He shook his head. “No, ma’am.” He cleared his throat. “I think I’ll go out for a walk and let y’all catch up with Ruby.” He looked over at her, but she refused to meet his eyes. “I know it’s been awhile since she’s been home.” He hurried toward the front door, eager to get away from the family scene unfolding in the kitchen.
The family scene that shouldn’t include him.
Mrs. McFadden followed him to the door. “Enjoy your walk, Cliff. Do you need a hat or gloves? It’s getting chilly out there.”
He smiled. It was easy to see where Ruby got her looks and her ability to put others at ease. “I won’t be long. Maybe I’ll head out to see Spotty.” He chuckled.
She smiled. “Go behind the house and you’ll see the barn. Spotty’s probably set up camp there.”
“Thanks.” He walked out the front door and headed toward the barn. He had the sudden urge to put as much space between himself and Ruby as possible.
Because seeing her was stirring up emotions he’d just as soon forget.
* * * * *
Ruby stood in her bedroom, pulling things out of her suitcase. The action irritated her because every article reminded her somehow of Cliff. There was the green dress she’d worn the first time they’d attended church together. The red sweater she’d worn to the Razorback game. The gingham dress she’d been wearing on the day they met.
She heaped the clothes into a pile and tried to figure out the best way to handle the situation. What were the odds that Cliff would show up here, an old buddy of Owen’s? She couldn’t wait to tell Lucille this news.
There was a tap at the door and Mama poked her head inside. “You have a minute?”
Ruby grinned. “Sure.” She motioned toward the growing pile on the bed. “Sorry about the mess. I’m just getting my bag unpacked.”
Mama began sifting through Ruby’s bag. She pulled out the strand of red, white, and blue Christmas lights. “Well, these are neat.” She looked curiously at Ruby. “Did you have your dorm room decorated?”
Ruby managed a smile. She might as well give credit where it was due. “Cliff surprised me with a little cedar tree, and he strung up these lights for me.”
Mama raised her eyebrows. “That was awfully nice of him.” She sat down on the bed. “Is there a reason you’re hiding out in here instead of sitting in the living room with everyone else? It was very rude of you to get up and walk out as soon as Cliff got back from the barn.”
Ruby didn’t want to explain the situation to her mother. “Sorry.”
“We don’t treat guests that way. We make them feel welcome.” She held up the strand of lights. “Especially guests who are good friends.”
Ruby nodded but didn’t say anything.
“And he has been a good friend to you, right?” Mama’s knowing gaze seemed to see right through her. “Your letters to me and Lucille have been full of stories about Cliff. You’ve depended on him and laughed with him and spent time with him all these months.” She frowned. “Now, I don’t know what happened to hurt your friendship, but maybe you need to do some thinking before you cut him out of your life for good.”
Ruby sighed. “Okay.”
“Now come on out and visit.” Mama rose from the bed and smiled at Ruby. “It’s almost Christmas.” She walked out and shut the door behind her.
Ruby’s eyes fell on the box that contained the ornament Cliff had given her, and she softened toward him. She knew how much he’d dreaded the holidays—so much that he was willing to visit a guy he barely knew to avoid the pain of going home and facing his parents and Charlie’s empty room. Her heart hurt for what he must be going through in this strange place—and to think she’d acted like she barely knew him.
Cliff deserved better than that. And she knew just how to make him feel welcome.
* * * * *
Cliff sat by the fire in the den, trying to concentrate on an old Zane Grey western he’d picked up off the bookshelf. Owen and Mr. McFadden had already said good night, and he hadn’t seen Ruby since she went storming out as soon as he came in from the barn.
A Christmas tree in the corner filled the room with the smell of the season, and yet Cliff felt none of the happiness that was supposed to come with it.
This had definitely been a mistake. He had half a mind to load up and leave tomorrow morning.
“Cliff?”
He nearly jumped out of his chair in shock to see Ruby standing in the doorway. A red and green Christmas apron covered her dress, and she had a smudge of flour on her cheek. And she’d never been more beautiful.
