by Kimber White
“I’ll rest a little when we get some miles under our belt. That was too close a call back in Shadow Springs.”
My heart lurched. “You don’t sense anyone following us?”
He pursed his lips and shook his head no. “Not for now. No. Still it was just…”
“Too close a call,” I echoed his sentiment.
“I’m sorry,” he said. The words didn’t sound comfortable coming out of his mouth. As if he were forcing himself to say them out of obligation rather than sincerity.
“About?”
“You were right that I made things worse. I should have stayed in the car. Getting out made it a hell of a lot more likely that those shifters would sense me. That would have been bad for you and the McGeady women.”
“Bad?” It seemed an oddly inadequate choice of words.
“Bad.” He stuck with it. I actually respected that. “Listen,” he said. “This is awkward for both of us. Neither of us is very good at uh...teamwork...it seems. How about you try to trust my instincts and I’ll try to trust yours.”
When I didn’t answer, Payne laughed. The warm sound of it thawed a little of the icy wall around my heart. I realized I wanted to hear more of it. I wanted to figure out a way to grow easy with him. With everyone.
“I make no promises,” he said. “But, I’ll try. You ready to get moving or do you need some time?”
“I’ve been ready for hours,” I said. “If I need to rest, I’ll let you know.”
“Fair enough,” Payne said. He didn’t wait. He turned and went back to the tent. Before I could get the words out to offer to help, he had the thing broken down and folded away. He moved with swift, shifter precision that startled even me. We thankfully hadn’t needed a fire for warmth. A little ripple of fear ran through me wondering what would happen if we did. With his heated shifter blood, Payne wouldn’t get cold at night. I might. When Eve or Molly or Jett got cold, their Alphas kept them warm. I pushed the thought far from my mind, shocked that it even sprang there in the first place.
“We’ll stay along the riverbank as long as we can,” Payne said. “Think you can handle a good ten miles before we stop again?”
“I can handle anything you throw at me.” My tone took on a harder edge of defiance than I truly meant. It didn’t seem to faze Payne in the least. He just gave me a sure nod and started walking. I had to run at first to keep up with him. Then, we settled into an easier pace.
As we got further away from Shadow Springs and deeper into the forest, my heart started to ease a little. I felt a tiny glimmer of hope that maybe we would make it to the border with no trouble. It really was the last place the Pack might think we’d go.
As the morning wore on, I found myself almost enjoying the exertion of the hike. Payne stayed a few paces ahead of me, and it allowed me to settle my eyes on him again without him knowing. So strong. So tall. So sure. And yet, I could feel the current of tension running through him. Of course he was on high alert. We both were. But, I could have sworn it was something else as well. It seemed familiar. He didn’t want to let people in any more than I did. I could respect it.
We hiked for two hours then stopped. Payne wanted to get away from the river a bit and hide under the thick canopy of the forest. I found a natural alcove between some walnut trees and spread out a picnic blanket. I didn’t feel hungry, but my stomach betrayed me with an audible growl when Payne set the backpack down beside me.
“You have to take care of yourself,” he said. “We’re only two days into this and I can already see you’re pushing yourself too hard. I’m not always going to be able to tell if…”
Defensive anger bubbled up inside of me. “I’m stronger than I look,” I said. I meant it as almost a throwaway comment. A thing people just say. In my case, it was truer than he knew. I’d spent three years as a prisoner of the Pack after my Alpha’s death. Three years chained to a wall.
I grabbed the backpack and pulled out a couple of trail bars. When I handed one to Payne, he took it, careful not to touch me. He sat down next to me but kept his distance.
“It wasn’t a criticism,” he said. “I know you’re strong. You’d have to be to…”
“You don’t know anything about me.” I couldn’t help it. My shields went way up and I couldn’t keep my tone from turning hostile.
“Look, Lena,” he tried a softer approach. “This is new for me too. I’m not used to having to look out for a...non-shifter.”
