by Ann Lister
Until then, it had been a notion Jay had only sensed, nothing concrete. It was an invisible current he had seen on more than one occasion passing between Annie and Michael. So subtle, in fact, he wondered if they were even aware of it. But seeing the expression of anguish blurring Michael’s facial features, it suddenly became all too clear. He knew, then, there would never be a chance in hell for him to share Annie’s life as long as Michael was still in the picture. The connection Michael continued to share with her was far too powerful for him to match.
“Michael, could you wait outside on the deck? I’ll be right out with Sammi’s blanket,” Annie yelled from the bedroom.
Without replying to Jay’s statement, Michael stepped out onto the deck and walked to the railing. He bent over the wooden structure, thankful for the brisk chill blowing in off the water. It seemed to be the only thing preventing the rush of nausea from overpowering his body. Seeing Annie with Jay was more than his heart could bear, and yet; he knew it was inevitable. She was moving on with her life and loving men was sure to be a part of it. But knowing that didn’t ease the pain of the reality for him. A piece of his heart died at that very moment.
Annie slid up beside him on the deck and gently poked Sammi’s soft yellow blanket into his line of vision. Unconsciously, she had covered herself with the black silk robe Michael had given to her as a gift a few Christmases ago and had it loosely tied around her waist. “Here, give this to Sammi and tell her I’m sorry I forgot to pack it.”
Michael turned and gazed down at her. The moonlight danced across her face in the most delicate of ways, making her appear almost angelic to him. “I’m really sorry about that,” he sighed and shook his head as if trying to delete the vision from his memory. “But you did say you’d be out all night.”
Annie forced a weak smile. “I know. We had a change of plans. I’m embarrassed you walked in on that.”
Michael turned his head back toward the ocean and nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he replied, toying with his fingers. “More than you know.”
“You must have used your old key to get in?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did,” he answered, not looking at her face. “Do you want it back?”
She smiled awkwardly. “No, you can keep it,” she shrugged ambivalently.
Somberly, he made his way to the steps leading off the deck, then stopped, facing her in the darkness again. “Listen,” he spoke softly. “Tell, Jay I’m sorry for the intrusion. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Annie remained on the deck until she heard his car engine rev, then returned to her living room. Jay was sitting on the couch, pulling on his boots.
“I’m sorry that just happened but you don’t have to leave because of it,” she said, aware Jay was preparing to depart.
Jay sat upright and studied her face before he spoke. “Annie, don’t be sorry. I think I needed to see that to believe my instincts were true.”
Annie cocked her head in confusion.
“Don’t get me wrong. I like Michael. Everyone in the business likes him so this isn’t meant to be negative, but I’ve never liked him always being underfoot here. I know you two share kids together and he wants to see them. But from the start, he’s never understood the boundaries involved here. At first, I thought you were afraid to explain the boundaries to him. Now, I’m thinking you enjoy him being here, more so than not.”
Jay slid his long fingers around the back of her neck and kneaded the tender flesh. Annie’s eyes dropped to her lap as heavy tears began to drip from her cheeks.
“I’ve always been completely honest with you, Annie. And for that reason, I have to tell you I really don’t see this thing between us working. And it’s not because of our touring schedules or your kids.”
“Then why?”
He raised her chin with his fingers and gazed straight into her eyes. “I believe you already know the answer to that question, my love. I can’t share you with him. It is obvious there are still some lingering feelings between you, whether you want to acknowledge them or not. Maybe you can’t see it or maybe you refuse to see it, but as an outsider surveying the situation, it is very obvious to me.”
Jay stroked the softness of her tear stained cheek. “When I’m with you, I feel as if he’s right there with us. I can’t compete with that. And frankly, my ego isn’t strong enough for the challenge.”
“I’m not sure I agree with what you’re saying, Jay. I’m not ‘in love’ with him anymore. He’s nothing more to me than the father of my children.”
“You may want to believe that, but it's because you won't allow yourself to get beyond the hurt he's caused you. If you scrape all the pain off the top I think you'll see it for what it is, Annie. Maybe it's time you buried the anger and gave him another chance.”
Annie couldn’t believe what she was hearing and moved away from Jay on the couch. “Do you have any idea how many chances I’ve already given him?” Angrily she got off the couch and moved to the window overlooking the beach. “It will never work with Michael. We’ve already tried it, and it was a disaster from the start.”
Jay got off the couch and slid on his jacket. “I will never lie to you, Annie, and I’m telling you the truth now as I see it. You’re still in love with him and, after the reaction I saw on his face tonight, it is more than obvious he is still head over heels for you too.”
Annie shook her head in defiance. “That’s not true. We share history together and that is as far as it goes.”
Jay walked toward the door and opened it. “Believe what you want, Annie,” he sighed. “But I think you should look a little deeper. Mike’s a nice guy and he sure as hell loves his kids. And yeah, he made mistakes. So what!? We all do. By doing so, he proved that he’s human and, like the rest of us, he has flaws.”
Jay kissed Annie on the mouth. “I’m a big boy, Annie. I’m okay with this. I saw it coming weeks ago and I’m man enough to back off from a battle I can never win. But, if things get too rough for you, give me a call. If nothing else, I can be a great shoulder for you to cry on.”
