"I never will get over losing Lianna," he said after they had talked a long while. "But finding Bob makes life worth living again."
"I’m glad you came back."
"In spite of everything? Terry? The trial? Matt?"
"In spite of everything. You were always part of our lives, or rather, your absence was. Oh, it’s hard to explain. But Bobby needed you, and now he has you. I know how much that’s going to mean."
"And you? Do you need me, Nina?"
Nina took her time answering. "This morning I had a happy fantasy of the three of us together, a family at last. And—God, this is hard to say—I love that fantasy. It’s very satisfying. But real life isn’t that tidy—do you know what I mean?" She felt deep joy mingled with deep sadness, as if they were survivors of a small war, picking over the rubble of their home, rejoicing at finding an old letter, crying in the next moment over a broken pot. "I don’t know where we go from here."
Kurt took her hand. "I know. Germany is my home now. I have to go back, at least for a while—to work out the music, and my work, and Bob and you. Let me be your good friend for now."
"I expect you’ll be a big part of our lives from now on. I expect now that you know about Bobby, we won’t be able to get rid of you." She smiled, trying to keep things light. "That’s good. That’s what I need."
"We’ve lost a lot of time. I intend to make it all up to you."
"Now, that sounds promising."
They got up to go back to the house. "Once, you would have followed me anywhere," he said, a little sorrowfully. "My passionate Nina. We have changed so much. "
"I don’t agree," she said.
"You’re right. Some things never change," he said, smiling.
At the office on Monday morning, Paul’s phone message sat at the top of the pile.
"How’s the weather in Carmel?" she said when she had him on the line.
"Foggy. The weather gets hot, and the fog moves in off the ocean. Foggy, misty, and cool," he said, sounding far away. "Good beach bonfire weather."
"It’s ninety in the shade here. The lake’s swimmable. I’ve been going in every evening, when the water is warmest. "
"So. How are you and Bob doing? How was Kurt’s visit?"
"Fine."
"Fine as in you’re packing your bags and moving to Wiesbaden?"
"Fine as in Bob’s in heaven."
"So I suppose you and Kurt had a chance to talk? What’s he going to do?"
"I think he realizes his home is in Germany now," said Nina.
"What about your home?"
"Bob’s already talking about spending Christmas with Kurt. It’s a whole new world for him. As for me, I’m going to be moving from Matt’s myself."
"Oh?" he said, his voice tight.
"I’ve made some decisions."
"What kind of decisions?"
"So will you come up this weekend and do some cabin hunting with me?" She could almost see Paul’s ears pricking up. She grinned into the phone.
"You’re looking for a place in Tahoe?"
"Yep. For Bobby and me. And we’re going to get a dog. And if you want, you can come see us—a lot."
"I can?"
"As for that marriage proposal of yours ..."
"Waiting," said Paul. "I’ll just be over here waiting."
"You don’t really want to marry me. You don’t want to be a stepfather. You don’t want a wife who’s gone all the time. You know it, but you’re too much of a gentleman to say it."
For once, Paul didn’t have a snappy comeback. "All right," he said. "I’ve always married the ones I loved before. I just don’t know any other way to be. Have you got a suggestion?"
"Why don’t we just stay the way we are?"
"You mean, coworkers and friends? What about romance?"
"I’m sure we could fit some of that in too."
"I’m not sure about this," Paul said. "But I’m willing to discuss it further in the spa at Caesars Friday night. "
"Can’t wait to feel those bubbles."
"There’s something new about you. I can’t quite put my finger on it. You’re more confident, confident from deep down, if you know what I mean."
"There’s not much left to be afraid of."
"Okay. Let’s give close friends a try. Which doesn’t mean I don’t love you," Paul said.
"See you Friday?"
"Next time, boss," Paul said. He hung up.
Sandy came on the line. "Excellent footwork," she said.
"Dammit, Sandy, quit listening in on my business," Nina said.
"I can’t help it," Sandy said. "Your new risk-free life nets me nothing but these boring wills to work on. Wish called me. He’s raring to go on the next exciting case—"
"There will be no more exciting cases," Nina said. She began sorting her phone messages. Sandy buzzed again.
