by Ann Lister
“Maybe,” she sighed. “But in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter, does it.”
“Look, Annie. I don’t know exactly what happened between you two and it’s really none of my business. What I do know is, it’s been over six months since you split up and Michael is still moping around as if his life is over. He’s been useless as a musician, fumbling his way through gig after gig, with an annoying ‘fuck all’ attitude that is destroying the unity of the band.”
“He’s not back on drugs is he?”
“No. Management suspected the same thing and hauled his sorry ass in for a piss test. He passed it with flying colors but not without a mountain of verbal abuse aimed at anyone involved in what he now refers to as ‘the conspiracy’. I’m telling you, he’s out of his mind.”
Annie pushed the hair out of her eyes and exhaled heavily. “What are you expecting me to do with this information, Brian?”
“I love Mike as a blood brother. I can’t stand by and watch him disintegrate before my eyes without attempting to put his life back in order for him. Besides, the unity of the band is also at stake. If the guys don’t vote to have him kicked out, I’m seriously afraid he’s thinking of quitting. It’s that bad. He’s lost his creative drive and his spirit is slowly withering away.”
“You’re not painting a pretty picture,” Annie replied.
“I’m not trying to.”
“So, what do you want from me?”
“I want you to come and see him.”
“Oh, Brian, I was afraid that’s where this was leading. I don’t think I could do that. Besides, I thought he had a girlfriend. Why can’t she deal with this?”
“Let me guess, you’ve been reading the music rags at the grocery store check-out?”
“Maybe, but that’s not the point. I just assumed by now he’d be with someone else.”
“Nope. Personally, I think he’s secretly preparing for a career in the priesthood.”
“Michael as a priest? He wouldn’t last a day! It would mean he’d have to get out of bed before noon on Sundays and no musician likes to do that.” Annie giggled nervously, unsure why she was so relieved to hear no one was sharing Michael’s life.
“How about you, are you seeing anyone?” Brian asked.
“No,” she quickly replied.
“Great! We’re scheduled to play at the FleetCenter in Boston next Friday and Saturday nights. I’ll send you tickets, backstage passes, transportation, whatever it takes to get you there, as long as you come.”
“Jesus, Brian! In all seriousness it sounds like you’re trying to get us back together and I really don’t think that’s possible.”
“Then come see him as a friend. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Brian, you don’t understand.”
“Mike was there for you when you needed him, twice if memory serves me right. He needs you now. Come to the concert and listen to the crap he’s subjecting the audiences’ ears to, then afterwards, maybe you two can sit down and talk through your differences. I’ve known Mike a very long time, Annie. And I can honestly say I’ve never seen him as happy and content as he was when you were with him. I know he’s a very difficult person to get along with, but, I also know soul mates when I see them. It’s the poet in me. I’m eternally looking for the happy ending to everyone’s life story. As for Mike, I believe his happy ending revolves around you.”
“Brian, you’re putting a lot of pressure on me to make something work that I’m not sure is a reasonable conclusion.”
“I know. I know. I don’t mean to come off sounding this desperate, but I guess I am. If we lose Mike, the band is history, and honestly, I don’t know if I can handle that. Besides my wife and kids, the guys in the band are the closest thing I have to family.”
“You’re not being fair to me,” she said softly. “What happens if I agree to meet with Michael and we decide to keep things the way they are between us?”
“Then at least I know we tried.”
“You have no idea of the living hell I’ve been through over the past year,” Annie said, her voice pitching an octave higher as she attempted to control her temper.
“Are you referring to your addiction to the pain killers?” he asked.
“That was the easy part. The pills were an escape from the real torment I was dealing with,” she continued, wiping loose tears from her cheeks.
“I’m listening, if you want to tell me about it,” Brian suggested, his demeanor softening as he felt Annie’s pain wafting through the phone. “I know you’ve been through a lot and you must think I’m a total asshole for shoveling more shit into your lap. If you want, we can forget I ever made this phone call. Mike will never know we talked, and you can go on with your recovery. Would you like to do that?”
There was a long pause on the other end and Brian feared the worst. In no uncertain terms did he want Annie to give up and walk away from Mike. Selfish as it was, he was willing to do anything necessary to save his band. No matter what the cost, he at least had to get Michael and Annie back in the same room together. Fate would fix the rest. He was sure of that.
“No,” a faint voice replied. “I’ll see him. I’ve faced all my other demons so I can’t back down from this. If nothing else, we’ll get complete closure and he can finally move on with his life.”
“I hope you’re not referring to Mike as a demon? He’s been called a lot of things but certainly not demonic.”
“It’s an expression, Brian. Don’t press your luck. I said I’d come, so leave it at that,” Annie replied, wondering how she would conjure up the courage to see Michael face-to-face again after everything that had been said between them.
“Annie, I can’t thank you enough for this. I owe you one.”
“And, I’m not making any promises for happily ever after either,” she quickly added.
“I understand. I’ll leave a few tickets and backstage passes for you at the box office. Bring some friends and have a good time. All right?”
“Fine. I’ll see you then.”
