by S. Cook
I was finally done.
I was free.
I nodded at him and took the papers.
“Lynette,” he said suddenly and grabbed my hands. “What about me? You can’t just leave me here. I need a good lawyer, not a public defender.”
Officer Reynolds was by my side instantly.
“Sir, take your hands off her.”
My father released my hands at his command.
I stood up, gave the officer a grateful nod and left. I didn't look back, even though my father kept calling out my name.
I didn't want to look back, because I didn't want him to see that this hurt me as much as it hurt him. I had looked back for far too long and now the only way I wanted to go was forward.
With my eyes looking straight ahead.
Chapter Twenty-Five: Gabriel
Roscoe had been getting on my nerves ever since I’d shoveled the snow off the sidewalk earlier in the afternoon. He couldn’t resist rolling around in the large piles of snow that took me almost three hours to shovel. Three hours of hard intensive labor – for me at least – was ruined within a few seconds as he pounced around the snow like a lunatic.
“Roscoe, get out of the snow,” I muttered. “Or I’ll have to do this all over again.”
As usual, he completely ignored me.
I heard my dad’s truck pull up the driveway and I waved at my parents as they made their way towards me. My mother stepped out of the truck with a large casserole in her hands. She never comes over without food and I’m eternally grateful for that.
“It looks like you could use a hand there,” Dad said.
“I sure could. Roscoe is trying to undo all of my hard work. Want to babysit Roscoe for the weekend?” I joked.
They both shook their heads.
“We did our dog duty while you were in Florida,” Mom said.
“Would you mind doing it a few more days? I’m thinking about heading back down to Florida one last time.”
My parents exchanged looks and didn’t say one word or try to talk me out of it.
“Of course we’ll watch him,” Mom said. “The house seems lonely without the big brute.”
She followed me up on the porch and handed over the dish for me to take inside.
“To what do I owe this lovely casserole?” I asked as we made our way to the kitchen.
“Oh, I thought you might be hungry,” she replied with a giggle.
“I’m always hungry. Thank you. You shouldn’t go to all this trouble for me.”
“I know, honey, but you’ll always be my baby no matter how old you are, so I am allowed.”
“She’s never going to stop, is she?” I asked Dad.
“Nope,” he replied with a grin.
“Oh, hush.” My mother shrugged. “I’ll gladly stop when you find a lovely woman who can cook as well as I do.”
Dad and I exchanged glances over her head and I sighed.
“Well, that almost sounded promising until you mentioned, ‘cook as well as I do.’ You know that would be impossible to find.”
Dad burst out laughing and shook his head.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll give pointers one day to a special lady. She might even share her favorite recipes if asked nicely.”
“Oh, speaking of nice ladies,” Mom said and turned to me. “I visited with Jenny yesterday. Her daughter, Theresa is in town.”
Oh boy.
“You remember Theresa, don't you?”
Of course, I remembered her. Mom had tried to fix me up with her forever. We were in the same high school, and both our mothers were on the PTA.
Theresa was a beautiful girl, with long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a laugh that forced you to join in. She was a vibrant and uncomplicated person, who was easy to talk to, but we had established that neither of were interested in becoming more than friends.
She had a busy career, and I had mine. My mother never quite understood why I never asked her out, because in her eyes she was the perfect girl for me.
Theresa was great, but she wasn’t Lynette. I didn't dare say that to Mom, because she did better research than the FBI. She’d probably find Lynette’s number and call her.
I shuddered at the thought and before I was able to stop myself, my thoughts traveled back to Tampa. I still saw her face clearly in my mind, heard her voice, her laugh, her moans as I kissed her neck.
It had been more than three weeks since I returned to Maine, and even though I had spent most of that time deliberating whether I made the right choice, it haunted me every day.
I wondered what she was doing, how she was coping by herself. I tried not to worry, but no matter how hard I argued with myself that was exactly what she wanted, the more I worried.
I couldn't help it.
She could never give me a clear answer as to what she wanted, and I couldn't live my life wondering whether she was going to be there in the morning when I woke up. I wished I could get clarity with the situation once and for all.
“Son?”
I glanced up and looked at Dad.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Sorry, I was just thinking of something.”
“Does that something have a name?”
“Management reports,” I pointed out.
Mom chuckled. “She sounds absolutely charming,” she said.
“She’s high-maintenance.”
“Oh, honey. You work too hard.”
“I’m fine, Mom, and I mean it this time. I’m doing well.”
“We just want you to be happy. That’s all we ask. One little thing.”
“I am. Roscoe give me lots of kisses every morning.”
Mom smiled at my reassurance, but as I looked at Dad, I knew he saw right through me and wasn't fooled by my facade.
They stayed for a short while. When they left, the house was eerily quiet again. Except for Roscoe who was barking like crazy at something he saw out the kitchen window.