“You don’t have to look out for me,” I said. “Not in the way you think. I’ve faced up to bigger and badder than you, Payne. I’m still here. Even if you and my brother hadn’t charged Birch Haven, I’d still be alive. I’d still be their prisoner, but I’d be alive.”
I wasn’t a shifter, of course. My eyes didn’t change the way his did when his emotions bubbled up. I had no separate beast inside of me to tame. And yet, something must have changed about the way I looked to him. Because Payne reared back as if my words carried physical weight. He went so still it was as if his bones turned to granite right in front of me. His only movement was a slight twitching of his jaw. When he spoke, I felt it more than heard it as he dropped his voice so low.
“There’s nothing bigger or badder than I am.”
My spine turned to ice again and my appetite left me. Then, no sooner had he said it than the warmth came back into my body. My pulse thundered inside of me and it got hard to breathe.
“There are things,” I said, still defiant.
Payne dropped his shoulders. “Look, we can’t be at odds with each other. Not like this. Not if I’m going to get you safely across the border. We have a long way to go. What I’m trying to say is that I’m not like your brother or Liam. I don’t spend a lot of time with non-shifters anymore.”
“You don’t spend a lot of time with anyone,” I said.
He tilted his chin. “You’re right. I don’t. But, what I mean to say is you’re going to have to tell me when you need something. I don’t want you trying to keep up with me just out of sheer obstinance. I get the feeling you’re like your brother in that.” His eyes crinkled with the hint of a smile and I can’t help that I wanted to join him. Just a little.
“You’re right,” I said. “Mac can be a serious pain in the ass.”
Payne didn’t laugh, but the hard set to his shoulders eased. “Good. We agree then. You say something when you need something.”
“That goes both ways,” I said. “You want to keep watch at night. Fine. But you can’t keep watch twenty-four hours a day.”
“Shifters don’t need the same amount of sleep.”
“I know that,” I said. Again, that hard edge came back. I felt like I was answering something he hadn’t asked. I knew shifter sleeps cycles better than he realized. I’d been guarded by them for years. “But, that doesn’t mean you don’t sleep. So do it now. I’ll eat. You nap. We’ll make better time this afternoon. It’s probably the safest time of day for us anyway. We’re nowhere near any of the points on Jett’s map where she says the patrols go through.”
I could see Payne’s need to argue rise within him. Except he couldn’t. What I said made infinite sense.
“Fine,” he finally said. “One hour. I’ll sleep for one hour. As long as you promise to eat well. And as long as you promise that you’ll actually sleep when we stop tonight.”
I gave him a salute and shoved the last bite of my trail bar in my mouth. Payne gave me a hard nod and rose. I followed him with my eyes, loving the agile grace of his movements. He picked a spot of moss at the base of a maple tree and sat down. I pulled a blanket out of the pack and tossed it to him. He caught it neatly in one hand and stuffed it under his head for a pillow. I was about to make a snide joke, but before I could even draw breath, Payne already had his eyes closed and was snoring.
“Typical shifter,” I muttered under my breath. “Sleeps at the literal drop of a hat.” It used to annoy me to no end when Mac and I were kids. I’d toss and turn on one side of the wall, and
he’d snore like a buzz saw on the other. As Payne’s rhythmic breaths vibrated through me, I took nostalgic comfort in it.
I took some jerky out of the pack and rooted around for a canteen. We’d stop again later this evening, but Payne was right. I needed protein if I wanted to keep up with him. I couldn’t live off being stubborn. Damn him. Damn them all.
With my back against a tree, I closed my eyes and thought about sleeping too. It was safe enough for now. And yet, it was still better if one of us stayed awake. I don’t know how long I stayed like that. The noon sun beat down then faded. Payne had asked for an hour; I decided to give him two. There was peace here in these woods. In another life, I might have even enjoyed living like this. I’d become an off the grid kind of girl. It was simpler. Slower. I could even do it alone.
I wondered if maybe there’d be a place like this for me in Wild Lake or even further north. Would the shifters up there even accept me? Did I want them to? I’d spent so much time gearing up to go, I hadn’t given much thought to what I’d do if Payne and I succeeded. Could I really live away from Mac and the only family I’d ever known?