Annie hung up the phone and immediately began to cry. What on earth had she agreed to do, she thought. Long ago she had given up any thoughts about purposely seeing Michael. If their paths had crossed by accident, that would have been different. Then she would have done the polite thing and talked to him out of friendship. But seeing him this way would appear as if she were crawling back to him.
“When you’re ready, come look for me. I’m easier to find than you were,” his smooth voice echoed in her head. They were the last words he said to her before pointing her at the front door to the rehab clinic.
Two months later she had signed herself out, clean and sober, with a renewed outlook on life. No longer was she carrying around the burden of survivor’s guilt. Sammy had died in the accident and she had lived. A higher power knew the reason for her life being spared and she had released the constant need to justify it. By doing so, she had freed herself to live.
While in the rehab facility, Annie also contacted the orthopedic surgeon, a referral to whom Michael had given Annie. Within a week of her appointment she was scheduled for surgery that would rid her of the constant pain she was suffering.
After the surgery she began twelve weeks of grueling physical therapy. Now she walked with a limp so slight only her doctor could detect it. More importantly, her pain was almost non-existent. It would still take one more corrective surgery to erase the scarring but the worst of it was behind her.
Sobriety had cleaned Annie’s head and paved the way for a rejuvenated musical career. After one of her weekend gigs at Club Tango on Martha’s Vineyard, the two founding members of the female rock ‘n’ roll group, Lace, solicited her talents to join their group.
Lace, being a top-notch act reminiscent of the 70’s female band, Heart, headlined most gigs they played. They did small concert tours and played to sold-out clubs in every city they visited. Due to a heart condition, the female lead singer was being forced t
o take an extended leave of absence from the band. Rather than put the band into early retirement, they chose to scout out a temporary replacement. After listening to Annie’s performance, they decided she would fit their style and sound perfectly.
“Would you like me to come by and audition?” Annie asked the two members of Lace.
“You just did,” they replied.
A few days later, Annie sat in a crowded boardroom while she signed the necessary contract with her newly hired agent and legal counsel at her side. Her performances with Lace wouldn’t take place for many months due to a lengthy rehearsal process. Plus, Annie had to schedule her last surgery around all of this, making an official start date almost impossible to arrange. In the mean time, Annie basked in the glory of finally being noticed for her talents - without the help of Michael or the influence of her past connection to Thrust’s battle of the band contest.
Odd thing was, the first person she thought of to share her great news with, was the one person she was no longer connected to: Michael…the love of her life and the reason she was still breathing - literally and figuratively. The mere thought of him still made her tremble. At first, it was her anger that kept her from contacting him, then it became more about pride.
She saw them meeting someday down the road but the visual she had was far different then the way it would be on Friday at the FleetCenter. She wanted it to be backstage after one of her upcoming Lace concerts, after she was successful and had something to show for herself. Had she thought about him during the last six months? Of course she had. Not a day went by that thoughts of him hadn’t danced in her head and, at night, he still haunted her dreams.
Throughout the entire process of signing with Lace, Annie made sure not to mention her past involvement with Michael or his band. Not that it would have mattered, but she didn’t want it to, either. He was part of her past and she rarely shared it with anyone. She could clearly remember the day she revealed her secret to her physical therapist when a Thrust classic anthem suddenly blasted out of the gym’s sound system.
“I used to live with that guy,” she had blurted matter-of-factly, when the song’s lengthy guitar solo kicked into high gear.
“Seriously?” the star-struck woman asked.
“Yes, but it feels like it was in another life.”
Now, it was at Brian’s personal request that Michael was brought back into her life. Perhaps it was destiny prevailing; then again, maybe not. She wondered if Brian knew of her signing with Lace. More importantly, did Michael?
She dressed in faded blue jeans, tight white half shirt and a jean jacket, with black cowboy boots. She wanted to keep it simple and understated, as if she hadn’t spent to much time toiling over what to wear - even though she had.
As promised, tickets for the show waited for Annie and her friend at the box office. The seats were half a dozen rows back and off to the left side, which Annie was grateful for. That way, she wouldn’t be in Michael’s direct line of view.
Two songs into the concert and Annie knew exactly why Brian was so concerned with Michael’s recent performances. He seemed distant and detached, as he hammered away at his guitars. Physically, he seemed leaner than she remembered, but his hair and eyes remained the same. Even on a bad night, Michael cut an impressive image on stage. His raw, earthy swagger still brought every woman in the arena to her knees. And the ‘fuck all’ attitude was apparent in every solo he attacked his way through. This clearly wasn’t the man she knew or the standard of playing she knew he was capable. But the crowd still loved it, roaring their appreciation as the final encore was completed and the house lights illuminated the arena.
“So, I guess you’ll be headed backstage now?” Annie’s friend asked, collecting her overnight bag from beneath her seat.
“I thought you were coming with me?”
“Nope. As much as you know I’d love to meet any one of them, I believe this is your party - not mine.”
“But I can’t walk back there by myself,” Annie protested.
“You’ve faced bigger obstacles in the past than this one, Annie. This should be a walk in the park compared to what you’ve been through. So, go on. Face your last demon and be done with it. You’ll either fall back in love or you’ll both have closure.”
