by Renee Porter
“You just going to let her fawn all over your woman?” That seemed to get my attention as I looked quickly at Ross. He gave a knowing smile and my cheeks warmed at being caught.
I shrugged my shoulder. “Maddie can do what she wants.” I feigned disinterest as I heard Ross cluck his tongue.
“You don’t have to hide from me, B. You’re just as obvious as she is.” He held up his hands in surrender letting me know that he wasn’t judging us. “I figured it out as soon as she saw you today. She lit up when you entered the room.” He took a sip of his cocktail and considered me for a moment. “Maddie’s always been a sweetheart to work with but I also noticed a change in her when she first got back. She’s happy. And a hell of a lot happier then when those two were an item.” He motioned over to the bar where Maddie was trying to put distance between her body and Dana’s.
The tender flesh of my bottom lip met my teeth as I watched Dana desperately try and get Maddie’s attention. They looked to be in a heated discussion. And Maddie did not look happy.
“So?”
Again I eyed Ross and then Maddie. What was I doing just sitting there? I stood up as I walked purposefully toward where the two were standing. Thankfully the lounge had lost most of its patrons as the night had grown later. As I stepped closer I could start making out the conversation that the two women were having.
“I don’t understand why you just won’t come home with me?” Dana pathetically asked. Maddie clenched her jaw tightly and through gritted teeth responded.
“I’ve told you, Dana. We’re not together anymore. We were never even together in the first place.” Dana sidled up closer to Maddie. She pushed herself almost flush against her as Maddie tried to back away.
“That didn’t stop you after we ended things. Don’t you remember coming over and basically begging me to take you?”
I cleared my throat as Maddie quickly diverted her gaze from Dana to me. My face was red hot but it wasn’t from blushing, only from anger. I had enough of this woman. “She said no, Dana. So maybe you should actually listen to what she is saying and leave her alone.” I held onto my arms in a defensive stance.
“This has nothing to do with you,” Dana spat and wavered a little. I almost felt bad seeing as she was absolutely obliterated and probably wasn’t acting with the best judgement but I couldn’t allow her to carry on like this anymore.
“Actually it has everything to do with me.” I looked at Maddie, silently letting her know what I was about to do. She didn’t give me any permission but the surprised look in her eye and slight smile let me know that she would support it no matter what the repercussions.
“And why is that?” Dana argued with a curse smile.
I smiled slowly, savoring that one moment before I knew I would wipe that smile off of her face. “Because she’s my girlfriend.” Dana’s smile faltered as the words filtered through her muddled brain. She barked a laugh as she whipped back and forth between me and Maddie.
“Your girlfriend?” Her face contorted at her disbelief. She looked at Maddie who confirmed with a nod. “What? It’s true?” I almost felt bad when I saw pain flicker in Dana’s eyes but then I remembered how she had treated me and the feeling quickly dissipated.
I stepped closer to Maddie and placed myself between them. “It is, Dana. So I would really appreciate it if you would be respectful of that and leave her alone now.” Dana didn’t look at me but instead kept her eyes above my shoulder, obviously only looking at Maddie.
“You’re with her? We dated for almost a year and you wouldn’t put a label on us. And what? She’s in your life for a few minutes and you’re exclusive?” I wanted to tell her that a year was nothing compared to a decade but I wasn’t about to cause more of a scene.
“Dana, I don’t have to explain myself to you. I told you why we didn’t work out. And I’ve told you plenty of times since then that there isn’t anything between us anymore.”
Dana shook her head as her frustration rose. “Are you in love with her?” Maddie didn’t respond although I had to admit that even I would have liked to hear the answer. When Dana wasn’t getting what she wanted she finally looked at me again. “You know what. You can have her. She’s shit in bed anyways.” With a flick of her hand Dana stormed away and I finally let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding.
I turned to Maddie who smiled shyly. I shrugged my shoulders as I felt her hands pull me into her. “That was unexpected.” I heard her whisper in my ear. I chuckled as I pulled away slightly.
“Do you want to get out of here?” I would be lying if I said the confrontation didn’t exhaust me. The adrenalin that allowed me to even walk into the situation was wearing off and left my body feeling like it was jelly.
“Yeah. Let’s go say bye and head out.” I nodded in agreement as we stepped back up to the group hand in hand. Ross gave me a brilliant smile and I mouthed a ‘thank you’ in his direction. He lifted his drink in salute and after saying our goodbyes, Maddie and I left the lounge. Hopefully, the rest of the night wouldn’t be as stressful.
***
I took in the décor of my large suite. Much too big for only a single person but impressive none the less. The large king bed beckoned me but I wasn’t yet ready to sleep. I made my way to the large floor to ceiling windows that held the New York skyline in all its beauty. Staring out into the concrete jungle, my mind went swiftly to what it usually went to when I have a moment of silence; Maddie. When I was younger my only thoughts circled around how I was going to get through another day while hiding my feelings for my best friend. I sighed as I realized that not much had changed, even a decade later. While Maddie now knew how I felt about her, the truth was she didn’t know the full extent of my feelings.
