Cliff found me a little cedar Christmas tree in the woods, and he brought it to me as a surprise tonight. It’s just perfect. Can you believe he’d also strung a set of red, white, and blue lights himself, because he knew I’d want to have a patriotic tree? He said my tree needed to be special.
Well, Lucille, I could hardly contain myself. I hugged him so tightly I think he almost lost his breath, and he kissed me on the forehead. The forehead. It was awfully nice of him to bring me the tree, but I’m starting to think maybe he really does just think of me as a friend.
I know what you said in your last letter about my stringing him along if I knew we didn’t have a future. And you’re right. The last thing in the world I’d ever want to do is hurt Cliff. But since he still hasn’t mentioned wanting to see me again after I leave, maybe I don’t have to worry about it. Lola thinks I should just flat out ask him what’s going on, but I think that sounds like a terrible plan. I don’t want to have to ask him; I want him to volunteer the information.
I had a long talk with Hazel at Thanksgiving that made me think about things. You’ll be shocked to hear this (ha!) but I’m afraid I’ve been stubborn. I’ve not been trusting God the way I should. I told Cliff once that God was bigger than war or sadness. Well, maybe He’s bigger than my fears too.
I know you’ll be happy to hear this next part, but lately I’ve been wondering if I should reconsider my position on marriage. Hazel is happier than I’ve ever seen her. My roommate Lola just got engaged, and she’s over the moon. And you and Donald have been perfect for each other since you were kids. Maybe there is hope for me yet. (Please don’t tell Mama any of this, because I still have some thinking to do.)
Well, I hope this letter finds everyone there happy, healthy, and full of thanks.
All my love,
Ruby Jean
* * * * *
Ruby shivered and pulled her wool coat tightly around her. “It sure is getting colder.” She grinned up at Cliff. “Do you think it might actually snow?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so, but it sure would be nice.” He’d always loved how fresh the snow made everything. And the way it cast a silence over the outdoors, like all of God’s creatures were standing still and enjoying the beauty. But it rarely snowed in Arkansas.
They walked along the sidewalk in downtown Jacksonville, pausing every now and then to look in a shop window and admire the Christmas lights and displays.
“Are you frozen yet, or should we keep walking?” Cliff asked.
She stepped closer to him. “I’m a little cold, but I want to keep walking.”
“We’ll go to Aunt Ida’s in a bit and have some hot chocolate by the fire.” He grinned. “Doesn’t that sound like a swell idea?”
“It sure does.” She clutched his arm. “Oh, look!” she exclaimed. “They have a Christmas tree in the window.” She pulled him toward the window. “It’s nice, but not as pretty as my tree.” She grinned up at Cliff.
Cliff smiled. “I’m glad you’re still enjoying it.”
“Oh, I am. Lola is too. And I think all the girls in the dorm have come by to see the lovely lights.” She nudged him with her shoulder “You’re quite famous in the women’s dorm.”
“Well, I don’t like to brag.” Cliff hooked his thumbs through imaginary suspenders. “But the ladies do love me.”
She burst out laughing. “Oh, look at that ornament.” Ruby pointed to a round, red ball with a snow scene depicted on the front. “Isn’t it lovely?”
He looked at her profile, her slightly upturned nose, long lashes, and full lips. The chilly afternoon had turned her creamy cheeks pink. “It sure is.”
“It reminds me of a Christmas a long time ago. I think I was five.” Ruby continued to stare at the ornament. “It was the only Christmas I can ever remember it snowing. Mama and Papa came outside and played with us kids. We had so much fun. That snow, and the time we all spent playing together in it, was better than any gift that year. I remember seeing Papa sneak up behind Mama with a little bit of snow in his hand and sprinkle it over her head. She laughed harder than I’ve ever heard her laugh before. Me and my brothers watched them chase each other around the yard like teenagers.” She smiled at the memory. “It was perfect.”
Cliff grinned. He’d had success with the tree and the special lights. But now he knew exactly how he was finally going to tell Ruby how he felt once and for all. And with a little luck and a lot of prayer, hopefully she would return those feelings.
* * * * *
December 14, 1943
Dear Mom and Pop,
I know I haven’t responded to many correspondences over the past several months, and I should apologize. Actually, I should apologize for a lot more than that.
Looking back, I see that I probably didn’t make things very easy on the two of you when I was recovering at your house. I say it that way because for the first time in my life, being at your house didn’t feel like home to me. Seeing Charlie’s empty room with his old pinup posters on the wall and his baseball glove in the corner was just too much. And I knew that whenever you walked past that room, all you were thinking was how I’d failed him. And failed the two of you.
I joined the army because it was the right thing to do for the country. But I also joined because I wanted to protect Charlie. And for the first time in my life, I failed miserably at something.
And now we all have to suffer the consequences.
These past months, I’ve returned to church, and in doing so, I’ve found a peace that I can’t explain. I know in my heart that Charlie is in a better place. He’s gone on to a reward that is so wonderful, we can’t even imagine.
Even so, I know the two of you will never be able to look at me the same way. And I can hardly blame you for that.