“He’ll beg.” Payne’s gruff voice brought me out of my head. I sat bolt upright. He was curled in on himself in a fetal position at the base of his tree, still sleeping.
“Payne?” I whispered. Hesitating, I crawled toward him. He jerked, sticking his legs straight out. Payne’s eyelids fluttered. Through the slits, I could see his green wolf eyes blazing. In a fever dream, I didn’t know if it was more dangerous to let him sleep or wake him. His growls echoed through the woods. If the Pack was anywhere out there, they’d hear him.
“Wait!” he shouted. “Tell me what you want. Do you want him to bleed or do you want him to die?”
I froze, my fingers hovering near his shoulder. “Payne,” I whispered. “Wake up!”
Payne went still. His eyes snapped open and I saw his wolf. He stared straight past me, still in his dream vision.
“Of course, Valent. It’s my honor to give you his death.”
Valent? My heart froze inside my chest as Payne’s eyes fluttered again then went dark. He slumped against the tree and started to snore.
Seven
Payne
I woke covered in sweat. By the position of the sun, I knew it was well past noon. She’d let me sleep too long.
“Lena?” I called out. She was gone. The backpack was gone too. My heart thundered hard with the lingering traces of the dream. I’d been in the woods, just like this. Able Valent had been in my head. He’d called me after the patrols cornered a runaway. I remembered the kid as pale and skinny, not much more than eighteen years old. He’d been one of Valent's new recruits, but things hadn’t gone well for him.
I rubbed a hand over my face trying to shake the vision clear. Able had wanted an example made out of him. Let the members know what happened if you tried to shirk your duties. Able’s thoughts filled my head and I’d broken his legs. I still remembered the look on the kid’s face. Not shock. Not fear. Just cold acceptance then agony. Able had called me back before I got the chance to see whether he lived or died. I’d tried to fight against it. I would have welcomed the death he brought me for defying him. But in the end, Able was stronger. At least, that’s what I needed to believe.
“Lena?” I called again. She couldn’t be far. Closing my eyes, I took air into my lungs. She was heading northeast away from the river. My eyes snapped open. She was running. That wasn’t the path we’d agreed on. She was running from me?
“Shit,” I said, launching myself to my feet. I wanted to yell for her. There was still nothing out here but harmless doe and a few rabbits. Still, I couldn’t risk any other ears hearing me shout.
The wind changed and Lena’s scent covered me. It stirred my wolf. Heat poured through me and adrenaline shot straight through my toes. I staggered sideways from the power of it. It came unbidden. Lust. Pure, naked lust. Shaking my head, I carved my fingers into the bark of the nearest tree until I drew blood.
I was still disoriented from the dream. That’s all it was. All it could be.
I was close enough to hear Lena’s sharp intake of breath as she realized how close I was. I felt her pulse pounding alongside my own. Shit. She was terrified. Had she seen something? That couldn’t be it. There’s no way anything would have gotten past me even in the dream.
Lena stumbled a few yards ahead of me. I saw her thick auburn hair trailing behind her like a banner. I didn’t want to chase her down. She was obviously scared enough. Still, I had to get to her. I had to keep her safe.
“Lena!” I shouted. She scrambled to her feet and turned to face me. All color drained from her face, making the jagged scar on her right cheek stand out in stark, pink contrast. My wolf flared hot inside of me at the reminder of what she’d endured. Now, it seemed she was afraid again...of me.
“You…” she pointed at my chest. Sweat caked her hair against her temples.
“Lena,” I said, hands out. I came to her slowly. She was like a skittish colt. One wrong move and she’d bolt again. “What happened? Did you see something?”
Her voice cracked. Her throat was so dry she couldn’t seem to get her words out. “You said…”
“I said what? I woke up and you were just gone. Tell me, what’s got you so terrified?”
Lena dropped her hand and straightened her back. For an instant, she looked so small, defeated. Then, in one breath it all changed. Her eyes hardened and she drew her shoulders back. She was strong, defiant, and apparently pissed as hell.