I had loved Maddie at a young age. As I grew older I managed to convince myself that I didn’t know what love was then but that was only a lie I told myself to get me through the days without her. I had finally realized that it must have been love because it was the same feeling that I held now. Well, not entirely the same. I didn’t know how, but every day that feeling grew stronger.
It was coming to a point where I didn’t know how much longer I could hide. This feeling was so deeply rooted that I felt as though it was a part of my soul. How could I tell Maddie that I was with her fully when I was still distancing a part of myself that belonged to her? But the ‘what ifs’ always clouded my mind. What if I told her and it made her run? What if she wasn’t ready for our relationship to go to that level? What if she didn’t love me back? What if she did?
I peered up toward the sky, trying to trace the familiar stars like I would do back home. The lights from the city drowned out many, but if I looked hard enough I could still see a few breaking through the black blanket.
“Hey.” The silence broke as I turned, watching as Maddie placed a few clothing items on the bed. When we finally made it to the hotel, Maddie had quickly gone to her room to grab me a set of night clothes. I didn’t know how she pulled it off, but she had managed to get Sony to get us a joined suite. She stayed rooted to her spot next to the bed. My eyes casted downward as words flowed through my mind. Just tell her.
“I’m sorry about tonight. I should have been more open about Dana and how forward she can be.” I heard her feet shuffle toward me, a slight pang growing in chest at the hesitant tone in her voice. She didn’t know why my mood had suddenly shifted. She didn’t know that I wasn’t upset about the things I heard Dana say and do. She didn’t know that I was warring with my own mind to force the words I wanted to say back down.
“You don’t have to apologize.” I finally looked up as she closed the distance between us. She stared out across the skyline and I watched as the dimmed light illuminated her features. My heart pounded so heavily in my chest and I was sure it could be heard amongst the quiet and our even breaths.
She finally pulled away from the view and outlined my face with her eyes. They shone more brightly than any star in the sky and I inhaled a shudd
ering breath.
“I feel like I should though.” Her eyes fell to the floor. “I just didn’t want to say something to make you think that it wasn’t worth it.” The deep exhale of breath told me that it had taken her a lot of courage to say those words. My emotion grew as my eyes softened, placing a hand on her arm and running my fingers down to grab her wrist. My thumb grazed over her too fast pulse and I closed my eyes tightly against the lump in my throat.
“You thought that if I knew that Dana still had feelings for you that I wouldn’t want to be with you?” She chuckled a sad laugh at my response.
“I know. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud but…” she shook her head, “I know it’s different for us. We can’t just be normal and go out on dates or hold hands. We have to hide because of me and a part of me feels so horrible for denying you that.” She held my eyes in a locked stare. “I just kept thinking that if I added in the issue with Dana that it would just be too much.”
I swallowed thickly, my throat impossibly tight against the emotions stirring inside of me. I mentally chastised myself for thinking that Maddie was above human emotion. I held her so highly in my own vision that I never realized that she would be afraid of actually losing me. My head reeled. Maddie only knew that I wanted to try this relationship with her. We had agreed to try and make us work as more than friends but she had no way of knowing that if I lost her I would lose the other half of me.
“I lied,” I finally said as if it would chase away all her worry. Her brows lowered in confusion and I shook my head lightly. “Earlier today you asked me if I had ever been in love and I told you that I hadn’t. Do you remember?” She nodded her head as her breath came in heavier bursts. “I lied, Maddie. I…” I took a deep breath trying to place my words. “I didn’t know how to tell you that I’ve being in love with you since I was 16 years old. I thought that you might think that I was crazy for holding onto you for so long…so I lied.” I shrugged my shoulder as my eyes prickled with tears. “I’m worried about losing you too. And just for the record, it would take a lot more than Dana Couch to scare me away.” I waited for Maddie to respond but she just stared at me with a blank expression. Her eyes darted between mine and then like an electric shock, the air crackled and in a heartbeat Maddie’s lips were on mine. Her kiss was hungry, hot, passionate. I moaned as her tongue entered my mouth, taking from me my every breath.
She grabbed me tightly around my thighs as she lifted me, literally knocking me off of my feet. I felt the cool glass behind my back as Maddie pinned me between the window and her warmth, her mouth finally peeling away from my lips and finding purchase on my neck. I breathed in sharply as she ground her hips between my legs, her strong arms still holding me in their embrace. Maddie finally freed a hand as she brought down the collar of my shirt, her mouth trailing wet kisses against every inch of skin being exposed. The feeling was so overwhelming, so powerful that I didn’t know where to place my thoughts. I was flying, drifting away and placed my hand against her head as I felt a jolt of electricity flow from my breast to my center. I caught Maddie’s heated gaze as her mouth enclosed over my nipple, rolling the bud between her teeth, the warmth of her tongue sending waves crashing against every nerve in my body. I anchored my hands in her hair to keep her there and to keep me grounded. I spoke in tongue as she pinned me harder against the window, her hand finally releasing the button on my jeans and pulling the zipper down. I cried out when I felt her fingers slide against me and then enter me fully. I took in a deep breath as Maddie moved her hips in time with her fingers, her palm rubbing exactly where I needed her most. She took my lips between her own as I felt myself climb higher to the apex. I knew it wouldn’t be long and as I tightened against her, pulling her in deeper, a low moan escaped her lips.
