by Grace Walton
She smiled at him across the kitchen table. “No, I think we better stick to whatever is normal. I don’t want to call too much attention to myself. Just being there is going to set off a firestorm. Folks in town know you’re living here, and even if the chief of police has made an effort to let people know it’s for security measures, I’m sure some of them wonder.” She played with the fried rice on her plate.
“Nobody who knows me or you thinks anything about my staying here,” he said it like he was trying to convince her. It didn’t work.
“Sam, you’re a great guy.” She smiled.
“I hear another ‘but’ coming.”
“But.” She laughed. “You are also the most eligible bachelor in town. And I’m probably the frumpiest looking woman in town.”
He shook his head. “Not the frumpiest.”
She laughed again, “The frumpiest. All the women in church are going to be wondering why in the world you’re living with me. And the men will be pondering how far you’ve gotten with me.”
Sam broke out laughing. “How far I’ve gotten? You are living in the fifties, you know that?”
Carrie shrugged. “Burnt Hickory is a fifties sort of place. You wait and see.”
Sam smiled at her. “How about we make a little wager?”
Carrie groaned. “I’m still paying off from the last time. What kind of wager?” She couldn’t help herself.
“If you’re right and we cause a stir at church on Sunday, I’ll move out. I’ll find some other way to protect you.”
She nodded. “OK, that sounds like a plan.”
He leaned back in his chair and locked his hands behind his head. “But you have to wear a fake engagement ring.”
“No!”
He sat straight up in his chair and pled his case, “Carrie it would help explain to the curious why I’m living here. It would infuriate the Mexican Drug Lord to think you were going on with your life, and it’d probably flush Ferguson out of the woodwork. Force his hand so to speak.”
Carrie was still shaking her head. “No, no, and no.”
“Try to think like a bad guy Carrie.”
“Sam I’m not pretending to be engaged.”
He smiled a victor’s smile, “But you’d love to make the man who ordered your father’s death eat crow wouldn’t you?”
She risked a sideways glance in his direction. One quick nod was all she’d give him.
“I can’t think of a better way to pull his tail than to make him think he’s so unimportant that you are about to get married and settle down? It’s perfect.” He was leaning back again.
Carrie thought about all he’d said. It would be sweet to have that kind of revenge. Even if she didn’t live to testify, she’d have the satisfaction of knowing she’d hit the Drug Lord hard where it would hurt, in his pride.
“OK, I’ll think about it. But I’m not making any promises.”
“Great!” He was happy. “Let’s go online. I know a great site that has fake rings. They look like the real thing.” He started to get up.
“No let’s wait until we see how things go Sunday.”
Chapter Fourteen
As Sam’s car pulled into the church parking lot Carrie admitted to herself she was apprehensive. OK, she was more than apprehensive. She was downright scared. It had been a long time since she’d stepped across the threshold of a house of God. In her nervousness that morning she’d pulled the silver spoon Grace had given her from a drawer and absently rubbed the shiny surface.
In a wrenching moment of weakness, she remembered Grace’s story about the old spoon. How the blacksmith had taken the raw ore and melted it over the blazing flame over and over until all the impurities had been burned away. Then he’d looked to see if he could make out his face in the bowl of the spoon. Carrie wondered if God ever looked at her? And if He did, what did He see?
It was a given that God looked beyond the external. And she was pretty sure the real Carrie, the one inside, fell far short of His heavenly standards. And the whole idea of being changed, by hard times and harder circumstances over and over again. Well, it sounded too painful to even contemplate. Who’d want their life to be that difficult anyway, she wondered? Grace would, was the answer she gave herself. Grace did. Because the old woman believed God had a plan for her life. It included being changed over time. Being fashioned into a better person. Grace knew His plan required surrender and hardship to become that better person.