“He was in your head. Admit it.”
“What?” My heart jackhammered inside of me.
“Valent. You said his name. You were dreaming, but you said his name. Don’t try to deny it or play it off, Payne. I know what it looks like when a wolf is in Able Valent’s thrall.”
My heart turned to stone. The branches of a birch tree separated us. I reached for them and ripped them out of my way. “I’m not in anyone’s thrall. I had a dream. I can’t control what happens in my dreams.”
She cocked her head to the side. “You said there was nobody bigger or badder than you. What did you mean by that? Don’t lie to me.”
Her words hit me like a bullet through the heart. And yet, I knew I was going to lie to her. I had no other choice. “I didn’t mean anything.”
“What were you to him?” she asked, breathless.
“I’m not Pack, Lena. Jesus. You really think your brother would have sent you out here with me? I’m not your enemy. And you can’t just run off whenever you feel like it. I know you’re smart. I know you’re a survivor. And you know exactly how dangerous it is for you to be out here. You don’t have to like me. Hell, you can hate my guts. But, you have to let me do my job. I’m going to make sure they can’t get to you.”
“Your job?” she asked. She dropped her shoulders and some of the fear left her eyes. She took a tentative step toward me. “That’s what I’m asking you, Payne. What was your job? Before you came to Mammoth Forest. What were you to Able?”
“What does that matter?”
She stopped her advance. God, she really was the bravest woman I’d ever met. Her eyes seemed to see straight through to my soul. It was as if she knew who and what I was just by looking at me. I’d been telling her not to run. Now, it’s all I wanted to do.
“Did he have you?” she asked.
It was an odd way to phrase the question. “Don’t,” I answered.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t ask questions you really don’t want answered. It doesn’t matter. And I’m going to see you safely across that fucking border if it kills me.”
“Are you hoping it does?” She was so close to me. Her hot breath caressed my shoulder. The heat in my core spread, making my fingers tremble. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to tilt her chin toward me. Her lips parted and her tongue darted out, wetting them. I couldn’t see straight. I couldn’t think straight. It was the aftereffects of the dream. It had to be
. I was lying to her face and she saw through it all.
A beat passed between us. Then another.
“Answer me,” she said. “You owe me that. Do you have a death wish, Payne? Is that why you agreed to make this run?”
I let out a hard breath. “I’m not Jagger,” I said. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but it was all I could give.
“Jagger doesn’t think he’s got anything to live for,” she said.
“Did he tell you that? He doesn’t talk to anyone; why would he talk to you?” I felt like an alien had taken over my mouth. I sounded...jealous. At that moment, the idea of Lena sharing anything intimate with Jagger, even a conversation, burned through me like wildfire. What the actual fuck was happening to me?
Lena narrowed her eyes. “He didn’t have to tell it to me. It’s obvious. He’s trying to live with his heart ripped out of his body. He’s doing it for the rest of you. I know what that’s like.”
She gutted me. This woman stood before me and made me feel like my own organs had been ripped out. It made no sense. I barely knew her. She was just...a job. She mattered to Mac, so she mattered to me. And yet, there she stood with those hazel-gold eyes of hers boring through me and laying me bare. She was in pain of her own just as deep as Jagger’s. Of course she related to him. My fingers curled into fists again and my claws came out. Blood welled in my palms. I wanted to reach into her past and kill the men who’d made her hurt. I knew exactly how.
“You freaked me out,” she said, retreating a little.
“I’m sorry.”
“You called out for Valent in your sleep. Pack wolves do that. I’ve seen it. So, I’m asking you again. Does he still have a hold on you?”
I forced my hands open, hoping she wouldn’t see the blood. Her eyes darted downward then quickly back up to mine.
“No,” I said, my voice hollow. “Valent doesn’t have a hold over me. But, my past with him is just that. The past. You feel like sharing yours with me?”
“No!” A muscle jumped in her jaw as she clenched it hard. “No way.”