weight of the house, Mustang took a deep breath and turned his face up to the sunshine, like someone freed from a prison cell after too many years.
He relaxed his tense shoulders and talked more easily, pointing out different plants or rock formations to me.
He even talked a little bit about how he came to be out here, away from everyone and everything, looking for a place where he wouldn’t have to work so hard to try to appear normal.
I stayed quiet and let him talk.
As a caretaker who lived out in the wilds of the ranch, Mustang probably didn’t get the chance to talk much.
After riding for more than an hour at a slow, meandering walk, Mustang pointed out a low overhang in the rock where the ground was stamped down.
“What am I looking at?” I asked.
“My home.”
“A cave? You live in a cave for real?”
“That’s it. That’s my home,” he said.
I stared at the charred remains of his camp fire and the bedroll that was neatly folded and hanging beneath the rock face by a leather cord to keep it dry.
“Wow,” I said, almost speechless at the living conditions. “What do you do when it rains?”
“Get wet usually.”
“Okay, smart guy. It doesn’t bother you to be out here alone in bad weather?”
I couldn’t imagine ever choosing to sleep out here on purpose. I took in the rest of the area and noticed what had to be the horse pen, near another place where the rock jutted out. It provided a little shelter and protected their bin of grain from the elements.
“Nope, it’s never bothered me the least bit,” he answered. “It’s no worse than the living conditions on any military exercise I had to do. In fact, it’s a whole lot better than Afghanistan. That place is a fucking hellhole. Excuse the bad language. The heat, the sand, the dryness to everything. It was awful.”
Mustang made a small noise to his horse and steered her around. He walked her over to the pile of grain and jumped down from the saddle. He unhooked the horse’s bit so the animal could eat, then reached for my horse to do the same.
He opened a large hinged box and took out some pouches of food and bottles of water before tossing them in his backpack.
“Come with me,” he said. “Let’s take a walk.”
He held out his hand to me, and together we began walking. He showed me the river at this end of the property, too small and too far to be useful for the ranch, but beautiful and serene just the same.
When we sat down beside the river to rest and have a snack, Mustang impulsively pulled me onto his lap and kissed me.
“What was that for?” I asked with a giggle.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “I don’t really want to be alone. I just could never figure out how to not be. I didn’t know how to explain to someone that I needed to sleep under a rock instead of a house, and that I’m going to run away every so often because I don’t know how not to.”
My heart tightened in my chest. There was so much pain in his voice. Pain that I would do anything to take away or ease even a tiny bit.
“You don't have to run anymore,” I said. “You know that, right?”
“I know,” he whispered into my hair.
“And if you run, I’ll be right behind you.”
“I hope you’re fast,” he whispered again.
I didn’t answer, but instead took Mustang’s hand and guided it between my legs as we kissed, begging him with my body to touch me.
He did as I wanted, rubbing my pussy until my breath came in short gasps and I moved my hips against his strong hand.
I reached for his shirt as I had done before, but he stopped me, instead laying me back and tugging gently at my jeans and helping me slide them off.
Mustang moved between my legs and brought my leg up to his mouth, kissing me gently behind my knee and making me squeal lightly in surprise as he began sucking on the sensitive skin there.
He worked his way up my leg and across the inside of my thigh, guiding my foot up over his shoulder as he traveled towards my middle. I was tense with anticipation as I waited for Mustang’s loving assault, shuddering when I felt his hot breath across my soft mound.
I struggled to keep from screaming from the sensation when Mustang’s tongue finally found my wet slit and dove inside me, sucking carefully at my sex bringing me almost to the heights of climax.
I could tell by his every touch that this was more than sex for him. Mustang couldn’t tell me with words how he felt. He was too broken to utter the words. Instead he showed me with his actions.
This meant more to me than any words he could possibly say.
Reaching up with both hands, he leisurely circled my breasts, palming the nipples into they puckered into hard, throbbing tips. He took his time, putting my pleasure above his own.
Our lovemaking this time was very different.
Before, we were two people who simply craved each other physically, but now, I understood Mustang in some small way.
He knew that, too, and knew that I was someone who had not pushed him away, even when he had given me every reason to. We explored each other’s bodies passionately but slowly, taking our time and devoting our full attention to each other’s fulfillment.
As we held each other afterward, Mustang leaned close to my ear and whispered, “Thank you for not thinking I’m crazy.”
“You’re welcome,” I said and rolled over to face him. “Thank you for letting me in. I admit, it took some effort at first. You just need to be who you are, in whatever way you can. You don’t have to become someone else, not for me and not for anybody. But I do want to say this...if the day ever comes when you can feel safe and comfortable indoors, you are going to be absolutely blown away by having sex in a bed. The feeling is amazing!”
