by Amy Cross
I don't really know why I came here tonight. Deep down, I knew that there was no way I'd actually make it to the site where the house once stood. I knew there'd be beefed-up security aplenty, and security guards all over the place. And even if I had made it through, what would I have done then? I guess, deep down, I figured that maybe the ghost of Catherine Lannister might still be around. After everything that I've been through, I'm drawn to her again. I want to see her. I want to understand her.
I'm not ready to give up.
Suddenly hearing footsteps in the distance, I turn and spot a figure coming toward me. I flinch, wondering whether this might be Catherine, but then another security guard comes into view and shines a flashlight straight into my face.
“I know!” I say, as I hold my hands up in surrender. “I shouldn't be here. I'll leave now.”
***
There it is. Lannister Hall, or – at least – the clearing where Lannister Hall used to stand.
I'm up on the side of a hill, several miles from the site, and I suppose this is the only way I'm ever going to see the place again. From here, I can just about make out a bare patch of land, and I'm surprised that there are no ruins visible in the moonlight. Dad told me that the house had been completely destroyed, but I figured there'd be something left. Instead, there's simply that bald little spot in the middle of the forest, and then the lights of the nearest village a little way further off.
Where is she?
Where does a ghost go, when she has nowhere left to haunt?
Doctor Carter had a theory that ghosts are indelibly linked to a specific location. Or, in extreme cases, to a specific item. In other words, that they're anchored in this world due to a strong association with something or somewhere. That idea seems plausible, but I'm left wondering where a ghost might go once that anchor is destroyed. Would they simply fade away, or would they be free to move on?
“Where are you?” I whisper.
And then, as if on cue, I feel a strange tightening sensation in my head.
I instinctively look around, convinced suddenly that there's someone nearby. I don't see anyone, but the sensation continues until it starts becoming uncomfortable. I've felt like this once before, back when I first stepped into Lannister Hall, but now I'm actually in a little pain. I look around again, watching the shadows in case there's any hint of movement, and then I get to my feet.
I have to run.
I've never had a panic attack before, but this is how I've always imagined them to feel. I'm filled with a sense that I have to get out of here, and it takes all my strength to stay right where I am. After a moment I put my hands on the sides of my head, and I swear I feel as if my skull is about to shatter, as if something's pushing to get out. I let out a faint gasp as I take a step back, and then I turn and fumble for a moment to open the car door.
Once I'm in the car, I pull the door shut and place my hands on the steering wheel. The strange sensation is a little weaker now, although I still can't help looking out at the darkness and waiting for a figure to appear. I still can't see anyone, but I'm overwhelmed by the sense that I'm not alone, and finally I put the car into gear and speed off, desperate to get away.
Several minutes later, once the sense of panic is over, I pull into a gas station and attempt to regather my composure. I take a series of deep breaths and tell myself that I'm just letting my imagination run wild. After all, that's hardly surprising, given what I'm planning to do tomorrow. Maybe, this time in twenty-four hours, I'll finally be able to set my mind at ease.
Maybe tomorrow this nightmare will end.
V
The street hasn't changed much. As I step out of my car on a cold morning, I look over at the bus stop and I smile. As a kid, I used to play at that bus stop with my best friend Sally. A little further on, there's a fence leading to a patch of scrub-land, and I remember rushing out there to play during the school holidays.
I hesitate for a moment, and then I turn and start walking toward the house with the red door. I always loved that red door as a child, and I'm pleased to see that it hasn't been changed by the new owners of the house. In fact, the place doesn't look to have been updated much at all, and I'm surprised – and a little saddened – to see that the garden is pretty badly overgrown. The house is rundown, far from its former pristine appearance. Mum and Dad kept the place looking immaculate, but now? Now it's kind of a dump.
As I reach the gate, I see a face staring out at me from the front window. The current owners, Mr. and Mrs. Connor, must think that I'm a complete weirdo for coming here today. Still, they agreed to let me spend a few hours in their home, and I'm paying them for the privilege. I stop for a moment and look at the upstairs windows, and I half expect to see Mum staring down at me.
Is she here?
Is she haunting this house?
Has she been waiting for me, all these years?
***
“There was nothing,” I say a few hours later, sitting in a booth at a fast food restaurant at the service station. “No trace of a ghost at all. The maon levels should have been enough, but... There was no ghost.”
“I'm sorry, darling,” Dad says over the phone, after a short pause. “I know you were hoping to see her again.”
“No,” I reply, “it's fine.”
“You must be disappointed.”
I consider that suggestion for a moment.
“Actually, I'm not disappointed at all,” I tell him. “I saw the ghost of Catherine Lannister, I saw what a ghost is. Catherine was out of her mind, she was fixated on one thing and one thing only. She was capable of doing terrible things. The worst part was, she was clearly conscious. She was trapped in a nightmare. That's why I came to realize that, as much as I wanted to see Mum again, I would have hated the idea of her being anything like Catherine Lannister.”
