by Unknown
“I have spent the last two years blaming an author of a sappy love story for my feelings of inadequacy. I hated that author, Alex. I hated Ann Pace! And at the same time, I have idealized the love I shared with Lise. Now I find that they are one in the same. Lise is the damned romance novelist that ruined my marriage and convinced my wife I was a lousy lay.”
“I know.” Alex’s quite admission floored Ethan.
“What did you say?” He stared at his brother in confusion.
“I think there may be more to this than you realize, wait here.” Alex went to his room and returned a few moments later with several books in his hand.
“Here, look at these.”
“What are you doing with those?”
“Remember when you were about to throw them away, I rescued them.” Alex sort of chuckled. “I was curious, I thumbed through them and the sex is pretty hot. Then I flipped it over and I saw her picture.” Alex opened the back cover and there was Lise, beautiful as ever, not quite smiling for the camera. “I recognized her immediately from the photo in your wallet.”
Alex laid down some of the hated novels. Ethan picked one up. The name of it was The Godsend by Ann Pace.
“Look at the cover picture, Ethan.” Ethan looked at the drawing of a couple. The woman was staring up at the man with adoration. What? Then he looked closer. The man looked like him.
“What the hell?”
“That’s you on the cover, Ethan. And you’re on the cover of this one and this one and this one…” Alex laid the books out and Ethan picked them up staring at his image. “Now open it and read the dedication. It’s the same in every book.”
Ethan opened the book and turned to the dedication page. It simply read, “For Ethan - My Hero - The only man I will ever love”.
Ethan didn’t stop with one book; he looked at the dedication in the others. They were all the same. He didn’t know what to think, he was so confused. “It really doesn’t change anything, Alex.”
“What do you mean, Ethan? This should change everything!” Sometimes, Alex thought his brother was the most hard-headed man on the face of the earth.
“Okay, so Ann Pace is Lise—not some man-hating monster—but that doesn’t change the fact I wasn’t able to make my wife come in bed. She read these novels in order to get off!”
“Francine was jacking with you, Ethan. If I’m not sadly mistaken that’s you in those books. The hero that Francine compared you to was you! And Francine knew it, Ethan. When she read Lise’s beautiful words describing how you made her feel, Francine decided to turn the tables and make you as miserable as she was.”
The revelation hit him like a bolt of lightning. He looked up at Alex with tear-filled eyes, “Oh, God. Alex, you don’t know what I’ve done! I just talked to Lise like she was the lowest form of life. I never even spoke to Francine like that, Alex. Besides, I still don’t know—maybe Francine was right. Maybe I am a lousy lover.”
“How was the sex with Lise, Ethan?” Ethan looked up at his brother with a warning in his eyes. “Were you able to give Lise pleasure? Did she come for you?” Alex was being crude, he knew, but he was desperately trying to get his point across.
“Shit, Alex!” Ethan shouted. “Lise was young and inexperienced. She was a virgin, for God’s sake. I don’t know if she would have known the difference between a good lover and an inept one!”
Alex blew his breath out loudly. “Here read some of this and then you will know. “ He handed Ethan one of the romance novels. “Read what she had to say about your lovemaking.” Ethan stood up, picked up a couple of the books and left.
Alex glanced at his watch—eleven o’clock. He debated what to do. Ethan was suffering. Finally, he stood. “Time to take the bull by the horns.”
* * * *
Annalise lay curled up in a ball on the couch. She hadn’t been able to cry. Her mind tried to make her heart see sense. Essentially she was in the same position she had been before she came: she hadn’t had Ethan before and she didn’t have Ethan now. Her heart said it was much, much worse than that. Before she had wonderful memories of Ethan loving her, cherishing her; now she saw eyes that despised her. There would be no more stories, because the dream had just died.
A banging on her door caused Annalise to jump and Tiny to go crazy. The frenzied barking of the little dog was probably waking the dead. “Hush, Tiny.” Annalise walked to the door dreading the possibility of seeing Ethan. She needed an opportunity to explain, but right now she was too upset to try.
She opened the door. It wasn’t Ethan—it was his brother, Alex.
“Alex, what a surprise, come in.” Annalise stepped back and allowed the big man to enter.
Alex looked at the woman standing in front of him. He understood why Ethan was so hot for her. She was absolutely gorgeous, but at the moment she was pale and lifeless. Damn Ethan. She stood there waiting for him to say something.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Certainly, please sit down.”
Alex was here now, but this was going to be hard. “What’s going on between you and my brother?”
Annalise couldn’t believe her ears. “Is this really something we should be talking about, Alex?”
“Look, let me just lay it out for you. Ethan is hurting.”
His admission certainly got Annalise’s attention. Ethan wasn’t the only one who was hurting, but she still cared. “I know he’s hurting. I never meant for him to know about the books, Alex. I never meant to even see Ethan again. I am so sorry I came here, Alex. I will leave the first thing in the morning.”
“No, no, no. Leaving is the last thing you need to do. Let me try to explain. Francine did a real number on him. They weren’t ever really happy and I think that was mainly because of you.”
