Dragonflies The Duncan Peters Files

by Fontien, Samantha

  Jessica sat there and read the letter as she bit her lip, dragging her top teeth across the bottom to try to stop herself wailing like a baby.

  Hey baby,

  No doubt you have Duncan in front of you. I’m sorry I’m not there, I really am. I’m sorry for a lot of things. The first was never telling you how much I loved you. The second was letting you go. If I could do it all again, I would NEVER have let you walk out of my life, or have let you marry your ex. I never told you, but I watched you going up those steps to marry him, it was one of the hardest things I had to do, I should have run up and stopped you from making that big mistake in marrying that muppet…

  She dropped the letter to her side and cried like a baby. She tried to compose herself as she pulled the letter up and she read on through her bleary tear filled eyes.

  Baby, being with you was always the highlight of my life. I’m only glad we had the last eight years together. I just wished it was with you constantly, rather than the stolen hours or nights we had, and I would still take them today if they were all you had to offer.

  I have left you our house in Loftus road. It’s only right. We had some good times there. It’s just a shame we ran out of time.

  I have written this letter to you for the past eight years with every assignment I went on, it’s a shame our time was up and you got this one. I want you to be happy Jess. You deserve all the love in the world, you always had mine.

  My stupid fault, for not telling you sooner baby so here it is.

  I love you.

  I love you Jessica Anne Morris.

  And you will always be my Wee Jess,

  Yours forever

  Rubin. Xx

  P.S.

  Love and kisses on all your pink bits. R. Xx

  “He loved me Duncan, he loved me,” and she crumbled as the tears flowed, as she choked over and over again, “he loved me.”

  She cried and cried inconsolable at Rubin’s last words to her. Duncan passed her a clean hanky from his pocket as she dabbed her eyes and nose. He squeezed her free hand for moral support, as he did; he heard a commotion as the front door closed, and footsteps heading right towards them.

  Jessica was clearly startled. She tried to compose herself, she wiped the tears from her eyes, as Duncan watched in horror, when the footsteps walked in and ran straight to her.

  “Mummy, mummy, look what I done,” and the little boy pushed the macaroni picture of a man in her face, “look, mummy see?”

  “I’m sorry Ms. Morris; he couldn’t wait to show you his artwork.” Said Alfie’s nanny with a smile.

  “Ohh Alfie, that’s brilliant, look at you,” she smiled proudly at the boy, as she grabbed him and held him tight squeezing him, her voice choked with emotion.

  “Mummy, you’re squishing me,” he pushed back on her trying to free himself as she hugged him tightly, her eyes shut.

  Duncan sat there stunned; he was looking at a mini Rubin. Jessica looked over at him seeing the horrified and astonished look on Duncan’s face. He went to speak but she beat him to it.

  “No, no he didn’t know, you know how he felt about kids?” She looked matter of factly.

  “But, but,” Duncan just couldn’t get the words out.

  “His name is Alfie Rubin Morris, he’s nearly four, and no, Rubin never knew. I wasn’t getting any younger, and I wanted something of him,” she dragged her lip across her teeth again trying to stop it tremoring as the tears pooled, her voice cracked with the lump as she spoke. “I loved him Dunc; I bloody loved him so much.” And she held Alfie tighter.

  “You said a bad word mummy,” said the little boy as he toyed with her hair.

  Duncan’s lips pursed together, as his lip too tremored, his eyes glazed with the tears, he put his arms out, the need to hold Alfie, overwhelmed him. Jessica handed the boy over to Duncan who held him up to his eye level. The resemblance was uncanny. He was mini Rubin, no mistaking who his father was. The lump choked him more as his chest swelled trying to contain the emotion that was surging through him. He pulled the boy to him and hugged Rubin’s son tight, his shoulders and chest gave way as he sobbed, as he allowed the tears to flow freely.

  “How?” he cried through the heaving.

  “The same old fashioned way as everyone else Dunc,” she smiled as the tears popped out of her eyes.

  Duncan stood up, still hugging Alfie, while the child asked him;

  “What’s your name Mr. Man?” as he softly wiped the tears from Duncan’s face, as Duncan sniffled.

