by D. A. Hill
“It’s up to you,” she replied in that tone a woman uses when you were supposed to read her mind but failed. Regina wanted him to validate her feelings without her having to articulate them, without having to risk rejection.
Cyrus wanted a definitive answer. He assumed she knew what their relationship was, even if he did not. He wondered what was really going on. “And? There’s something else worrying you I assume,” he said impatiently, wishing she would get to the point so he could go back to suffering the pain of unrequited love in peace.
“The thing is I’ve been thinking about the children. You and I seem to have suddenly become parents. How do you feel about that?”
“Overwhelmed really,” he answered. “If you’d asked me about being a father before Eric decided to latch on to me of all people, I would have run for the hills—my father was, well let’s just say I was afraid I would turn out like him. But now, now I can’t imagine it any other way.”
“Jenny told me about your father. How you protected her when you were young. I’m sure you could never turn out that way.”
“Well the only people I’ve ever really loved in my life were my mother and Jenny. And now Eric. So I didn’t know that for sure.” He did not add the words and Regina Lopez, although he wanted to, but simply thinking them made him sad. He hoped she had not noticed, or that if she did she interpreted it as sadness about his sister, a sadness which he certainly felt, especially now he was consciously thinking about her. “I have absolutely no regrets if that’s what you were asking. What about you?”
“No, not at all. It’s been difficult—more difficult for Elizabeth than for me I have to remind myself. And Dad is just over the moon. He always wanted to be a grandfather. By the way, you don’t mind Eric calling him Grandad do you?”
“Of course not,” Cyrus answered. “Those kids can use all the family they can get after everything they’ve been through.”
The genuine concern he showed for the children reminded her why she loved him. This was not going to be easy, that she could not just walk away without trying. She did not say any of that. “I’m glad you feel that way,” she said instead.
“Besides Emmanuel is the closest thing to a real father I’ve ever had. I hope you don’t mind that, sharing him with me.”
“Of course not. You’re like the son he never had. Don’t worry, I can say that without the slightest resentment or jealousy. Everyone’s happy.” Except me, she thought.
Cyrus had the same thought.
“Dad’s been a great help—he’s with Elizabeth now—and a great example, but I envy you sometimes. You just seem so natural with Eric and Elizabeth. Like my father.”
“I have to be good at something,” Cyrus said self-deprecatingly.
“Come on Cyrus, none of this would even exist without you,” she said as she waved her arms indicating their beautiful surroundings but really meaning everything.
“I suppose not,” he replied. “But you still haven’t told me what’s really worrying you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure where to start.”
“How about at the beginning?”
“OK, to get to the point, I’ve been thinking, Eric and Elizabeth, being brother and sister, they really should be together.”
—o—
Cyrus felt like he had been kicked in the gut as he realized she wanted to take Eric back. Maybe that was what was best for the boy, but he could not bear the thought. He had not understood until now that he wanted to be the boy’s father, that he was not taking care of him simply because Eric had formed an attachment to him or because there was no one else who seemed able to get through to him. He sat down on a nearby rock as his knees went weak—or at least as the computer simulation of his body interacted with the computer simulation of his mind in a way that the consciousness that was him interpreted as his knees going weak—and hung his head in despair.
Regina sat next to him and put her hand on his knee. “Cyrus what’s the matter?” she asked with concern as she tried to read his face. “Are you OK?”
“I’m OK,” he replied as him EM programming mimicked the effect of the blood returning to his brain. “If that’s what you think is best...”
“What?”
“Eric going back to live with you,” he said angrily as he stood and started walking away. He would agree to that arrangement in the best interests of Eric, but he did not have to like it.
Regina ran as fast as she could in a tightly fitted dress to catch up. “Cyrus, that’s not what I meant. I would never dream of taking Eric away from you. You love him and he loves you, anyone can see that.”
“Well why don’t you just say what you mean because I’m so confused by this whole conversation I feel like my head is going to explode!”
“Because I’m afraid.”
“Afraid? Afraid? I doubt you’ve ever been afraid of anything in your entire life! What can you possibly be afraid of?”
“I’m afraid that you’ll say no.”
“No to what?” he replied trying to keep his growing anger under control. Why was she playing with him like this? It was just cruel.
“No to calling me Gina.”
It was not like Regina Lopez to talk nonsense. He liked that about her. When she said something you knew exactly what she meant. Suddenly his frustration was replaced by concern. Cyrus started to worry that she was having a mental breakdown or something. Maybe EMs really were not stable over a long period of time. Or maybe there was a bug in his programming? Did he make a mistake somewhere? Were they all going to go the same way?