“This is much harder than I thought it would be,” Annie sighed.
“Do it. And remember what I said, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be,” her friend urged, shoving her in the direction of the back stage hallway. “If I don’t see you back at the hotel tonight, I’ll know why.” Her friend giggled and disappeared into the sea of departing fans.
Annie dug deep into the pocket of her jeans, pulled out the back stage pass, and hung it nervously around her neck. Taking a deep breath, she headed toward the side door, as if someone were escorting her to the gas chamber. A burly guard filled the doorframe and asked to see her pass.
“You’re here to see Mike, aren’t you?” the guard asked in a low growl.
“How’d you know that?”
“I never forget a face,” he smiled down at her. “He’s out back in the press room. You remember how to get there, right?”
“Yes.”
“Have fun,” he replied, stepping aside to let her pass.
The hallway was already brimming with people waiting to enter the press room when Annie arrived. Fifteen agonizing minutes passed while she waited in line to enter and more than once she thought of turning tail and running the other way. Finally, Brian noticed her standing in the doorway and pulled her inside.
“Jesus! I thought you weren’t coming,” he said, hugging her tightly, then releasing his grip to take a look at her. “Man, you look great!”
“Is he here?” she asked, realizing instantly how stupid her question sounded.
Annie’s eyes darted quickly around the room, surveying everyone there. She and Brian noticed Michael at the same time, flirting shamelessly with a beautiful blonde across the room. Quick as lightening, Annie turned to leave. Brian grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, putting her back to Michael.
“I thought you said he wasn’t seeing anyone?” Annie spit at Brian through clenched teeth.
“Trust me, he’s not,” Brian replied, bending down to look Annie in the eye. “That isn’t what it appears to be, okay? So, take a deep breath and pull yourself together.”
“You have no idea how hard it was for me to come here tonight,” she shouted, angry at herself for falling apart. “And now I feel like you’ve wasted my time. He’s obviously moved on and he’s happy. There’s nothing more I can do for him.”
“That woman isn’t his girlfriend, Annie. She’s the daughter of someone in management.”
Annie gave Brian a hard shove. “Brian, I’ve heard every excuse in the book and the bimbo is always a relative of someone or the daughter of someone else! How stupid do you think I am? I don’t give a shit who the girl is! It doesn’t matter.” She pushed Brian aside. “Tell Michael I wish him and his latest bimbo all the best.”
“Annie, come on! Don’t leave now,” Brian yelled after her.
Across the room, Michael suddenly noticed Brian in the midst of what appeared to be an argument. It wasn’t until the woman turned to leave that he caught a glimpse of her face. The recognition was instantaneous. Her long golden hair and delicate facial features were unmistakable. It was Annie. Feeling his heart fill with emotion, he began to plow his way through the crowd toward Brian.
“Was that Annie?” he asked, grabbing Brian on the arm. He already knew the answer but he was almost afraid to hear it.
“You stupid asshole! Of all the nights to start being sociable , you had to pick tonight!”
Michael ignored Brian’s comment and rushed out into the hallway.
“Annie!” He took two more strides and called her name again.
She stopped dead and lowered her head. The sound of his voice turned her legs to cement. Even if she had wanted to run, her body wasn’t cooperating.
“Are you leaving without saying hello?” he asked, inching his way closer.
Annie slowly turned to face him but didn’t dare hold his gaze. “You looked busy and I didn’t want to interrupt.”
“I wasn’t busy with that girl, if that’s what you were thinking.”
Annie forced a smile. “You don’t owe me an explanation. It’s none of my business.”
“Maybe not, but I still wanted you to know that.”
For a few painful moments they stared at one another and shifted in place. The urge to reach out and pull her against him tore at his heart strings. She looked so damned good, almost untouchable, like a piece of candy held just beyond his reach. He tired to read her face but found himself staring at her mouth instead. He stood empty, helplessly lost, not one word connecting his brain with his tongue.
“Wow, you look…fantastic,” he finally managed.
“Thanks,” she smiled. “Clean and sober.”
“And you had your foot fixed.”
“Yes, I did,” she nodded.
So many emotions flooded Annie’s body. She felt weak. One part of her wanted to run, another part wanted to throw herself at him and fall shamelessly into his arms. Her insides quivered like jelly. Time had not erased her feelings for him and Annie had been stupid to think otherwise. She leaned against the wall and tried desperately to hold her tears at bay.
“Were you here for the show?” he asked, fidgeting like a school boy.
“Yes,” she smiled weakly. “Brian left tickets at the box office for me and a friend.”
“Oh, so you’re here with someone?” he questioned, suddenly feeling the need to search the hall behind her.
“A girl friend,” she quickly added.
He smiled and nodded, obviously relieved. “Annie, I really think we need to talk and clearly this isn’t the place. Would you like to go for a ride or something?” If his heart beat any harder in his chest he was afraid she might hear it.
“Yes, I think that’s a good idea,” she answered softly, glancing at her feet.
He smiled broadly. “Good. Let me go tell Brian we’re leaving and I’ll be right back.”