It was better to leave what they had as fond memories.
Even if Connor felt as though walking away would rip his heart out of his chest.
“I’m happy for you,” Max said. “We can hold off on celebrating until you get back.”
Connor wasn’t entirely sure he was coming back, but he nodded anyway. “We can. Give my love to Zoe, yeah?”
“I will,” Max said, the change in his tone making it clear that he was just realizing that Connor didn’t plan on coming back.
Connor waited a beat, hoping that now that he knew this was the end, he might say something.
He didn’t, though. All he did was look at Connor with those soft blue puppy eyes, smiling a tiny, sad smile.
Whatever Max felt, it wasn’t enough to make him ask Connor to stay, and that was that.
“I have to, uh… pack and get moving if I wanna be in LA tomorrow,” Connor said. “Long drive ahead.”
“Yeah, of course,” Max nodded. “Do you want, like, a giant soda for the road?” he asked, nodding to the soda fountain.
Connor shook his head. He needed to get out of there before he started crying.
He didn’t want to leave.
He’d wanted his career back, and he’d gotten it, but it all felt hollow now. He’d found something he wanted even more, something he didn’t dare ask for.
Because Max felt he owed him, and Max would have given him anything he asked for. That wasn’t how Connor wanted him.
Max had to ask, and he wasn’t doing that.
“Okay, well… text me when you get there? Let me know you’re okay.”
“I will,” Connor promised. “Goodbye, Max,” he said, biting his tongue in the hopes of keeping it together until he was outside.
“Thank you for everything,” Max said. “I won’t ever forget.”
Connor nodded again, then turned on his heel and headed out of the bowling alley and into the cool night air.
He managed to walk ten paces before breaking down, hot tears welling up in his eyes and then flowing down his cheeks. He sobbed and gasped for breath, his chest tight, physical pain at walking away from Max making him nauseous.
He wanted to tell himself that he’d get over this, but right now he wasn’t sure he would.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zoe reached out to take Max’s hand once her doctor had left the room, squeezing it tight once she’d grabbed hold of it.
She was being so brave about all of this, and Max was impressed. They’d lucked out, getting a cancellation on the Monday after the results had come in, and everything between winning the competition and now had been a blur of getting ready.
“Nervous?” Max asked, squeezing Zoe’s hand back. He glanced at the clock. She was due for surgery in about forty-five minutes, which meant they’d be taking her away soon.
“Excited,” Zoe said in response. “When this is over I’m gonna be a cyborg.”
Max chuckled. He wasn’t sure one artificial joint counted as cyborg status, but he wasn’t about to stop Zoe from looking on the bright side.
This would hurt, and the recovery process would be slow and frustrating. The doctors had said over and over.
But once she had recovered, she’d be back to the old Zoe again. Max could hardly wait to see that.
She’d been in so much pain for so long, with no real hope that it was ever going to get better. People had been kind, and generous, but they only had so much to give.
Max couldn’t stop thinking about Connor, and how much he’d changed their lives.
Or how much he missed him.
“Mom told me what you did for this,” Zoe said after a moment. “Thank you.”
Max shrugged. “It was no big deal. I would’ve done a lot worse for you,” he said, smiling at her. “You’re my favorite little sister.”
“I’m your only little sister,” Zoe responded. “You know this means I’m gonna ask you if you met any cute boys now, right?”
Max swallowed. He could have denied he was interested in boys, except he didn’t want to lie to Zoe. Keeping the wedding a secret from her had nearly killed him.
He couldn’t keep anything this big a secret. Not for long.
“Hey, Zoe, uh… this is kind of a secret, but… I’m bi,” he said before he could lose the nerve, his heart racing. “Which means-”
“That you like boys and girls, and maybe people who aren’t boys or girls,” Zoe said. “I know. Me too.”
Max blinked at her.
“You’re thirteen,” he said, shocked that she knew what he was talking about better than he did.
“So?” Zoe asked. “When did you start liking girls?”
Max sat back in his cheap plastic chair, thinking about that.
Definitely by the time he was thirteen. Maybe a little earlier.
Knowing what he knew now… boys, too. Even all the way back then.
And then his life had gone to hell, and he hadn’t had time to think about girls, or boys, or anyone else.
“Point taken,” he said. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
“Mom doesn’t know,” Zoe said softly. “It’s not… I’m not scared, not really, but…”
“I get it,” Max said. “You’re only the second person I’ve told.”
“I like girls more than boys,” Zoe said with more confidence than Max had ever had about anything. “Boys are dumb, but I like them too, sometimes.”
Max chuckled, his own nerves about coming out fading away. Zoe was obviously pretty comfortable with how she felt, even if she hadn’t told their mom yet.
“As a boy… yeah, we’re really dumb. Not all of us, but I definitely am. I just lost someone I care about a lot because I didn’t tell him how I felt. I didn’t want to stop him from living his life and having his career, because that was the thing he wanted most in the world, and now… I miss him so much.”
