Nate shadowed her, perching next to her, watching her.
“I had to move back in with Mom and Denis.” She curled her legs under her and drew circles on the cushions.
“Why?”
“Because my roommate went crazy, wasn’t paying rent and I was scared I’d come back one day to the apartment totally empty. So, I’m back with them.”
“That’s...not a bad thing?”
“Mom says I’m a failure.”
“What?”
“I should start at the beginning.” She sighed and dredged back through. To college. Nate had left for the Navy, and she hadn’t wanted to worry him. “You know my dad left when I was in college? Just up and disappeared on us?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, best we can figure out, he left because he’d taken out so many loans and credit cards in mom and my names that things were going to get bad. That’s why I left Columbia and came home. Switched majors.” She’d had dreams of science and research, doing something grand with her life. Instead, she was an underpaid accountant with no joy in life. Her options at home were limited. She could move away, but then she’d be by herself, trying to survive under the mountain of debt her father had created under her name. It was just too much to do alone. And she couldn’t ask Nate for help, because he’d help her. She didn’t want to burden him. There was likely a way out, but she’d been floundering for so long that it was hard to see anything but despair.
“What? Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He twisted to face her, his hand splayed on the cushions.
“You were in training. Basic. Whatever it’s called, and I didn’t want to worry you.” She covered his hand with hers, simply wanting to touch him. “I think Mom sees him whenever she looks at me. You know things were bad for a few years before she met Denis?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it just never seems to get better. Everyone who gets me moved away, Mom can’t stand me, I hate my job, I’m just...I wanted to come here and see you guys. Be happy. And now I’m crying again.” She swiped at her eyes.
So much for having a great trip and taking a bit of sunshine back with her.
“I had no idea.” Nate grasped her hand and tugged. “Come here.”
He pulled her into his arms and held her.
When the world had been against Nate, he’d just frowned, dropped his shoulder and rushed forward. When her life hit a rut, she floundered for nearly eight years.
She missed Nate. Their friendship. How he’d always looked at her like she could do anything. She’d never realized how much he’d propped her up, until he had been gone. Now all she had were prom pictures and lop-sided dice to remember him by, and some days that wasn’t enough. Her heart ached when she didn’t hear from him.
Cara loved him.
She had since that day walking home from school when he said they could be friends.
Without him, she was a wreck. A complete and total failure.
All she’d wanted was to come here, and pretend that, just for a day, a night even, this was her world. And he was in it. But it was a lie, and the truth was, being here shone a bright, painful light on her shortcomings.
Cara pulled back, but Nate’s arms tightened around her, keeping her close. He peered down at her, his tawny brown eyes focused on all her imperfections. She never wanted him to see her like this.
Of all the people in her life, he’d always believed in her. Thought she could do great and marvelous things. Wrapped in his arms, though, for this moment, she felt safe. He was her shelter from the shit storm. Her friend, though deep down she loved him in a way that betrayed their friendship.
What the hell?
She’d screwed up everything else in her life.
Eventually, she was going to fuck it up with Nate, too. And then they wouldn’t even have this.
Might as well go down in flames.
She leaned toward him.
He didn’t move.
Now or never.
She pressed her lips to his and curled her fingers over his shoulder. Kissing wasn’t something Cara had a lot of practice in, but she’d read enough to have more than a basic understanding. Her stomach tightened and for a moment she froze.
This—was weird.
Nate wasn’t moving. She was pretty sure he’d stopped breathing.
She’d always imagined a toe-curling, leg-popping swoon of a kiss when it came to Nate. This was more like...Princess Leia kissing Luke Skywalker bad.
Oh, this was bad.
A mistake.
Abort! Abort!
Cara sat back and stared at Nate, staring at her.
Oh, God... Oh, no... This was the worst...
She was going to be sick.
She’d just kissed Nate, like she’d always wanted to, and—
Nate’s hand slid up her side, to the back of her neck. If he strangled her, she wouldn’t fault him.
What was she still doing sitting here? Why wasn’t she—hiding in the bathroom? Taking off down the street to go die in a cardboard box or something? Staring at Nate, staring at her was misery. Could she blame it on the alcohol? Was she that tipsy-drunk?
Wait—
Nate leaned toward her.
He was probably going to take her temperature, ask her if she was sick or something. Because that was Nate. All concern and awesome in one teddy bear package.
She swallowed. All this staring had her eyes drying up and her throat was so tight she could hardly breathe. He was looking at her...weird now. Probably because he thought something was wrong with her.
Cara should say something. Make an excuse. Use her words.
“N-Nate...”
His nose bumped hers and she froze.
What...was—oh!
His lips brushed hers, soft at first.
Was he...?
Nate’s hand slid up, his fingers tangling in her braids, cupping the back of her head. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, holding onto her.
Was she imagining this?
She had a pretty vivid set of fantasies. Maybe she’d blacked out from all the blood rushing to her cheeks.