  “Well wee man,” he choked up, as he looked at Jess, his face pleading with her, she nodded her head yes as her face burned with another stream of tears. “I’m your uncle Duncan,” and he pulled the boy to him and closed his eyes.

  *****

  When Alfie had eventually fallen asleep, Jessica told Duncan, how she and Rubin had actually been seeing each other for the last eight years now. How he never knew about Alfie, how frightened she had been to tell him she was pregnant with his baby. She had told him, her and her ex had tried again, for a few months and how it never worked out, but it resulted in her son. Duncan couldn’t understand how Rubin had never caught wind of the fact that he had a son. All she could say was that she lied through her teeth to him, and if she had to do it again, she would in a heartbeat. Every time she looked at Alfie, she only saw the baby she desperately wanted, and from the man she loved. Duncan could only sit there stunned at her revelations.

  “Jess, I’m telling you, if only you knew what Rubes was like, if you had seen him with Isabella,” he almost choked on his breath just saying her name. It had been so long since he had actually uttered her name out loud. And it stung still, as much as the loss of Rubin now. The emotions were overwhelming for such a hard man who hid them so well. It had been saying Isabella’s name that had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  “Breathe.” She said. Jess could see how choked up Duncan was, “Just breathe Duncan, we have to,” she placed her hand on his, “We have to Dunc, we have Alfie to look after and he’s going to want to know how handsome and brave his daddy was,” she looked over at the mini Rubin asleep on the other couch opposite them. Duncan’s eyes followed hers transfixed on the sleeping babe.

  “If only he knew Jess, if only he knew, he would have loved him so much, you know he never truly got over you, and after what you’ve just told me, I’m sorry he felt that he had to keep it to himself that he was back with you.” He hung his head in shame. “He probably thought I would ask him about Simone,” he sighed. Jessica looked away awkwardly. “He would have been quite correct; I would have plagued him about her.” He hung his head again the palms of his hands pressed into his eyes, his elbows on his knees. “Look at me,” he wiped his eyes, “blubbering like a girl,” as he pressed his lips together trying to man up with a forced smile.

  “Dunc, don’t, he lied to you, well, I lied to him, fuck, we were well suited to each other, bloody liars we were,” she sighed. “No, not lies, just not telling someone everything hey,” she tilted her head at him, trying to reassure him. “It’s funny, the last time I saw him, he said things would be different when he came home this time,” her lip trembled again as she sighed hard. “Things will never be the same again without him.”

  *****

  Two weeks later, Duncan, and Jessica held wee Alfie’s hands into the church as they followed Rubin’s flag adorned casket. The funeral service was attended by huge numbers that even spilled to the outside of the small picturesque church. Rubin was well liked and respected by all who knew him. It was a poignant and evocative occasion, with the rendition of a piece of John Bunyan's ‘The Pilgrim's Progress’, which had been adopted by the SAS, who called themselves ‘Pilgrims’, as their battle hymn.

  The hymn, which ended with, "He will not fear what men say, he will labour night and day, to be a pilgrim", was roared out by the Special Forces Veterans and still serving men, at the quiet country church in Scotland, where Rubin’s mother had been interred many
years previously.

  One senior officer present there ‘Robin Keyes’, who served with Captain Miller in Iraq, said he instilled ‘A special warmth, humor and with his devilish wit and pure appetite for life, that he brought into any given situation. It was an honor to have served with him. Of his many fine qualities, the greatest of them all, was his bespoke style of eccentricity, 'The Rubin factor!' Having touched so many and achieved so much, Rubin Miller, leaves this place, victorious, and it’s somewhat empty now. “Without Rubin Millers great presence and a lot quieter”, he laughed. “Rubes you lived up to your name, you were a Gem, one of a kind. We will all miss you my friend.”

  Duncan smiled, if only he knew how many Rubin had actually touched, he laughed to himself, with thoughts of the parties he and Rubin attended, as he looked over at the flag adorned casket with a picture of a ‘beaming Rubin’ placed on it. “Rubin Miller ‘Putain Légende’,” he said quietly to himself.