“That is dumb,” Zoe said, wrinkling her nose. “You should just tell him. Grownups are so stupid.”
Max laughed again. “You know what? We are. But we get scared, and everything feels really complicated all the time.”
“You should tell him how you feel,” Zoe said.
“It’s not… I just…” Max’s heart hurt as he thought about it.
The idea of telling Connor how he felt was terrifying. He hadn’t been ready. He’d only just realized he could feel that way about anyone, at all.
It didn’t even matter anymore than Connor was a man. It mattered that Max felt like Connor had taken a piece of his soul away with him, and that if Connor didn’t feel the same way, Max wasn’t sure he could cope.
A nurse came in, interrupting Max’s train of thought.
“It is that easy,” Zoe said, letting go of Max’s hand.
“I gotta get out of here, huh?” Max asked the nurse, who nodded.
He turned to smile at Zoe. “See you on the other side.”
Zoe gave him a tiny wave, nerves apparently starting to set in. Max’s stomach clenched as he left the room, heading for the waiting area he’d seen earlier.
Zoe’s surgery wouldn’t take long, and even though she’d be in recovery for a while, Max wanted to be there for her when she woke up. She still needed support, even though this meant she’d start getting better.
Max turned out his pockets for loose change, heading over to the vending machine to buy himself a can of soda before he sat down.
Once he’d picked a seat on what turned out to be a surprisingly comfortable tiny couch, he cracked open the can, took a sip, and let out a breath he felt like he’d been holding since Wednesday night.
His thoughts snapped straight back to Connor.
It would have been easy to dismiss Zoe’s opinion as childish—she was a kid, after all—but she’d been through a lot. She had the wisdom that living a hard life came with.
Max could see it in her eyes. She was a deep thinker, and she had a lot more insight than he could ever hope to.
What if she was
right? What if it was as simple as just… telling Connor how he felt?
Max took out his phone, unlocking it automatically and then staring at the home screen.
What if he just told Connor how he felt? He was so far away now, and maybe never coming back.
Distance made his feelings seem safer. Connor couldn’t laugh in his face now, or give him a soft, pitying look.
Max opened a new text, skimming over the last conversation they’d had, when Connor had arrived safe and Max had told him Zoe was already booked in for surgery.
I miss you, he typed into the box.
He didn’t know what to say other than that. It would have felt like he was cheating both of them to say he loved him for the first time over text.
This was the first time Max had ever wanted to tell someone he loved them, other than his family.
Max hit send before he could talk himself out of it, his stomach tying itself into knots. He wasn’t even sure what time it was in LA—he knew there was a time difference, but he’d never been good with time zones.
Maybe Connor would ignore him.
But maybe, just maybe, he’d text back. And he’d miss Max too. And then they could talk.
It had to be worth a shot.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Connor took a deep breath once he found the door he was looking for, his hand trembling as he raised it to knock.
He should have brought flowers, or chocolates, or something. Max liked chocolate, and here he was turning up out of nowhere, with nothing to show.
Hoping against hope that he hadn’t horribly misinterpreted a three-word text message.
His stomach was tied up in knots.
He knocked on the door anyway. It was now or never.
“Come in,” Max called from the other side. He sounded tired, but not the exhausted tired he had done when Connor first met him.
He sounded a lot happier.
Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe Max wouldn’t want to see him after all.
Maybe he should have just responded to the text instead of getting straight in the car and driving back.
Well, he was here now. He’d have to find out one way or another.
Connor pushed the door open, slipping inside the hospital room.
Max looked up at him, his face softening as soon as he recognized Connor.
Connor’s stomach twisted. That seemed like a good sign. Maybe this wasn’t a mistake, after all.
“I missed you, too,” he said, his throat catching at the end. “I… I’m sorry for showing up unannounced, I just… got straight in the car when you texted.”
“It’s okay,” Max said, beckoning him over. Connor shuffled a half-step toward him before noticing the glint of silver on Max’s hand.
The wedding and engagement rings.
“I thought you were selling those,” Connor said, nodding to them.
He didn’t want to tell himself it meant anything, maybe Max still had them because he hadn’t gotten around to that yet, but… he was wearing them. That felt as though it meant something.
Connor was still wearing his own ring, too, but he’d told himself a thousand times by now that it was stupid.
He’d just never felt stupid enough to take it off.
“They’re worth more to me than the money would be,” Max said. “Even if I was still broke. Because… because you’re worth more to me.”
Connor swallowed, finally meeting Max’s eyes.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before,” Max said. “I was confused, and you were getting your career back, and I didn’t want to stand in the way of that. Not when I wasn’t sure what I wanted, or what you wanted, or… anything, really, but the whole time you were gone I just… wished you were here.”
“I’ve only been gone five days,” Connor said softly.
“I didn’t know if you were ever coming back,” Max responded, looking down at the floor. “And you’re still wearing yours.”
Connor risked another two steps toward him, desperate to reach out and touch him.
“I didn’t know if I was coming back, either. It broke my heart when you didn’t ask me to stay.”
