Wild Heat (Northern Fire)

by Lucy Monroe

  “No.” But something in her sky-blue gaze said that he was right in believing she wasn’t entirely happy about that reality either. She sighed. “If we got together outside of work and our trysts, we’d have more time to talk.”

  “You know that’s not possible.”

  “Remind me again why two friends can’t just have dinner together once in a while?” she asked, definite snark invading her tone.

  “I’m only home for dinner a few nights a week during the season and I spend most of those at the Homestead.” She kept the schedule; she knew how many tours of his went into the evening.

  “You couldn’t give up one night at the Homestead to eat with me?”

  Not without raising brows and encouraging speculation. “You could always come to dinner with the family again. It’s not always the whole clan, you know.”

  “But it is always at least your parents and grandparents.”

  “Sure.” But she liked them; he knew she did. And ever since her lunch with his mom and Kitty’s gran and aunts, Kitty hadn’t shown any reticence to be in Aana’s company.

  “Right.”

  He didn’t understand what her point was. “I’m inviting you to dinner tonight,” he reminded her.

  “With Nik, Savannah, and Joey.”

  “Well, yeah, but I thought you were open to being Savannah’s friend. And that Joey is one sweet little boy.” He reminded Tack why one day he wanted a family.

  “Aren’t you worried that will seem like a coupley thing to do?” she asked, sounding more annoyed than worried.

  “Nah.” He’d already laid the groundwork with his family, telling his mom that Kitty was Savannah’s only friend in Cailkirn so far.

  He explained that to Kitty.

  The pleased expression that had come over her beautiful face at his initial denial of concern transformed into one of definite irritation.

  “What’s the matter? You have to get over your aversion to having other people know what’s going on in your life,” he said, guessing that was what bothered her. “What is the big deal, anyway? Were you planning to hide your friendship with Savannah?”

  “No,” Kitty all but snapped. “Hiding one friendship is plenty, thanks.”

  “We don’t hide our friendship.”

  “Really?”

  “You know we don’t.”

  “Do I?”

  Man, what was her problem? His wildcat wasn’t usually cranky like this. Stubborn, yes. Independent? That too. But not bad-tempered.

  “Are you getting enough sleep?” he asked.

  Her pretty bow lips twisted in cynicism. “Would it matter if I wasn’t?”

  Right. She definitely needed a full night’s sleep, maybe a few of them in a row. Guilt washed over Tack. He’d rejected her attempts to cut down the number of nights they spent together, thinking it was only about him getting enough rest.

  And he was fine.

  He’d been noticing signs of her tiredness, though; almost every night, she fell asleep after the second time they made love—sometimes even after the first bout of sex. He should have done something about it before this, but he’d been selfish.

  Far from assuaging his need for her, their nightly intimacy had only increased his craving.

  “We can make dinner with Nik and Savannah another night.”

  “No. It’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not. You need your rest. I’ll go call Nik.” He left before he gave in to the urge to take back the words.

  Even knowing Kitty needed a break, he wanted her in his house that night. Even if no sex was in the offing, but she needed the rest. He’d forgotten how physically fragile she’d been only a year ago.

  It was time to man up. He would have to show some restraint and not push to get together every night.

  * * *

  Fighting irrational jealousy, Caitlin listened to the rise and fall of Tack’s and his mom’s voices from his office. Malina MacKinnon had complete freedom to come and go in her son’s office. He never looked to see who was around to notice them when he hugged her.

  She got to see him on most of his free nights for dinner and when she came in, she got all his attention. No matter if it was the only time all week Caitlin and Tack had to see each other outside of sex, he would take his mom back into his office for one of their mother-son chats.

  He never invited Caitlin to join them and never kept his mom in the reception area so Caitlin could naturally do so.

  It hurt in a way Caitlin had been sure she wouldn’t with Tack. She felt like he was ashamed of her.

  She knew he wasn’t exactly proud of their intimate relationship. He couldn’t be proud and so obsessively determined to keep it a secret from everyone that mattered in their lives.

  At first, the illicit nature of their sexual relationship had been exciting. She’d liked having something that was just hers and Tack’s, but the limits on their time together and interactions when other people were around had grown old.

  Added to that, over the last week, he’d shown a marked decrease in his interest in getting together even for sex. Sure, she’d been the first one to suggest they cut back the number of nights they met in his bed. But that had been to protect his sleep.

  He said that was his reason now (on her behalf, though), but that really didn’t fly. Not after the way he’d completely disregarded her concerns when she’d brought them up before.

  The dinner with Nik and Savannah hadn’t happened yet either.

  All of it added up to some very unpalatable truths. Tack did not love Caitlin and he wasn’t likely to ever allow himself to either. Or even be tempted.

  A man didn’t fall in love with his project, no matter how consuming.

  In Tack’s mind, Caitlin was and would forever be the bird with the permanently broken wing he fed and entertained. He wasn’t even as committed to fixing her as he had been.

  She wasn’t sure she could blame him. Her commitment to giving him closure had flown out the window. She didn’t want to help him shut the door on the past so he could make a relationship with someone else. She wanted a second chance at the love she should never have tried to deny in the first place.