I’ve decided to go visit a buddy over the holidays. He was in our regiment and I know he’s had his share of grief too. He’s invited me to have Christmas with his family, and I accepted. I’ll be coming back to the AOP the week after Christmas and returning to work.
I love you both, and not a day goes by that I don’t long for the past, when Charlie and I were home with you and our biggest worry was which lake we’d choose for fishing.
Your son,
Cliff
Chapter Fifteen
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This had been one of those days when the extra pay for being the line inspector wasn’t nearly enough. Mae Adams had come in with a cold so bad she could barely get anything done for all of the coughing and sneezing. And then at the end of the day, two of the girls had gotten into a big argument over a borrowed dress that was returned with a rip. Ruby had been nurse, counselor, and inspector all at once.
She walked into her room, looking forward to relaxing for a little while before she had dinner with Cliff.
The cedar tree sat on the nightstand next to Ruby’s bed. The red, white, and blue lights were lit up even though she’d turned them off when she left that morning. A tiny box, wrapped in silver paper, sat beneath the tree. The tag on the box had her name on it, written in Cliff’s handwriting. How had he managed this?
She picked up the box, smiling at his thoughtfulness. Had he meant for her to go ahead and open the gift? Or should she wait?
She grinned. Definitely open.
She gently tore the paper away and took the lid off the box. Sitting inside was the red ornament she’d admired in the store window.
Ruby carefully took it out of the box and held it in her hand for a long moment. She would cherish it always. Cliff had even looped a string through the top so she could hang it on her tree.
She placed it right in the middle of her little tree and smiled. Her bad day melted away. And making it even better, she’d get to see Cliff later and thank him properly.
And she couldn’t help but hope that would include a good night kiss.
* * * * *
Cliff paced the floor in the lobby. It had been a risky move to have the gi
ft waiting for her under the tree rather than giving it in person. But he’d weighed the options and decided the element of surprise was the best way to go. He could just imagine her walking into her room after a long day and seeing the lights of the tree and the little silver box waiting underneath it.
And now he waited.
And worried.
He’d been trying since June to get close to her. And he’d thought they were on the right track until she’d informed him that she never wanted to marry. By that point, he’d made his feelings pretty clear. The kiss alone should’ve been enough to tell her that he wanted to be more than just pen pals after she went back to college.
No. He wanted much more than that.
And he should have his answer tonight. He tried to steel himself to the possibility that this would be their last date.
But no matter how much he tried to imagine that, he couldn’t fathom Ruby not being part of his life. Forever.
Ruby stepped into the lobby, looking beautiful in a red sweater and black skirt. She smiled broadly. “You’ll never guess what someone left in my room today.”
“Someone was in your room? That’s a little scary, don’t you think?” he teased.
She made her way to him. “Do you think I should report it to admin? One of the girls on my hall said she heard someone yell out ‘man on the floor’ and saw an electrician go in my room.” She giggled. “That’s a violation of my privacy, don’t you think?”
He couldn’t resist a quick hug. “I had the full support of your roommate, who had informed me there was a light out in the closet.” He grinned. “So really I was just doing my job.” He searched her face for evidence that the answer she’d give him tonight was the one he was hoping and praying for, but she wasn’t giving anything away by her expression.
“It was so sweet and thoughtful of you,” she said. “I thought nothing could top the tree and lights, but this did.” She smiled up at him. “The ornament is so beautiful, and it will always remind me of that Christmas when I was a kid. I just love it. It’s something I will cherish forever.” She placed a hand on his arm. “It was such a wonderful surprise, Cliff. Thank you.”
Cliff waited for more, but nothing came. He furrowed his brow. “So…what did you think? I mean when you opened it up? How did you feel?”
Ruby’s eyes widened for a moment, as if in surprise. “Well, of course I felt like the luckiest girl in the world that you’d want to surprise me like that—and with such a lovely gift. At first I wasn’t sure who’d done it. I thought it might’ve been Lola. But then I saw the little note in your beautiful penmanship.” She raised an eyebrow. “You know, you have prettier script than I do. I’d never really thought about it until tonight.”
Cliff fought to keep the disappointment off of his face. It just didn’t make sense. He’d all but poured his heart out, and she was acting like it was no big deal. Unless it wasn’t a big deal to her. Had he meant nothing to her after all? “That’s it? Pretty script?”
Ruby drew her brows together. “What do you mean?”
Cliff sank onto the lobby chair and put his head in his hands. “Ruby, I think we need to talk.”
* * * * *
Something seemed off with Cliff tonight. She’d come down the stairs expecting that he might kiss her again tonight, especially since he’d given her such a sweet Christmas gift. But he’d only given her a quick hug and now…something was wrong. Ruby couldn’t quite put her finger on it. But their entire conversation felt forced. That wasn’t normal. Usually the two of them could banter back and forth, and it was the easiest, most natural give-and-take she’d ever experienced.
As soon as he said the words, she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. “Okay. Do you want to talk here?” She gestured around the lobby. It was empty now, but at any given moment someone could show up.
Cliff set his jaw. “Let’s go outside for some privacy. I know it’s chilly, but it won’t take long.”
