Anna nodded her understanding.
“Good. Shift now so we can aid you if need be.”
But Obsidian shared power with her, and she was able to resume her human form without their aid.
The lack of wings felt strange. And her balance seemed off without a tail to act as a counterbalance. But she’d suffered worse.
The healers soon finished up and told her to sleep and then have a proper meal upon waking. With that, the healers packed up their supplies and headed back through the still open portal.
As she watched, the gently spinning magic of the portal vanished like it had never been. With nothing else to do, she looked into Obsidian’s eyes.
He was looking back at her with much the same shock and confusion she’d been feeling.
“Anna, we need to talk.”
“I’m tired. Let’s wait until tomorrow.”
“No. We’ll talk now. While I am sorry I distracted you enough for it to become a danger, there’s more to it than that. When you thought I was with another female, it upset you a great deal.”
“Please don’t ask me to talk about it now.” She bowed her head and then slowly sank to her knees.
“Anna?” Obsidian’s voice softened, and then he knelt next to her and curled a wing around her shoulders. She felt safe and warm for the first time in hours.
“Do you love me?”
“I can’t.” Her voice quivered. She would have done anything to make it stop. “Even if I wanted to.”
He breathed softly in her ear. “But you were hurt when you thought I was with another woman.”
“No.”
“My Kyrsu, that’s a lie. I’m rather certain my fierce warrior woman is in love with me. But I must confess, I don’t know why she hasn’t just taken what I offer so freely.”
“Because she can’t.” Anna glanced sidelong at him. “I’m too damaged. Unworthy.”
“Why, by the Light, do you think you’re unworthy?”
“Something happened years ago that made it so I can’t love like that anymore.”
Obsidian tilted his head, his dark eyes finding hers.
“If that was the case, and that part of you was indeed dead, then it wouldn’t hurt to see me with another woman.”
“I..” God. Why couldn’t he just let it go?
“Because I love you.”
“Oh god, Obsidian,” Anna sobbed into her hands. “You are so easy to love. Even my dead, shriveled little heart foolishly wants to love you.”
“Is that so terrible?”
“Yes, for you it is. I can’t give you what you’re seeking. I can’t be your lover. Even my trust in you isn’t enough to overcome and repair the damage done.”
Her entire body shook, and she fought to keep herself from telling the rest.
“Anna, your pain can only mean that you do love me.”
“But I can’t love you, I can’t. Not physically. It will destroy me. Shatter the last protections I have around my mind.”
“That sounds far too dire, my Kyrsu. Share with me what happened to make you shun something as wonderful as love.”
“No.”
“Yes. Share your story with me, and I will take your pain. Please. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. You never were, but I didn’t know how to fix that. Now I sense a way for you to find healing.”
He held her and rocked her, and between that and the rhythmic sound of the waves, Anna found herself relaxing a small bit, and suddenly the story was flowing from her. The one she’d sworn she’d never tell another living soul.
But here it was falling from her lips.
“I’ve always picked the wrong guy. All through high school, I knew I wanted to follow in my father and brothers’ footsteps and join the military. But I also wanted to have some fun before all that, so I tended to sneak out after curfew to hang out with the senior boys from my high school.”
Anna sighed. “I would have gotten into a lot more trouble than I did if my best friend wasn’t there to take me home after I’d partied a little too hard Matt was always swooping in like a literal white knight.”
Obsidian nuzzled her shoulder, and she stroked her fingers in his mane.
Calmer, she continued, “Matt and I grew up together. He’s a lot like you, actually. Quiet, but noble. Fierce when he needed to be. At seventeen, I joined the military. Matt already knew he wanted to help people, but not in the same way. He wanted to study to become a nurse. Even though our career choices differed greatly and took up a lot of time, we grew closer.”
“He sounds…” Obsidian paused. “Worthy enough to keep my Kyrsu company until I was born.”
Anna smiled a touch. “Slowly, over several summer breaks and leaves, we became more than friends. I wasn’t entirely surprised when he asked me to marry him. I said yes. We got engaged. If things had been different, I might have spent the rest of my life with him. We were young, only twenty-one, but my mother and father had been high school sweethearts, and they have a great marriage even though my father is away a lot. I figured Matt and I could do the same. Then everything changed one night when I went out to a bar with Resnick and the team to blow off some steam.”
Anna looked out across the ocean and fell silent, she didn’t want to go on. It would only make Obsidian pity her. And she damn well didn’t want his pity
“I would never pity you. You’re too strong. Besides, I’ve long suspected what caused your fear of relationships. Now you’re going to continue so I’ll know the name of the one I’ll one day hunt down. Once I find him, I’ll rip out his heart and bring it back to you.”
Damn. He was serious.
Does that make me bloodthirsty for finding his offer sweet?
Anna turned and rubbed her cheek against his shoulder. Telling him wasn’t actually as hard as she thought it would be.
Taking a deep breath, she continued.
“I left my cell phone in the vehicle and went out to get it in case Matt texted me. He was sweet like that. Always keeping tabs, wanting to know how my day went. The good and the bad.”