  But it was becoming increasingly clear that he didn’t share her change of heart.

  As her realization of the hopelessness of her love for Tack grew, so did Caitlin’s inner stress. Unsurprisingly, she’d fallen into old patterns of skipping meals.

  Nothing like as bad as before, and not even as pronounced as after she’d first moved back to Cailkirn. But Dr. Hart had noticed and pointed out that she didn’t believe Caitlin’s current relationship with Tack was healthy for her patient.

  And in her most rational moments, Caitlin had to agree.

  She wasn’t sure she had the strength to break it off, but she couldn’t deny that emotional pain was at a level she would never have anticipated. Worse, it had become a definitive component for her to their association.

  The phone interrupted her unhappy thoughts.

  She picked it up and gave her usual greeting, pleasantly surprised to find a cruise director she’d worked with already.

  “Hello, luv,” Stu said in his charming Australian accent. “We’ll be in port the day after tomorrow. I’m hoping you will be able to put together something special for a unique group of guests.”

  “Tell me about them and I’ll see what I can do.”

  It turned out a group of certified climbers, who were also old college friends, were on board and wanted a true Alaskan experience.

  Caitlin moved some things around on the schedule and booked the climbers with Tack on one of his excursions that was rare because so few hikers had the skills and experience necessary to make the trek. All the while, she made small talk with the cruise director and encouraged him to avail his other passengers of their less challenging excursions.

  “Will that do?” she finally asked.

  “Very nicely. Are you part of the MacKinnon in MacKinnon Bros. Tours?” Stu asked.
<
br />   Ignoring the twinge the question gave her heart, Caitlin replied, “No. I’m only their part-time clerical help and receptionist.”

  “More than that, I hope. You’re far too good at this.”

  Somehow they got into a discussion of her education and the years she’d spent schmoozing the glitterati in Los Angeles.

  “Have you ever considered a career with the cruise lines?” Stu asked. “Your skills are exactly what we need on the hospitality side and you would have the opportunity to see more of the world.”

  She asked where he’d been and he listed an impressive number of countries he’d visited in his job.

  “Look, this is probably presumptuous of me, but we have an opening coming up in our department. You should apply.”

  Nonplussed, Caitlin tried to process the offer.

  Before her realization that she loved Tack and the equal but far less palatable certainty that he did not love her, she would have turned Stu down immediately.

  Only, how would she handle living here in Cailkirn either staying in her current no-man’s-land of a relationship with Tack or breaking things off, all the while knowing Tack didn’t love her?

  Worse, how could she watch him eventually fall in love and build a family with someone else? The family she could have had if Caitlin hadn’t made her colossal mistake eight years ago.

  “You’re thinking about it, I can tell.”

  “I’ve just returned home.” And she’d promised not to leave again.

  But her gran and aunts didn’t need her like she’d thought they did. She’d realized that pretty quickly. They had been doing just fine without her. Gran’s insistence that Caitlin should feel free to put more hours into MacKinnon Bros. Tours only underlined how little the elderly women needed her around the Knit & Pearl.

  Caitlin had thought if she came home, she’d finally settle into the one place she belonged on this earth. But maybe she just didn’t have one?

  LA certainly hadn’t been it, but she wouldn’t figure out if Cailkirn was if she didn’t take the time to build a life here. Not the life given to her by others because she was an orphan child with no other options, but an adult life that she’d put her own effort and commitment into.

  Stu had to ring off before Caitlin could tell him she wasn’t interested, but she wasn’t worried about it. His suggestion had probably been a one off thing anyway that he’d forget by the time his ship was in port.

  Caitlin’s gaze fell to the bottom right of her computer screen and she noticed one o’clock had come and gone five minutes ago. Ruthlessly crushing the impulse to wait around and see if Malina had left so Caitlin would have a few minutes with Tack before he had to leave for his next tour, she got ready to go.

  Once she’d changed into her athletic shoes for the walk back to the bed-and-breakfast, Caitlin grabbed the string backpack she brought into the office instead of a purse. Wearing it made walking briskly easier, especially with the tourists that crowded the main street’s walkway.

  Tempted to leave without saying anything, Caitlin could not ignore the ingrained polite behavior taught by her gran, and she called out a good-bye to both Tack and his mother before going out the front door of MacKinnon Bros. Tours.

  * * *

  “Why haven’t you brought Caitlin to dinner again, Taqukaq?” his aana asked him.

  “She’s not a piece of luggage for me to cart around, Aana. If you want her to come to dinner, invite her.” Please.

  Tack was missing Kitty already, and his self-imposed restriction of his time with her was not even a week old. He didn’t like what that said about his feelings for her.

  “Don’t be silly, son.”

  “What exactly am I being silly about?”

  “Caitlin is yours and always has been.”

  He laughed darkly at words that weren’t anywhere near true. “She was never mine, or she would not have married Nevin Barston. And she’s certainly not mine now.”