Nate’s bit down on her bottom lip. Not hard. But he never did that in her dreams. She sucked in a breath and suddenly his tongue was in her mouth. The arm around her waist tightened, pulling her closer. She fisted his shirt in one hand and slid the other up around his neck.
This—was happening.
It was real.
And swapping spit was so much...hotter...than it sounded in books, when Nate did it.
He let go of her, but his lips didn’t stop moving against hers. Instead, he hooked one arm under her knees and pulled her across his lap. Her head swam. She didn’t quite know which way was up or down, so she kept holding onto him. Her anchor. The one constant in her life.
Nate’s arms wrapped around her again. His tongue flicked into her mouth, then out again.
Was this a sign? Was she supposed to do something? Should she...do it back? If she didn’t, would he stop?
Stopping was the last thing she wanted to do.
She mustered her nerve and bent her head. His lower lip slid between hers. She licked the flesh. That was what he’d done the first time, wasn’t it?
The hand at her hip and the one in her hair tightened.
That was a good sign, right?
Holy shit. Nate was kissing her. And she was kissing him back.
Cara mimicked what he’d done, stroking her tongue into his mouth. He groaned and dug his hand farther into her hair until it almost hurt.
Nate liked that.
But it wasn’t as if she knew what she was doing. At best, her intimate encounters were fairly tame, nothing to get excited over. Nate...deserved better. Someone who could make him happy. And all she did was screw stuff up.
What was she doing?
Why would she rush their friendship down the path to ruination?
For a kiss?
Okay, a really hot string of kisses, but still—was this
worth facing the disaster that she’d make of things?
Nate kissed her cheek, her jaw. Her head was spinning, her body too hot, too achy. It was too much. She buried her face against his shoulder and squeezed him.
“Cara? What’s wrong?” He was out of breath and she could hear his heart racing.
She was what was wrong.
“Was it the-the kiss? I’m sorry, shortcake.” He stroked her back and shoulders.
Cara barked an unexpected laugh. Only Nate would remember her ridiculous Halloween costume. She’d made it herself and even used Kool-Aid to dye her hair a bright red that stained the ends for weeks. Still, she’d spent the night sitting on the apartment steps, eating candy with Nate. Memories like those were some of her favorite.
She squeezed her eyes shut. God, she was a wreck. An out of control roller coaster. A disaster.
“Cara?” His voice hit that desperate pitch she hated. The one he got when he was sure he was going to fail a test, that the doctor’s couldn’t fix his knee.
She straightened, one hand on his shoulder, the other covering her mouth. It was strange looking him in the eyes like this. He was so much taller than her she was constantly breaking her neck trying to get a glimpse of him. This was...kind of nice.
“I’m sorry, shortcake.” He pushed her hair off her face, his touch ever gentle.
“I’m the one who’s sorry, Nate. I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” Deep lines creased his brow and around his mouth.
“I screw everything up.”
“No, you don’t, that’s silly. You’ve had a really rough run of it, but things get better.”
She shook her head. He didn’t understand.
Nate stared at her, the concern written in his eyes.
“I mess up all the good stuff in my life. I’m bound to ruin us, too.” She covered her face with her hands.
“Why would you say something like that? Cara? Look at me.” He wrapped his hands around her wrists and tugged.
“Because.” She gave up the fight and let him pull her hands down between them.
“You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, shortcake. What’s wrong?”
“I’m a total failure. Mom’s right.”
“No, she’s not. You’re brilliant and funny and beautiful. You’ve just had a bunch of bad luck. I wished you’d have told me how bad everything was.”
“You were in training, and then you were hurt, and then you were working so hard, and...” She shrugged.
“I always have time for you, Cara, don’t you know that?” His thumbs rubbed against the backs of her hands.
Time for her wasn’t the same as time with her. Her heart ached at the thought of him seeing her empty, lonely life.
She wanted to forget. If only for a moment.
“Would you kiss me again?” Her cheeks heated, but she was desperate.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cara-bear.” He sat back, his face going blank, his eyes empty.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a man and you’re a woman.”
“So?”
“Because...” Nate scowled. “When I kiss you, I’m not doing it as your friend.”
“Oh. So?”
“Cara.”
“What? What if I don’t want you to kiss me like your friend? It’s not like I kiss Josh or Bryan.”
Nate’s hand on her knee tightened, reminding her that he wasn’t just a giant teddy bear. He’d also been one hell of a football player and almost a Navy SEAL. There was strength in his grip.
“Don’t even talk about that.” His voice went low, rough, almost like a human growl.
“Fine.” She sucked down a deep breath, breathing past the burning embarrassment. “All I’m saying is...I want you to kiss me—”
“Cara—”
“Because, if you’ll stop talking over me, you’d know that...I don’t want you to kiss me as a friend. I want you to kiss me like a man. And me a woman. I’ve always wanted that, Nate.”