Calm down he told himself. Apply Occam’s Razor. The simplest explanation was most likely to be the correct one, in which case the most likely explanation was that he just was not very good at understanding people, especially female people. “I’m totally confused,” he pleaded as he continued walking, trying to get away from this nightmare, whatever it was. “I thought you said only your family call you Gina.”
“Cyrus please stop.” She took his hands as she stood facing him.
He felt her look at him like he had never felt her look at him before. She was staring at him, her gaze fixed, hoping to see something. But what? He could see pain and fear and longing in her eyes. What was it she wanted to say that was so awful that this tough self-confident woman could not just say it?
“A husband is family,” she said quietly.
“What? Could you repeat that?”
“A husband is family,” she repeated, louder this time.
Cyrus felt his head spinning. He counted to ten but still did not believe he heard what he thought he had heard. “Does that mean...”
“Yes it does,” she replied almost whispering, afraid to hear his answer. “Cyrus Jones, I want you to be my husband.”
Cyrus was literally speechless. She wanted him to marry her. He must be dreaming and be about to wake up. Any minute now he would be back in California programming drones. No he was awake. This was happening. He desperately wanted to say yes but could not get his mouth to move; he felt like he had swallowed his tongue along with a mouthful of sand.
Regina interpreted his lack of response as confirmation of her fears. She felt an awful pain in her chest and tears filled her eyes but still she looked at him and held his hands tight. She had come this far and had nothing more to lose. She had already humiliated herself and embarrassed Cyrus. She decided she may as well make one last plea because after this she did not think she would be able to face him again. “I know you don’t want to marry me, and you certainly shouldn’t do it just for the children, even though it would be wonderful for them both to have a mother and a father. But Cyrus I truly, honestly believe we could be happy together. That probably sounds ridiculous to you given our history, but if there is even the slightest hope that you might one day grow to love me the way I love you, please don’t say no. Just say you’ll think about it.”
His thought process caught up with Regina’s words somewhere between we could be happy t
ogether and I love you. Finally he was able to respond. “I’m sorry, but I can’t say I’ll think about it.”
Her head dropped in disappointment and resignation. “That’s alright Cyrus. You have nothing to be sorry about; this is all my fault. Please just forget this ever happened.” She turned to go, to hide her shame and embarrassment. She would be OK, she had her father and Elizabeth, but Regina Lopez had allowed herself, just for a moment, to dream of something more than just OK.
Cyrus refused to release her hands and pulled her back. To her surprise he reached up and gently and affectionately wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, as his fingers caressed her temples. It felt divine. If nothing else, Regina decided, she had this wonderful feeling to hold on to. Despite her overwhelming sense of emptiness, she smiled at the thought.
Cyrus smiled back, a smile as wide as any smile that she had ever seen grace his face. “I can’t say I’ll think about it because I don’t need to think about it. My answer is yes. It’s been yes for a long time.”
She could not believe it. She had hoped against hope that he might say yes but never believed he would. She had only come tonight because her father was right, she could not live with her own cowardice any longer, wanting desperately to know how he felt but being too afraid to ask. But Cyrus had said yes. “You said yes,” she said as more tears came, this time tears of joy.
“Yes I did,” Cyrus said with a joyful laugh as he took her in his arms. “For a super-spy you seem to be pretty blind about some things,” he said. “So let me tell you a secret, Gina Lopez. I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.” Then he kissed the woman he loved. The soft, moist feeling of her lips against his lips and the warmth of her breath against his face were the most intoxicating sensations he had ever felt—even when he had a body to feel such things.
epilogue
December 2047
They watched the asteroid smash into the Earth, landing somewhere near Hawaii. They could not see the mega-tsunamis, but the computer simulation told them they were there, washing over Pacific coastlines, destroying everything in their path; human civilizations in Hawaii, Japan, New Zealand, the east cost of Australia, the coastal provinces of China, the Philippines and South-East Asia and the west coast of the United States were all washed from the face of the Earth in just a few hours. ESTIMATED DEATH TOLL SEVEN HUNDRED FIFTY MILLION the computer said, the greatest disaster in the history of mankind. They knew that billions of people would have survived the impact, but the massive cloud of water vapor and dust and rock now obscuring the Earth’s surface was a reminder that they did not know for how long.
“What do we do now?” Emmanuel asked.
“We wait,” Regina answered. “We wait until the climate returns to normal. We wait to see if anyone survives and if they do, to see what state human civilization is in. And in the meantime we plan and prepare for our return.”
“I thought becoming EMs was a one way trip,” Graham Blake said.
“For now it is,” Cyrus answered. “James and I discussed some ideas on how we could move our minds back into physical bodies—we made a copy of everyone’s genome for that purpose—but there’s a huge amount of work to do to make that happen. It will take many years, possibly decades.”