After Jay left, Annie got dressed and walked the beach for hours. Jay’s words pounded in her head. The logic behind them disturbed her. She was exhausted from the constant need to dissect the relationship she had with Michael. It was as it was. They were divorced now, merely going through the motions of civility for the benefit of their children. If it weren’t for the kids they shared, she doubted they’d even be speaking. Then why did her heart beat so wildly each time he arrived at the house? And why did a feeling of loneliness envelop her after he left?
Annie shivered at the thought that some of what Jay had said might have a little truth to it. She turned back toward the house in disgust. There was no earthly way he could be right when such a huge part of her was still so angry at Michael for tearing apart their family. Cold tears began to well in her eyes. She doubted there would ever be a day when she could look at Michael and not feel the pain that ran so deep within her for everything he had done, destroyed and taken away.
She didn’t sleep much that night and woke early in preparation of the girls arrival home after lunch. When they didn’t come, she began to worry. She called Michael’s house and the call went unanswered. She tried his cell phone and got no answer on that either.
By the time Michael returned with the girls it was dark, and well past their bedtime. In his absence, she had many hours to ponder the depth of her distrust for him. Seeing him now, made her blood boil and all but erased her embarrassment of being caught the previous night with Jay.
“Where the hell have you been?” she asked, setting down the empty wine glass onto the coffee table. “The deal was, you’d have them back before dinner!”
“I’m sorry. I took them into town and bumped into some old friend and then got stuck signing autographs. I had no idea it had gotten so late. Let me put them to bed and I’ll be right back.”
A few moments passed and Michael reappeared. Nervously, he leaned against the kitchen ta
ble, as if he needed it for support. It was obvious Annie was upset with him, but what he noticed even more was what she was wearing. She wore a tight fitting tank top and a soft pair of cotton boxer shorts. He could tell without much effort, she wore no bra. Her breasts were still full from giving birth to Angel and strained mercilessly against the fabric of her top, spilling over the scoop neckline. Her long tapered legs were neatly folded beneath her on the couch. Michael swallowed hard. Her appearance was purely a distraction to him. It was a painful reminder of what he could no longer have and what Jay could.
Annie stood and staggered a bit from the effect of the wine. “You should have called to let me know you were running late,” she complained. “I was beginning to think you had…”
“What? Kidnapped my own kids?” he snapped. “I wouldn’t even consider it.”
“That’s what they all say,” she answered defiantly, taking a single step forward only to trip over the leg of the coffee table. Blindly, she began to fall. Michael lunged quickly and caught her in his arms before she hit the floor.
“How gallant of you, Michael, always being there to catch me when I stumble,” she sneered with sarcasm. She kept her body pressed against him in a sexual embrace but her eyes were filled with coldness.
He gazed down at her, confusion skewing his face. It was clear she was mocking him, toying with the lingering emotional attachment she knew he still had for her. But he was powerless to fight the magical spell her body cast over him. His fingers tentatively fanned the soft expanse of skin at the small of her back, as he helplessly felt his maleness harden and come to life.
Annie felt his physical reaction too. Playfully, she pulled away and giggled as she ran her index finger across his full bottom lip. Then she poured herself another glass of wine.
“Annie, what’s going on here?” he asked, observing the nearly depleted bottle of wine in her hand.
She took a hearty gulp of the liquid and stepped back in front of him, an accusing finger wagging in his face. “Oh, I believe you know exactly what’s going on here!”
“Well, I don’t, so why don’t you enlighten me.”
“Okay, fine. I will,” she chided.
He could smell the alcohol on her breath. Her words were slurred and garbled. He dropped his keys onto the table behind him when she saw her inch toward him again.
She swallowed more wine, and with her eyes narrowed in contempt, she stepped closer still, like a predator surveying its next meal. She stopped when her breasts mashed against his chest. Her mouth was mere inches from his. She could feel his breath coming in quick, hot bursts. His hands dropped to circle her waist. Using his palms, he pressed her harder against his body.
She set her wineglass down behind him and slid her arms around his neck. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what’s going on here, Michael,” she whispered into his face. “You’ve been strutting your ass around here for weeks, throwing innuendos at me like Frisbees.”
Each word she spoke brought her mouth closer to his lips until they touched. He opened his mouth eagerly, like a hungry bird, hoping to be fed. She laughed scornfully against his mouth, as she felt his desire begin to throb between them. “Isn’t this what you expected would happen?” she asked, her tongue slipping out of the warmth of her mouth and tasting the tip of his. “My God, you were so damned persistent. You must have known it would eventually come to this, right?”
“Maybe. But what about Jay?” He asked, covering her mouth completely with his. Then his fingers inched up the warm flesh of her back.
She kissed him back, fast and hard, until she felt his fingers pushing toward the fullness of her breasts. Then she stopped his pursuit and smiled at him coyly. “Jay is no longer in the picture, Michael. He dumped me last night after you showed up unannounced. Funny…you always seem to show up when I don’t want you to.”