Then, as Carrie thought of all the people she’d met and gotten to know in Montana, she realized Ruthie and Patsy at school seemed like they would want that kind of close examination of their lives as well. They might joke and laugh. But she’d had enough conversations with them to know they were serious about their faith. And there was strong and cheerful Sadie Beasley. She was surely being constantly changed, not changed, what had Grace called it? Refined, that was it, refined by her personal fire at the Conclave.
And there was Gage. He claimed to be a Christian. One who was on a journey. One who still stumbled. And one who would welcome the refining fire.
Carrie shuddered. She knew without a doubt, she was not that strong. Her life was complicated enough without God. How would she endure what she struggled with now and add more?
It was true, she’d read almost the entire Bible recently. Well, she’d read the New Testament part, since leaving Eden. And even though a lot of it was confusing, she was beginning to see a common thread running through the whole thing. According to her mother’s old tattered Bible, God loved her. And He wanted to help her. He loved everybody, in fact, even the really bad people.
Not to say that Carrie was bad. No, she didn’t honestly think she was too bad. But other people, well, she had to admit there were some truly awful folks out there in the world. And incredibly God loved them, according to the Bible. He might not like what they did, might have even hated it. But that never changed His love for them. She was still trying to wrap her head around unconditional love. It was something she couldn’t even begin to understand.
She had thought about asking Sam. But she’d chickened out at the last minute. It had seemed like such a personal question. One that didn’t seem to be a Sam sort of thing.
He assured her he was a Christian. But he didn’t do much more than that. And words were cheap. She’d never seen him pray, not even at meals. And his life, while good by her terms, didn’t show her anything any other man’s might. He didn’t study the Bible, which was something her Dad had done every night. And Sam didn’t seem to have any sort of inner moral compass.
Her Mom had taught Carrie about that as a toddler. Being a true believer was supposed to change the way a person did everything. It didn’t seem to make any difference to Sam. He cursed, and didn’t limit what he read or watched on TV. In fact, some of the movies and magazines he’d brought when he’d moved in had made her blush to the roots of her hair. And she thought she’d pretty much seen it all.
In a weak moment she’d wished Gage would creep back into her home one night so she could ask him. Somehow that had seemed right. He had been very honest about his life. He’d told her about his past. And he’d confessed about how he was trying to be different. It hadn’t been a lot of bragging either. He’d sounded pained at the remembrance. But she’d told him to leave her alone and he had.
So there she sat, in her finest teacher jumper waiting for Sam to open the car door so she could follow him into the church. In honor of the day she’d given up her sneakers and frilly socks, no big sacrifice, and was wearing low heels. A first since she’d come to Burnt Hickory. And to tell the truth, Sam had seemed more than a little put out that the heels made her taller than him. And he hadn’t covered it well.
Taking a big breath she eased out of the car as he opened the door. Smoothing down her dress she looked around. People were getting out of cars and trucks all over the parking lot. And miracle of miracles, nobody seemed to be giving her even a second glance.
A few guys waved and
called out greetings to Sam which he responded to heartily. Carrie stood like a deer in headlights not knowing exactly what to do. Then Sam’s firm hand grasped her elbow and led her across the parking lot to the church entrance.
“Lighten up Carrie.” Sam sounded annoyed. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
She swallowed and nodded. “I know, I know. You’re right, I know you’re right.” Her uncharacteristic submissiveness made him jerk his head in her direction.
“You’re really scared aren’t you?” he asked surprised.
She nodded her mouth too dry to speak.
He looked up into her frightened eyes. “Why?” The word was short, blunt, and unsympathetic.
Carrie tried to smile. She failed miserably. So she just shrugged.
“Ferguson won’t be here, if that’s what’s bothering you. You have nothing to fear. We’ve seen neither hide nor hair of him in what, two weeks? I’d say he has gone to ground somewhere. Besides, he wouldn’t do anything in a church. Too public, too many witnesses, and too hard to make a hit look like an accident,” he said it so matter-of-factly. It seemed like he was reciting a boring litany of rules about parking regulations.