“I have something for you.”
“A peace offering?” He raised an eyebrow.
She smiled. “Something like that.” She motioned toward the kitchen. “Now come on.”
He folded the page corner to mark his place and put the book on the table. As soon as he stepped out of the den, he could smell something delicious. Ruby had baked several times at Aunt Ida’s, and it had always been tasty. In fact, the desserts she’d made at Thanksgiving had been some of the best he’d ever had. “What have we here?” He stepped into the kitchen and watched as Ruby pulled a cookie sheet from the oven.
She set it on the stove top and turned to face him. “I realized that I never gave you a Christmas gift.” She gestured toward the cooling cookies. “So I came up with something edible.”
“Please tell me they’re your chewy molasses cookies.” He grinned. “They’re my favorite.”
Ruby returned his smile. “I know. That’s why I chose to make them for you. I even made a few different versions—some plain with just our home-raised sorghum molasses, some with pecans, and some with raisins.” She set a plate full of cookies in front of him. “Here you go.”
He bit into one of the still-warm cookies. “Perfection.” He grinned. “Thank you so much.”
She smiled. “I’m glad you like them.”
“I’m sorry I ended up here of all places,” he said. “I nearly fell over when I walked down the hallway earlier today and saw your picture.”
Ruby sat across from him at the table. “It’s okay. I was rather surprised, that’s for sure, but I’ll get over it. After all, tomorrow is Christmas Eve.” She stood up. “I’m heading to bed. Help yourself to as many cookies as you’d like and stick the rest of them in the cookie jar.” She set the jar in the middle of the table. “See you tomorrow.”
Cliff watched her go and mulled over her peace offering. He didn’t expect her to have a change of heart or anything. And he was sure they couldn’t be just friends. There was too much between them for that.
But maybe for the next two days, he could enjoy the Christmas season and try and make the best of the situation.
Chapter Nineteen
.................................
Ruby didn’t sleep well. She tossed and turned, and her dreams were plagued with images of Cliff. To know that he was right there, under the same roof, unsettled her. Yesterday, seeing how well he got along with her parents and brother, had given her an idea of how their lives might have been, had things worked out differently.
She still didn’t understand the argument they’d had or why he’d seemed so angry. There was no longer anger in his eyes, but it had been replaced by something far worse—indifference.
She pulled on a sweater and skirt and padded down the hallway. She could smell bacon cooking already. Mama had always been the earliest riser in the house, and it was nice to know that even though years had passed, and even though her brothers were off fighting a war in far corners of the world, some things hadn’t changed. “Good morning,” Ruby said as she walked into the kitchen.
Mama turned from the stove. She had on the same Christmas apron that Ruby had worn last night to bake Cliff’s cookies. “Morning.” She smiled. “How did it feel to sleep in your own bed for a change?”
Ruby grimaced. “I had a hard time sleeping.” She walked over to the counter to pour herself a cup of coffee.
“Somethi
ng heavy must be weighing on your mind,” Mama said. “And I have an idea of what it might be.”
Ruby took a sip. “You do?”
“That boy sleeping down the hall from you.” Mama raised an eyebrow. “Am I right?”
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever used to be between us isn’t there any longer.” Ruby wished she hadn’t been so forthcoming in her letters to Mama and Lucille about all the time she’d spent with Cliff. “He’s going to move on, and I’m going to finish my degree and be an independent woman.” She perched in one of the chairs and looked up at her mother.
Mama sat down across from Ruby. “Lucille and I were talking about that very thing just a couple of weeks ago. She mentioned that you might want to move to a big city after graduation. She also says that she’s afraid you’re hiding behind your dreams of independence to mask your fear of getting your heart broken.” Mama’s green eyes bore into Ruby’s. “Is that true?”
“She’s just mad because I told her I didn’t want to wind up stuck on some old farm like her.” The words sounded hollow, even to Ruby’s own ears. “Besides, so what if I’m a little scared? The whole world is in turmoil. We don’t know what tomorrow might bring. How could I be anything but scared?”