Annalise didn’t know if she wanted to hear this or not. “So I hear.”
“Ethan never got over you and Francine knew it. Wasn’t she a witness to most of your—uh, time together?”
“She was at the same OA camp.”
“Well, she would have seen the two of you together. Then I think one day she stumbled onto one of your books.”
“Ethan told me she read my books. I think I even saw her at one of the ‘romance writer’s meet the readers’ conventions. ”
“Well, isn’t it pretty obvious? Ethan is all over those books. The covers are Ethan, the dedication—and I’ve read some of it—isn’t that Ethan inside the books, too?”
Annalise didn’t admit to anything. She didn’t have to; it was written all over her face.
“The real problem is how Francine reacted to the books. She started tormenting Ethan.”
This sounded familiar. Maybe now she could understand. Annalise looked up, concern on her face. “Torment, how?”
“I don’t know all of the details of my brother’s sex life and I don’t want to know. But I do know this; she convinced Ethan he was a terrible lover. She told him he didn’t arouse her. She said that the heroes in your books were better lovers than he was; she said the only way she could get off was a vibrator and a novel like one of yours. Francine convinced Ethan he was less than a real man.”
Annalise stood and began to pace. “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. The heroes in my novels are Ethan. The sex in the novels were memories of him making love to me.” Annalise’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Ethan was a fabulous lover.” Then she turned to Alex, “Why are you telling me this? Don’t you know this is torturing me? Ethan hates me now, Alex.”
“He doesn’t hate you. Ethan loves you.”
“Alex, I don’t know what I can do.”
“I want you to fix it.”
She stared at him. He wasn’t joking. He wasn’t smiling. He was serious.
“Fix it? What in the world do you mean?”
“Go to him. Crawl in his bed and make love to him. Show him he is still a man.”
“I can’t. It’s out of the question.”
This admission shocked
Alex “The hell you can’t! I’ve seen the two of you together. You are as hot for him as you ever were.”
Annalise sat back down on the couch and drew her legs up to her, making herself as small as possible. “Alex, there are things you don’t know.”
“So, tell me. Why can’t you heal my brother?”
“The same reason I didn’t return to him after spring break.”
“You’re telling me you met someone else? That you don’t have feelings for him? Just what are you saying, Annalise? Why did you disappear for six years?”
“I was raped during that spring break,” Annalise said flatly.
That admission effectively took the wind out of Alex’s sails.
“I’m sorry, I had no idea.” Alex didn’t know what to say.
“It’s okay; it was a long time ago.”
“It must not be okay if it’s still keeping you from getting involved with my brother.”
Alex didn’t pull any punches. Annalise weighed her words.
“Alex, the rape was more of an assault. It was a gang initiation rite.”
“Oh, my God, Lise.”
“Wait, you’re still not getting it. This is so hard for me to talk about. In fact, I’ve never talked about it with anybody.”
Alex didn’t urge her on. He just waited.
“The attacker was drunk and incapacitated. He couldn’t perform and it made him so angry he picked up a glass whiskey bottle and broke the end off of it. He raped me with the…” She couldn’t finish. Alex was dying. He wished he’d never brought the subject up.
“He tore me up. The scarring is horrific. It was so bad Jeff Ramsey, my husband—he threw up on our wedding night. Time has passed and the scars are beginning to fade, but I don’t think I could stand for Ethan to look at me. I know he wouldn’t want me, not if he…”
“I think you underestimate my brother, Lise.”
“I could never ask that of him.” Alex understood. But what about Ethan?
“God, Lise. Both of you are hurting so bad. I really think if you gave one another the chance…”
Annalise looked at the floor. She had to do something. She had to make it up to him. It was her fault he was hurting. Maybe there was a way—not for her—not for the long term, but maybe for just one night. “Alex, the dark can hide a multitude of sins. Which room belongs to Ethan?”
Alex was afraid to breathe. “His bedroom is the only one on the first floor. It’s at the back, down the hall and to the left.”
“When you go back to the main house, leave the front unlocked. I’ll lock it behind me.” With that, Alex left her alone. But he did exactly as she asked.
* * * *
Ethan lay on his bed torturing himself with her words. The name Ann Pace no longer bore the stigma it once had; now it conjured up memories of nights of passion at Pace Bend. She wrote beautifully. The stories weren’t silly, the characters weren’t shallow and—oh, God—the sex was so hot, the pages almost burned his fingers.
And some of the sexual situations were very familiar. Ethan began to realize Lise had faithfully recorded more than one of their lovemaking sessions. He was dumbfounded. The memories all came rushing back, but this was so much more…
He was reading it from her point of view.
She was telling him how he made her feel…
What his hands felt like on her body…
How she longed for him…
How excited he made her…
How his male organ had filled her body…
How her nipples tingled at his touch…
These were not the words of an unfulfilled woman…
Lise had reveled in their lovemaking…
Ethan was hard as rock.
Ethan laid the book down with trembling hands. He turned off the light. Every nerve ending in his body was aflame. He wanted to rush out of the house, break down the door of her cabin, and ravish her. No wonder Francine had been angry. She had reason to be. Ethan didn’t care. Francine had never been his woman. Lise was his woman. And he had just spoke to her as no man should ever speak to a woman he loves. If he could take the words back he would. God, he hoped it wasn’t too late. Now what was he going to do about it?