That made her find her voice. “That’s not it. This is not about Gage.”
“Then what is it about?”
“I’m just being stupid.” She tried to smile again but failed miserably.
“Well, try to snap out of it, OK?” He pushed her on towards the door. “People are going to start thinking something’s wrong with you if you act like I’m holding a gun to your head to get you to church. You know there’s been talk around town about the fact that the new teacher doesn’t attend a church. Bad for your reputation in a small place like Burnt Hickory. We’ve already decided on a mock engagement if people start gossiping. I can’t afford to have the whole town talking about me.”
She blushed and lowered her eyes ashamed. “You decided on that fake engagement thing. I still don’t want to have anything to do it. But I’m sorry, you’re right about me projecting the wrong image. I’ll do better. I promise.”
He nodded and promptly dropped his hand from her arm. He strode away as they entered the narthex.
“I’ve got to go warm up with the choir. You go on in and get a seat.” He turned away and left her- Alone.
She stood there and watched him leave. She managed a weak smile to an usher. An older gentleman with a kind face, who handed her a program, pointed toward the sanctuary’s double doors. All at once she had a flashback to her father’s funeral. She smelled the lilies that had surrounded his casket, saw the crowd milling around, and she started shaking.
“Miss are you Ok?” It was the kind faced usher. “Maybe you should sit down. I could get you a glass of water.” His voice trailed off. He looked very uncomfortable at the prospect of a church visitor fainting and on his Sunday to serve of all things.
A strong warm arm circled Carrie’s waist. “She’ll be fine, won’t you Carrie?” Gage smiled down at her. Carrie nodded. She would, be fine that is. Gage was there. He’d make sure she was OK.
“Oh, thank goodness you know her Gage. I was about to call the EMT’s.” The usher wiped his face with a starched white handkerchief he’d drawn from his suit pocket. “She looked so white. I just knew she was going to pass out any minute.”
Gage tightened his arm on her waist and smiled. “Let me introduce you. Carrie this is Hugh Rose. He was my 4th grade Sunday School teacher.” The comment made the older man laugh. It dispelled most of the tension.
“I’d forgotten all about that.” He chuckled. “Miss Carrie, Gage was quite a handful back then. A real wild one he was. Now he’s bringing a nice young thing like you to church. It’s amazing what God can do, isn’t it? I’m glad to meet you,” He stuck out a friendly hand.
Carrie automatically did the same. She found herself shaking hands with him and smiling. “Nice to meet you too,” she said in a semi-normal voice.
Somehow all of the sudden she didn’t feel so bad. Gage began introducing her to people standing nearby and she found herself welcomed warmly. She even got a hug from Ruthie Middlebrooks, who’d just swept in through the doors.
“Carrie, it is so great to see you here, and with Dr. Ferguson too.” Ruthie’s eyes twinkled.
Carrie shook her head, “Oh, I’m not,” before she could finish Gage had spoken.
“It’s my pleasure entirely,” he said it with such conviction Carrie almost believed him herself. “Would you please excuse us? I’d like to introduce Carrie to my mother and sister.”
He didn’t wait for an answer from Ruthie. He led Carrie into the sanctuary towards a front pew. Carrie had just enough time to whip her head around and catch a glance of Ruthie whispering something in another woman’s ear as they avidly watched Gage Ferguson.
Before she knew what was happening, Gage was seating her beside a chic woman in a smart Channel suit. Carrie knew exactly how she must look compared to this elegant lady and her dark haired daughter. She looked like a scarecrow- a tall, skinny, plain scarecrow wearing a baggy plaid jumper and white blouse bought from a thrift shop. Carrie was in shock for most of the introductions. It was only when Gage’s mother spoke to her in a pleasant accented voice that she snapped out of her daze.
“Carrie, I’m very pleased to meet you. Gage has told us so much about you.” She seemed not only really kind, but truly interested in meeting Carrie.
