by C. S. Adler
One afternoon at a pause in their conversation, she asked Mattie, "So have you seen your daughter lately?"
"Oh, yes, she comes by," Mattie said. "But, you know, she doesn't look right to me. I don't think working at home is good for her." Mattie stopped, frowning. Then she added, "And she's not keeping herself nice like she used to. She's got this awful short haircut. Valerie always had such pretty hair."
"Why don't you tell her you don't like it?" Jan said.
"Oh, I wouldn't hurt her feelings," Mattie said. "She's real sensitive about her looks. Valerie never liked what the mirror showed her. I always tried to tell her she was good looking, but—" Mattie sighed and said, "I guess children don't believe their mothers' compliments. Isn't that so, honey?"
"I'm Jan, Mattie."
"I know, but I forget. You should have met me when I was younger. I was so full of energy. I could whip up a dinner and clean the house and do the garden and still be—" She looked toward the door and her face lit up. Jan followed her gaze and saw Valerie.
"Hello, there," Valerie said to Jan. "I didn't know anyone was here with Mother."
"Just me," Jan said, "but I'm leaving."
"That's okay. You're welcome to stay," Valerie said.
"You know this child?" Mattie asked her daughter.
"We've met. At River Haven."
"Well, isn't that nice," Mattie said. She patted the bed beside her. "Come sit down, honey, and give me a kiss."
"Mother," Valerie said with a look at Jan. "Your young friend here thinks I ought to tell you something, and I've decided it's about time I did." Valerie sat down on the edge of the bed and took Mattie's hand.
Jan said quickly, "I've really got to go now. See you soon, Mattie. Bye." Neither woman seemed to hear her, and she hurried from the room without their noticing. The last thing she wanted was to be there when Valerie revealed her secret. What if Mattie fell apart when she heard her daughter had been ill with cancer? Maybe Valerie had been right to hide it from her.
Whatever possessed Jan to think she knew better than a grown woman with years of experience? What if she'd hurt her grandmother-friend by trying to be more like her father and involving herself in other people's lives?
The next time Jan came to visit, Mattie had progressed from getting around in a wheelchair to walking by herself with the aid of a walker. She greeted Jan in the hall, standing upright but holding on to her folding metal walker.
"There you are, honey. You'll never guess what I found out."
"What?" Jan asked, smiling because Mattie looked and sounded like her old self.
"That daughter of mine! You know why she stuck me in that assisted living place?"
"Why?"
"Because the poor girl was sick and didn't want me to see her suffer. She was trying to save me grief. Isn't that sad? I couldn't believe it when she finally told me. What she must have gone through! And all to save me misery!" Mattie shook her head.
"Are you glad she told you?" Jan asked.
"Well, yes, because now she's in remission. Her doctor said so. That means she's cured, doesn't it? Well, maybe not cured, exactly, but anyway she'll be fine. You know what else?"
"What else?"
"When I get out of here, she's taking me back home with her. Isn't that something?"
"That's great, Mattie!" Jan was happy for Mattie's sake and relieved for her own. Squeezing Mattie into the casita would have been hard.
"The doctor said he's going to let me out of here this week. It could even be tomorrow. He figures I can finish recovering on my own now. It's like I got this new lease on life. We both do, my daughter and me."
"That's great," Jan repeated.
All of a sudden, Mattie let go of one side of her walker and grasped Jan's arm. "But now how will we ever get to see each other? I live so far away from you and neither of us drives a car."
Jan's eyes filled with sudden tears. "I guess we can talk on the telephone."
"Oh, there you go!" Mattie patted her arm with one hand while she leaned on the metal walker with the other. "You're so smart. I just knew you'd think of something."
Jan was glad for Mattie. Oh, yes, she told herself. She was really glad that things had worked out well for her. But selfishly, she knew she was going to miss her. Even if her grandmother-friend couldn't quite remember her name, she had never failed to make Jan feel good.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The saguaro cacti were wrapped in Christmas tree lights, and the malls were full of shoppers buying Christmas presents. The sun beamed as brightly as ever, but sometimes the temperature dropped down near freezing overnight.
Jan and Lisa were hanging on the pipe panel gate of Dove's corral, stroking and scratching him as they talked about what fun it would be to go trail riding together. Jan could exercise a boarder and Lisa could ride Dove—that is, if they could ever get Dove moving on all four legs again.
"He is the stubbornest horse I ever met," Jan said.
"What if he never does walk right again?" Lisa shocked her by saying.
While she was thinking up an answer, Jan heard her name being called by her mother. "You've got visitors, " Mom yelled from the open door of the barn where she was working on a horse's hooves.
