by Audrina Lane
The rest of the hour in the pool passed without incident as we all laughed and joked together. James made no mention of the stolen kiss and I was too nervous too in case I had imagined it. As we parted the guys waved and we waved back then we headed in different directions. Saying good bye to Sarah at the end of the road we paused
“So what do you think the kiss meant?” I asked Sarah.
“That he likes you a bit more than just as a friend” Sarah replied.
“God, I hope so” I sighed.
“Chris was nice but a bit quiet” Sarah murmured.
“You like him?”
“Oh yes, he has something about him” she finished.
“See you Monday” I finished
“Yeah Monday” Sarah replied as we parted company for the short walk to our respective homes.
I am lying in bed watching the clock tick away. It’s gone midnight and for some reason I can’t sleep. I can still feel his lips pressed against mine and the feel of his hands on my waist when they pulled me close enough. I just felt his lips on mine, soft and firm against the liquid coolness of the water that surrounded us and held us both. We were suspended in a timeless moment. And into that timeless moment I eventually slipped as I dreamed of kissing James for the rest of my life.
Sunday 17th January, 1988.
I spent the day catching up with school work. In between I drifted off into romantic day dreams about James and wondering what was going to happen next. I knew that I wouldn’t see him again until Thursday next week as it was my Dad’s birthday on Tuesday so I couldn’t slope off to the pool.
Monday 18th January, 1988
Walking to meet Sarah, June and Amanda I was looking forward to hearing all the other gossip from the double date of the weekend. As we all fell into step together I gave Sarah a small wink which meant that I didn’t want to discuss James yet. I loved the fact that he was our secret from the others. Also I knew how jealous June could be and I didn’t need the extra competition for James affections if she were to suddenly turn up at the pool with us. June was also a renowned gossip at school so it also meant that none of it would leak out to everyone in the year.
“So how was the date on Saturday?” I asked
“John was the perfect gentleman and paid for us to go for a meal and then the cinema in Gloucester” June said.
“Not sure how much of the film they watched” Amanda said, laughing.
“Too much kissing going on” Sarah added. They both nodded and I watched June clutch at her heart and declared
“Girls, I am in love”
We all smiled at her, and wondered how many times in the past she had said this to us, only to split up with the guy in question within days.
“For how long?” Amanda asked
“Forever of course” June said “He is the one for me” she finished. We neared the school gates and I spotted him waiting for her.
School passed fairly quickly and on the way home I stopped in town to buy my Dad a birthday card and present. Luckily he loved books and reading almost as much as I did so I found an interesting one on the Second World War. Wrapping it up I wondered when James’ birthday was and whether we would still be friends or perhaps more by then. I looked at all the lovely Valentine’s Day cards that were already out on the shelves and wondered if this year would be the first year that I would receive one?
Tuesday 19th January, 1988.
No swimming tonight as it’s Dad’s birthday, so we all went out for a meal at the local Chinese. It was a great evening as we chatted over the food and my Dad actually poured me a glass of wine. I tried some of the red but didn’t really like the taste so instead he ordered me a white wine spritzer with lemonade in it which was much more palatable. I almost felt like a grown up, until I spotted a girl and guy walk in who looked about the same age as James did. I tried not to watch them sitting opposite each other, she laughed at his jokes as they held hands across the table. My heart ached as I wondered if I would ever get the chance to do that, especially if that chance came with James. I missed the pool and I missed James; and I wondered if he was missing me?
Wednesday 20th January, 1988.
I don’t really have much to talk about today. As last night had been a little on the late side I found I was trying to stifle my yawns throughout History in the afternoon. It was a subject I normally enjoyed but today my thoughts were definitely elsewhere in space and time. I was still thinking about the kiss beneath the surface of the pool. I was still unable to decide if it had just been a friendly one or whether it held the promise of more to come?
Thursday 21st January, 1988.
As School came to a close I almost dashed out of the gates at a run. I was eager to get home and do my theory revision for the Life saving course as it was exam time tonight. Sarah just about managed to catch up with me, as we left June and Amanda dawdling near the gates with John and Gareth. I spotted Gareth giving me a passing glance as I sped by but I ignored him. There was only one guy in the world for me and he was at the swimming pool.
Walking into the pool at around seven that evening I could tell everyone was as nervous as I felt. We all shuffled around the papers as we waited to take the exam, part of it was theory which went ok. Then we had to demonstrate CPR and the recovery position before we headed into the pool. Once there a couple of the lifeguards took turns to be the drowning person and we all had to dive in and save them. I wished it was James I was holding, but I also thought it was probably best it wasn’t otherwise I might have been too distracted to concentrate.