Was that anger flashing in his eyes? She’d known him for all these months and never seen him angry. No matter what dumb prank Harold or the guys pulled or how many times the kid at the diner put lettuce on his hamburger even though he always asked him not to, he’d always just taken it in stride. Always just laughed it off.
But right now he looked as if he could spit nails.
She followed him out the door and into the cold December night. She could see the Christmas lights strung in the window of the rec hall. Normally she loved to see those festive lights, but tonight she felt sad for some reason. She had a bad feeling about whatever it was Cliff had on his mind.
She pulled her coat tighter around her, wishing Cliff would wrap her up in his arms and block out the cold. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
Cliff held her gaze for a long moment. For the first time, his blue eyes didn’t have that mischievous twinkle in them that she’d grown to love. “Do you know how foolish you’ve made me look?”
She flinched as if she’d been slapped. “What?” Her heart began to pound against her chest, but not in the good way like it did when Cliff hugged her or when she thought about his kisses.
“I have followed you around like a puppy dog. Driving you to church so you wouldn’t have to walk, fixing your radio even though the guys poked fun, taking you to the Razorback game with me. You’ve even become a normal fixture over at Aunt Ida’s. We’ve had Thanksgiving together, countless dinners at the diner, long drives, church services, movies at the drive-in, and conversations about everything under the sun.” He shook his head. “And through all of that, I’ve kept trying to get closer to you.”
Ruby didn’t know what to say. What had she done to upset him so? The sudden chill that overtook her body had nothing to do with the December night.
“When you first told me you didn’t want to risk your heart again, I thought it was just because you needed time to get over Joseph. I was willing to let you heal, willing to be your friend and wait until you were ready for something more. But then that night at the diner when you said you never wanted to settle down with anyone, it was a real eye-opener. Because after all the time we’ve spent together, why would you say that to me if you weren’t trying to send me a message? And you told Hazel the same thing. And Lola, because she told Harold, who told the whole department, that you are headed back to college and then you plan to go live a glamorous life somewhere in a city.” He frowned. “The guys laughed at me for falling for a girl who saw this as a temporary stop on her way to someplace better. You even told me that you were glad you worked here so you’d have work experience.” Cliff shook his head.
Ruby swallowed. She’d never meant to cause him this pain. Never. “You kissed me once, a long time ago. But never again. How was I supposed to know what was going on in your head? You spent time with me, but we never discussed the future.”
Cliff snorted. “It’s hard to want to discuss the future with someone who has made it perfectly clear to anyone who would listen that she never plans to settle down. You know what, Ruby? I do plan to settle down. I do hope to have a family someday.” He sighed. “And I feel certain I can find a girl who’ll want those same things.”
Ruby felt the heat rise up her face. She stood up, fists clenched. “I’m sure you can. In fact, if you sit right there in the lobby of the women’s dorm, I’m sure one will come along directly.” She gestured toward the dorm. “I thought I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in another relationship, and it didn’t bother you. You were still my friend. Had I known you were so disappointed in our friendship, I’d have wondered why you wasted your time with me.” She shook her head. “If it was so terrible for you to be spending time with me, and if it was such a burden on you to do all of those things, then why did you?”
Cliff frowned. “I thought you just needed time to heal, Ruby. I thought I could change your mind about marriage. And I figured that after you opened the gift tonight, you would know how I felt.”
How was an ornament—not ma
tter how lovely or thoughtful—supposed to tell her exactly how he felt? Why wouldn’t he just tell her himself rather than leave her to guess? “Right.” She felt the sting of tears in her eyes. “Well, I guess not.”
He stood up, and the hurt in his eyes was unmistakable.
And she’d somehow put it there.
“So this is it.” Ruby said it as a statement, not a question. “I guess we won’t be going to the Christmas dance next week. But like you said, I’m sure it will be easy for you to find a replacement for me.”
Cliff hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Yep.”
She watched him walk off and wasn’t sure if she’d have the strength to make it up the stairs to her room. How had a night with so much promise turned out so badly? She wasn’t sure what had just happened. But she was sure of one thing.
For someone who hadn’t planned to risk her heart, hers sure did ache.
Chapter Sixteen
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“Are you sure you won’t go with us?” Lola paced the length of their tiny room, looking beautiful and festive in a red and white dress. “It’s the Christmas party.”
“I’m not going to be a third wheel.” Ruby frowned. The idea of tagging along with Lola and Harold didn’t appeal to her, but knowing Cliff would be there with another girl absolutely turned her stomach. “Besides, I have to pack.”
Lola stopped pacing and stood in front of the mirror fluffing her hair. “If I were you, I’d put on my best, most figure-flattering dress and go flirt with every able-bodied man there. Cliff will wish he’d never even laid eyes on that Irene Stillfield.” She frowned. “I thought she had a boyfriend, but I guess I was wrong.”
Ruby threw herself across her bed, and she didn’t care how dramatic it looked. “It doesn’t matter. If not Irene then it would be somebody else. You know, there’ve practically been girls lined up at the maintenance building ready and willing to accompany him to the party. And I all but gave him permission.”
Love Finds You at Home for Christmas Page 10