Max looked up again, guilt written all over his face. “Then why are you back?”
Connor smiled a tiny smile at him, his heart clenching at what he was about to say. “Because you have the power to break my heart. So when you call… I’ll answer.”
“I was expecting a text,” Max said, his voice rough. The air in the room was thick with tension between them, as though they were both waiting for something.
One of them was going to have to say it first. Connor could do that for Max.
“Well, the thing is, I love you,” Connor said.
Max swallowed visibly, his eyes shining as he searched Connor’s face.
“And I wasn’t happy,” Connor continued, unable to stop himself now that he’d started to open up. “I thought I wanted my career back, and I had it, but… it was hollow, because I found something here that I wanted more, and I didn’t have it. And that’s you. I want… you. You promised me forever, and I know the wedding was fake, but… I want it. With you.”
Max stood, closing the gap between them. Now it was Connor’s turn to look up.
“I meant it,” Max said. “I love you, too.”
Connor’s face split into a smile so broad it made his cheeks hurt. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes, but he would have cried in front of the whole world right now, just to hear that again.
He reached up, framing Max’s face with his hands, and pressed their lips together. Max made a soft, needy noise, wrapping his arms around Connor’s waist.
Connor’s heart swelled, making his chest feel so full it might burst. Max meant it.
Max loved him.
They didn’t have to lose each other.
Connor could have stayed like this forever. Safe in Max’s arms, secure in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone in his feelings, excited to see where they were going next.
“I love you,” he repeated, moving his hands to Max’s neck and rubbing their noses together.
“I love you, too,” Max said, Connor’s heart flipping over as he heard it. He wasn’t going to get tired of that anytime soon.
Max leaned in, parting his lips as he kissed Connor this time, one hand moving to the back of his head to hold him in place. Max’s tongue darted out, barely wetting Connor’s lips, just enough to make the pit of his stomach light up with arousal.
“Gross,” came a voice from the bed.
Connor’s stomach bottomed out as he looked over and saw Max’s sister looking at him. Had he just accidentally outed Max? He’d never forgive himself for that.
Before Connor could react, Max burst into laughter.
“Listen, you told me to tell him how I felt,” Max said, looking back at Connor. “And this is how I feel,” he finished, his eyes sparkling as he searched Connor’s face.
Connor felt like he really understood what love was supposed to feel like, now.
He felt as though Max could destroy him with a single word, but he trusted him not to.
It was the most alive he’d ever felt.
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Get a room.”
“This is a room,” Max countered.
“A different room,” Zoe said.
Connor liked her already.
He pushed Max away gently, taking his hand so he wouldn’t feel abandoned, but holding it below Zoe’s line of sight.
She didn’t really seem upset, more like she was teasing her brother, but he was a stranger, and she was recovering from surgery. He didn’t want to make things harder for her, or Max.
“I’m excited to finally meet you,” Connor said. “Since your brother isn’t introducing me, I’m Connor.”
He held his hand out to Zoe, who shook it firmly and seriously.
She looked a lot like Max, with the same piercing blue eyes that he almost thought could see directly into his soul.
&nb
sp; “You’re the guy who helped Max out,” she said.
“More like I’m the guy who helped him out,” Max said. “Connor did ninety percent of the work.”
Zoe looked between them, nodding in understanding. Connor wanted to protest, tell her how much Max had helped him, but that was a topic for another day. She was bound to be tired, too, since she couldn’t have been out of surgery for more than a dozen hours.
Everyone was exhausted. Connor desperately wanted to drag Max home and fall asleep curled up next to him.
“He’s also… my boyfriend? I think?” Max turned to look at him.
Connor’s heart swelled, his whole face lighting up.
Boyfriend. Boyfriend.
That was exactly what he wanted to hear right now.
“Boyfriend sounds good,” Connor said, squeezing Max’s hand.
“You look tired,” Max said.
“Thanks.” Connor snorted. “Just shower me with compliments.”
“You’re amazing,” Max said. “And I’ve never met anyone like you, and I doubt I ever will. But you need to sleep. I was thinking… you could go home, and I could come over in a few hours, when mom gets here to switch places with me.”
“You can go now,” Zoe said. “I’ll be okay on my own.”
Max shook his head. “No. Connor is a grownup, he can live without me for a couple of hours. You, I’m not leaving.”
Connor smiled at that. Max’s dedication to his sister’s happiness was one of the things he loved most about him. He wasn’t going to begrudge him the need to watch over her.
“I’ll be waiting,” he said. “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”
He would have waited for Max forever. A few hours was nothing.
Max leaned in and kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand again.
“I love you,” he murmured softly. “And I’ll see you soon.”
Connor nodded, waving goodbye to Zoe before backing out of the room. His heart was so full he was half-afraid again that it’d burst out of his chest.
He had Max. That was all that mattered.
This was the best day of his life.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Max pushed on the door of Connor’s apartment, finding it unlocked as promised. He smiled, slipping inside and locking it behind him, for peace of mind while they both slept.
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