And there were Valerie and Mattie, leaning on her metal walker, coming toward the corral. "Dove," Jan said. "Look who came to see you!" She unlatched the gate and began leading Dove toward Mattie and her daughter.
Suddenly, Dove tossed his head. He snorted. He heaved himself onto his back legs and resisted, but Jan held onto his lead.
"Stop that, you fool. What's the matter with you? You know Mattie."
Dove whinnied and reared. He came down on his two front legs and twisted out of Jan's grip. Then he ran on all four legs for the barn.
"Dove!" Jan yelled.
"He did it!" Lisa squealed.
Left in the dust of Dove's panicked dash for safety, the girls hugged each other with delight.
"I told you he'd just up and use his legs one of these days," Mattie said. She was still leaning on her gleaming metal walker and grinning.
A minute later, Mom led a trembling Dove out of the barn. "What's got him so scared?" she asked.
Jan fixed her gaze on Mattie.
"The walker!" she said. "I'll bet he's scared of Mattie's walker."
It was, of course, the walker. And it took Dove another fifteen minutes of sniffing and investigating it to decide the weird contraption wasn't a threat to him.
"You've saved my horse twice, Mattie, " Jan said.
"That's fair enough, " Valerie told her. "My mother told me she'd have given up and died in the nursing home without you. "
"She's a good granddaughter, isn't she?" Mattie asked Valerie.
No one corrected her. Instead, Jan put her arms around Mattie and hugged her. Dove nudged them both. He wanted in on the loving. "Oh, you, Jan said and brought his head in to make it a three-way hug."
"Let's see him walk," Mom said.
One tug on his lead line was all it took. Dove followed Jan in a circle around everybody, using all four legs as confidently as if he'd never had a problem with any of them.
"Isn't he a handsome fellow?" Mattie chortled. "Just like my Laddie-lee."
Jan grinned, still walking Dove around his small group of admirers.
"You look as if you just won a horse race, Jan," Lisa said.
"Better than that. I just won my horse," Jan said, and her joy exploded in bubbles of laughter.
She stopped abruptly when she saw her mother's face. "What's wrong, Mom?" Jan asked. Mom looked the way she had at Dad's funeral, as if she were choking on tears.
"Nothing's wrong," Mom said. She turned away and walked back to the barn.
Jan ran after her and caught her arm. "No, tell me," she demanded.
"You remind me so much of your father. You're growing up to be just like him, Jan." Mom's voice broke.
"Well, is that good?" Jan asked.
"I'd say so!" Mom said.
"I wish Dad could see how well things turned out," Jan said. "He'd be pleased, wouldn't he?" She felt reluctant to let her mother go, and put her arm around Mom's thin shoulders in a gesture that came naturally.
"Very pleased," Mom said. "You going to try riding Dove now?"
"Can I? It's been so long. You think they'd mind waiting for me?" Jan indicated Lisa and Mattie, who were fussing over Dove at the corral while Valerie seemed to be fussing over her mother.
"You don't have to go far," Mom said. "I'll bring out your tack." She headed for the barn.
Dove was watching Jan as she approached him. His ears were cocked in her direction, and everything in his expressive face was focused on her.
"You guys willing to hang around while I ride Dove down the road a ways?" Jan asked.
"That's what we've been working for, isn't it?" Lisa said.
"It would be a sight for sore eyes, you riding your horse at last," Mattie said. "We can visit a little longer, can't we, Valerie?"
"Of course," Valerie said.
"Okay?" Mom called. She was coming out of the barn draped in everything Jan needed, including Dove's saddle and his old blanket. With Mom helping, Dove was ready in no time. Jan put her foot in a stirrup and swung onto his back. Dove dipped his head and tossed it, prancing a little, as if he couldn't wait to get started after so long.
"Now, don't you look wonderful!" Mattie said, and whether she was talking about Dove or Jan, it didn't matter.
Surrounded by smiles, Jan guided Dove out of his corral and to the road. There she put him from a walk to a trot. He moved with his old friskiness, as if he enjoyed being in motion as much as she did. She turned him at the end of the ranch road and came back at a canter. His gait was so smooth that Jan felt as if she were sailing a gentle wind on a flying carpet. She'd almost forgotten how wonderful Dove's canter was.
"Can you see him, Dad?" she asked in a whisper as she slowed him down for the turn to his corral. "Isn't he beautiful, this horse you gave me? Isn't he fine?"
Laughing for joy, she stopped in front of her audience of four. They were applauding the performance now. Suddenly, Dove neighed as if he were laughing with her.
"I guess he's healed," Jan said.
"Why, I guess we all are," Mattie said. And it was so.