by Natalie Fox
‘I don’t know how I could have made it any better for him,’ he sighed. ‘Fiesta bit off more than she could chew in taking him on but no one knew that at the time. The business has expanded for Fiesta since she started up and I could see her struggling with Josh and so agreed to her taking on a nanny for him. I didn’t want to move him again. I thought eventually the tranquillity of the island would settle him. Could I have done it any better?’ Daniel suddenly asked.
‘I don’t know, I really don’t,’ she admitted. ‘You had to fight back in your business world for Josh’s future, but…but—’
‘But you think I should have done it with Josh at my side?’
‘The sixty-four-million-dollar question,’ Karis breathed. ‘He had rejected you and it might have made it worse. All I can console you with is that Josh is responding to you now, slowly, but you’ve definitely made progress.’
‘It’s you that’s made the progress with him, Karis. I dread to think of the worse state he might be in if Fiesta hadn’t found you.’
‘Maybe,’ Karis murmured; she couldn’t respond any more positively to the compliment because her heart was suddenly heavy. Daniel was going to start a new life with Simone and with Josh and Karis knew that would present new problems for the boy. Wrenched from her love and care he could so easily regress. And selfishly she thought of herself along with Josh. Daniel was mattering to her. Now she knew all about his tragic past, so much in line with her own, she felt closer to him, and it was nothing to do with sympathy. They had shared confidences, yes, but there was more. But that more was dangerous. She must keep reminding herself that it was going to be Daniel and Simone and Josh and there was no niche for her.
The soft Caribbean breeze freshened her brow and her senses. ‘Thank you for telling me all this, Daniel. It isn’t easy, I know, and I can’t say anything that will make it any better for you. Nothing in the world can put the clock back and there is only the future after all. You must think of Josh’s happiness now. He is responding to you and there will be more to come.’
Suddenly she felt very tired, exhausted in fact, drained of all emotion. ‘Do you want anything to eat or drink before I go to bed?’ She sounded like the hired help again—which she was, she reminded herself wearily.
He glanced at her and then at his watch. ‘A bit early for bed, isn’t it?’
‘I didn’t get much sleep with Tara last night,’ she admitted with a smile. Now she sounded like a mother—which she also was, she reminded herself.
He smiled too. ‘I’m going for a walk,’ he told her, and leaned forward and unexpectedly kissed her tenderly on the lips.
Karis cherished the brief warmth and found to her dread that she wanted just a little more. Oh, it was so easy to entertain the romantic notion that there was a possibility of getting involved in his life. After all, she was very much a part of Josh’s already. But how easy it also was to let that little boy’s presence in her heart affect how she might feel for the father. She couldn’t be attracted to him, she tried to convince herself. Her love for Josh was swaying her emotions backwards and forwards and influencing her thinking surely?
Oh, she didn’t know. She didn’t know if it would be different if she had met Daniel Kennedy in a supermarket or on holiday or anywhere else but here on this island, with her looking after his small, frightened son. But this man was pulling at her heartstrings and one thing she was sure of was that it wasn’t in sympathy for his predicament.
He stroked her chin lightly and then dropped a bombshell which Karis took as the final warning to her heart.
‘I’ve decided to take Josh on the fishing trip with me and Simone tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll enjoy it and I’m sure you could do with the break for a few days. We’ll get his stuff together in the morning. Goodnight, Karis.’
Numbly she watched as he walked away, a dark, troubled silhouette against a pale moonlit sky. Moonstruck, that was what she was, moonstruck, she thought bitterly. Hadn’t she learnt anything in life? Daniel had confided in her about his terrible tragic past Daniel had kissed her. Daniel had said his heart was responding to her and Daniel had metaphorically slapped her in the face. He was taking Josh with him so his son could get to know Simone better. She bit her lip. And he was doing it for Josh and Josh might get to love Simone and…
Tight-lipped, Karis cleared the coffee-cups from the table and slammed them into the kitchen sink. Ten minutes later, after checking the children, she was in bed. But sleep didn’t claim her, anxiety did. She worried about Daniel and mulled over everything he had told her. He was right; her tale of woe was nothing compared to his. But there was worse to come, she felt sure, because she was lying here, sleepless and listening for Daniel, waiting to hear if he came back or not.