"He’s here," she said. "He" was Jeffrey Riesner, whose name Sandy had trouble saying. The lawyer already loomed in the doorway to the inner office. Without a word he went to Nina’s desk and dropped a check on it.
"Twenty-two thousand," he said. "Scott’s retainer less expenses." Behind him, Sandy was clapping her hands soundlessly.
"Well," Nina said. "What made you decide to pay up?"
"I got a call from Judge Milne at my house yesterday. He suggested that I stop by." Sandy was vigorously mimicking Milne kicking Riesner in the rear end.
"I see," Nina said.
"It was merely an oversight."
"Of course."
"You never should have taken the case in that underhanded fashion. If you had cooperated with me, we could have worked it out. What’s so funny?" Sandy had grabbed her nose and—her eyes bulging in mock terror—pulled her fingers back as though her nose was growing, longer and longer....
"Funny?" Nina said, her right eyebrow raised.
"Well, aren’t you going to thank me?"
"Thank you, Mr. Riesner," Nina said gravely. "Sandy, will you see Mr. Riesner out? Oh, and Mr. Riesner ..."
"What?"
"Better luck next time." The door shut behind them, and she held the check up to make sure Riesner had actually signed it.
The outer door slammed. From the outer office Nina heard a strange, dry sound, like bark being stripped off trees.
Sandy was laughing.
She looked out her window. Mount Tallac loomed above the lake. "Get Collier Hallowell on the line for me," Nina said, when the sounds finally died out.
When Collier came on, Nina said, "Want to go on an adventure?"
"Any man who said yes to an adventure with you without knowing what you had planned would have to be dumber than poor Ralph Kettrick."
"Just a little hike," she said. "I was thinking about this weekend."
"A hike?"
"Let’s live a little. Everyone else does. I’ve never made it to the top of Tallac. Let’s get up there late, and look at the stars from up close."
When he didn’t say anything immediately, she added, "Or we could get started really early, if you have other plans."
"The Perseid meteor shower is this weekend, Nina," Collier said.
"It is? Oh, Collier, I’m sorry ... your wife ... I forgot ... Forget I said anything ....11
"It’s an all-night show," he said mildly. "Don’t forget your sleeping bag."
Please turn the page for an exciting preview of the Perri O’Shaughnessy legal thriller,
UNFIT TO PRACTICE
Available now in bookstores.
PROLOGUE
AFTER BEING DROPPED OFF at a filthy parking lot underneath a gloomy concrete overpass, Nina Reilly stopped in for coffee at the Roastery on the corner of Howard and Main Street. A river of chilly air flowed through the tunnel-like streets around the skyscrapers of the Financial District. The buildings seemed to lean in at her, threatening. She had her pick of caffeine oases, not that it mattered. She was not here by choice. Any black bile would do.
At the bottom of Howard, the Embarcadero and Bay B
ridge buzzed unseen, angry hives of energy. The tall building’s glass reflected the sun’s intense beams right at her. People glowed like aliens, or so she projected. San Francisco wasn’t her city anymore. The town of South Lake Tahoe had sheltered her for the last few years after she left the Montgomery Street law firm where she had begun the practice of law, and the city had become a stranger.
Nina sank into a rattan chair. A young man at the next table, his Chinese newspaper close to his nose, blew steam across his cup.
Women like her, wearing expensive jackets and gold earrings, waited anxiously in line, then carried their medicine right out the door, swallowing on the run.
Where was Jack?
She watched a boy from some cold country, bearing a heavy backpack, lounge against the counter, waiting for his espresso. Next to him a balding man, not very much older but with the suit and briefcase of one who has settled into his life, took an apple from a bowl while the woman behind the counter heated up a muffin. The scent of cinnamon moved through the room, smelling of home, its effect immediate and painful. She thought of Bob, who was staying with her brother, Matt, back in Tahoe. She needed her son beside her but she didn’t want to put him through this. It would hurt him too much.