“Roscoe, what is it?” I muttered and glanced over at him. “A squirrel?”
I stood to look out the window too. The headlights of a car flashed while driving past the house and I frowned. My house wasn’t on a road that had much traffic. In fact, the only reason to drive down the street my house was on was to visit me.
Windsor was a rather spread out town and my closest neighbor was a mile away. It was peaceful, and lonely at times. Especially when the only people who came to visit me were my parents.
I had turned into a hermit after all, but I preferred it that way.
I found it odd that a car would be driving along my road, and hoped that it was someone who was lost, so I could direct them the hell out of here.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Lynette
I shivered in the frigid Maine air. The temperature change from Florida was astounding and I was glad I’d worn a heavy coat. I left spring temperatures behind and landed smack dab in the middle of winter. I paid the cab driver and after tightening my coat around myself, picked up the box next to me on the seat and slid out of the cab into the cold night air.
My boots crunched over the icy snow until I cleared the grass and stepped onto the freshly shoveled sidewalk. The taxi drove away and I walked up to the door.
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I took a deep breath. Maybe I should’ve asked the driver to wait a few minutes to make sure someone was home.
This was a bad idea.
I approached the door and rang the doorbell. Roscoe barked fiercely on the other side, or at least I hoped it was him. I wasn't sure whether I was at the right house.
“Get down, Roscoe! Get off the door!”
My heart sped up at the sound of Gabriel’s familiar voice and I felt blood rushing to my face. I pulled the scarf from around my neck as he opened the door.
He stood there, stunned, when he saw me.
He kept one hand on the door and the other wrapped in the massive animal's collar to keep him from running out the open door. His eyes were
wide with shock.
“Hey,” I said.
His jaw clenched, and he pulled Roscoe away from the door.
“Get down, boy.”
Gabriel looked at me again but didn't say a word. Even though it had been nearly a month since the last time I saw him, he still managed to make my heart pound in my chest. I glanced up at him, into his clear green eyes and I let out the breath I’d been holding.
Roscoe sniffed at my shoes then seemed to calm down and ran back into the house. Gabriel stepped outside and closed the door behind him.
“Gabriel, I-”
“What are you doing here?” he asked, interrupting me.
“I came to talk to you,” I said.
He looked down at the box I was holding in my hands. I’d left my one carry on suitcase at the end of the driveway just out of sight.
“What’s in the box?”
“Well, that’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
I noticed he couldn’t meet my eyes.
“I'm sorry I should’ve called before I came, but I knew you wouldn’t answer my call.”
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have.”
“I understand-”
“Why are you here?” he asked again.
The tone in his voice was razor sharp, and I realized that he wasn't going to go easy on me and I deserved it because I didn't go easy on him.
“Can I come in, please?”
He hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly opened the door. He stepped inside, with me following closely behind him. Without a word, he motioned to the couch for me to sit down. I shook my head and stood awkwardly.
“What do you want, Lynette? This isn’t like you to do something so impulsive. Is something wrong? Did something bad happen that you came here to tell me about?”
The sound of my name on his lips wasn't the loving way he had always said it. Now it was cold, like the weather outside, and I started to worry that I’d made a mistake by doing something so rash.
“Can we just talk?”
“Now you want to talk? I haven’t heard from you in weeks.”
“Would you listen to me?” I pleaded. “I’ve come all this way to talk to you. I even bought a coat. Did you know I’ve never owned a heavy coat in my entire life?”
“Fine. I’m listening.”
I bit my bottom lip and placed the box on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“You were right.”
“About what?”
“Everything. I pushed you away because I was used to living in my barely held together life. I was afraid of change, of taking a chance. Everyone I’ve ever loved has disappeared or disappointed me. Mom and Terry died. You saw what happened with my dad. I’ve been afraid for most of my life, and it held me back in so many ways.”
He turned to look at me. I thought I saw something flicker in his eyes.
“I blamed you for all the wrong things, and I’m sorry, Gabriel. I shouldn't have blamed you for my life falling apart, or for calling the police. If you hadn’t been there, I probably would be dead. You saved me, more than once, and I was too stupid to fully appreciate it. You made sacrifices for me, you spent time away from your family for me, and you flew back and forth just to make sure that I was okay. Just to be with me.”
“I thought it was worth it,” he said.
“I know it feels like a complete waste of time, money and energy to you right now, but it meant the world to me. No one had ever done something like that for me before. You did it without being asked, selfless and with the noblest intentions. I am so thankful for what you did for me, even though I didn't feel like I deserved someone like you. So, thank you.”
“You came all this way to tell me thank you?”
“Yes, but not just for that. You gave me the courage to stand up to Dad, and to do the right thing. I’ve realized that doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest. I wanted to break free of the chains that had held me together all these years, and now I can be the person who I was intended to be.”
