by Audrina Lane
“I don’t either, but I promise you there will be many more days like this”
Although it was cold we managed to sit on the bench and eat the picnic that James had bought. Then he pulled me close and we looked out across the lake that seemed to stretch into infinity and the trees beyond. The weak sunlight touched the ripples at the shore as I felt my own ripples of emotion spreading out within me. In James’ arms I felt happy, content and completely and utterly in love with him.
Back at my place he stayed for an hour but then wanted to get back before it was too late, as he said his Mum and Dad were sure to worry about him.
I stood on the doorstep watching him wave as he drove away, tears already forming beneath my eyelids, ready to fall in the privacy of my room. I lay on my duvet and re-lived every single moment, every touch of his lips, every word he said, everything we did and hoped it would not be long before I saw him again.
Wednesday 17th February, 1988.
Nothing much to write about today, everything feels just dull and flat. Did my course work and some revision and then lay on the bed and wrote my next letter to James thanking him for the last few days. I posted it straight away.
Saturday 20th February, 1988.
I think our letters must have crossed over in the post as I hurried to open his latest one to me.
“Dear Steph,
This Valentine day has been the best one I have ever had, thank you again for my model kit it is already assembled and sitting next to the elephant on the shelf. I am so happy that you are now my girlfriend, as soon as I had left Ross to move I realised how much I missed seeing you at the pool. I am glad you had the courage to tell me that you felt the same too and I am sure that we can make this long distance relationship work if we both try.
I promise that I will not try and rush things but I will admit that I am looking forward to your birthday in March as I am planning something very special already.
Keep your letters coming they really brighten my day and perhaps we can call each other on the phone every Friday evening if that will be ok with your parents? I have to let you know that my folks are really looking forward to meeting you at some point soon and I would love to show you around Leamington Spa and Warwick.
Fondest regards
James”
I asked Mum and Dad if this was ok and then replied to James, asking who would phone first, as I counted down the days until Friday evening.
Friday 26th February, 1988
I sat in the lounge with my parents and waited for the phone to ring, sure enough at seven it did and I answered it to hear James’ voice.
“Hi Steph” he said, and in that instance of hearing his voice I felt my heart yearn for him.
“Hi James, how are you” I asked.
“Missing you” he replied
“Me too” I sighed, cradling the receiver as if it were his hand in mine.
We chatted for half an hour and then rang off so I could phone him back.
“So will it be ok for you to come and stay at my place for your birthday” James asked. I quickly asked them and they said yes as long as your parents will be there.
“Yes they will be here, they are looking forward to meeting you” he said. It felt good to have something to look forward to as well as our letters and phone calls. Upstairs in my room I started to mark the days off on my wall calendar.
Friday 4th March, 1988
My parents have installed a phone in my room for me so it was much better when seven came round and it was my turn to call James. He was amazed as he still had to sit on the stairs in the hallway at his place and put up with his parents passing by and making comments which I couldn’t hear but kept making James laugh and tell them to go away. It sounded like he had a good relationship with them both and I couldn’t wait to meet them the following Friday.
Tuesday 8th March, 1988
Grabbing Sarah after school we made our apologies to June and Amanda and headed through town to the Doctors Surgery. Sitting in the waiting room I chewed my nails
“Are you nervous” Sarah asked me.
“Yes, what if they won’t give me any pills” I replied.
“I’m sure they will, after all they would rather you are protected that pregnant” Sarah said. I kept looking around the waiting room every time someone else arrived; I hoped that no one my parents knew would see me there. Then they called my name and I headed into the room to see the Doctor.
Clutching my prescription Sarah and I headed home.
“Was it ok” she asked.
“Yes I was a bit embarrassed but unfortunately they won’t start working for a month anyway” I replied.
“So do you think you might” she asked, curiously.
“Not yet, and I don’t think James will push me this quickly” I replied. In my mind I knew that I was definitely not ready to take the next step yet. In fact I worried that I might never be ready as all I knew about sex was the factual biology lessons and what I had seen on films or read in books.
“Do you think he’s had sex before” Sarah asked.
“I’m sure he must of, we haven’t really talked about that much yet. I’m just enjoying all the kissing” I replied.
“Are you still ok to come round after school tomorrow” I asked, as we stood on the corner.
“Yes” she replied, before we said goodbye.
Thursday 10th March, 1988
After school we walked home with June and Amanda before we headed our separate ways and Sarah continued to mine to help me pack my bag and stay for tea. Once in my room I put the mix tape on the stereo and Sarah pulled open my wardrobe doors.
“So what do you think you’ll be doing at James” she asked
“Probably going swimming” I said, rummaging through my drawers for my favourite bikini.
“I think he’s taking me out for a meal for my birthday” I said. Eventually Sarah pulled out two of my dresses. I stared at both of them and then chose the newer one, and carefully folded it into my bag. Then with jumpers, t-shirts, a couple of skirts following the dress into the bag it was soon full.