And if he didn’t come back it would mean he had turned to Simone for some solace after putting himself through the torture of reliving his wife’s death with his son’s nanny.
Karis buried her head in the pillow so she wouldn’t know if he did or didn’t return. She really didn’t want to know.
CHAPTER SIX
‘I HATE fishing!’ Josh cried passionately. ‘It’s cruel. It hurts them. I won’t go!’
‘You eat fish every day,’ Saffron butted in. ‘How do you think they get on your plate? They dive on?’
‘That’s enough, Saffron,’ Daniel ordered thickly. ‘Go and pack his things.’
Saffron padded out of the kitchen, giving Karis a look of sufferance on the way. Karis gave her one in return. Josh wasn’t at all thrilled at the idea of the fishing trip Daniel had just told him about and Karis and Saffron were doing their best to smooth things over between father and son.
‘I won’t go!’ Josh cried again, his face flushed with anger. ‘I hate those people. I hate that lady. I hate you!’ he screamed at Daniel.
The pain in Daniel’s face cut Karis through to the bone. Suddenly she was helpless, not knowing what to do or say.
‘Josh, please,’ she whispered. ‘It will be a good trip and—’
Josh turned on Karis, his face red and puckered. ‘And I hate you too!’ he cried bitterly, and flew from the room.
Daniel let out a groan and raked his hands through his hair. ‘Dear God, but it’s getting worse. Two steps forward and three back.’
‘He didn’t mean it.’
His eyes flashed with anger at her. ‘Of course he meant it! The child is impossible. Don’t make excuses for him all the time.’
‘If somebody doesn’t who is there for him?’ Karis argued, angry herself now, slamming around the kitchen, stepping around Tara who, unperturbed by the whole business, was happily playing on the floor.
‘What are you, his damned guardian angel, excusing his bad behaviour all the time? Didn’t that get to you just now, him saying he hated you?’
Karis swung round and faced him, fighting her anger because of Tara at her feet.
‘No, Daniel, it didn’t get to me. I’ve heard it all before. He hated me for weeks when I arrived. Hurt and bewildered, he fought me like a wildcat. I won him over with tenderness and patience and what he said just now meant nothing because as I said he didn’t mean it. He’s a troubled five-year-old with a dark history and I make allowances for that. And if you had any compassion you would too. He doesn’t mix very well. He’s probably terrified of all those people he doesn’t know. You’re the one hurt because he doesn’t want to go on this trip with you and suddenly it isn’t softly, softly any more, it’s “The child is impossible”. You are the one that’s impossible, Daniel!’
She stormed out of the room as Saffron came back in to gather Tara up from the floor. Daniel caught Karis on the verandah on her way to Josh’s bedroom. He swung her round to face him, his face taut with anger.
‘You are getting above yourself,’ he said stiffly, keeping his voice low.
‘Yes, I would be, wouldn’t I?’ she ground out defiantly. ‘Last night I was superwoman, dropping pearls of wisdom, lightening your life, listening to your past and
actually understanding and sympathising. This morning you want to go on a fishing trip with the stepmother from hell and I’m staff again and getting above myself and—’
He let her go and suddenly a knowing grin spread like a bush fire across his face. ‘My God, you’re jealous,’ he breathed.
‘Jealous!’ Karis squawked, pink-faced and ready to throw a punch at him. ‘Where did you conjure up that idea from—the joke bag?’ she threw at him instead of the blow.
‘Don’t you try and get out of it with flippancy, Karis,’ he warned, eyes dancing with mischief. ‘You’re jealous because Simone has got her way and I’ve agreed to this fishing trip. This isn’t anything to do with Josh. You don’t want me to go.’
‘I am not jealous,’ she cried, almost stamping her foot because he just wouldn’t believe her. ‘But if I was, which I’m not, but if—wildly if—it would not be a reason to argue with you over a silly boat trip. You are making an issue of everything to cover your hurt that Josh has rejected you, again. I’m beginning to wonder who is the bigger kid, you or Josh!’