  After the service, Duncan and five other uniformed men carried Rubin’s flag draped casket, followed by Jessica and little Alfie to one of Rubin’s own choices in music. ‘He ain’t heavy; he’s my brother by The Hollies’. As Duncan stood waiting as lead pallbearer, he smiled to himself, his shoulder under the weight of the casket. Rubin had the last laugh after all, not only on the plane, but also here, now, at the church, as the song played, they carried Rubin out of the church towards the graveyard…

  22.

  Still Sane..

  It had taken Duncan a week to come out of the hole he had sunk into after Rubin’s funeral. His house was dimly lit, his curtains still closed; he couldn’t be bothered to do anything. He was unshaven, unkempt, although in fairness he did shower, but that was only because the smell of the drink he had consumed the night before, would make him feel as ill as a dog, as the stench of stale scotch emanated from his pores. That morning when he stood in front of his bathroom mirror, hands firmly on the sides of the sink basin, he knew he couldn’t go on like this. Every time he went for a drink, he had Rubin’s words echoing in his head. It didn’t help that his drinking companion was a picture of Rubin, the one that was placed on top of his casket. After he showered and shaved and dressed, he went downstairs and cleaned out his empty bottles, although when he was empting out the bottle he hadn’t finished, he did find himself seriously thinking about taking a swig. No he couldn’t go on like this.

  He found himself thinking over the last few weeks. Rubin had been such a presence in his life, and he was gone. He felt empty, angry; he had a burning rage in him that remained unquenched. His head swirled with everything that was going through it. He found himself picking up his keys to his car, and he was gone.

  Before long he found himself at a familiar address, he parked up and headed towards the front door. He pressed the doorbell and waited.

  As soon as the door opened, Duncan stepped through it, as the person stepped back alarmed at her unexpected guest’s arrival.

  “Duncan,” she pulled back, standing against the wall as he stepped in. She was taken back. “So what did I do to deserve your company today?” She laughed. “It’s been what, three weeks since I last seen you? If I remember correctly you had a business trip, so how did it go?”

  She had no sooner finished when his mouth pressed onto hers, with an urgency. Duncan kissed her hard as he held her face. She was responsive as his tongue quickly found hers. His cock started to stir with each stroke her tongue made on his. His other hand moved under her t-shirt finding her breast as he squeezed it feeling the nipple pop to his touch between his fingers. She had started to slip off his jacket, letting it slide to the floor, and started to lift his t-shirt off and discarded that too on the floor as she unbutton his jeans, and yanking down his zipper. His hand had slipped into her yoga pants, between her thighs as he rubbed her clit through the fabric of her thong.

  He could feel her nub pop to his touch as he teased it through the material; he grabbed them and yanked them to the side, moving his fingers across her soft folds. She kissed him harder, almost summoning him to slip his fingers into her, her tongue toying with his lips. His lips moved firmly on hers as he slipped his fingers to her inner core, sliding them in and out, making her quiver as he rolled his thumb over her already sensitive clit, as she involuntary moaned a series of “Mmmm’s.” He moved his fingers until she moved with him as he pulled them back and forth, harder and faster. He could feel his heartbeat quicken as he breathed hard. She was now gasping, his tongue moving on her neck, as he licked and flicked, until he kissed her firmly again.

  Her hand wrapped around his cock, as she moved her hand up and down, gliding her palm over his tip and crown. Duncan reached down and pulled her yoga pants and panties down, as she hurriedly tried to step out of them. She clenched harder as she stroked his shaft. He was rock solid and needed to be in her. He lifted her up against the wall as she wrapped her legs around him. He slipped into her opening and thrust hard, pulling back and forth as she slammed against the wall. His mouth was on hers again, his tongue deep in her throat as he pressed against her grabbing her buttocks hard and slammed.

  “Hey, easy tiger, slow down there; go easy,” she purred, draping her arms over his shoulders.

