by Faye Barker
My back arches as I cry out his name, grabbing hold of his jacket tightly while he thrusts once more and finishes with me.
“Asher,” I whisper against his lips, kissing him deeply, pouring all my love for him into the kiss.
We haven’t said those three words to each other yet but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him. There are days that I can’t believe this is my life, then all I need is a smile from him or to feel the fluttering of one of my babies and I know for sure that this is all real. I don’t know if he feels the same about me since he’s never said it but in the things he does for me, it shows.
If you had told me 6 months ago that I’d be here with Asher, pregnant and happy, I’d have called you a liar and laughed in your face.
Asher breaks the kiss with a soft smile on his face, his eyes sparkling. “We’ve gotta go, Kitten. We’re hitting close to the hour mark.”
“Damn it,” I whine, wrapping my arms around his neck, smiling wide. Even annoyed that our time is short right now, I can’t keep the smile off my face.
He gives me a quick kiss and pulls out of me. Climbing off the bed, he pulls his pants up and buttons them before going into a room, that I assume is a bathroom, connected to this one. I hear water running and a short time later Asher comes out holding a damp wash cloth to wipe me up.
After he cleans me up he tosses the rag in a basket of linens that are near the door, waiting to be cleaned I guess. He pulls me up out of the bed and helps me fix my dress so it doesn’t look wrinkled.
“How bad is my hair?” I ask with a small smile.
Asher chuckles. “It’s actually not too horrible.”
I roll my eyes and walk into the bathroom to study my hair, fixing it where it needs to be fixed before I leave the room. “You’re not a lot of help when it comes to telling me how bad my hair is.”
“Babe, I just fucked you. I love your sex hair. Don’t want you hiding that,” he says with a shrug.
“Usually I don’t but since it is a wedding that we are both a part of my hair needs to look nice, not nicely fucked.”
He chuckles. “Nicely fucked?”
I smack his shoulder as he holds the door open for me to walk out ahead of him. “Shut up, you know what I mea-” I cut off when I turn out of the room and collide with another body falling back into Asher’s chest when he steps behind me to catch me so I didn’t fall.
“Melany,” her voice sneers. “What a surprise.”
I look up into Carmen’s face and mentally wince at the disgust I see on her face. I don’t really care what others think about my relationship with Asher since it technically happened before we even knew our parents were hooking up but it’s still hard to take sometimes.
“Cut the shit Carmen, it’s Melody and you know it,” Asher growls. “What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to talk to you Asher, you’ve been ignoring me for months and slumming it with this loser,” Carmen glares at me.
“Excuse me?” I snap at her, taking a step forward when Asher wraps an arm around my waist, his hand settling on my belly.
“Babies, honey,” he reminds me gently. He’s been on the receiving end of my temper for the past 4 months so he’s well aware that I don’t exactly think before I act right now.
“Babies?” Carmen asks, an eyebrow rising. “Seriously? It’s bad enough you trapped him with one, now there’s multiple in that little boys body?”
“You’re projecting Carmen,” I snarl. “Why do I have a feeling that you’re upset because you have actually tried to get pregnant by Asher to keep him? I already know you’re pissed that I have Asher, you haven’t kept that quiet at all.”
“Because you shouldn’t be with him! It should be me. Asher hasn’t told you he loves you yet has he?” She asks randomly.
I narrow my eyes at her wondering what she’s playing at. Asher stiffens behind me and I don’t even want to know why.
“He’ll never love you Melody. Have you told him that you love him?”
“No.”
Her face rounds with shock before she schools her expression again. “Oh well. It doesn’t really matter anyways. He’ll always be emotionally unavailable.” She shrugs and turns to leave. As soon as she is out of sight I turn to Asher. He’s actually gotten a little pale since I last looked at him.
“What the hell was that about?”
“It’s nothing Kitten, let’s get downstairs.” He puts his hand at the small of my back trying to take me downstairs avoiding my question.
I dig my feet into the ground. “No. What the hell was that? Why’d she say you’d always be emotionally unavailable?”
Asher finally meets my eyes and all I notice is the regret swimming in them. He hesitates before letting out a breath. “Because I am. Was. Am. I don’t know anymore. Things are confusing.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He doesn’t answer and I glare at him. “Asher, you need to talk to me. I’m getting even more pissed off and the sooner we finish this, the sooner we can go downstairs.”
“Because I’ve been in love with the same girl since I was a kid,” he says quietly, not looking me in my eye.
I pause, school my expression to make sure my hurt isn’t showing, even though my chest is tightening. “So why aren’t you guys together?”
“She moved the year before I started going to your school, haven’t been able to find her.” He’s still quiet. “It’s like she disappeared.”