Once we had finished James called us over to the side of the pool
“Congratulations you’ve all passed so your certificates will be waiting for you at reception” he said, smiling at all of us. It felt as if his gaze lingered longer on me but perhaps I was imagining it. As the pool was free for a little longer I stayed in and swam a couple more lengths before I got out. After I had dried off and got dressed I realised that I was the last one left in the changing room. Quickly I checked my appearance in the mirror and applied a small amount of lip balm before I entered the foyer.
I walked across to the reception desk and Elaine handed me the final certificate. I was about to head through the doors when I heard footsteps behind me.
“Hi Steph, I just wondered if I could walk you home tonight?” he said
“I’d like that” I replied, smiling shyly at him. He held his hand out.
“I’ll carry your bag if you like” he said.
“Are you sure about that?” I replied. I handed him my Wham bag with photos of George and Andrew on each side. I saw James give it a look before he flung it over his shoulder.
“I take it you like Wham then?” he asked. I nodded as we headed down the steps and into the car park.
We walked in silence across the car park and then at the entrance he hesitated and looked across at me.
“Turn left” I said “I’m at the top end of Greytree, second avenue” I finished.
“I know where that is, luckily I’m not that far away from you down on fourth avenue” he replied. The darkness made me brave and I reached out and placed my hand in his, he squeezed it but didn’t let go. As we neared the avenue sign I slowed down and we stopped.
“Here will be fine” I said “I’m the third house along” I finished, pointing to the gate ahead.
“Cool” he replied, as he handed me back my bag.
In the glow of the street light I watched as he bent down towards me and gently brushed his lips against my cheek. So soft was the touch that I could hardly feel it, but I did. Under the cover of the dark sky he couldn’t see the pink blush staining my cheeks. He reached for my other hand and held it in his, passing me a piece of paper before he withdrew.
“Night Steph” he whispered, and then I watched him walk on down the road and out of sight.
I carefully unfolded the note that had been stapled onto my old diary page; it was ripped and fading in places. How many times had I read and re-re
ad this?
Even though I could still remember what the note said I opened it again and read his writing and his words from all those years ago.
“Stephanie, I really like you and would love to go out with you, but unfortunately I’m moving away with my parents at the end of January, so it may be best for us to just stay friends.
James x”
Closing it up I noticed how my hand was shaking and I tried to still it. How could I still feel this affected by a note from my past? From the memories streaming into my head that I hadn’t thought about for many years? I replaced the bookmark in the diary and put it back down on the side. I had been sat for over an hour and I knew that I needed to get back to reality.
Once I had loaded the washing machine I grabbed my handbag and laptop bag and headed out to my car. On the drive into Hereford I put the radio on and listened to Paul’s show. He never failed to cheer me up with his tongue in cheek comments between songs. I was looking forward to catching up with the guys at the station. We had been chatting about the possibility of a fundraising event and I had a few ideas I wanted to throw at them. Singing along to the music I was soon parked and heading into work. My mind kept returning to the words from my diary and the power they still seemed to exert over me.
Chapter 6
After a great lunchtime show on Love Shack radio I was back in the car and heading for home. I always enjoyed playing other people’s requests and the strange eclectic mix of music that always bought to my show. I had been working there for the last twelve years and I loved every minute of it. It also meant that I was always home in time for Charlotte finishing school. In the early years my Mum and Dad had helped out and so had Sarah and Chris, who were like Charlie’s second set of parents. I knew that I would never have coped alone without their help.
Heading in through the door I scooped up the small amount of post and dropped it on the hallway table before heading into the kitchen. I put the kettle on and made a coffee and took it into the conservatory. I sat in the chair and picked up the book I was reading. It was the latest Stephen King and as always he drew me in to the lives of his characters. I was so engrossed that I almost didn’t register the door open and close. Charlie appeared in the kitchen
“Hi Mum” she called
“Hi sweetheart, how was college? I replied, putting my book down and heading through.
“It was ok Mum, it was hard seeing Craig with another girl but I managed it somehow” she replied “Julia was with me” she finished.
I handed her a mug of coffee and sat down at the centre unit.
“It will get easier” I said
“I guess Mum” she replied. She took her mug and headed for the door
“I’m going to do some practice now and then I’ll be down for tea” she replied, swinging her bag over her shoulder.
“Ok, just head down when you are ready, I’ll reheat the chilli in the freezer and do some rice with it” I replied. I watched her leave and heard her footsteps on the stairs. Then above the kitchen the music started to play and I listened to her start to dance.
After tea Charlie headed for her room and after a quick scan of Facebook, she deleted Craig from her friend’s list. Then she couldn’t resist the lure of the diary and pulled out her bookmark. She read the note that was stapled onto the page and thought how nice it was that her Mum had kept it all these years. Everything that Craig had every sent to her was via text or email and she had already deleted those. Settling down on her bed she continued to read, eager to know what would happen now that James was moving away.