He laughed. He actually laughed.
‘You’re mad,’ she breathed furiously. ‘The Tropics can do that to you, you know, but I suspect you were halfway there when you arrived!’
She stormed off along the verandah and angrily slid open Josh’s patio door and stepped into the room before he could respond. She could still hear Daniel laughing softly as he went back along the verandah and that made her angrier still. She bit it all down, though, for Josh’s sake.
Josh got up from the bed and threw himself into her arms. ‘I didn’t mean it, Kari—I don’t hate you, I love you.’
Karis held him close, her heart thudding a million beats to the second after that row with Daniel and now Josh telling her he was sorry and he loved her. Daniel would give the world to hear those words directed at him. Oh, it was a sobering thought, one that washed away all thoughts of jealousy and angry feelings for the little boy’s father at the moment.
‘Oh, Josh. Your daddy wanted to take you on that trip so much and he is so disappointed that you didn’t want to go with him.’
Josh tipped his tear-stained face up to look at her. His eyes were wide and distraught. She felt him tremble in her arms. He really didn’t want to go and Karis prayed it was just because of his insecurity with strangers and not another rejection of his father.
‘I…I…don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to go with that lady. She doesn’t like me very much and I don’t think she likes my father very much either. Can…can you come with us? I’ll go if you come, Kari.’
Karis sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled him to her, stroking his hair. He didn’t want to leave her and how those words hurt. One day, and quite soon too, he would have to leave her and it would be for good. She wondered how he would cope with that and she felt guilty for not thinking of him before. Always she had wondered how she was going to cope with losing him, but how would Josh cope with losing her? She couldn’t begin to imagine. She couldn’t begin to imagine Simone taking her place in his heart The thought was terrifying.
‘I haven’t been asked,’ she told him soothingly, trying so hard to pacify him. ‘And if I had been I couldn’t leave Tara.’
‘You can,’ Josh insisted sulkily. ‘Saffron will have her and then we can all go,’ he suggested, as if Tara were an inanimate object to be dumped on Saffron.
Before Karis could think of an answer to that Daniel stepped into the room. On sight of him Josh buried his head in Karis’s arms and Karis soothed him by stroking his hair. She looked up at Daniel and silently appealed to him to be gentle with the boy.
‘The trip’s off, I’m afraid, Josh,’ Daniel said quietly. ‘Trouble with the engines, I believe. None of us can go,’ he added.
Wide-eyed, Karis gazed at him over the top of Josh’s dark head. Their eyes met and neither looked away because there was such a depth of understanding between them, a sudden conspiratorial closeness that made her feel ashamed for her outburst earlier.
There was no way he could have got over to the house and back with that information. He was lying because Josh couldn’t be seen to triumph over his father’s wishes though that was exactly what had happened. Daniel understood that it would cause pain to his son to insist on him going on the trip, so he was being diplomatic. Karis wondered if he had overheard their conversation and was saving her embarrassment too. No way would she be asked to go on the trip because she was considered staff.
To make up for it why don’t we all go to the creek?’ Daniel suggested. ‘I think it’s time Karis started giving me those diving lessons, don’t you, Josh?’
Slowly Josh lifted his head. He sniffed loudly and rubbed at his nose before allowing a small smile to brighten his face. It was the only gesture he would allow to indicate his agreement.
Karis gave Daniel a small smile too and it was the only gesture she would allow to indicate her agreement. Because of Josh they were forced into calling a truce.
‘I said he would be hopeless, didn’t I? Karis laughed, clutching Josh’s hand as they stood watching Daniel cringing on the top of the rock, making a terrible to-do about leaping into the water below.
‘He’s teasing,’ Josh cried with excitement. ‘He can do it! He can!’
Karis cupped her hand to the side of her mouth and called out to Daniel, ‘Your secret is out. You’re nothing but an impostor. Josh says you’re teasing.’
Daniel shrugged his broad shoulders and then flexed himself and did the most appalling belly-flop into the water, then spluttered as his head came up from the foam around him, over-acting like mad.