“Fantastic,” I laugh bitterly. “I’m in a competition I didn’t even know I was in and competing with a ghost too.” I shake my head, fighting the tears from falling. I look up and meet his eyes.
“I love you,” I say matter-of-factly, attempting to ignore his flinch, I keep going. “I love you, but I’m not going to compete with a fucking ghost. I’m not going to stay with a man who refuses to even try to move on and is so easily able to keep that kind of a thing from me.” I start to walk past him and when he reaches for me, I lose it, tears falls down my cheeks as I smack his hands away.
“No! You don’t get to touch me! If all I get is the physical you, I don’t want it! My kids deserve better. I deserve better. If you can’t give me all of you, then I’m gone.” Asher looks down, dropping his hands to his sides.
“I’m sorry Melody,” he says it so softly I almost didn’t hear it over my crying.
“Sorry’s not enough, Asher. If I knew that I would never have all of you, I never would have moved in with you and I never would have wasted so much time loving you.” I shake my head and wipe my tears. “I’m going to leave after the ceremony. I’ll talk to mom and explain. I’ll be out of your house before you get home tonight.”
“Don’t leave, it’s as much your house as it is mine,” Asher states, his voice wavering when he says the last word.
“No it’s not.” I turn around and start walking away, pausing to say, “I want you to be a part of our kids lives but I just can’t right now. I’ll call you or something. Goodbye Asher.” I start walking again, my heart breaking with every step that he doesn’t come after me.
Chapter 9
Asher didn’t try talking me out of leaving the wedding. So I went to the house I shared with him and packed up as much of my stuff as possible before taking my car and all my crap that I could possibly carry back to the apartment I shared with Flora and Keegan. They haven’t gotten any new roommate yet and I’ve never been more glad for that than right now.
I still have the key from when I lived here because they wanted me to have an extra as a “just in case” scenario. I’m using this situation as my own personal “just in case” scenario. I’m sleeping in my own bed. Without Asher pressed against me, without waking up to his smiling face, falling asleep without the weight of his arm around my waist, his hand covering my stomach, as if he were holding our babies as well as me.
I sniff back the tears that threatened to escape and use my key to let myself in. I know they’re home but they’ve gotten in the habit of
locking the door since I moved out if they’re both here.
“Melody? What the hell?” Keegan asks, waking Flora up from where she was sleeping on his chest while they watched tv.
“What’s going on honey? Are you okay?”
I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut.
“I-I need help bringing my stuff in,” I say, my voice shaking.
“I’ll get it Mel, what’s going on?” Keegan asks as they both stand from the couch.
“I moved out, I left him.” My voice cracks at the last word and I hastily try to wipe the tears that escaped.
“Oh honey,” Flora rushes to me and pulls me in her arms.
“I just- I just want to sleep and forget, please don’t ask any questions.”
“Of course. Go lay down and we’ll bring your stuff inside.” Flora squeezes me tightly against her then lets me go.
“Thank you. Love you Flo.”
“Love you too baby,” she says with a sad smile.
* * *
“I can’t believe your ass is here right now,” Flora whisper-yells in the hallway. The door is open and I can see her back as she holds her arms out, blocking someone from walking closer. “She comes here crying and you show up out of the fucking blue and suddenly you want to talk to her? Where the fuck were you when she was bringing all her shit here?”
“You’re going to wake her up if you get any louder Flora,” Keegan says quietly.
“I know I messed up Flora, just let me talk to her.”
Asher. What the hell is he doing here now? The time to act should have been in that damn hallway when I told him I loved him.
I squeeze my eyes shut as tears threaten again. Damn it! I’m so sick of crying.
“What happened anyway?” Flora asks.
Asher pauses before answering honestly, “I told her that I wouldn’t be able to love her because that’s what I truly believed.”
“Are you kidding me?” Flora’s hands go to her hips. She’s pissed. “You told the mother of your fucking children that you can’t love her? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I didn’t know how deep my feelings for her already ran, Flo. Not until I got home and her stuff was gone, cleared off my counter, out of my dresser and the top of my dresser, out of my closet, out of the bathroom.” His voice is quiet as he says this, filled with pain.
“You’ve been drinking Asher, you need to go home,” Keegan says.
“Not until I’ve talked to her.”
I can’t sleep while they’re going back and forth and the sooner he talks to me the sooner he’ll leave me again.
“I’m awake, just let him come in, close the door behind him,” I call out and I see Flora stiffen before slouching, probably wishing I had kept quiet.
Flora moves out of the way and Asher quickly enters my room, shutting the door behind him. He leaves the lights off and comes straight to me. He drops down to his knees by the bed and lays his head against my stomach, laying a soft kiss on it before scootching to put his forehead to mine.
“I’m sorry, Kitten.”
“For what? Being honest?”
“Lying. Without even realizing I was lying.”