  Duncan slowed, kissing her more tenderly, as he turned and carried her, still impaled on his cock into her living room. He moved towards her couch and bent forward, placing her on the seating cushions, his stiff cock still in her. He didn’t waste any time in resuming his cock plunging in and out of her as his knees went to the floor. She started moaning again as she leaned back into her plush scatter cushions and took his full rod. His hands moved to her breasts his fingers clenching as he rammed, his hips slapping against her. She moaned again as she moved up and down at the assault his cock made. She leaned up on her elbows; desire in her eyes which made him only slam harder into her. She pulled herself up to his chest dragging her nails across it. He felt alive, as he watched his cock slide in and out of her, to her moans of ecstasy. He slowed, plunging his cock teasing her with his tip, hips gyrating against her, grinding her hard, as deep as he could. She was kissing him hard, as she held his chin devouring him hungrily.

  “Ohh God, I’m going to cum again,” she cried out, as the familiar rush of her orgasm started to take hold of her.

  “Uh uh,” he shook his head, as he ground harder. “Uh uh, on your knees,” he ordered, as he pulled slowly out of her,

  She immediately did what she was told, crawling seductively down to the floor. He watched her place her hands onto the hardwood floor, her buttocks beckoning him as she wiggled herself temping him. He moved towards her, hard length in hand, his rod slid into her with a spank which he knew would leave a mark and started to bury himself deep in her. She moaned as he plunged harder, spanking her arse again, and again, until she was yelping “fuck me, fuck me harder.” Her hair fell over her shoulder, as she bounced forwards and backwards on his shaft. He could feel his balls tighten, his hands moved to her waist as he pulled her back onto him as he slammed into her again and again. He could feel the cum starting to stir. His heart thumped in time to his pulsating cock.

  She had leaned up, her back pressed against his chest, as he drove up her. She gyrated with him, his fingers swirling her clit. She was breathing hard, he breathed into her ear, the hairs on the back of her neck, electric at his touch as his tongue swirled and flicked on her neck to her whimpers of pleasure. She slipped her arm up and behind his neck. She wanted him to devour her, and devour her he did as she came singing “Ohh yes,” his fingers now swirling over her nub. He felt his cum rise and a few hard slams as he grabbed her shoulders and drove her down onto his length to her yelps of “Ye, ye, ye, yessss,” as he pumped his load into her.

  He breathed hard, his heart thumping with the exertion; she had slumped to all fours, breathing hard as she looked behind to him with an impish smile. His hands were on her hips still holding her to him. It had been weeks since he had felt this alive. He pulled out of her, as he sat back watching her, she
crawled, slowly over to him, telling him “that her legs were still shaking.” He smiled as he lay back, resting on his elbow. Now she was in front of him, leaning in and kissing him. His body tingled, still sensitive after him unloading his gun in her. She leaned down lying against him.

  “So where have you been for the last few weeks?” she asked, watching him suddenly rise to his feet no sooner had she finished.

  He moved quickly out of the room towards the hallway, to where he had ripped her clothes off her. He grabbed his jeans and slid his legs into them. She came bounding out the door, to watch him do up his zipper. She stood there naked, her hair falling over her breasts. She watched him dress.

  “What are you doing?” she asked suddenly feeling the mood having changed between them drastically. He carried on dressing, ignoring her. She moved towards him. “What’s wrong?” she reached out and touched his check affectionately.

  He pulled away from her, and looked at her; she looked concerned, as she tried again to touch him.

  “Duncan, what’s wrong?”

  Still he said nothing putting on his jacket and reaching into his pocket and pulling out his smokes. He hit the bottom of the pack, and one jumped to attention, which he placed into his mouth.

  “Don’t you dare light that in here, you can smoke out in the back, and you know this already,” she scolded him in a fun way.

  He looked at her. “No need, I’m not staying,” and he placed his hand on the catch of the door.

  She stood there; he could see he had hurt her. Nicola Knight was a lovely girl and a real tiger in the bedroom. He had been seeing her for a good while. He had been since the night he and Rubin had gone to that party. He hadn’t slept with her straight away. She had made him wait, and it had been well worth the wait.