Mama shook her head. “Listen to yourself, will you? You’ll hear how misguided you sound.” She reached across the table and rubbed Ruby’s hand. “We’ve raised you to be independent and think for yourself. You were the smartest one in your class, and you had a curiosity that we encouraged. And your papa and I are so proud of you for doing well in your college courses and in your work at the ordnance plant.” She smiled.
Ruby had always aimed to please, so hearing that her parents were proud made her feel good. She’d worked hard her whole life to try and be the kind of daughter they could be proud of.
Mama continued. “You are quite a girl, Ruby Jean. But you are way off the mark about one thing.”
Ruby frowned. “What’s that?”
“This idea that women like me and Lucille are living in some kind of prison. Honey, I wouldn’t trade my life here for anything.” She took a sip of coffee. “The greatest pleasure of my life has been being married to your father and raising you kids. And Lucille will tell you the same thing. When she and Donald and little Annie Sue are together, the three of them positively radiate happiness. And when he comes back from overseas, they’ll have the happiest of reunions.”
Ruby swallowed. “But he might not come back. Joseph didn’t come back. Plenty of the girls on my shift at the plant are either in mourning or waiting to hear whether their husbands are still alive.”
Mama nodded. “It’s not an easy time, I’ll give you that. But we have to put it in the Lord’s hands and let it go.”
“That’s really hard, Mama.” Ruby looked down at her hands. “Because bad things still happen. Even to people who put all their trust in God.”
Mama gave her a small smile. “Honey, trusting in God doesn’t mean that everything will always be perfect. It just means that you have a faith that will get you through those tough times. You can’t control the world around you, Ruby Jean.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” Mama asked. “And do you also know that by failing to put your hope and trust in the Lord, you’re letting your fear win?”
Ruby sighed. “Maybe I’ve used my quest for independence to cover up my fears. But it’s a whole lot easier to keep my heart to myself and know it can’t get broken than to give it away and know I might get hurt.”
Mama patted her arm. “That’s right. You might get hurt. You might lose a husband just like you lost Joseph. But honey, by closing yourself off and resolving to be alone forever—you’re missing out on a wonderful part of life.”
“That’s what Lucille says. She says that even if Donald never comes back, she’s blessed to have had him for as long as she did. And Hazel and Troy are so happy together as they’re getting ready to start a family. She says he’s her best friend.” She managed a tiny smile. “There was a time when Cliff was my best friend. Mama, I was so afraid of losing someone else that it made me lose Cliff.”
“Ruby, honey, let’s not forget you’re probably not the only one afraid of losing someone you love. Cliff has dealt with a lot over the past year.”
“You know about Charlie?” Ruby hadn’t told Mama about Cliff’s guilt.
Mama nodded. “Owen filled me in. I suspected something terrible must’ve happened to make Cliff choose to come here instead of enjoying Christmas with his own family.”
“I guess I didn’t consider that Cliff might be a little scared too. He seems so confident.” She sighed. “I think I messed up, Mama. With Cliff I mean. Y’all are right about me. I’ve hidden behind my stubbornness and independence out of fear. Nothing else.”
Mama smiled. “Have you prayed about it?”
“All summer. And every time I’d pray that I’d know what to do, Cliff would do something wonderful to surprise me.” She shook her head. “I think I might’ve been a little bit blind.”
“But you’ve figured it out now.” Mama smiled. “And I don’t think it’s too late.”
Ruby sighed. “You don’t understand. Cliff has yet to come out and tell me he has feelings for me. And I want him to do that without my prompting him.”
“That doesn’t sound unreasonable. But did it occur to you that maybe he’s a little nervous about doing that? You’re not a simple girl, Ruby. You’ve always challenged your brothers. You can play sports and shoot guns as good as them. You’re good at your studies and a hard worker.” She reached out and tipped Ruby’s chin up. “And you’re beautiful.” She smiled. “That’s a lot for even the most confident man to handle.”