“Do we have that long?” Graham Blake asked.
“We were able to fit enough solar panels to power the computer indefinitely,” Margaret Lee answered. “The fusion reactor is just for backup now, so we’re not going to run out of power.”
“Nae entirely. We still need a wee bit of hydrogen fuel to power the ion drive,” Colin McKay said seemingly contradicting her. “We will need an occasional orbit correction. Don’t want this bird falling out of the sky. But we should have enough fuel for a hundred years and I’m already working on an electrostatic ion scoop to collect hydrogen ions from space.”
“That’s good news. But what about us?” Blake asked.
“There’s a few things I ran out of time to program,” Cyrus answered. “Reproduction is one. We can copy an existing brain—that’s how we’re all here—but haven’t figured out how to create a new one from scratch, to create the initial neural network. Plus the plasticity of an infant brain requires a completely different approach to the formation of new patterns in the neural network. It was hard enough solving the problem for Elizabeth’s four year old brain.” He smiled at his wife. “So for now, no babies.”
“If we can’t have children then eventually we will all die off and that’s it,” Margaret Lee said. “What happened to ensuring the survival of the human race?”
“Survival is never guaranteed,” Regina answered.
“That’s true,” Cyrus said. “But we can work on a process for reproduction.”
“How long will that take?” Graham Blake asked.
“Also years, decades, maybe longer. It would have been easier if Elena Ivanov were here. Everything we know about neuroscience is in the computer, but someone is going to have to devote themselves to learning it before we can even start.”
Regina decided to volunteer for the job. She needed a purpose apart from caring for the children, as important as that role was. “I’m looking for a new career.” She turned to Cyrus. “It could take me quite a while though; I may have exaggerated a little about those biology courses.”
He kissed her. “Don’t worry Gina. It doesn’t matter how long it takes,” Cyrus declared reassuringly.
“What do you mean it doesn’t matter?” Margaret Lee demanded.
“It doesn’t matter Margaret because time is something we have plenty of. The programming for what we think of as our physical bodies includes the process of physical growth to maturity, so Eric and Elizabeth will grow to physical adulthood, but it does not include the steady physical decline that starts immediately after puberty,” Cyrus answered.
They all looked at him blankly.
“Don’t you understand, none of us will age physically. Nor will any of us ever get sick. There is no simulation of disease. James wanted me to include those things. He said our goal was to save the human race and that mortality was essential to our humanity. I don’t know if he was right, but with our schedule being cut so short I simply ran out of time. Unless the satellite is somehow damaged beyond repair we will all live indefinitely. What you do with your immortality is up to you, but let’s hope we can prove James wrong...”
afterword
The concept of EMs was inspired largely by the writings of Ray Kurzweil, especially The Singularity is Near: When Humans Transcend Biology in which he postulates computers that have sufficient power to emulate a human mind becoming a reality within the time frame in which this story is set. I wanted to explore that concept in a context in which we were forced by circumstances to overcome our natural aversion to the idea of embedding our minds in a machine.
To the friendly agents at the Department of Homeland Security, I swear that all of the information on intercontinental ballistic missiles, missile launch facilities and fertilizer bombs was obtained from publicly available sources. In the process I discovered that you can actually buy a decommissioned missile silo if you are so inclined.
We truly do live in an amazing time, and it is getting more amazing all the time. I expect the truth of the year 2040 will be way stranger than this fiction.
acknowledgments
First and foremost I want to thank my own dark-haired beauty for everything she does to make my life wonderful, for her reviews of early drafts (often bits and pieces out of context) and for her proof-reading. Marie can spot a typographical error or spelling mistake at a hundred yards and knows more grammar in multiple languages than most people know in one.
Thanks to my sister-in-law for her excellent character suggestions. I hope my characters all have their own voice. Aline certainly does.
Thanks also to my best friend Michael for sanity checking the science and providing very helpful ideas for the ongoing story to be covered in books two and three. And for being the best
friend from central casting—always there when you need him.
Researching this book would have been infinitely more time consuming without the wonders of the modern internet; especially Wikipedia, Google Maps and Purdue University’s Impact Earth! website which I used to calibrate the effects of the asteroid impact.
Of course any errors that remain are entirely my responsibility.
Table of Contents
chapter 1March 2030
chapter 2June 2045
chapter 3July 2045
chapter 4August 2045
chapter 5September 2045
chapter 6October 2045
chapter 7November 2045
chapter 8December 2045
chapter 9January 2046
chapter 10February 2046
chapter 11March 2046
chapter 12April 2046
chapter 13May 2046