“I love you, B. I love you…” My eyes locked onto hers as the world crashed down around me. The electricity shuddered throughout every nerve and finally I felt her slowly release me. She took a strong hold, lowering me as well as herself onto the floor. I placed my heavy head on her shoulder as she cradled me through the aftershocks.
“I love you,” she whispered again. I looked up at her to find the most beautiful sight I have ever witnessed. Nothing compared to the way Maddie looked with the lights of New York City dancing across her face.
“I love you, too,” I whispered back. I placed a hand on her neck as I brought her lips down to mine. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, it wasn’t hurried, it wasn’t meant for anything other than a promise of how we felt in that moment.
Chapter 19
December 2016
“We have a problem,” the last part cut out as I looked at the phone to make sure Maddie was still there. It had been two months of brief visits, secret exchanges and heart tearing goodbyes. But finally, Maddie was coming home. The movie’s release date was set and in only two more months our relationship would hopefully be out in the open.
“What’s wrong?” I sat down in the kitchen, my mother immediately turning her head upward at the worry in my voice. She put her book down as she tuned into the conversation.
“There was an issue with one of the scenes. The filming didn’t go as planned so they want me to be onset for two more days to film it again.” The frustration was evident in her voice as she cut out again. Through cursed, choppy words, I tried not to sound disappointed as I calmed her down.
“It’s okay, Maddie. It’s not your fault. There isn’t much you could do about it now.” I covered the phone mouth with a hand and explained the situation to my mother. Her eyes softened and once she found out that Maddie was okay she went back to her book. I swear she thought that girl was another one of her daughters.
“I know but it’s your 28th birthday. I want to be there.” I gripped the phone harder. Green Tree Publishing had put together an event to celebrate my birthday. It wasn’t something that I was too happy about though. If I was being completely honest, I just wanted to have my closest friends and family here in my house to celebrate, but Elizabeth had said that this was the perfect event to publicize the book and movie. Of course that had meant that Maddie would be there in the capacity of a friend, but at least she would still be there. And she had promised to celebrate afterwards. Just us. A little party at her place. My body shuddered at the possibilities.
But now I was being faced with being the center of attention with over a hundred people who I didn’t know very well and now there would be no Maddie to get me through the night.
“We’ll celebrate when you’re back after filming.”
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay though?” I could hear her rustling around in her hotel room. Probably unpacking the things she would need for the next few days. I closed my eyes thinking that we had been so close to being together again and not having to worry about each other leaving any time soon.
“You mean without you being there as my buffer?” I heard Maddie chuckle over the line but it was really anything but a joke and we both knew it. I had never liked being the center of attention and Maddie always made it a point to pull any unwanted attention off of me and place it anywhere else. Without her there I was going to be extremely uncomfortable, but I knew I would have to go through with it. “I’ll be fine. Just focus on the movie and before you know it you’ll be home.”
“Home.” She breathed out and the line went silent. “Ow, dammit!” I heard a squeal over the phone and my brow furrowed.
“What was that? Are you okay?” I heard her huff over the phone loudly.
“What? Oh yeah I’m uh-fine. Just fine. Look, honey, I have to go. I’m so sorry about everything. Really. I’ll call you tomorrow after I get back to the hotel. What time are you going to be back from the event you think?” I opened my mouth to respond but I could tell that Maddie’s mind was elsewhere.
“Depends on how early I could sneak out without anyone noticing.” I heard her huff again in frustration but I could tell that it wasn’t meant for me. “How about I call you when I’m home?”
“Uh yeah. That works.” The phone was silent and I had to look at my screen to make sure that she was still there.
“Okay.”
“Okay. I gotta go. Love you.” Before I could say it back the phone call ended and I placed the cell on the kitchen table. I furrowed my brow at it wondering what was going on with Maddie.
“Everything okay?” My mother asked. I looked up at her and forced a smile.
“Yeah. I’m sure she’s just stressed with having to be there for another couple of days.” I ran my hands through my hair, now dreading what tomorrow would bring.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll be there and so will Josh and Vanessa and Jared. You have a lot of people in your corner.”
“Not to mention a few dozen reporters and other outlets of the media.” I groaned as I imagined all of the things that could go wrong. I felt my mother’s hand reach for mine and she gently squeezed it in comfort.
“She’ll be back soon.” I smiled at my mother and nodded my head to end the conversation. I had been so excited to have Maddie back and the disappointment was evident that she wasn’t coming home yet. With a soft pat on my hand my mother stood and left the kitchen to get ready for work. I followed her form out as a ‘ding’ came from my phone. I eyed a text from an unknown number. It was a picture of Ross in a plane seat giving a thumbs up. I smiled as I responded to him, happy that he would at least be at the event as well. Maybe I did have more people in my corner than I thought.