* * * *
Lise was so nervous she thought she would die. She had showered and dressed in a short lace gown that came to mid-thigh. It wasn’t particularly sexy, but she had not been buying her sleeping clothes with anyone else in mind. It really didn’t matter what she was wearing—this was going to have to be done in the dark. She was about to walk into Ethan’s bedroom and attempt to seduce him. A few hours ago she felt she would have known what his reaction would be like. He had made it apparent that he wanted her. But after he found out she was Ann Pace, he had changed. Now he may never want her again, but she had to try. Annalise could not tolerate the idea that Ethan doubted himself. His masculine self-confidence had been one of the sexiest things about him.
But what about her? Part of her wanted to protect herself. She didn’t know how she would survive a rejection from Ethan. The rest of her was aching with desire. It had been so long since she had been loved. Grabbing a matching robe, she kissed her dog. “Wish me luck, little man.” The walk from her room to the main house took only about two minutes, but it was the longest walk of her life.
Alex had left the door unlocked. She opened it quietly and was careful to lock it behind her. She crossed the front welcome area and entered the private quarters. Going down the hall, soon she was at his door. She stood there for a few moments, resting her forehead against the cool wood. Finally, she gave the door the slightest of taps.
* * * *
“What is it?” Ethan assumed it was Alex or Bobby and in no mood for company.
“Ethan, its Lise. May I come in, please?” He was off the bed the moment she said his name. The light from the front room illuminated the hall enough he could see her standing there as he opened the door. She was so beautiful. God, give me strength. She was wearing a gown and robe, with flat little slippers on her feet.
“Thank you. I couldn’t sleep knowing you were angry with me. Please, let me explain.” Soundlessly, he stepped back allowing her room to enter.
He wasn’t saying anything. Why wasn’t he saying anything? This was going to be so hard. She tried to see his expression in the dark, but his face lay hidden in deep shadow. She didn’t dare turn on the light. “I have come to tell you how sorry I am.”
“What are you sorry about, Lise?” She couldn’t quite catch his mood. His voice sounded strained.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I am sorry you disapprove of my writing.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
This surprised her. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been catching up on some reading.”
“You have?”
They were standing about two feet apart, but she could feel the heat emanating from his body.
“Yes, you write very well.”
“Thank you.” Did he know? Did he recognize himself from the cover and from the pages of the book? She had to get this out in the open. “I shouldn’t have used you like that, Ethan. Not without your permission. It was just my way of living in your world, remembering what it was like to love you. Please forgive me.” She stood there and waited for his reaction.
There were a few more moments of silence and then he began to speak. “What I read tonight was beautiful. I had no idea words could paint such a picture.” He came to her and tenderly touched her face. “I am so sorry I said those things to you. What Francine did, it wasn’t your fault. I know that now.”
Annalise didn’t say anything else. She couldn’t. The words were stuck in her throat. Now was the time, she had to do it now, but she couldn’t find her voice.
“Lise, what are you doing here?”
He wasn’t going to make this easy. Well, here goes. “Ethan—oh, this is so hard.” He moved even closer to her.
“What’s hard, Lise?”
She bowed her
head and looked at the floor then she began to speak, in words so low he had to bend near to hear them. “Would you make love to me, please?” She tensed waiting for his response.
He didn’t move.
He said nothing.
Oh, God, he didn’t want her!
She stood there for another second then with a harsh intake of breath, she jerked around turning to go. In shame, she twisted the doorknob and the door opened a fraction.
Then it slammed shut.
Hard!
He had moved—one hand holding the door closed—the other wrapping around her waist pulling her back against him, tight. His erection was huge against her hips. He pushed her hair away, so his lips could find the skin of her neck. His hands covered both breasts. “You want me to make love to you?” His hands began to move, massaging her breasts through the soft gown and robe.
“Oh, yes, please.” She leaned back into him, raising her arms to caress his face and hair. One of his hands left her breasts and slid down to cup her mons. She gasped at the luxurious contact of his fingers caressing her through the silky fabric. She attempted to turn in his arms, hungry for his mouth. He allowed the movement. Her eyes had adjusted to the dim light. He was so beautiful. Standing on tiptoe to gain better access to his lips, she found he was majestically nude! She ran her hands up his chest and over his shoulders. This time she held nothing back. She pushed her tongue between his lips and kissed him wildly. She couldn’t get close enough to him. Her hands tangled in his thick dark hair and she tugged at it gently. Her hips were beginning to make little movements, pressing her flat stomach against his engorged cock.
He took all he could stand then he picked up the gown and robe from the bottom and pulled them over her head in one movement. He flung them to the floor, picked her up and carried her to his bed, laying her down gently. “Get down, Mojo.” He ordered the little dachshund to her other bed on the floor. Gently, he removed the slippers from her feet, then standing over her, he allowed his eyes to rake over her shapely body. “Are you sure, Lise?”