The ocean waves rolled in, hypnotic. Beside her, Obsidian was a substantial warm presence. His quietness was what allowed her to go on.
“I was on my way back to the bar when a guy came out of the bushes and tried to grab me. I could tell right away he was a civilian. I was in the process of handing him his own ass when I got hit on the head with something. A tire iron or a bit of pipe, maybe. Hadn’t realized the jackass had a friend with him. Blacked out for a bit. Too long and not long enough if you know what I mean.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat and strived to remain detached. “Came to as the one jackass was just finishing. He put a sweaty hand over my mouth and nose before I could make a sound. When they were about to switch places, I rammed him in the face with my skull. Broke the fucker’s face. Would have broken something else but Resnick had come looking and spotted my phone on the ground and knew something was wrong. The two guys ran off when Resnick came closer.”
Obsidian growled more viciously than she’d ever heard. “I will kill them for you.”
“That’s not how justice works back home.” But if she ever ran across those two again, they wouldn’t survive to see the inside of a prison.
“We will take their balls, at the very least.”
Anna gave him a brittle smile. “Tempting.”
“If you won’t let me kill them, will you let me hunt these males down and terrify them?”
“Won’t do any good. Light was bad. Only saw the one guy’s face in silhouette. Never got a good look at the other one.”
“Their scent memory will be enough for me to shape a spell from shadow magic to find them.”
“Humans don’t have a sense of smell like a gargoyle. I was full human back then.”
After a moment her brittle smile faltered. “As horrible as it was to live through, I would have put it behind me eventually. I knew the physical damage would heal, and even the humiliation of getti
ng bested by a couple untrained civilians would fade in time.”
She drew patterns in the damp sand, her index finger creating lines to represent the waves. “Resnick handled a lot of stuff for me, and afterward, I was released on medical leave. All I wanted was to go home and forget. Maybe wrap myself up in my gentle fiancé’s love. But I came home to discover he was having an affair. Now that I look back, I can’t believe I didn’t see it.”
Obsidian growled anew. “Another human I shall kill when I returned to the Mortal Realm.”
“You will not kill my ex-fiancé.”
“Fine. What about the woman he cheated on you with?”
“There was no woman.”
It took him a moment to change mental gears, but gargoyles and dryads seemed more open and accepting of same-sex pairings. “Your fiancé was a lover of men?”
She nodded.
“Matt begged me to stay and listen, claiming he loved me, always had and was just trying to make it work.” She gave a bitter snort, then explained something Obsidian likely hadn’t gleaned from his short time on Earth. “Matt’s from a very traditional Italian family. Catholic.”
Anna took the time to explain what that meant.
“He was too afraid to come out of the closet with his family, and his religion still called love between same-sex couples a perversion.”
“I see.” Obsidian still sounded like he wanted to eat someone. “This male, this Matt, he really did love you, just not how you’d thought.”
“Yeah. Should have seen it though. He was never the instigator in bed, but he was the best friend and partner I could ever want in other areas. Attentive, sweet, humorous. Hell, he was even a great cook. And he didn’t hide the fact he wanted kids. I guess he thought marriage to his best friend wasn’t a terrible life choice considering his religious background and his family’s expectations.”
“So, you and he are still friends?”
“No. I was in shock and hurting. Not capable of rational thought at the time. I screamed at him and the other dude for like three minutes straight and then grabbed my shit and went to my parent’s place.”
She cleared her throat. “My family doesn’t know about the rape. I swore Resnick to silence. I didn’t want my father or brothers to look at me differently. My mom can’t keep a secret to save her life. As far as they know, I just came home to surprise my fiancé and then found him with another man. That explained the rage and the tears I couldn’t hide from my mom.”
“I would take this hurt from your heart if I could.” Obsidian nuzzled her again.
“I know.” She pressed her cheek against his shoulder. “It’s been three years. I’ve forgiven Matt, mostly. The other trauma only visits me in nightmares or when something triggers a memory, but I can bury that shit deep and function in daily life. I just can’t get intimate with someone. I’ve tried a few times. All the dread just comes rushing back. I figured if I couldn’t have love, I’d have my career. Screw anyone who thought they could tear me down.”
She’d whitewashed the gory details and the worst of the emotional trauma. That was something Obsidian didn’t need to know.
“I will never hurt you like that.” His breath stirred her braids.
“I know. But I still can’t…”
“Shh…I’m done pressuring you. My beloved Kyrsu, you can love me like a brother, and I will be content.” He nuzzled her cheek again. “But I’ll also be faithful.”
Deep down, that’s what she’d wanted, wasn’t it? For him to be as asexual as she’d become. For him to be ‘safe’ for her to love. Yet now that she knew how deeply he loved her, she felt guilty for being so selfish.
He was silent for a time, then huffed out a sad sounding whine. “I reawakened all these old memories, haven’t I? Forgive me for that.”
“You’re not at fault. Life just has a way of sucking.”
Obsidian gently rocked her in his arms. “I will become Shadowlight for you again.”
“Shadowlight is gone. We can’t go back to that uncomplicated relationship, but I’d love for Obsidian to become my rock.”
Silently she mourned what they could have had if her life had been different.