“What the hell are you talking about Asher?” I ask, getting frustrated that he won’t just get to the point.
“I lied. I didn’t even know I lied until I got home and you weren’t there. None of your stuff was there. Just the scent of you in the air, and that was fading. My heart hurt so bad when I realized you had actually left me and it didn’t make sense at first because I’d never felt that way about anyone leaving before. Not even the girl I thought I was in love with. I tried drinking to numb the pain but it didn’t help. So, I called a cab and came here.” He’s so quiet when he’s speaking that I have to strain myself to hear. What I’m hearing is making my heart race and hope to blossom in my chest. I try to tamp that down but I can’t.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I love you. I don’t want to live without you Kitten, I just want you. I’m such an idiot. You had to leave me for me to understand my feelings for you. I’m so sorry. Please come home. Come back to me Melody.”
Tears are streaming down my cheeks again. Holy shit hormones suck, I’m constantly crying. “I love you Asher,” I mumble as I place my hands against his cheeks, holding him in place while I kiss him gently. “I love you so much, I just wanted you to tell me the same and mean it. I’ll come home. Just not tonight. Come to bed baby and let’s sleep,” I say softly.
“I love you Melody, I almost lost you and that will never happen again, I promise,” Asher says after climbing into bed behind me and pulling me against his body.
“Love you. Good night,” I whisper, feeling extremely happy now that I can actually sleep without interruptions from the outside that include Asher not being there or me waking up to Flora asking Asher what he’s doing here.
Epilogue
“Hey gorgeous, Jade is awake and ready for her feeding,” Asher says from behind me at the entrance to the kitchen holding our four month old princess. She’s got daddy’s dark hair and electric blue eyes but looks like me. Jayce, her twin brother, looks exactly like daddy except he has my hazel eyes.
“Alright, will you finish dinner please?” I ask as I wash my hands and wipe them off. Walking over to Asher and Jade with my hands out for Jade. She reaches out for me automatically, fussing slightly.
“You got it.” He gives me a kiss then goes to finish dinner while I take the baby to the rocker in the corner of the living room, reserved solely for cuddle time or feeding time.
After feeling Jade I carry her with me to the middle of the living room and lay her on the play mat so I can check on her brother. Jayce is still passed out in his crib on his side of the nursery, dead to the world.
I smile softly, close the door and walk to Asher. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”
He looks up, like he’s contemplating the answer. “No, not that I’m aware of.”
“Immensely.” I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his back while he finishes the pasta. “I’m so happy Asher. Our babies are healthy, even with being born premature and they’re also happy. They want for nothing, our parents are happy and healthy. We’re happy and healthy and so is your brother.”
Asher turns the stove off and turns around, keeping me in his arms. “I’m happy too baby.” He’s quiet a minute. “You know what’d make me happier though?” He asks with a grin.
“What?” I ask, not sure I like where this is going.
“I want more babies out of you.”
“Now?! Hell no! The twins are only four months old Asher, there is no way in hell we’re doing it. I’m sorry, you gotta wait a few years before I even consider having another baby.”
Asher laughs. “Relax, I wasn’t talking about right now. Although, I do love it when you’re pregnant for many reasons, your attitude is not one of them. Everything else I miss. Anyway, no, you’re getting me off track, I’m not talking about now. You shut down the possibility of ever having more kids while we were in the hospital with the twins. I want more later, that’s all I mean.”
“Oh. Did I really say no more kids?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, threatened to cut off my balls if I came near you asking for more. Of course you were in the middle of a contraction so who knows if it was actually meant or not.”
I laugh and kiss him gently. “Okay to more kids, but you gotta give me time. I can not handle four or more kids at once so close together.”
“Four?”
“Chances are with my luck we’ll have twins or more next time I get pregnant. Fuck that noise for now.”
Asher laughs. “I fucking love you.”
I grin. “I fucking love you too baby.”
THE END
Acknowledgments
First and foremost, I want to thank my husband. My best friend. My forever. Thank you so much for believing in me and encouraging me to pursue writing when
I had been so close to giving up on it all. I love you forever and for always baby.
My beautiful baby girls, you’re always and forever in mommy’s heart and I’m so blessed to be your mom. Thank you for dealing with my own special brand of crazy on a daily basis and still be able to tell me that you love me. I love you girls with all my heart. I live for your hugs and kisses and I love you’s
Jenna Ostle, love you lady. Thank you so much for supporting me in this. I can’t wait to read your next book that’s coming soon. <3
Paula Genereau, thank you so much for all your support Paula, it means so much to me and I’m so glad that you’re taking this journey with me.
About the Author
Born and raised in Michigan, Faye is married and mother to three girls. She’s a big homebody but loves to travel when the opportunity arises. If she isn’t spending time with her family, she’s either reading a good book or writing
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
About the Author