by Ann Lister
He came around the bed and knelt before her. “Don’t think for a second you don’t turn me on. You walk into a room and I get hard and that’s the truth.”
She shifted her head and started at him, fluid teetering on the rims of her eyes and twinkled in the light. “Then why?”
“I don’t have an answer to that question and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. If I could erase what happened, I would in a heart-beat. I’m an asshole that doesn’t deserve you. Deep down I’ve always wondered why you were with me, Annie. Frankly, you could have done a lot better. God knows you deserve better.”
He sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, facing her. Annie tipped her head back and closed her eyes. She was exhausted to the point of collapse. “The day you asked me to marry you I told you I wasn’t into sharing. I thought I was up front about that. You swore to me that you wouldn’t cheat because you loved me, unlike the other women from your past, and I believed you. Man, what a line that was, and I fell for it!”
“I meant what I said.”
“That’s bullshit. Otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” She watched him rub at his eyes. “How long after we got married did you resume our old lifestyle?” she asked.
“I told you, she was the only one.”
“So, being on the road is what tempted you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
Annie fell silent for several minutes before she spoke.
“Okay, then. As long as we’re being honest, you should probably know that I’ve been screwing around on you for the last few weeks.”
He cocked his head and stared at her with suspicion. “What did you just say?”
She watched the color change in his eyes and smiled triumphantly. Finally, she had struck a nerve that would cause him to feel the same pain she had carried around on her back for the last month.
“You heard me,” she sneered and bent forward to shorten the distance between them. “I’ve slept with four different men in the last fourteen days.”
He shook his head. “I don’t believe you. You’re hardly the type…and besides, you’re pregnant.”
“How do you know what I'm capable of?” she spat. “I'll tell you this though, the first time was purely for revenge. Have you ever done that, Michael, fuck for revenge? And I'll also share this with you: he didn't give a damn that I was pregnant. In fact, when I told him you were the father of my baby, it seemed to turn him on even more.”
“Stop it! That’s enough,” he shouted. He stood quickly and began to pace the floor.
“I believe you know him: Ralph Mason, the infamous tour manager. I don’t regret a minute of it either.”
Annie sat back on the bed, making herself more comfortable. She felt empowered watching him suffer. “Then there was Scott, our drummer, but I only had oral sex with him so I guess it doesn't count, does it Michael – at least in your rule book. Even still, to me, sex is sex, so I'll count it.”
“I don’t want to hear this,” he yelled.
“Too bad! You wanted to get everything out in the open and that’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s my turn to cleanse my soul so shut the hell up and listen!” He stood by the window and gazed at Central Park in the distance. Shoulders slouched in defeat, his forehead rested against the cold glass. She circled him like prey and moved in for the kill.
“That guy you saw me with out in the living room…”
“Yeah, what about him?”
“I’ve been sleeping with him for the past week. It was only supposed to be a one-time thing but I found myself having feelings for him. So I asked him to come to New York.”
He looked at her in shock, his knees almost seemed to give way beneath his weight. “What are you saying?”
“What’s the matter, Michael? Don’t tell me it bothers you to visualize your wife being intimate with other men? Come on now! A man of the world like yourself - this stuff is small time for you.”
He stepped toward the door and paused before opening it. “I guess I’m not as worldly as you seem to think because it does bother me - a lot.” He spun around and faced her. His face ashen and pained. Fluid glistened in his eyes. “So, I guess your revenge tactic worked, Annie. You should feel vindicated.”
He stepped into the hall and shut the door quietly behind him. She watched him disappear. An empty stillness filled the room. He was gone and she felt dead inside. She covered her mouth to stifle a sob and climbed beneath the quilt on the bed. Too exhausted to cry another tear, she quickly fell asleep.
Michael made his way toward the apartment door; blinded by his emotion, he hadn’t even noticed Taylor sitting at the kitchen table.
“Leaving so soon?” she asked him, taking a sip of freshly brewed tea.
“There’s no point in staying,” he replied with emptiness.
“Come here, sit down with me,” she instructed, and pulled out a chair for him to occupy.
“Do you love her?” she asked, as he sat heavily.
“Yes.”
“Then fight for her,” she said, reaching out to touch his forearm.
He shook his head. “She made it very clear she doesn’t want me.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. She’s hurt, Michael, and it will take time for her wounds to heal but I don’t think you should walk away. Not now.”
“She just told me she has feelings for that asshole that was here earlier.”
“You mean Kent?” Taylor asked with surprise.
“It doesn’t matter what the fuck his name is. All I know is he’s been sleeping with my wife for the last week.”
Taylor began to laugh. “Annie and Kent? I don't think so, Michael. He may wish it were that way but I live here and I can say for fact. She's not sleeping with him or anyone else.”
“What about Ralph Mason and your drummer?”
“What about them? Did she say she’s slept with them too?”
Michael nodded.
“She’s lying.”
“Maybe not. Maybe you just haven’t noticed.”
“No way. I know she hasn’t been with anyone else.