“Of course. And in the future, I won’t fall asleep under the influence of healing magic.”
Anna snorted. “Well, maybe not while I’m out doing dangerous work. Getting caught up in your sexy-time dreams is a bit of a distraction.”
He coughed, and she felt his embarrassment flow down their link. “I’m normally better at shielding my thoughts and emotions from you.”
“You’re not nearly as good as you think.” A grin tugged at her lips, surprising her.
“I’m not?” He asked slowly.
“Well, that was the first vision I caught. Normally it’s just emotions and a few heated thoughts when you’re…” She made a jerking motion with one hand.
“Goddess.” He cleared his throat nervously a second time. “I wasn’t aware.”
“I wasn’t about to draw your attention to the issue during those times.”
The big gargoyle looked like he wanted to disappear into the sand beneath his feet. She’d never seen Obsidian squirm before. Her grin bloomed full force.
“Don’t worry. I never felt threatened by you during those times.”
“I am glad.”
It had actually been the opposite. Feeling Obsidian’s desire, knowing what he was doing had been sexy. Not that she’d admit that to him.
Anna felt more lighthearted than she had in weeks.
But she was also exhausted, the healing magic lulling her toward sleep. “Do you mind if we stay here a while? I need a nap.”
“I’ll be here when you wake.”
She curled into him and closed her eyes. Sleep was just reaching up to claim her when she heard his final whispered words.
“Sleep well, my love.”
Chapter 38
Obsidian took in Anna’s peaceful expression and just enjoyed the rare moment when her guard was down. She’d finally trusted him enough to share her painful secret. Perhaps now healing would flow into her soul and wash away her darkest memories.
And maybe she’d even heal enough to love him. He’d be patient, offering whatever support she might accept and then one day perhaps she’d be able to love him like he did her. It would not come soon, he knew, but gargoyles were very long-lived. Patience was an innate trait they all shared.
“My young Rasoren,” came the softly familiar voice of Lord Draydrak. “Normally, I would praise the path you’ve chosen to help heal your Kyrsu. However, I have dire news.”
Magic arced up from the ground, twisting and spinning, stirring air and sand into a violent storm between Obsidian’s position on the beach and where the ocean rolled in. He raised a shield of shadow magic around himself, preventing Anna from getting pelted with damp sand.
The magic storm lasted only moments, then it swiftly pulled in upon itself as a viewing mirror appeared. Lord Draydrak was already waiting on the other side. When the shimmering magic calmed, the demigod set his piercing gaze upon Obsidian.
“I promised Anna a year to decide whether she truly wished to aid you in leading my Legion, but my sister will not grant us that time. She’s grown desperate enough to resurrect the old ways and summon a djinn from the Spirit Realm.”
Obsidian sucked in a surprised breath. His studies had covered the history of the djinn, and he was aware of their destructive power. “Merciful Mother.”
“Indeed. You might be well served to pray to my divine parents for guidance. I did the moment all the future paths shifted in subtle ways. What was clear just days ago has now been cast in doubt by the new futures born from the djinn’s arrival.”
“This is not good.”
“No. Unfortunately, you can do nothing about the djinn in my sister’s keeping at this time, but you will face him one day soon. And if you wish to survive a creature that even my sister and I would treat with extreme caution, then you and your Kyrsu
must seal the bond between you and safeguard yourselves. This is the only way.”
A chill swept through Obsidian’s soul. He knew what the demigod was asking. “Anna isn’t ready.”
“We are all running out of time and must adapt our plans or see them fail.”
“I do not disagree with you and would seal the bond with Anna in a heartbeat if I only knew how. You said it would take time. And yet we no longer have that time.”
Lord Death nodded. “Yes, the ideal way to seal your bond is slowly, over time as your two minds become more accustomed to working together. An unshakable unity would have grown out of that naturally. But it is not the only way to solidify your link. A bond forged by shared trauma can be just as strong and formed much quicker due to necessity.”
Obsidian’s blood rushed in his ears. Was the demigod really asking…
“Yes. I am asking that. Asking that you take Anna’s worst memories and relive them yourself. You must become a cohesive unit. And that can’t happen until Anna stops shielding her innermost mind from you. Only if you see and endure what she went through and then show her you will not turn away from her, will she be able to let you into her mind fully.”
Dray might be correct, but there was one problem. “Anna will never agree to this.”
“That is irrelevant. One thing my long existence has taught me is that sometimes we must do what we find distasteful for the greater good.” Lord Death gestured to the world around them. “Sacrifice is a part of life. You must see her memories. Live them. Only then will she no longer have reason to guard her mind against you, to hide the pain and shame, because you will have experienced it and will know the fear. Then together, with the bond whole and strong, you will both start to heal.
But Lord Draydrak’s plan left out one crucial detail.
“I won’t do it. I’m not a monster. I won’t betray Anna. Our bond won’t be formed on such a breach of trust. She’s been raped once. I won’t mind-rape my Kyrsu just to seal some link on the off chance we’ll fight marginally better on the battlefield.”
Legacy of the Sorceress (A Gargoyle and Sorceress Tale Book 6) Page 22