One of the few truly positive things that I took away from the mansion was my friendship with Mary. Everything else that came from that place was laced with darkness, a hefty price tag, or an eventual knife in the back. Mary was a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is gem of a lady. The world needs more people like her.
ASIDE FROM THE SAD news of Mary’s passing, I was in wonderful spirits during the final weeks of my pregnancy. I couldn’t be more excited to meet my little girl. Everything was coming together and my dream of having a family was coming true!
Less than a week before my due date, I received a surprising call from E! The network wanted to order an hour-long special about our baby’s birth! I jumped at the opportunity! Not only would it be such a cool thing for Rainbow to see when she got older and a wonderful family journey to document on camera, it was also a great way to celebrate as I eagerly awaited her arrival.
E! brought an in-house production crew to shoot the special, and they couldn’t have been more fun, professional, and easy to work with. When I requested privacy for certain moments (no below-the-waist shots during birth, privacy during breastfeeding), the crew looked at me like I was crazy and one of the cameramen said, “We weren’t planning on shooting that anyway.” I was floored, but in a good way! I had been so used to the crew being ordered to capture every instance of nudity possible in my Girls Next Door days that I had been prepared for a battle.
Being surrounded by the crew, even in the delivery room, made me feel extra safe and supported during this new experience. They made me feel like they had my back and were the perfect complement to the love my family and friends were surrounding me with during that exciting time.
Little Rainbow Aurora was born on March 5, 2013. Anyone who’s pushed out a baby will hate me for saying this, but I actually enjoyed giving birth. I chose to have an epidural and the entire delivery took only two hours. Rainbow is truly a blessing and without a doubt my greatest achievement to date.
The year 2013 turned into a time of rapidly checked-off milestones for me. Just three months after giving birth to Rainbow, I was officially an engaged woman. Most little girls fantasize about the day the man she loves asks to spend the rest of his life with her—and my special day was nothing short of magical. Pasquale proposed with a cushion-cut 40-carat yellow diamond ring surrounded by pink and yellow diamond flowers, which was amazing, but the best part of the ring was that he designed it himself with me in mind. He popped the question at the very top of a Ferris wheel at his Electric Daisy Carnival.
Despite the magical, colorful sea of craziness below and the elaborate fireworks spectacle above, it was strangely calm and quiet in our little booth atop the giant wheel. When Pasquale pulled out the ring box and asked me to marry him, I exclaimed an immediate “Yes!” The smile was plastered on my face like I was the happiest maniac alive.
How did I not see it coming? I thought. We had discussed marriage before, but with all the baby excitement, I was too preoccupied to focus on the when and the where of it. It was all too perfect—and even caught me by surprise.
I had never felt more loved than I did in that moment.
We married three months later on September 10, 2013, at Disneyland in Anaheim, California. Would you expect me to get married anywhere else? Our wedding was more beautiful and more perfect than I could have ever imagined. We had the entire park to ourselves—including our own private viewing of the Fantasmic! water show and fireworks that lit up the night sky just for us. The bridal party and I were given the exclusive Dream Suite inside the park to get ready in. The ceremony was held at the Blue Bayou restaurant inside the Pirates of the Caribbean and our reception was in my favorite part of the park, New Orleans Square. At the end of the evening, we left the wedding in a horse-drawn pumpkin carriage. If that’s not the makings of a fairy tale, I don’t know what is.
This feels like an appropriate place to wrap up this book: Holly found her “happily ever after.” And I did. I believe Pasquale and Rainbow were always the future intended for me—and without embarking on that remarkable, bizarre, twisted journey down the rabbit hole, who knows if I would have ever found them.
But let that not be the moral of my story. True happiness doesn’t come from simply getting married. I don’t believe a woman’s worth should be measured by whether or not she is married (I’m still surprised how many people still think that way!). Marriage and family are certainly beautiful parts of life, but I believe those things can truly be appreciated only when we find, love, and respect ourselves first. Pasquale didn’t come to me at a time in my life when I needed rescuing most—he came when I didn’t actually need to be rescued at all. And because of that, we developed a true and meaningful partnership. He’s my Prince Charming, but I didn’t need saving. I saved myself.
I won’t apologize for the choices I made, because all of them brought me to the wonderful place I am today. But rest assured, my journey is far from over.
Just like Alice, Wonderland opened up my eyes and prepared me for my real life’s adventure . . . one that has only just begun.
And how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago.
—Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
PHOTO SECTION
“AND WHAT IS THE USE OF A BOOK,” THOUGHT ALICE, “WITHOUT PICTURES OR CONVERSATION?”
—Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
Growing up in Alaska. (Personal collection)
Age 12, junior high in Oregon. (Personal collection)
Age 15, at cheerleading camp. (Personal collection)
Age 21, new to California. (Personal collection)
In Bunny costume. (Erik Kabik)
With my favorite Playmate, Jenny McCarthy. (Personal collection)
Bridget (left) and Kendra (right) behind the scenes of our first Playboy shoot with photographer Arny Freytag. The directors’ chairs were gifts from Arny. (Personal collection)
Sightseeing with friends in New York City while promoting our Playboy cover. (Personal collection)
From left to right, Bridget, Playmate friend Liz Stewart, me, and Kendra at a signing, a blowup of our first cover hanging in the background. (Personal collection)
Dressed up for the mansion’s annual Halloween party with 2006 Playmate of the Year, Kara Monaco (right). (Personal collection)
Behind the scenes of our second cover shoot for Playboy. (Personal collection)
We were so excited to see billboards for The Girls Next Door all over L.A.! (Personal collection)
Filming my favorite episode of The Girls Next Door, a trip to my hometown in Alaska. (Personal collection)
The Peepshow marquee in front of Planet Hollywood. I couldn’t believe that was me up there! (Denise Truscello)
Performing in Peepshow. (Denise Truscello)
Modeling some of Marilyn Monroe’s clothes. (Denise Truscello)
The cast of Holly’s World (clockwise from top left): Josh Strickland, me, Laura Croft, and Angel Porrino. (Personal collection)
Filming Holly’s World in Mexico. (W.B. Fontenot)
Claire Sinclair (left), a new cast member for Holly’s World season two. (Denise Truscello)
Filming my birthday with (left to right) Jayde Nicole, Laura, Josh, Bridget, and Angel. (David Becker)
Celebrating Peepshow’s third anniversary with Cheaza (left), director Jerry Mitchell (second from right), and Josh (right). (Erik Kabik)
Welcoming baby Rainbow into the world. (Erik Kabik)
Engaged! (Chris Clinton)
Our wedding at Disneyland. (Denise Truscello)
My family. (Denise Truscello)
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
“There ought to be a book written about me, that there ought! And when I grow up, I’ll write one.”
—Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
To my husband, Pasquale, and my daughter, Rainbow,
for all your love, support, and inspiration.
To my collaborator, the amazing Leslie Bruce, who taught me so much and helped me put some painful memories on paper in the most fun way possible.
To Matthew Elblonk, who made this book happen in the right way, making a big dream of mine come true!
To everyone at HarperCollins, thank you for this amazing opportunity. To Denise Oswald, for being the perfect editor, asking all the right questions and leaving no stone unturned. To Trish Daly, Susan Amster, Joseph Papa, Kendra Newton, and Michael Barrs for all your hard work.
To Sue Madore for all your help getting this book out there.
To Jason Verona for keeping all my best interests in order.
To Max Stubblefield, who got this project rolling.
To everyone who was at E! in 2005–2011, without whom this story wouldn’t be possible. Ted Harbert, Lisa Berger, Jason Sarlanis, Brent, PJ, John, and so many more—thank you for turning that time in my life into such an amazing opportunity.
To Virgine for taking such great care of Rainbow while I worked on this book and to Gina for keeping my life together.
To my dear friends Bridget, Ashley, Josh, Claire, Angel, Vic, Becca, Tanya, Mike, and Alex for your support every day.
To Denise Truscello for the wonderful cover photo, so many of the photos in this book, and your invaluable friendship.
To my mom, dad, Stephanie, and Joe for all your support through the years.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Holly Madison spent five seasons on the top-rated E! hit reality show The Girls Next Door before landing the leading role in the Las Vegas Strip smash hit Peepshow. She also starred in two seasons of her own E! hit series Holly’s World. With her husband and daughter, Holly divides her time between Las Vegas and Los Angeles.
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CREDITS
Cover design by Amanda Kain
Cover photograph © by Denise Truscello
Author photograph © by Denise Truscello
Playboy Mansion and grounds map illustration by Rodica Prato
COPYRIGHT
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. Copyright © 2015 by Holly Madison. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
ISBN 978-0-06-237210-9
EPub Edition JUNE 2015 ISBN 9780062372123
15 16 17 18 19 DIX/RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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