“I’m truly sorry for that. If I had any idea you were here with him, I wouldn’t have come inside. Believe me: that was the last thing I wanted to see.”
Annie sighed and massaged the thickness of his neck with her fingers. “It doesn't matter now. I knew it wouldn't last. Like it or not, the fact that you were ever in my life seems to scare off most men. Once they find out who the father of my children is, they lose interest in having a relationship. No one wants to risk pissing off the great and powerful Michael Wade,” she spat with resentment.
“I have no control over that.”
“Oh, and don’t I know all about that,” she sneered.
“Then maybe that’s proof we really should be together.”
“That will never happen because I no longer have feelings for you.”
He smiled down at her. “But I think you do,” he replied, descending upon her mouth.
She pushed his face away forcefully with her hand. “There will be no winners in this game you continue to play, Michael. Are you prepared for that?”
Their mouths met with fevered intentions. Again, his hands slid up her rib cage toward her breasts. This time, Annie wasn’t quick enough to stop them. He cupped each one and massaged each nipple, then moaned loudly when her flesh rewarded his manipulations by hardening beneath his finger tips. When she felt herself losing control and running the risk of surrendering, she bit his bottom lip swiftly and without remorse, drawing blood. His fingers quickly retreated from beneath her top and sprang to protect his face.
“What the hell did you do that for?” he asked in anger, viewing the red stains on his fingers.
Annie’s eyes narrowed in disgust. A smug smile ebbed across her face. The hand she had resting on his chest began to ease toward his waist. She watched his expression change from pain to pleasure when her finger inched lower and cupped his swollen groin. “What’s the matter? The big, famous rock star doesn’t like it rough?”
She squeezed him hard, her mouth searching for his. When she felt him grimace, she eased her grip, but only slightly.
“Annie, are you deliberately trying to hurt me?” he asked against her cheek.
Then he felt the zipper on his pants release and Annie’s fingers grasp the heat of his organ.
“Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting, Michael? Every day you’ve come here, isn’t this what you’ve hoped would happen?” Annie fell to her knees and pushed him inside her mouth.
Michael’s head swirled with exquisite pleasure and hurtful confusion. Reluctantly, he pulled himself free from her grip. Her eyes lifted to meet his disapproving stare.
“There are no genuine feelings in what you’re doing, Annie. It’s pretty damn obvious you don’t want to do this. You’re doing it for all the wrong reasons and, because of that, I don’t want you to do it. You’ll cheapen the memory of what we had and what still remains between us.”
Annie’s eyes dropped to his throbbing organ. “From where I’m sitting, it certainly looks like you want it.”
He pulled her to her feet and circled her with his arms. “Yes, my body is responding, but it’s purely mechanical. This isn’t how I want you, now - or ever.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You’re drunk or very close to it, Annie,” he whispered against her cheek. “I don’t want to have sex with you that has no meaning. I want to make love and there’s a vast difference between the two. You taught me that.”
He positioned her body in such a way that his organ rested in the soft cleft between her legs. Then, with his hands he began to move her, side to side, against him. Annie immediately felt the effects and melted.
“Annie, when I make love to you it will be for all the right reasons. And I want you to be completely alert and aware of the pleasure I'm giving to you.”
Delicately, he kissed her mouth and softly tasted the inner sanctuary hidden within. “I want every kiss, touch, and the places I taste on your body to mean something. I want you to be aware of the love in which I’m delivering them.”
He continued to move beneath her and marveled at how quickly she relaxed and succumbe
d to the sensations coursing through her. The contempt in her eyes was gone and replaced with a serene peace. Her eyes fell heavy with lust. Her hands balled the loose fabric of his shirt in her fists, as her body rose higher and higher toward release.
“Isn’t that how you really want it, sweetheart? Isn’t that the way it should be?”
Without ever entering her, he felt her shudder against him in orgasm and collapse onto his chest. He stroked her hair lovingly, breathing in the sweet scent of her skin. He wanted nothing more than to take her to bed and finish what they had started. But, at the risk of losing her, he thought better of the idea.
“My God, you are incredible,” he sighed, touching her skin lightly with his finger tips. “If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you the way you deserve to be loved.”
As if suddenly waking from a trance, Annie’s back stiffened and she sharply withdrew from him.
“Oh my God! What have I done?” she asked in horror, glancing down the length of his body. “I’ve made a terrible mistake! I never should have…” her voice trailed off into sobs as she dashed to the safety of her bedroom, covering her mouth with a trembling hand.
A few moments later, Michael appeared in the doorway. His pants were zipped and buttoned again and his hands dug nervously into the pockets. Annie sat on the bed, her arms hugging her body tightly as she rocked back and forth.
“Annie, I…”
“Please leave.”
“But…”
“Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say one fucking thing!”
“I’m sorry.”
She glanced in his direction but avoided making eye contact. “I can’t believe I just did that or that I let you…”she said through heaving sobs. “My God, knowing who you’ve probably been with, I can’t believe I had…and in my mouth!”
Annie bolted off the bed and into the bathroom, falling to the floor beside the toilet bowl. “I think I’m going to throw up!” Without turning to look, she sensed his presence behind her. “Will you ever leave me alone?”