“Truth is, she contemplated it right after she found you with that girl. There was a guy that was coming on to her while she was in Los Angeles. He asked her back to his place for drinks and she called me to ask what she should do. I told her that she’d regret it for the rest of her life if she went and that two wrongs don’t make a right. Know what I’m saying? She told me later she was glad she hadn’t gone with him. So, what ever she told you in there, it was purely fiction. I guess she was trying to hurt you.”
“A taste of my own medicine?”
“Yeah, something like that,” Taylor smiled. “I gotta tell you, I’ve never seen a person more emotionally destroyed than she has been this past month. She’s walked around in a complete daze after she got back from California. That kind of stress isn’t good for a pregnant woman, you know. I’m not sure how much more her body can withstand.”
“I hear what you’re saying, Taylor, and I’d like nothing more than to take her back to Boston and try and fix this fucking mess I’ve made.” he tipped his head back and rubbed at his face. “A part of me can’t believe this is reality. When I think of how good things were last summer or as recently as when we made that baby, I can’t believe I let this happen.”
“Than go back in there and tell her that. Fight for her, Michael. Don’t let his slip away. If you leave now it’s the same thing as giving up. Is that what you want?”
“No. I want her and I want to be a father to our baby.”
Taylor smiled and sighed heavily. “Go talk to her, Michael.”
He nodded and pushed the chair away from the table. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For being here and listening. If you hadn’t been sitting here, I would have walked out that door and maybe not come back.”
“I guess it’s fate. Now, go back in there and win your wife back.”
/> Michael cracked the door open and stepped inside Annie’s room. She was curled on the bed in a fetal position facing the window. He crossed the room slowly then realized she was sound asleep. She was angelic and childlike, it was no wonder they called her Angelise when she was born. She was an angel.
He shut off the light and went to the other side of her bed, gently lying down, ever so careful not to wake her. He fell asleep to the soft purr of her breathing.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
As the predawn light began to filter in through the window, Annie began to stir. Without thinking, she rolled over and cuddled against Michael’s slumbering body. Half asleep, he slid an arm around her shoulder and pulled her tighter against his chest. He kissed her forehead and said, “I love you.” Hearing the words, she froze and pulled away from him sharply.
“I thought you left,” she said, rolling away and putting her back to him.
“I changed my mind,” he said groggily. “When I came back in here, you were already asleep and I didn’t want to wake you.”
She inched further away, putting as much distance as she could between them. Having him in bed with her was unnerving. A mixture of warm and cold emotions raced through her veins. The room seemed to be closing in around her.
He cautiously moved closer to her backside. “Annie…”
“What?” she answered quickly, a hint of hostility in her voice. She wished he would leave.
“Please come back to Boston with me so I can try and fix this mess. I want to make things right with you. I want to be part of your life and watch our baby grow.”
His mouth moved dangerously close to the nape of her neck. She could feel the heat of his breath warming her skin. Brick by brick, the walls she had built to protect herself from him were crashing to the ground. The weakness she had for him was shameful. She closed her eyes and began to cry.
“Baby, I love you and I want you to love me again. I want you to want me the way I still want you, the way I’m wanting you right now.”
His lips brushed over her flesh and with a feather touch. He felt her tremble. “Let me love you, babe. Let me show you what you mean to me.”
There was a desperate tone to his voice that she could not ignore, reluctantly she rolled over to face him. The closeness of their bodies, mouths, and hands startled her but an army could not have made her move. Her heart was pounding hard against her ribs. She could smell him, raw and so very masculine. She inhaled deeply filling her lungs with him. His pale blue eyes were so warm, inviting, almost begging for her. She studied his face, the way the pillow seemed to cradle his head, and the thick hair that spilled all around, framing him like a picture. He was beautiful and vulnerable.
“Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?” she whispered.
“Yes, I think I do,” he answered thoughtfully.
“And, just like that you come crawling back, throw a few flowery phrases around and I’m supposed to lay back and spread my legs for you? I don’t think so, Michael. It won’t happen like that. I won’t let it. You want me back, then you’ll have to earn my trust.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“And I swear, if I ever catch you with another woman again, there won’t be a second chance. I will walk out of your life for good. Case closed, end of story.”
“I know, sweetheart. I know.”
She fell onto her back and gazed at the ceiling, tears cascading down her cheeks. “You hurt me again, Michael, and I swear…”
He slid closer and tentatively pressed his mouth against her cheek, kissing her tears. “I won’t hurt you again. I promise. I love you so much, sometimes it scares me.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I’m not sure I can explain it,” he sighed, rolling back onto his pillow. “I have all this raw emotion inside for you and sometimes I’m not sure what to do with it. I’m afraid if I let it out it will be too overwhelming for you and for me.”
He turned his head and faced her. “I look at you and wonder what you see in me. I wonder how you could have ever loved someone like me and if I’ll ever be good enough for you. You’re so certain and comfortable expressing your emotions and sometimes I don’t know how or where to begin.”
Annie smiled weakly through her tears. “You’re doing a fine job now,” she whispered.