“Your mother was a good person.”
“Maybe Catherine Lannister was once, too,” I reply, as I feel tears in my eyes. “If Mum had been in that house, it would have meant that she was troubled. That she couldn't leave. I'm actually relieved that she's gone. It means she was able to pass on to...”
My voice trails off for a moment.
“To wherever they go,” I add finally, “if they don't stick around as ghosts.”
I sit in silence for a moment.
“I suppose,” Dad murmurs, “that there's some solace in that.”
“It's a good thing.” I wipe tears from my cheeks and sniff some more back. “Mum warned me once, in a dream, she said not to go to the house with mirrors. That seems like a pretty big coincidence. I can't help wondering whether, somehow, she came back to me in that dream and tried to stop me going to Lannister Hall. Unfortunately, I can't get any funding to study that possibility. I'll have to run a little side-project, as and when I can.”
“Your mother loved you more than you can possibly imagine,” he replies.
“She said something strange once,” I tell him. “She said we're all ghosts until we die.”
“Was that toward the end?” He pauses. “Katie, your mother wasn't herself at the end, she said a lot of strange things.”
“I know,” I reply, “but I think maybe I understand now.”
Looking down, I see my face reflected in the surface of the table. I see the sadness in my eyes, but I also see the scar on my cheek that I got when I was nine years old, when I tumbled over the handlebar of my bike. I also see the earrings that I got at a market stall in Brighton when I was on holiday with an ex-boyfriend, and I think back to the day I got my ears pierced at a place in Manchester.
“It's like we're ghosts of all the people we used to be,” I continue. “We carry them all around with us, all the different versions of ourselves. And then, when we die, somehow we become a single summation of all those versions. They all coalesce to become one final, strongly defined version that kind of sums us up. That's what Catherine Lannister's ghost was, it was the essential version of her. And in the end, she was defined by her l
ove for her daughter, and by her determination to keep her safe.”
“That's getting a bit deep for me, I'm afraid,” Dad replies.
I open my mouth to reply to him, but suddenly I remember something that Josh said back when we were investigating Lannister Hall. Something that, at the time, I dismissed as being pretty over-dramatic.
“Maybe she was guarding the kid,” he said. “Like a mother bear. They're the ones who go crazy, aren't they? If anyone goes near their cubs, they let rip.”
“Like a mother bear,” I whisper, as I feel a shudder pass up my spine.
“What was that?” Dad asks.
I look around, but all I see are the other tired drivers who've stopped here for a break. I watch, in case there's any sign of a ghostly face, and then I look back at my phone.
“I have to go,” I say cautiously. “I think I... I think I've just realized something, and I need to get home.”
“Why don't you come over here tonight?” he replies. “I've got some cod in the freezer, I can make us dinner.”
“Not tonight,” I tell him. “Thank, but I just want to go home and think about things.”
“Are you okay, Katie?”
“I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Dad.”
“But -”
Before he can finish, I cut the call and get to my feet. I tell myself that I'm simply letting the pressure get to me, but at the same time I can't help looking around and watching for any sign that Catherine Lannister is here. Josh's words are ringing in my mind and I'm starting to panic, and a moment later I realize that some people sitting nearby are staring at me as if I look crazy.
“I'm fine,” I mumble, before leaving my food and hurrying to the exit. “Everything's fine.”
VI
“Every hunter knows that a mother bear is one of the most ferocious creatures to be found in the forest. One of the smartest, too. If a mother bear perceives there to be a threat to her cubs, she'll do anything to protect them.”
I watch the images on the screen, as a bear charges toward the camera, and then I freeze the video.
It's late, and since I got home I've been watching wildlife documentaries. I tried to distract myself by getting on with some research, but that didn't work and now I'm sitting here all alone and I can't stop thinking about Catherine Lannister. In particular, I can't help thinking back to the sight of Millicent Lannister's body on the ground, after Josh and Doctor Carter removed her from the hidden space behind the wall.
We're all ghosts until we die, and then we become a kind of summation of our strongest points. In the case of Catherine Lannister, that seems to have been an absolute devotion to her daughter. Ghosts are real, but there aren't many of them. The few that stay behind, like Catherine, seem to be driven by an almost inhuman need to complete some task. Catherine stayed to protect Millicent, and perhaps to be near her as well. And Doctor Carter and Josh and I went blundering into her territory.
Like hunters stumbling into a mother bear and her cub.
I close my eyes, and I feel the strange sensation again, the one that began when I first walked into Lannister Hall. It's as if, deep down, I'm somehow aware of something getting closer. I take a series of deep breaths, trying to convince myself that the sensation is all in my head, but if anything I'm already starting to feel worse. Finally, hearing a bumping sound nearby, I open my eyes and look around.
I hold my breath, but I don't see anyone else in the room.
Still, I get to my feet and take a step back, and now I feel as if my skull is about to explode at any moment.