She looked around. Jack should be here by now
What a strange and terrible day, she thought, taking in the sounds of traffic and the city through the open doors.
Here she sat waiting for her ex-husband, a man she had never expected to see again, but as a result of this six-month-old legal case they had a closer relationship now than when they were married. Jack as a colleague was a savvy, reassuring presence beside her; a much better lawyer than he had been a husband.
Jack blew through the door from Main Street, tossing a raincoat on the chair next to hers. "Sorry I’m late."
"I just got here myself. We got stuck in traffic coming off the Bay Bridge. How much time do we have?"
"A few minutes. What time did you leave Tahoe?"
"Four-thirty." A long, long time before the dawn. She tried to smile back, remembering that attitude is everything. Reinforcements had arrived and she should straighten up.
Jack looked spiffy in his suit, his square jaw scraped clean. Fresh from the blow-dryer, his ginger hair stuck out as if fired by electricity.
Smoothing his hair down with one hand, he read from the green boards. "I’ll be right back," he said, getting up and walking over to the counter.
Nina watched him sneak in front of a pale office worker, apologizing as if he hadn’t seen her, offering to wait in line behind her, but the girl was already bewitched and said, oh, no, you go ahead. Jack had charm, that rare quality that eased the tensions in the courtroom as well as in life. Good. He would need that magnetism over the next few days.
He returned and slurped, careful of his white collar. Then he took her hand. "Relax, now. It’s just another day in court." His eyes moved over her in a mix of personal and professional interest. "I like the suit. You could pull your hair back."
Nina considered the measure of control Jack now had over her, found a barrette in her purse, and pulled her long brown hair back.
"We should go in a couple of minutes. We’ll be more comfortable if we have a minute to settle in before the judge shows up. You look worried. No, you look mad. Mad and worried. What’s up?"
"I’m ready to fight, only who are we fighting? I can’t stand this feeling that we’re being manipulated."
"So we use the hearing to find out. We focus on that. Meanwhile, don’t get weird on me."
"I’ll look confident. But don’t tell me how to feel." His eyes moved to her hand, where she had bitten a nail down to the quick. She rubbed her lips with her finger, opened her briefcase and withdrew a delicate mirror, then looked herself in the eye. The eye was still brown and showed no panic. Amazing.
"Why didn’t you come down from Tahoe yesterday? I can see how tired you are, and we’re just starting. You should have stayed with me in Bernal Heights last night, saved yourself that drive. What did you think I would do? Jump you?"
She didn’t answer, telling herself, this is not the time. Lack of sleep and the months of tension building to this moment were unfettering them both.
"Sorry," Jack said after a moment. "The shoes are nice. You look remarkably respectable today. Like someone I might marry." He smiled, and the smile invited her to play along. He always wanted to brush the edge off, smooth things over with humor. "Life is folly," his eyes told her. When she didn’t smile back, his face hardened and he turned back into Jack the Knife, his lawyer-self. She preferred that. She believed it to be the real him.
His eyes flitted to his watch. "Time to go."
They left, hustling although they were still early.
Nina’s new briefcase felt heavier with every step. Its contents, tagged paper exhibits, represented months of work. This was the most important hearing of her career. Still, she was not ready. She could never be ready for this.
They moved through a warren of skyscrapers into a dank alleyway. At an outdoor stand, more coffee shot into impatiently jiggling cups. The whole city seemed to be fueled with caffeine, hyper, irritable, on the move. Pushing through double doors, they walked up to a security desk. "Good morning. Do we need to sign in?" Jack asked.
A friendly black woman eyed their attaches. "You going up to the court?"
"That’s us. Is the judge in a good mood?"
"You tell me when you see him. Sign in up there," she said. "Sixth floor."
The elevator gleamed bronze and silver. They rode up in silence, exited toward a sign that read, "Quiet, please. Court in session," and laid their nail clippers, keys, and coins on a brown plastic tray before passing through the metal detector. As Nina walked through, the alarm sounded. The attendant, a young man in a starched white shirt, motioned her back. He looked down at her feet. "Hmm. No buckles," he said.