Josh shrieked with laughter, jumping up and down and squeezing Karis’s hand so hard it hurt.
It was a breakthrough, Karis felt as Daniel swam towards them. Josh was giggling so hard he was embarrassing himself and he hid behind Karis’s bare legs. Karis would have loved to see Josh rush into the water to greet his father as he always did her when she dived off the rock. But it was progress that his father had made him laugh.
‘You were right, Josh. I am an impostor. That was a perfect dive, wasn’t it?’
‘It wasn’t! It wasn’t!’ Josh cried, coming out from behind Karis. ‘You were teasing again. You can do it. I know you can.’
‘Can’t fool you for a minute, can I?’ Daniel laughed, raking his wet hair from his face.
And he couldn’t fool Karis either. It was obvious by the light in his eyes and the grin on his face that it gave him enormous pleasure to be able to make his son laugh.
Later, after taking a very slow amble back from the creek, Karis lay sprawled under the sun umbrella on the beach near the cottage. Lying on her front with her chin propped on her arms, she watched Daniel and Josh beachcombing. Softly, softly. Daniel hadn’t been lulled into a false sense of security by Josh’s hysterics at his diving performance and he wasn’t going overboard with the boy now. He had simply taken off along the beach saying he was going to look for shells and Josh had simply joined him of his own accord a few minutes later.
‘I should be happy for them both,’ she murmured to herself as she got up and gathered up the towels. ‘And I am.’ But she wasn’t happy for herself. Daniel and Josh’s tentative bonding meant the very worst for Karis. The loss of Josh. It bit into her heart, her soul; every part of her was painfully preparing for the final wrench. She wouldn’t be able to bear it when the time came. And now there was a new sadness waiting to be heaped on her. Daniel too would go.
‘I’m going back to the cottage,’ she called out, but neither of them heard her over the rippling rush of water on the shore and Karis felt a shiver of loneliness run down her spine.
‘How is she?’ Karis asked Saffron when she got back to the cottage. Saffron had insisted on keeping Tara in the relative cool of the cottage while they went to the creek. The weather was ever more humid, heat pressing down on heat.
‘Sleeping,’ Saffron told her from the cane chair she was rocking to and fro on th
e verandah, fanning herself with a palm leaf. ‘Where’s Josh?’
‘Still on the beach with his father.’ Karis flopped down in another chair and brushed the sand from her feet.
‘Huh,’ snorted Saffron, swishing her makeshift fan impatiently.
‘He’s making progress,’ Karis insisted, defending Daniel from that snort of derision. Saffron didn’t see the half of what she saw—the gentle persuasion in Daniel’s treatment of the boy. ‘Daniel really loves him, you know, and Josh is responding to him. Deep down he really loves him but he can’t admit it yet.’
‘Yeah, and like somebody else I know,’ Saffron drawled.
‘Yes, well, Simone—’
‘I don’t mean no swanky woman from the pleasure palace,’ she cut in. ‘I means you, girl.’
Hot and fazed at that remark, Karis stared at her hard. Her heart started to pump erratically. ‘What on earth?’
‘Don’t you deny it ‘cos I won’t believe it. I have eyes and I can see you.’
‘Saffron!’ Karis exploded warningly, her heart thundering so hard now she could almost hear it as well as feel it.
Saffron grinned, rocking to and fro, all-knowing.
‘I sees the way you looks at him and the way he looks at you. Josh will see it soon and then there’ll be trouble.’
Trouble?’ Karis husked, her head spinning.
‘Trouble if you don’t marry that man and be Josh’s mother like he treats you now.’
Karis got to her feet, every nerve-ending screaming. Her legs felt like jelly, hardly able to support her. That wasn’t possible. Not in Saffron’s wildest dreams and not in her own. Daniel was committed to another. He wasn’t available and Saffron was very wrong in thinking the way he looked at her and she looked at him meant anything. They had just reached a mutual understanding, that was all. All for Josh. And as for Josh, he knew she wasn’t his mother and if he leaned on her at times it was…it was because she had cared for him so well and there was no chance, none whatsoever, that things could be any different than they were. Daniel was going to marry Simone and take Josh home to the States.