There. She’d said what she shouldn’t, because was there really any going back after this?
3.
Cara swallowed down her shame, her fears and stared right back at Nate.
She’d said what she’d wanted to say since junior high. Since the homecoming dance when, despite being the center of ridicule for her dress and shoes, Nate had asked her to dance. With people pointing and laughing, he’d swayed in time to some song she couldn’t remember, and made her feel...special.
Was it wrong that she wanted to be with him?
They’d become default dance dates. Partners in class. Homework buddies. Maybe she was clinging to him because he was familiar and safe, but she’d tried falling for other men and they never measured up to Nate.
“Always?” The one word sounded strangled coming out of his throat.
She nodded. She’d said enough and now her words failed her.
“Cara...” He said her name like he did when he was frustrated with her, and yet his face looked...anguished.
Had she said something wrong? Was she not supposed to admit that sort of thing?
Nate sat up and tugged at one of her braids. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her. Again.
She slid her arm around his neck, willing herself to get lost in his touch. The taste of his mouth. How being with him made her feel.
“I...Cara?”
“Hm?”
Nate wrapped his arms around her, hugging her so tight she could hardly breathe. His face pressed against her neck and she squeezed him back.
She didn’t know where they were headed or what was going on, but something was happening.
He pulled away enough to lift his head. This close she could see the bright flecks of gold between the browns of his eyes.
“I love you, Cara. I always have.”
She stared at him.
Had she just heard that right?
Did he say—
“I love you, Cara.”
“Pinch me?”
“Seriously?”
“What?”
He cocked his head to the side the way he did when he had an idea that was going to get them in trouble.
What in the—
“Oh!”
She jumped, swiping his hand away from her bottom and rubbing the cheek.
“You said to pinch you.” He grinned.
“Not on my butt!”
“You never said where.”
She couldn’t help it. She grinned back.
Nate pulled her closer and kissed her lips, sweet, lingering touches that had her toes curling.
“Do you mean it?” she asked.
“Yeah, shortcake, I do. I just never thought...”
“That the girl who followed you around everywhere and stalked you when you went away might like you more than a little?”
“We were friends.”
“And we aren’t now?” She swallowed and leaned against his shoulder.
“I don’t feel this way about my friends.”
“I...um...” Cara’s bravery was wrung dry. The words stuck deep in her chest and her throat wouldn’t work, leaving her stammering things that might be part of words. Or complete gibberish.
“I’m going to kiss you again, Cara.”
Was that a warning? Or a promise?
She couldn’t quite tell.
Nate grabbed her braids at the nape, guiding her chin up, exposing her neck. He started at her collar bone, dropping kisses and whispering words she couldn’t make out over the sound of blood pounding in her skull. He spent quite a bit of time going back and forth.
She’d never considered her neck an erogenous zone. Just ticklish. But the way he was touching her, licking her, kissing her, was making her have second thoughts.
Her toes wiggled back and forth. Her chest felt...heavy. Her bra, the most comfortable one she owned, suddenly seemed to be made of sand paper. She had the strangest urge to straddle his lap. To press against him.
&nbs
p; And he hadn’t even kissed her yet. Not her mouth at least.
Nate sat back and kissed the tip of her nose.
“I need to stop,” he said, to her or himself, she wasn’t sure.
“W-why?”
“You’re still pretty tipsy.”
“I am?”
“You pounded at least four shots and then some.”
“I’m fine.” The last thing she wanted right now was for him to stop anything. Except talking. They could do with less of that. “Don’t stop?”
“Fuck, Cara.” Nate leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers.
“What? We...feel the same way.” Her hands trembled at that much of an admission.
She’d never told anyone she loved them, besides her parents.
For her, Nate had always been it. The standard by which all other men fell short.
They remained like that, his thumbs stroking her skin, his eyes closed, noses bumping.
Did he understand what she couldn’t say? Was that a problem?
“Okay,” he said as if in answer to a question she couldn’t hear.
Nate opened his eyes, most of the gold gone. He hooked his arm under her knees and stood. She gasped and clung to his shoulders. He strode around the sectional and through the only other open door.
Into his bedroom.
Cara gulped down her fear. This was Nate. She loved him, and he at least thought he loved her, too. It couldn’t go wrong, could it?
He laid her down on the bed and climbed on top of her, his weight pressing her down into the thick, plush comforter. He kissed her mouth, delving past her lips with his tongue while his hands stroked her sides. She gripped his shoulders, her head spinning too far out of control to do much more.
His big hand cupped her breast and he rocked against her, his thigh between her legs now.
She gasped at the feel of friction against her mound.
That—that—was what she needed.
“Nate...”
He shifted, palming her other breast.
She fisted his shirt and panted. He had her trapped under him, unable to move. She wanted more. Him. Something. There was an emptiness inside of her that was meant for him. A hole in her soul only he could fill.
The Adorkable Girl and the Geek (Gone Geek 5) Page 3