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Don’t Hold Your Breath
I am locked in here, destroyed, destroying. The walls move. Their movements are squashing into me, compressing me. My chest is tight but full of air. There is no ventilation. No escape. No escape for the broken hearted.
Where is my other? Why won’t they come to me, call to me. Call out. Call me here. Find me! I am here! Here I am. Will no one answer?
Would they answer me if I screamed? Would they come to see, would they come to hold me? Would they find me here, alone? And if I didn’t scream? There would be no answer. There is nothing. Nothing is here. What of nothing? Nothing is what is coming for me. Nothing is what is calling for me. Nothing is where I am going. Nothing is where I started from.
You are all here now. I see you from the bars, the bars between the walls. I want to find you, but there is nothing to find. My mind is so cloudy. I go out in search of you but there is nothing that forms, no essential vision. No essence through which to garner a taste of you. What am I looking for?
I am looking for serenity. I am looking for peace. I am looking for something that is not this. I am looking for a light, a light that shines eternal. I am looking for a light that I can hold on to, not fall through. I refuse to be held to the ground any longer. I refuse to be left here choking and bleeding. Choking on tears.
And have I cried enough for all of you, have I cried enough? Have you cried for me? I know where you are going. I know the direction it is that you travel. I know the bearing, I know it from the position on the map. Is there anything worse than screaming out to you, screaming out your fate, and hearing nothing?
Did you rob it from me? Where is my voice? Why am I here? What have you done to me?
Elaborate please; I am dying to know. What is that you have in store for me? It is a sight beyond all sights, isn’t it? I see it all. I see the light, a light you cannot have. These are my secrets. Here they are. Read them, I am open to you. I am open for all hours. Midnight, dawn till dusk. Use me, I am here to be used. A product, consumers consume me. Don’t they?
Where is love? Where is madness? All of this is so rational. What will you do with this reason?
I see them, there they are. Each of them. Perfect people, with the wings of an angel. They are lying down, they always seem at rest. They shimmer, they are not there. Then they are here. Then something in between. Transient. Neither gender. Between stages. Not relevant to you. So PACKAGE it. Give it a label. Go on. Find it in your own mind and restore it.
If it gets dirty, rub it clean. Sanitise it with your cleansing creams. The lather you use to wash away our existence. We are each of us grey now.
They are lying now. They are punctured. Where are their sides? Have you moved two? Raped them too? Are they raped? Are they in your arms crying? Or hasn’t the crying started yet? Do they even really know what you have done to them?
Disseminating them. They are here now, disseminated. Perhaps you would like to disseminate me? Well there isn’t much time. Is this even me? Is this really my personality?
Really?
Then why does it feel so fake. I am fake. A product. A placement. Placed here for your pleasure. I am here alone. I am here with them. But products cannot talk, and so I have no voice. Though I can speak, no one can hear. So hear me scream. I will scream forever, but you have made my voice hoarse. Now I cannot hear it. You have bleached it of all noise. Absence.
That----is what you want from me. So want me. You want me. I can see you standing there. At the door now. Is that close enough for you? Am I close enough now? Can you feel me?
Breath like meat. That is what you smell like. You are here now and I offer no resistance.
You are marching me along the concourse. I do not remember the colour. I am sickened at fearing that you will leave me. You smile. Smile, smile, smile. Smile a little more. Now I smile. What am I doing?
A hand touches me, draws from me. A cash machine then. I am a cash machine. Withdraw from me. Five years of withdrawal. Ascension. Ascension. Ascension. Never. Never. Never.
There it is. There it is. I see it now. I have always seen it. I am looking at the stars, not at you, my eyes are searching way above you. I see only the stars. It feels so good to be real. Real like these stars. I am here for a moment. Gone for the next. Here for the moment. Gone for the next.
The ashen surfaces are there beneath your feet. The United World. So trample me, trample away. I will not be crushed. You shall not crush me. I see your future. You are damned, everyone. Days will break.
So point at me, your loaded gun, and fire, fire, fire away. I am no equinox. Here are no seasons.
Thanks for reading.
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If you would like to read more why not search for Ewan Sinclair on Amazon.com
You can find out more at Project Ascension
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More Books by the Author
An Obsidian Sky
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The Ascension Collection Page 10