  Aana’s expression went from patient to patently concerned. “How long are you going to keep punishing her for that mistake? Don’t you think the pain that man caused her was enough of a price for her to pay?”

  “What are you talking about? I’m not punishing Kitty.”

  “Are you sure about that, son?”

  “Of course.” But some tiny voice deep inside asked him the same thing. Was he punishing them both for choices made when they were too young to see the consequences?

  Her for walking away and him for allowing it?

  “If that’s true, then don’t you think you need to stop holding her at arm’s length?”

  “I don’t.” But he wasn’t about to tell his mom just how closely he held the adorable redhead.

  Aana made a dismissive sound. “She needs you, Tack, probably now more than ever. And she’s always needed you.”

  He might have argued that at one time, too, but he couldn’t anymore. Not that he was convinced Kitty realized it. She seemed oblivious to how much she needed him and denied that he should have pursued their friendship, rather than giving up.

  “I’m ready for grandchildren, Taqukaq.”

  Tack’s gut tied itself in a knot, less from any pressure his mom’s words might cause and more from how much they resonated inside him.

  He fell back on old explanations, though. “You know I’m too busy building the business to think about looking for a woman to marry.”

  He ignored the voice in his brain that tried to tell him he’d already found her. Kitty Grant had rejected him once. Giving her the starring role in that dream again would be the height of stupidity. Wouldn’t it?

  “Your business is doing great. Whatever you needed to prove, my son, you have proven, don’t you think?”

  He shook his head. “I’m just building a life I can be proud of.”

  “Your father and I are already proud of you. You should be proud of yourself. Now, it is time to build a family. And you don’t have to go looking for the woman to build it with.” Aana gave him a wry look. “She’s in your reception area five mornings a week.”

  Six actually, but he wasn’t going to bring that up now. “Kitty and I are just friends, Aana.”

  “Whatever you say, Tack. Just please remember that fooling yourself doesn’t mean you’re fooling anyone else.” His mom stood up and put her arms out. “Give me a hug. I need to pick some things up before I go home.”

  He did as she asked and then walked her to the door, holding it open for her.

  She patted his chest as she walked by. “Don’t be too stubborn, son. Nothing good ever comes of denying love.”

  Despite his best efforts, it was clear his mom was getting her hopes up about Tack and Kitty. But this was not the worst realization he had in that moment. No, it was the knowledge that there was too much truth in Aana’s words for him to ignore.

  The love he’d thought long in the past beat in his heart with all the strength of a mature man’s emotions.

  And what the hell he was going to do about that, he did not know.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Tack stormed into MacKinnon Bros. Tours, his mood as dark as an Alaskan winter, only to pull up short when he discovered Kitty still at her desk.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Her head came up with a snap, blue eyes filling with concern. “Working. What’s the matter? I thought you’d enjoy this last hike. You got to take experienced clients out on one of your favorite trails. Did something happen?”

  “Something besides Stu telling me you plan to apply for a job with his ship?” Tack snarled.

  The damned Australian had been all smiles about the idea, too, promising to give her a good reference. For a price, Tack was damn sure. The man wanted Tack’s wildcat.

  Kitty’s shock was either genuine or she was a hell of a lot better actress than he’d ever thought. “What? No, that’s not what I—”

  “Are you saying he lied to me?” Other than today, Tack had always liked the man and working with
him.

  “No.”

  “Then you are leaving.” Tack slammed through to his office.

  Her promise to stick around had lasted how many weeks? He knew this was going to happen. And still he’d let himself hope. Did that make him a chump or just terminally stupid?

  “I’m not leaving!” Man, Kitty could do volume when she wanted.

  She stood in his doorway, vibrating with angry indignation. Her cheeks burned with color, her eyes sparking with fury. “How dare you accuse me of breaking my promise without even talking to me?”

  “I did talk to you.” He indicated the reception area with a jerk of his head. “In there. You said Stu wasn’t lying.”

  “He wasn’t lying that he suggested I try for the job.” She stepped into his office, slamming the door behind her, though they were alone in the office. “I didn’t agree.”

  “So, you aren’t going to apply?” Tack pushed, his fear-fueled anger not nearly abated.

  “Do you want me to?” she asked with sharp bite.

  “No!”

  She stomped over to him in a way that shouldn’t be possible in her feminine heels and poked him in the sternum. “Listen here, Taqukaq MacKinnon, I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not even saying I never think of leaving, but I am telling you that when I make a promise, I do my very best to keep it.”

  “Good.”

  But she wasn’t done. “You may not need me here. My gran and aunts may not need me, but maybe I need to be here. Did you ever think of that? Well, did you?”

  All the damn time, but the words weren’t about to come out. “Who said we don’t need you?” he asked, his own voice still gravelly with anger-fueled adrenaline.

  “I do.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Am I?” she asked, her blue gaze burning with hope.

  “You’ve made a difference here. Egan is thrilled to have your help. We all are.” It was a cop-out but he wasn’t ready to share emotions he was still coming to terms with.

  Hell, when did a man ever want to talk about his feelings? It sure as hell wasn’t a MacKinnon family trait. That was for damn sure.