I patted the hard ground under us, earning another smile from Mustang before he hid his face in my shoulder.
“I can never get enough of the scent coming off your skin,” he said, catching me by surprise.
He nuzzled the soft skin of my shoulder, scratching me with his beard and I smiled at the compliment.
As we slowly made our way back to my house, a revelation came over me so strongly that I wondered if it wasn’t truly heaven-sent.
I sat up taller in the saddle and looked over at Mustang, and said, “I know what I’m going to do with the ranch.”
He gave me a questioning look.
“Go on,” he said. “I’m all ears.”
“I want to turn this place into a getaway for kids who’ve been hurt or people who’ve been damaged in some way. Let it be a place where they can spend time learning how to breathe again. We both know you can’t handle pain until you learn how to breathe through it.”
A look of total admiration crossed his face, and he smiled, bigger than I’d seen.
“That’s a great idea. You will make a huge difference to people.”
“What do you mean ‘you’? I meant you and me, mister. Who better than two damaged people to show others how to become unbroken?”
He shook his head.
“I’m not sure if I can help anyone. I would like to. I just don’t know if I can.”
“Will you at least think about my idea?” I asked.
“I will.”
We rode in contented silence the rest of the way back. Back at the house, I watched Mustang take the horses to the barn and I headed into the house. I had a million idea
s running through my mind and started to jot them down before I forgot them.
Chapter 15: Mustang
I glanced over at Leah beside me on the blanket that we spread out in front of the house. The air was cool and refreshing after the hot day, which made it much easier to breathe.
The blistering heat had always bothered me, but today I think it was something else entirely.
I’d achieved something that I never thought I would.
I opened up to another person, and she opened up to me.
Leah had told me something personal about herself, something that had caused her pain, and still did for that matter.
Even though we were two very different people, from very different backgrounds, we shared something deep.
Pain.
The pain of losing people we cared about, and the guilt that came along with it.
“You did good today,” she said as she glanced up at the stars overhead.
“You think so?”
“Don’t you?”
“I guess.”
“Well, even if you’re not proud of yourself, I am.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“You don’t like small talk much, do you?”
I chuckled at her question.
“Not particularly, no.”
“Why is that?”
“I believe important things need to be said, and the rest is just words to fill the silence,” I explained as I stared up at the blue velvet sky scattered with stars.
“But what classifies as important and what doesn’t?”
“Hearing about your day, your feelings, how people made you feel alive, what inspires you, what drives you. If it’s an important part of you, then it’s important. I don’t believe in saying something for the sole purpose of filling silences. Silences are often needed.”
She looked over at me and smiled.
“What?”
“So you weren't being rude, or anti-social when I first got here? You just had nothing to say to me?”
“Exactly.”
“I must be honest, I thought you were scary as hell the first time I saw you.”
“You were scared of me?” I asked.
It didn't surprise me.
People often mistook intimidating for scary, but nevertheless I wasn't offended that this was the first impression Leah had of me.
“Yeah, you scared the crap out of me that first day. You showed up out of the blue, a big muscular man covered in tattoos. You barely spoke five words to me and then you walked off into the sunset like something from an old Western movie. I was convinced I’d conjured you up in my mind and that I was going insane. I mean I’d already impulsively bought a ranch.”
“You thought I was an illusion?”
She laughed sheepishly.
“You weren’t driving a vehicle and the ranch is out here in the middle of nowhere. When you walk around, you never make a sound. So yeah, at first, I thought you were a sexy figment of my vivid imagination.”
“I wish I was that elusive.”
“Well, you were Special Forces,” she pointed out.
“True,” I answered. “Do you miss it sometimes?”
“Miss what?”
“Your life in the big city?”
She laughed at the idea.
“Sometimes I miss air-conditioning, cellphone reception, internet and of course vermin-free houses.”
“All that sounds amazing,” I replied.
“It was,” she replied. “And lifeless too.”
“Would you ever go back?”
There was a long pause.
When she didn’t answer right away, my heart stopped in my chest.
Is she already thinking of moving back?
The thought of losing her now was almost unbearable to me.
“No, I wouldn’t,” she finally replied.
“Why did it take you so long to answer then?” I asked.
“Because it’s not just a simple yes or no answer,” she said. “If I made a mess of this place, then I would have to. I’m not filthy rich. Eventually I’ll need to make a living somehow. Whether it’s here at the ranch or somewhere else.”
“You won’t make a mess of things here. You’re already thinking of ideas of how to make a go of it.”