“And who is that?”
“Someone deserving of love, and happiness and success. I never thought that I could ever feel so free, and it’s all thanks to you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“What?”
“You’re wrong. It wasn't because of me. You broke out of those chains because you wanted to, not because I broke them for you. I didn't do anything. You did it all by yourself, and that is the most important part of growth. You can have hundreds of people wanting to help you, but only you have the power to free yourself.”
I smiled up at him and shrugged.
“You’re right. I finally did it.”
“And how does it feel?” he asked, the beginning of a smile playing around his lips.
“Fucking fantastic,” I admitted.
“Good for you.”
“Look, Gabriel-”
“What happened in Tampa after I left?”
“What do you mean?”
“What about the bar and your dad?” he asked.
“I sold the bar and settled all our debts. There was a bit of money left over, enough for a plane ticket, and here I am.”
“I can’t believe you came all the way here on an impulse to tell me this,” he said.
“No, I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now. This was the earliest flight I could get.”
“When are you planning on going back?”
His question caught me off guard. The words unexpectedly stung and tears filled my eyes.
“You’re ready for me to go already? I know that I hurt you-”
He closed the distance between us and wrapped his warm arms around my back.
“That wasn’t why I asked. I don’t want you to go anywhere. See those suitcases over there?”
He tiled his head toward three suitcases stacked up near the door.
“They’re packed and ready to go. I was planning on a trip to Florida this weekend to see you.”
Tears flowed unchecked down my cheeks. I was so worried he would send me away. That I had waited too long with my confusion, doubt and stubbornness.
“You were? After all the awful things I said to you?”
“He is your dad. It couldn’t have been easy seeing him go to jail. I knew you didn’t mean all the things you said. You were hurting and needed time.”
I nodded as he wiped away my tears with his thumb.
“Then I started missing you like crazy and realized I couldn’t wait any longer. If you needed more time, I’d decided I would bring a sleeping bag and camp out on your doorstep in Florida. Now are you going to tell me what’s in the pretty box or do I have to guess? I hope it’s some of those delicious brownies you talked about baking.”
I laughed in relief and sniffled.
“No, I didn’t bring brownies. If you let me stay long enough, I’ll make you a big batch. I wanted to bring you the box to show you how much you meant to me all this time. Even if I never told you or showed you.”
I handed him the box and he pulled me down close beside him on the couch. He carefully opened the lid and went through the contents one at a time.
The box contained everything of the time we’d spent together, sort of like a box of memories. There were tokens from the game center, the takeout receipts, and even a notepad from both the hotels with a smiley face that he drew for me.
I had kept it all.
Every little fragment of the memories of him.
He looked over at me in surprise and waved a hand at the box.
“I can’t believe you kept all these things,” he said. “I never knew you were paying attention.”
“They were important to me, like you are. I wanted to have things to remind me of you after you were gone.”
“Do you always distance yourself from the things that are important to you?”
I shrugged at his question.
“I used to. Not anymore.”
He placed the box back on the coffee t
able and pulled me close against his side. I closed my eyes and snuggled into his warmth. It felt so good to be back in his arms again. The familiar smell of his soap filled my senses.
“What did your dad have to say about you selling the bar?” he asked.
“He wasn’t happy about it. There wasn’t a choice. I went to the jail and made him sign it off to me so I could sell it to pay the debts.”
He let out a long sigh and stroked my hair.
“Well that was brave of you. I wish I could’ve been there with you as support. Even if I sat outside in the car.”
“I’ve been feeling braver than usual lately.”
“And why is that?”
“I think I was just sick and tired of feeling powerless.”
“Rather late than never, right?”
“Right.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered into my ear. “This last month that I’ve been back here, was the loneliest that I had ever been in my life.”
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was stupid for ruining that. It’s one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made in my life, and one of my deepest regrets.
“You made me feel something, something that was real. Even though I tried hard to fight it, trying to convince myself that there was no such thing as the perfect man, or the perfect blissful feeling, you pulled me in, and made me change my entire outlook on life. You showed me what unconditional and selfless love looked like. You showed me what true sacrifice was, and you taught me that I wasn't my circumstances.”
“I taught you all that?” he said with a smile in his voice.
“Yes. I still don't know how, but you did,” I said and swallowed hard as Gabriel brushed aside my hair and nuzzled my neck.
His touch made me dizzy. Not just dizzy with desire, but dizzy with love.
Love.
Yeah, I didn't believe it at first, but I loved him. Not just because of who he was, and the way he treated me, but because of the way he made me look at myself.
I wasn't unworthy of being loved as I had come to believe all those years.
To him, I was a beautiful woman who deserved to be happy, and to be loved. A woman who he could be himself with and lose games with. A woman he could hold close and make love to until the sun came up.