She removed her watch and walked through again. Again it rang. By this time other people in a small waiting area to the left, several that she knew, were staring at her. She swallowed and tried to think what in the world she was wearing that would make the thing go off. An underwire bra? No, she’d gone for the soft athletic one, invisible under her suit jacket and more comfortable for a long court day. She was already ridiculous. She felt an urge to flee.
"Your barrette, Nina," Jack said.
Nodding, she removed it. Her hair billowed out, but she walked through soundlessly this time. The guard smiled at her and handed her the barrette. "Sign in here." He pushed a lined pad toward her. "Put 9:22 as when you checked in. You don’t have to sign out if you leave for a few minutes. Just at the end of the day."
"Can we go on in?" Jack asked. "We’re scheduled in Courtroom Two, I believe."
"The clerk is already in there. Go ahead."
Nina felt the eyes on her back as they walked inside.
"Your hair," Jack reminded her.
"To hell with it." She slid her barrette into her pocket.
Small and windowless except for two lengths of frosted glass that ran alongside the door to the waiting area, the courtroom formed a long rectangle. On the right, the trial counsel for the California State Bar, Gayle Nolan, sat at an L-shaped table behind two large black notebooks. Nina and Jack took seats at an identical table on the left, Jack seated on the outside, Nina tucked into the L, feeling the unnatural chill of an overactive ventilation system, grateful for a warm jacket.
Jack put papers on the table and handed her one of two bottles of spring water that were sitting there. She unpacked the briefcase swiftly and efficiently as she had done so many times before in her legal career, getting into it, appreciating the tight organization resulting from so many hours of work.
A study in neutrality, the courtroom walls were brown, white, and gray. The chairs they sat in bore innocuous stripes. The furnishings were affectless, designed to suck moods right out of the air. Details like the clock on the wall, circular, simply numbered, the judge’s podium, and a
large digital clock, right now showing dashes instead of numbers, were strictly functional. Behind them a dozen chairs for observers or witnesses lined the back wall of the court.
She could be in Chicago or New York. She could be back in her home courtroom in South Lake Tahoe, the room was so stylized. It reminded her of the set of a play she had seen not too long ago at a little theater, Sartre’s No Exit, a black place presumably surrounded by the Void. Purgatory, timeless and eternal.
But this wasn’t Tahoe. The mountains outside beyond the gray were tall buildings. The dreamlike element, the clash between the bland courtroom and the often terrible events that brought people there, gripped her. What am I doing here? she thought. Who has done this to me?
Jack reached over and ran his hand along her arm.
"Okay?" he whispered.
"Totally freaked out," Nina whispered back.
"How you can feel that way and still look so Darth Vader-tough I’ll never understand." Jack fingered an empty Styrofoam cup, a scraping, ghastly wakeup. Gayle Nolan got up, ignoring them, and wheeled in a cart marked Chief Trial Counsel weighted down with thick notebooks, folders in file boxes, and code books. So many papers. Nina tried to enjoy the sight of her struggling with the load. No eager law clerks helping here. Light gleamed off Nolan’s specs as she stacked the paperwork onto her table. Finally, she sat back down.
"Hey, Gayle," Jack said. "And how are you on this fine morning?"
"Hello, Jack."
"You can still back out."
"Don’t make me laugh."
"This whole thing is a laugh."
"Yeah? I notice she’s not laughing."
"She wants the last laugh."
The judge entered from one of three doors at the front of the room behind the podium. They all stood. Extra tall, with a full head of gray hair he had brushed back, he sported a small, neat moustache, not bushy like the one Jack used to wear. He didn’t look at them. The file engaged his attention as he sat down, allowing them to sit too.
A placard at the front of his desk read, Judge Hugo Brock. "We’ll go on the record," he said. Sitting on his left with headphones over her ears, the clerk clicked on a keyboard. The digital clock at the front flashed to brilliant red life. It was the brightest spot in the courtroom, and they all stared at it as if the day had exploded.
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