Friday 22nd January, 1988.
I hardly slept all night as the words from the note kept echoing around my bedroom. Why was life so unfair? I had just found a great guy who I knew liked me but it was all for nothing. At the end of January there would be no more swimming with him, no more walking me home and carrying my bag, no more underwater kisses. Despondently I got up and dressed for school as I needed to talk all this through with Sarah. She would help me decide what I should do.
Luckily I found Sarah waiting alone as the other’s had gone on ahead. She spotted my downcast face and put her arm around me.
“What’s happened?” she asked. I passed her the note and she read it through and then hugged me even tighter.
“I don’t know what to say” she finally said, as we trudged along slowly.
“Do you think I should just tell him how I feel?” I said “Or just stay as friends instead?” I finished.
“Well, if you talk to him what have you got to lose, nothing really as he’s going away soon” Sarah replied. I nodded and as school drifted by I went through all the possible scenarios in my head. None of which seemed to bring me any hope of anything meaningful happening in such a short space of time.
At home in my bedroom I went to bed early and put my stereo on. I chose the “Faith” album by my trusty George. I listened as his soulful voice spoke to me.
“Well I guess it would be nice
If I could touch your body
I know not everybody
Has a body like you”
The words echoed through my heart as I thought of James’ body and the way it made me feel whenever I was close to him. I longed to throw myself into his arms and beg him not to leave before I had a chance to fall in love with him.
Saturday 23rd January, 1988.
I spent all morning reading the note over and over again. I am trying to decide what I will say when I see James later. Sarah was away for the weekend visiting her grandparents, so I headed straight for the pool. I wished my best friend was with me as I was so nervous approaching James after Thursday night, the note, and the light brush of his soft lips on my cheek in the dim light of the street lamp. Despite this when I headed onto poolside and slid into the water it was as if nothing had changed between us.
“Hi Steph” he said, as I pulled up beside him and hung onto the tiles.
“Hi James” I replied “It’s just the two of us today” I said. He smiled as we headed off down the pool together.
After a great hour together I still hadn’t decided what to say to James. It seemed as if we had both spent the time avoiding any mention of the note or the kiss from the previous Saturday.
“Would you like to grab a coffee upstairs?” he asked, before we got out of the pool.
“Yes that would be lovely” I replied, smiling back at him. I took a bit longer getting dressed before I couldn’t delay anymore. I headed upstairs and found him sat at the corner table, two mugs already there. I headed over and sat down on the chair opposite.
“You read my note then” he said
“Yes” I replied. I lowered my eyes so he wouldn’t see the sadness that stained them. I took a deep breath but no words appeared that could portray how I felt.
My courage failed, I just couldn’t tell him that I wanted to be in a relationship with him and not just as friends. I wanted more kisses, I wanted to call him my boyfriend and share everything with him. It was all I could manage to not burst into tears in front of him and beg him not to leave, but I didn’t. He reached over and took my hand in his, as if knowing that a touch was better than words at this moment.
“I’d like to see you next week at the pool, I’m working Tuesday and Thursday evening” James said. His index finger ran over the skin on my knuckles and I found it hard to breath.
“I’ll be here” I said.
“Would you like to go out on Saturday as it’s my last full day in the area” he said. I paused, had I heard him right, was this going to be like a date?
“Yes, I’d like that” I managed.
All I could think about in bed that night was the word Goodbye. What an awful word, it sounded so final. As I drifted off to sleep that night tears fell and soaked my pillow.
Sunday 24th January, 1988.
I spent the day moping around the house and counting down the hours until I could talk to Sarah at school on Monday. I didn’t even have the energy to pick up my next bo
ok and read or even turn my record player on and listen to some music. Life was so unfair!
Monday 25th January, 1988.
As I trudged along the path towards the end of Sarah’s road I could see all the girls waiting already. The grey overcast sky matched my mood to perfection.
“Are you ok?” June asked me.
“I’ve got a bit of a headache that’s all” I replied. We walked along together and I listened as she talked about John, her favourite topic of conversation.
“So how far have you gone with John” Amanda asked
“Well, not all the way yet girls” she replied, grinning “He’s a fantastic kisser” she finished.
“You know we’re relying on you to tell us everything” Sarah said.
“I won’t let you down” June replied.
Turning the corner we approached the school and John was waiting, as now seemed the norm.
The lessons kept me occupied and in English I whispered across to Sarah
“Do you want to come into town on the way home” I asked
“Sure” she replied. By the time we left school and headed along the road into town I knew what I needed to do.
“So what’s the plan?” Sarah asked.
“I’m going to buy James a leaving card and present and suggest that we write to each other once he leaves” I said “We’re sort of going on a date on Saturday” I said.
“Wow, that’s great” Sarah said