He tossed her his trademark grin. “You really think so?”
“Yes, I think so.” He moved closer on the pillow and folded his hands beneath his cheek. “All I know is I love you, with every part of my body - and not just the good parts.”
Annie nervously bit her bottom lip.
He reached out and wiped at a tear resting on her cheek with his fingertip. “Annie, do you think you could ever love me the way you used to?”
“Michael, I never said I didn’t love you anymore.”
“Then you love me now?” he asked, leaning in and brushing his lips against hers.
“Yes,” she sighed. “I love you now.”
He covered her mouth with his and held on to her, as if he were afraid she’d pull away. Then he reached for her with his tongue, gently pressing in past her teeth in search of warmth.
“Will you come back to Boston with me, babe? Please? Will you let me show you over and over how much I love you?” His hands drifted down her front and rested on her belly. She flinched when she felt his fingers touch her bare skin. He felt her body freeze. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just wanted to feel our baby.”
She sat upright in bed and turned away from him. “Your hand…I’m sorry. I’m just not ready.” She dropped her feet over the side of the bed. “It feels good, probably too good, but then I get a visual in my head of you and her…and I feel sick.”
He moved over beside her, shoulder to shoulder. “I understand and I won’t push. I’ve waited for you before and I’m happy to wait again. Just let me share your life. Let me watch our baby grow inside you. That’s all I’m asking.”
She nodded and laid back down. “Hold me?”
“Come here.”
A long time passed and neither spoke until Annie began to fidget.
“What’s on your mind, babe?” he asked.
“Did you wear a condom with her?”
He sighed heavily. “No, I didn’t. It was only oral…”
“It doesn’t matter! I want you tested - for everything before you touch me again.”
“I’m sure everything will be negative but I’ll get tested if you want. I’ll go tomorrow.”
“I don’t care when you go, that’s up to you. But until you get the test results back, you’re not touching me. It’s not just my health I have to worry about now. I also have a baby to think about and I don’t think she or I should have to suffer because of your stupidity.”
“I understand. I’ll go. I promise.”
He cradled her in his arms and for a brief moment he thought everything was going to be okay. Then he felt her sobbing again.
“Are you all right?”
“No, and I’m not convinced it will ever be ‘right’ again.”
“Don’t say that. I know we can make this work,” he replied.
“How so? How do you see this working? Make me understand and see your vision because I’m not seeing it.”
Annie got off the bed and began to pace the room. “Look around you. How many marriages in this business do you see working? And, I’m talking about the ones that are being truthful, not the ones that are married on paper only!”
Each word that left her mouth grew louder and more intense. In minutes she was shouting. She spewed a continuous unstoppable dialog that left his head spinning and then it ended with her leaning up against the window. Immediately he went to her.
“I refuse to live, wondering every time you go on tour or into the studio, if you’re being unfaithful to me. And I refuse to be your babysitter, shadowing your every move, trying to give you a conscience.”
“No more long separations, Annie. I’ll have to do a better job sc
heduling our tours and studio time to work around your jobs. I don’t like being without you. It drives me crazy to wake up and not have you beside me.”
She faced him again and her vision blurred. She blinked hard to focus then swayed slightly on her feet.
“What’s the matter, babe?” he asked, extending an arm to catch her.
“I’m fine…just hungry.”
“Then let’s get something to eat,” he suggested, leading her from the bedroom.
Taylor was in the kitchen, reading the newspaper, when they appeared. “Well, I guess it’s safe to say you two made-up last night?” she asked.
Annie plunked herself onto a barstool beside the breakfast bar and rolled her eyes at Taylor. “Hardly. He wants me to go back to Boston with him so he can take care of me.”
“Sounds good to me,” Taylor replied.
“I don’t need him to take care of me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” she answered defensively as she prepared to toast some bread.
“I’m still in the room, you know,” Michael interjected, taking a seat beside Taylor at the table.
Annie narrowed her eyes and looked at him across the room. “I have no secrets from Taylor. She asked me a question and she deserves an answer.”
Suddenly Taylor felt like an unwelcome guest in her own home. “I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t asked the question.”
Annie ate the toast and made scrambled eggs which she reluctantly shared with Michael. “I guess this would be considered taking care of you, now wouldn’t it?” she sneered, tossing the plate in front of him, pieces of egg splattering onto table.
Taylor leaned in toward his ear. “Don’t give up on her yet, Michael. I can tell she’s weakening by the minute,” she teased.
He laughed loudly, nearly choking on his eggs. “Absolutely. I can feel the love!”
After breakfast, Michael grabbed Annie’s coat and handed it to her. “Come on,” he said. “Put this on.”
“What’s this for?”
“It’s cold outside, you’ll need it.” “I have no intention of going outside,” she said, tossing the coat back onto the chair.
He picked the coat up again and threw it back at her. “You and I are going outside for some fresh air. Now, put on the coat,” he demanded with a smile. Then he slid his dark sunglasses onto the bridge of his nose. “Lets go, the daylight hours are waning,” he teased.