“What about underwear” she said. I blushed and opened my drawer, wishing I had more sophisticated underwear to choose from instead of just my plain white and plain black sets.
James was going to pick me up from home after school and then we would drive back to his place in time for him to take me out to dinner. It was going to be a mad birthday weekend and I couldn’t wait to share such a special one with my boyfriend, my first boyfriend. As I watched Sarah walk back down the road later I waved and returned back to my room. Looking at my neatly packed bag in the corner, sitting next to it were my roller skates as James had promised me a spin around the park. I was as ready as I could be, even though the butterfly nerves had already started to flutter around inside of me.
Friday 11th March, 1988
My Mum and Dad gave me some money for my birthday and some clothes, so I quickly crammed them into my bag before I left for school. My grandparents had sent me a locket, as I had always admired the one my Nan wore, which held photographs of her and my granddad when they were young. Sarah had bought me some lovely body spray, June and Amanda bought the usual bubble bath and a book voucher. They had been so jealous when I told them what I was doing for my 17th Birthday.
As we all walked out of school I could not see my Mum’s car anywhere, why did she have to be late today of all days. I was still standing with the others by the gates when I suddenly spotted a familiar red mini belting up the road. I quickly turned to Sarah,
“Do I look ok?” I asked, “As it appears James has come to fetch me”
June and Amanda’s jaws dropped as the mini came to a halt right in front of the gates, in fact I believe most of the school crowd had just come to a stop and they were all staring at the red mini and the gorgeous guy getting out of the drivers seat. I ran the short distance that separated us and he pulled me into his arms, seemingly not worried that hundreds of kids were watch
ing, as he kissed me. Then all I could hear were whoops and cheers and feel the weight of jealous stares from some of the other girls in my year as they passed by.
After saying hello to Sarah and being introduced to June and Amanda, I quickly got into the car and we sped off down the street.
“So how did you manage this” I asked, as we headed back to my house
“I got here early and called in to ask you Mum if I could come and pick you up” he said, grinning “I just couldn’t wait any longer to see you” he finished. I blushed at his comment as we soon pulled up in the driveway. At my place I left him downstairs talking to my parents as I quickly changed and grabbed my bag for the weekend. Then we were off in the car for a drive that was going to take about an hour. As he drove he rested his hand on my leg when he wasn’t changing gear or I would rest mine on his knee, all the while we talked about the plans for the weekend.
The nerves kicked in as we pulled up on the driveway, would his parents like me and think I was good enough to be going out with their son? James pulled open the door and helped me out, giving me a quick hug and kiss before we headed towards the front door. As we walked in I suddenly found myself enveloped in a motherly hug
“Hi I’m Pam and this is Peter” she said, motioning to an older version of James “It’s lovely to meet you, James is always talking about you” she finished. I smiled and felt instantly at home in their house.
We sat and had coffee in the kitchen before his Mum looked at the clock
“You might want to start getting ready as I’m sure you don’t want to be late for dinner” Pam said.
“Follow me Steph and I’ll show you to the spare room” James said. He picked up my bag and I followed him upstairs.
“This is your room, the bathroom is across the hall and my room is here” James said, pointing at the door next to the spare room.
“Great, I think I’ll have a quick shower” I said.
When I returned to the spare room I noticed a card and a present on the bed. Still in my towel I opened the card, it was beautiful and fantastic to see the words girlfriend on the front of it, I was definitely not dreaming. Then I opened the present and inside was a lovely set of white underwear covered in small black hearts, the bra was my size exactly and I decided to put it on under my dress for the evening.
I struggled with the suspender belt and stockings but surveying the results in the bedroom mirror I was shocked at how sexy the whole thing looked. They accentuated my long legs and I actually found myself blushing at the sight. Was this what guys wanted to see when they undressed a girl? I imagined the look of desire on James face when he finally saw me wearing this just for him.
I smoothing my dress down and heard a knock on the bedroom door and James poked his head round
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Almost” I replied as I sat down on the bed and slipped my feet into my new heels. When I stood up I was almost as tall as James as he helped me into my bolero jacket. At the same time he brushed his lips over the nape of my neck which immediately got my pulse racing and made me blush all over again.
“Thanks for the present, its beautiful and just the right size, how did you manage that?”
“I sneaked a look in your cupboard at home when I was over, but I did cheat a bit and got my Mum to choose and buy it for me”
“Come on lets go down as Dad is waiting to drive us”
“Are your Mum and Dad coming too then?”
“No, but he offered to be taxi so we can have a drink with dinner”
The restaurant was fantastic, I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all as we were shown to our table. I remembered the couple I had seen at the Chinese restaurant for my Dad’s birthday and realised that this was me now. Once we had ordered I started to relax as we drank orange juice. We had white wine with the meal, as I was only used to drinking white wine and lemonade mixed on special occasions I found that it was going to my head a bit. However we had soon finished our sumptuous chocolate dessert and it was time to head home.