“You have more confidence in me than you should,” she said.
“If there’s one person who can make this place the best it can be, it’s you.”
She sat up and gave me a big smile.
“What is it?”
“For a tough guy, you’re really sweet,” she said.
“Who told you I was a tough guy?”
“Well, wimps don’t get tattoos like you do, nor do they push me over the edge of the earth with a mere kiss, or a fingertip,” she said with a sexy wink in my direction.
“That’s true.”
“Why did you get all of the tattoos? And what do they mean?”
“For every person that I lost in the war, all my brothers-in-arms, I got a tattoo in honor of them.”
“All of them are from people in your unit that died?”
“Yes.”
She ran her fingers along my skin, following the lines of the tattoos as they flowed across my arms and my chest.
“It doesn't really look like they’re honoring anything to be honest,” she said.
“When we were in basic training, each of us had a song.”
“What kind of song?”
“Whenever things got tough, the song would carry us through whatever it was that wanted to pull us down.”
“Like a motivational song,” she said, getting the idea of it.
“Sam’s was Eye of the Tiger.”
“Hence the tiger,” she answered and pointed to the tiger on my right arm.
As she pointed to the different elements of my tattoos, I gave her the names of the guys in my unit, and she guessed the songs right a few times.
“What was your song?” she asked.
“I can’t tell you that,” I replied.
“Oh, come on. It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t sing it or even say the title out loud anymore. It brings up too many memories. I still have my song to sing and they don’t.”
She grew quiet and squeezed my thigh.
“I understand.”
“The song was one of my mom’s favorites too. I think that was one of the reasons why I chose it. It reminded me of her.”
“Is she still alive?”
“Alive and well in Austin, Texas. My dad didn’t want me to join the Army. We fought about it quite a bit. He couldn’t understand why I would want to ‘throw my life away’ as he put it.”
“What about your mom? Did she feel the same way?”
“If she did, she never said it. She never tried to push me into a pre-determined path. My dad never understood that I wanted to do something important in my life. To make a difference somehow.”
“And you did.”
“It sure doesn't feel that way.” I sighed and pushed myself into an upright position. “I guess that’s why I haven't been to visit them.”
“When was the last time you saw them?”
“It’s been a long time. I haven’t seen them since I returned from the Middle East. I was too screwed up when I first came back. Maybe I was afraid Dad would say, ‘told you so,’ or worse. I kept telling myself I would visit them when I got better. I guess I’m still waiting for that to happen.”
“How about the other guys in your unit? Have you seen any of them since you came back home?”
“I went to Mac’s wedding a couple of years ago. He was one of the guys from my unit.”
I didn’t mention the fact that Mac was one of the few who came back alive besides me.
“You went to a wedding?” she asked in surprise.
“Why does that su
rprise you? Is that weird?”
“A little. I can’t see you all dressed up at a wedding.”
“I was one of the groomsmen. I had to be there. For Mac. I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. He needed my support.”
“Did you wear a suit?” she asked.
“Of course,” I answered with a frown. “Everyone else was wearing one. I couldn’t get out of it. Believe me, I tried.”
“I would’ve loved to see that. I bet the women were crawling all over you. I know I would’ve been.”
“No, I kept a low profile. Big, fancy events aren’t my thing as you might’ve already figured out. I couldn’t wait to make my escape and get out of there.”
“Is he still married?” she asked.
“You mean my buddy, Mac?”
She nodded.
“It’s funny you should ask that. I heard that him and his wife split up after a year or so. He came back from Afghanistan with a bunch of baggage too. It was hard on his wife. She expected Mac to be the same, happy-go-lucky joker who was always goofing off and playing around when they were dating. He went through too much to come back the same way. She couldn’t handle his issues.”
“Their relationship might not have worked anyway,” she said. “People mature and change. No one is the same person at thirty as they were at eighteen.”
“That’s for damn sure,” I said. “I know I’m not.”
I stretched out my legs and pulled her closer to me.
“Are you serious about turning this place into a breathing place for broken people?” I asked.
“Absolutely, and I’d love for you to be my partner in this.”
“I’m just a caretaker here.”
“No, you’re much more than that.”
I hoped she realized how much her words meant to me even if I couldn’t express it.
I leaned in closer to her and touched her soft lips with mine.
There was nothing passionate or sexy about the kiss.
It was loving, pure and simple.
The exact way I’d imagined it would be when I fell in love for the first time and forever.
Chapter 16: Leah
I was in the kitchen when I heard the mailman’s truck stop out front, but I didn't pay him much notice. It was only when I heard the door open that I glanced up from the sink.