Ruby grinned. The idea that she somehow intimidated Cliff struck her as funny. “You really don’t think it’s too late to fix things?”
Mama stood and pulled Ruby to her feet, drawing her into a hug. “There’s only one way to find out. But I certainly think Cliff is the kind of man who is worth the risk. Your feelings for him have been evident through the letters you’ve sent these past months. That kind of bond doesn’t come along too often.”
Her mama was exactly right. Now that she’d realized the error of her ways, the paralyzing fear was gone. And in its place was a bunch of big old butterflies. Because the next conversation she had with Cliff could change her life forever.
“Thanks, Mama.” Ruby kissed her mother on the cheek. “We’d better finish getting breakfast ready.” She smiled. “I think I have a big day ahead.”
* * * * *
“This is the best breakfast I’ve had in a good while,” Cliff said, eating the last bite of his scrambled eggs. “Thanks again for the hospitality.”
Mama smiled. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. What do you have planned for today, Cliff?”
Ruby froze as she waited for his answer. Now that she’d decided to have an honest talk with him, she was nervous that he might up and leave.
“I offered to help out on the farm today, but Mr. McFadden wouldn’t hear of it.” He took a sip of coffee. “So I guess I’ll go for a walk and maybe come back and read a little.” He grinned at Ruby. “I thought I might go out and see what Spotty is up to today.”
She smiled. “That sounds nice.”
“It does sound like a lovely way to spend the day.” Mama wiped her hands on her apron. “Please take your time. Lunch will be ready around noon.”
Cliff excused himself and left the kitchen.
Mama shot Ruby a knowing glance. It was now or never.
Ruby put her coffee mug next to the sink and hurried after Cliff. She rounded the corner from the living room to the hallway and ran right into him.
Cliff’s hands went around her waist to steady her. “Sorry about that,” he murmured.
Her breath caught as his hands seemed to linger on her waist. “That’s okay,” she said softly.
She started to walk past him, but he caught her hand. “Would you like to join me on my walk?”
he asked.
“Yes, I would. Let me go get my coat.” She rushed to her bedroom, relieved that he wanted to spend time with her. She shrugged on her coat and glanced in the mirror. Not too bad considering her fitful sleep. She fluffed her hair and squared her shoulders. She could do this.
She hurried down the hallway to where Cliff waited and saw Mama peer around the corner. “Everything okay?” Ruby heard her ask him.
“Yes, ma’am. Ruby and I are going to go for a walk. We’ll be back soon,” Cliff said.
Mama looked pointedly at Ruby, and the gleam in her eye was unmistakable. “Take your time. And have fun.” She grinned and turned back to the kitchen.
“Let’s go.” Ruby led the way out the front door. “I haven’t been out to see Spotty yet.”
Cliff chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you again.”
They walked in silence for a long moment.
“Is it weird for you that I’m here?” Cliff asked finally. “Because I can go back to Jacksonville today if it would make your Christmas better.”
Ruby stopped walking. “You know, I thought it was going to be weird. When I first saw you in the kitchen and found out why you were here, I expected it to be really uncomfortable.” She grinned. “But last night eating cookies and this morning having breakfast, I didn’t think it felt weird at all.” She gave him a tiny smile. “It felt normal.”
“I’m glad you think so.” He led the way into the barn and motioned toward a hay bale. “Let’s sit for a minute. There’s something I want you to see.”
Ruby sat down next to him, surprised that she should feel nervous around Cliff. “What’s that?”
He pulled a crumpled letter out of his pocket. “I got this yesterday before I left to come here.” He handed it to her. “I finally wrote my folks a few weeks ago.”
Ruby reached over and squeezed his arm. She knew it was a big step for him. “I’m so glad. I know they were relieved to hear from you.”
He motioned at the letter in her hand. “This is their response. I thought you might want to read it.”
Ruby was touched that he would share something so personal. “Are you sure?”
Love Finds You at Home for Christmas Page 12