After wishing his parents goodnight we headed upstairs
“Would you like to come and listen to some music in my room” James asked.
I smiled when I saw the elephant next to the fire engine model on his shelf.
“I like your display” I said, motioning to the shelf above his bed.
“I love your display” James murmured, as he watched me shrug my jacket off and slip out of my heels.
Pulling me into his arms his lips came down to meet mine and we kissed for ages. I felt his hands running up my stocking clad legs but only to the hem of my dress, although this seemed to be higher than usual.
“Shall I take my stockings off” I asked, eventually.
“Let me” James said, as he found the catches on the belt and then rolled them to the floor. His hands slid over my smooth skin as once more he pulled me into his embrace.
Eventually we heard his parents heading to bed and we stopped kissing.
“I guess I’d better go to bed now” I breathed.
“I guess so” James replied, reluctant to let me go. Standing up I smoothed down my dress and headed for the door
“Goodnight James” I said “Thank you for a wonderful birthday”
“It was my pleasure, night Stephanie. My arms are missing you already” he said, as he watched me leave the room. Alone in the spare room I undressed and thought about how daring I had been to let James remove my stockings. I left my knickers on and then pulled out my nightshirt and snuggled under the duvet. I saw the door slowly open and James crept in.
“I was cold and missing you” he whispered. Surprised but happy to see him I pulled aside the duvet and he jumped in next to me. We cuddled up and started to kiss again, slowly at first but then the kisses became more urgent. I pulled back a bit; afraid of this going too far too quickly so then we just curled up together. I was very aware of his body pressed against mine and I trembled. Part of me just wanting to go with the feelings but the sensible part knowing it was best to take things slowly. This was the first time I had ever shared a bed with a man but as our breathing slowed we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Charlotte was amazed at her Mum’s self restraint and also that of James, what a cool guy. Craig had been eager to go straight from kissing to almost full on sex and in a way Charlotte knew that it was her saying no the last time they were together that had probably triggered the split. Although many of her friends had already lost their virginity as young as 14, she was not as eager, she wanted love as well as sex and that was hard to find. Closing the diary she heard her phone ping and a text was there from Craig, he wanted to make things up to her and was sorry for dumping her. Charlotte just deleted the text and turned her phone off, her mind already made up that she was not prepared to settle for second best, she wanted the works and unfortunately Craig was not going to deliver that in a hurry.
Chapter 12
Waking late, Charlotte rushed to get ready for school and only managed to grab a piece of toast on her way out of the door. I watched my daughter rush to met Julia at the end of the road, she seemed to have bounced back from rejection so quickly and I hoped that my diaries had been helping with that as I had noticed her lights on late into the night.
I gathered up the laundry from her room, a typical teenager it was strewn all over the floor, as I popped it all into the basket. I noticed my diary lying open on her pillow so I went over to see how far she had got and once again the words of my teenage years sucked me back into a past I had tried so hard to forget but somehow couldn’t.
Saturday 12th March, 1988
I woke to an empty bed; James had snuck out early to make sure his parents hadn’t found out that we had shared a bed that night. I was just about to get up when the door opened and James appeared with a tray.
“I thought I would bring you breakfast in bed” he said, as he put the tray on the bedside table, it held coffee and some hot buttered toast.
“Looks l
ovely” I replied, drinking in his tousled blond hair, blue eyes and watched as he shrugged his way out of his dressing gown and was stood there just in his boxer shorts. I rubbed my eyes just to check that I was not dreaming but opening them again I knew it was all real.
He jumped into bed beside me and I was immediately enfolded in his arms for a good morning kiss and cuddle that seemed to last for ages. The spell was broken when we heard his Mum shout upstairs that they were off out to do the shopping and would be back later. We were all alone as James just grinned at me and lay back on the pillows.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” he asked me. I reached across him to the tray and grabbed a piece of toast and put it in his mouth.
“That’s not what I meant” he eventually managed between mouthfuls of toast “you are in serious trouble now” he finished as he grabbed me and started to tickle me, I was soon pinned down underneath him, gasping for breath between my giggles as I tried to push him off. Then he leant down and kissed me long and deep and I just felt my body arch to meet and mould with his.
His hands ran through my hair and down my face and then my neck, down along my sides to the hem of my nightshirt
“Can I” he asked, as he looked into my eyes, I nodded feeling the cool air catch my skin as he pulled the night shirt up and then over my head. As he pulled back to look at my body I quickly covered my breasts with my hands, suddenly shy and afraid that he would find me lacking
“Do you trust me” he murmured
“Yes” I breathed quietly as his hands covered mine and then gently moved my hands away so they rested on his hips, I had never touched him there before as I felt the soft, smoothness of his skin under my fingertips which were just above the waist band of his boxer shorts.