“We didn't mean it,” I stammer finally, desperately hoping that somehow – somewhere – Catherine Lannister can hear me. “I tried to put things right, but I couldn't. I didn't realize that Henry Carter was going to blow the house up. I trusted him. Please, you have to -”
Before I can finish, I hear a faint whispering sound nearby. I turn to my left, but there's still no sign of anyone
Is she here? Could the ghost of Catherine Lannister have made it all the way to my home? I try to tell myself that I'm worrying about nothing, but then I remember the theory that ghosts sometimes fade away while they're recovering, while they're rebuilding their strength. Once Lannister Hall was destroyed, Catherine would have nothing else to focus on. I called the mortuary earlier, to ask if anything unusual had happened near Milly's body, but they have nothing to report.
“I'll make sure she's buried properly,” I continue, still looking around in case I see Catherine. “Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it.”
I step back, and in the process I bump against the mantelpiece.
“I'll do anything!” I tell her. “You just have to tell me, and I'll do it. I'm so sorry that we disturbed you and Milly, but tell me how to put it right and I swear I'll do whatever you say. You just have to tell me!”
I wait.
All I hear is the growing buzzing sound in my head. Does that mean that she's here? Does it mean that she's getting closer?
“I know you can understand,” I continue. “You must be able to -”
Suddenly a cup falls from the dining table, smashing against the floor. Did I nudge the table with my knee, or did something else cause the cup to fall?
Gasping, I step back, and I bump once more into the mantelpiece.
“I'm trying to make things right!” I shout. “You just have to tell me! I need to know!”
I wait.
Silence.
I look all around, waiting for some hint that she's here. I watch every shadow, every glint of light, but there's nothing. My head still feels as if it's going to burst, and there's still a strange buzzing sound in my ears, yet I still haven't actually seen Catherine since I left Lannister Hall.
I wait.
Still, there's only silence.
And then, finally, I hear a pin drop.
I look down, and I see that there's a pin on the floor, next to my right foot. I hesitate for a moment, before crouching down and picking the pin up. It's actually a nail, and when I look at the fireplace I see that this particular nail seems to have fallen from one of the panels on the side.
Just like the nails at Lannister Hall.
For a moment, in my mind's eye, I can't help but think back to that awful night when Catherine Lannister put the nails into Josh's eyes.
I turn the nail around.
This has to be a sign. Or a warning.
“I'll fix it,” I stammer finally, as I get to my feet. Suddenly, somehow, I know exactly what I have to do. “I'll get her, and I'll fix everything. I'll bring her back to you.”
With that, I throw the nail aside and hurry through to the hallway. I have to get to the mortuary, and then – somehow – I have to get back to Lannister Hall.
VII
The ATM makes a whirring sound, and then finally it spits out the money. I'd hoped to withdraw more, but this'll have to do. I just hope it's enough.
***
Sitting in my car, outside the mortuary building at the university, I watch as Simon – the security guard who's been working here for as long as I can remember – wanders past.
Right on time.
And that gives me an hour until he comes this way again.
***
My card slides through the reader, and the door immediately clicks open.
***
I hit the switch on the wall, and all the lights flicker on at the far end of the room.
Stepping forward, I look around for some hint as to where Milly's body might have been stored. I'm not familiar with this part of the campus, but I figure there has to be some kind of logic to the layout. I make my way past several closed doors, and finally I spot a sign up ahead indicating the main storage room. I glance up and see a security camera high above, and I remind myself that this isn't about avoiding trouble.
This is about doing what's right.
The door to the storage room is unlocked. I step through and switch on another light, and to my sur
prise the first thing I see is a set of mirrored panels on the wall. In fact, as I make my way across the room, I find that all the walls are covered in mirrors, no doubt to facilitate some kind of examination procedure. Even the floor and ceiling are mirrors, but I don't have time to figure out what that means.
I head to the storage unit at the far end of the room and pull it open, and then I let out an involuntary gasp as I see that I've found what I was looking for. I've found Millicent Lannister's body.
***
I peer out at the parking lot, to make sure that Simon isn't coming back early, and then I hurry out. Taking care not to drop Milly, I make my way quickly to my car.
***
“That'll be nineteen ninety-nine,” the assistant says in the all-night supermarket, as I slide my card into the reader.
She looks dubious. She must be wondering why a nervous-looking woman is buying a shovel at midnight.
***
The road ahead is winding, as I drive through the night. I'm exhausted but also wired, and all I can think is that I need to get to Lannister Hall – or at least the site where it once stood – as fast as I can.
I can't help glancing at the rear view mirror, however. Milly's body is on the back seat of the car, and I worry every time the car jolts. I don't want Catherine to think that I'm disrespecting her daughter.
***
The car bumps along a rough dirt-track. Finally, ahead, the metal gate comes into view, still covered in warning signs. Even before I bring the car to a halt, I can see the same security guard coming out to greet me.
I wind the window down.
“Let me guess,” he says, sounding extremely skeptical. “Another wrong turn?”