“He has?” Carrie found that hard to believe. She looked up, but his face revealed nothing.
Gage sister’s head bobbed up and down. She was a pretty girl who looked about 18, also clothed in the latest fashion. “Oh yes, he told us how brave you were Carrie. You saved all those kids and stood up to those bullies. I just think you’re like so… amazing,” she said.
“No, I’m not. I’m just.” Carrie didn’t know how to respond. Publicity seekers aside, fans who gushed towards her in this way typically were so shallow she could appease them with a very shallow answer. But Gage’s sister seemed to be honestly giving her a compliment based on character and not image. Carrie didn’t know what to say.
“I just did what anyone else would have done.” Was the best she could manage. She was saved from having to say more by a man coming to the front with a guitar. The congregation started to settle down. And so did Carrie. The choir walked in. Carrie thought Sam looked very religious. He smiled at all the right people, but not at her. Then he folded his hands as if in prayer and began to sing the first praise song. His voice carried loudly above the rest of the choir.
Carrie wondered if Gage would act as holy as Sam. She glanced over to find his head bowed, his hands easily clasped in his lap. That’s when it truly started. In the beginning, it was just a gentle feeling of peace drifting over her as they all started to sing hymns and praise songs.
Then the pastor got up to speak. Carrie was surprised to find him wearing jeans and a plain white shirt. He held a well-worn Bible in his hand and used it to quote from frequently during the course of his sermon. A sermon Carrie scarcely heard. It wasn’t the nearness of Gage sitting right beside her. Although she was completely aware of him the whole time. And it certainly wasn’t the distraction of Sam singing a very showy tenor solo about God’s endless mercies that caused her to miss the sermon.
She didn’t hear the sermon because she was simply absorbing the overwhelming holiness of the place. In some ways it had the same feel as those Sundays she’d sat with her Mom and Dad in church all those many years ago. But there was something very different now. Something of which a tiny child would never have been aware. The incredible sanctity of holiness poured over her like a fountain. It made all the hymns about rivers of living water finally make sense. And it didn’t end with just a pleasant sensation of rightness. No, it moved over and in her like a cleansing wind blows over a dry dusty field. She actually felt cleaner, more alive, and somehow more attuned to everything and everyone around her.
During the invitation she was almo
st alarmed to feel slow searing tears roll down her face. Not tears of sadness, although she was sad at the enormity of what she now knew was her sin. But tears of release and joy because she finally got it. She understood God loved her, that He had a better life for her. One so much richer in every way than what she’d had in the past. And oh how she wanted it, Him. More than she’d ever wanted anything ever before. As the sermon ended and people started getting up to leave, Gage’s hand kept her in her seat.
“Do you mind if we sit here until the crowd thins down a bit?” he asked as he calmly wiped a tear from her chin as if it was something he did all the time.
She was impressed by his sensitivity and nodded. His mother and sister hugged her when they rose to leave. But they didn’t ask any prying questions. For that she was truly grateful. There was no way she could rationally explain what had just happened to her. She just knew she was gloriously radically different. Slowly the church crowd left, she and Gage were alone. At last she was able to speak.
“I didn’t know.” She rubbed the back of her hand against her damp cheek. “I didn’t know it was real.”
He nodded, letting her talk.
“I thought it was just a game, you know. Something people did to impress others or get ahead in the world. Or that people tried to fool themselves into believing so they could feel better about who they really were. I didn’t know it was real.” Her breath caught in the back of her throat.
Gage threaded the fingers of one hand through hers. No words were needed from either of them. For a long sweet time they sat in perfect silence until he came in.
“Where have you been?” Sam’s voice was angry and belligerent. Gage’s hand tightened on hers in reassurance.
Sam marched up to them and grabbed her free hand. “I’ve been looking all over for you. First you act like a zombie when we get here. Then you disappear on me. What’s wrong with you?” He tried to jerk her to her feet. But found himself staring up at Gage who suddenly towered over him.