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Praise for the Writing of Margery Sharp
“A highly gifted woman … a wonderful entertainer.” —The New Yorker
“One of the most gifted writers of comedy in the civilized world today.” —Chicago Daily News
“[Sharp’s] dialogue is brilliant, uncannily true. Her taste is excellent; she is an excellent storyteller.” —Elizabeth Bowen
Britannia Mews
“As an artistic achievement … first-class, as entertainment … tops.” —The Boston Globe
The Eye of Love
“A double-plotted … masterpiece.” —John Bayley, Guardian Books of the Year
Martha, Eric, and George
“Amusing, enjoyable, Miss Sharp is a born storyteller.” —The Times (London)
The Gypsy in the Parlour
“Unforgettable … There is humor, mystery, good narrative.” —Library Journal
The Nutmeg Tree
“A sheer delight.” —New York Herald Tribune
Something Light
“Margery Sharp has done it again! Witty, clever, delightful, entertaining.” —The Denver Post
Something Light
A Novel
Margery Sharp
To
Geoffrey Castle
Part One
Chapter One
1
Louisa Mary Datchett was very fond of men.
Not all women are, not even those to whom matrimony is the only tolerable state; for these often like men as husbands, as other women like them as lovers, and others again as small boys. Louisa liked men. If a bus driver halted for her at a pedestrian crossing, her upward glance was disinterestedly affectionate—there he sat, hot and conscientious, minding his own masculine business, no awareness of her save as a possible hazard to his time schedule—and there stood Louisa, liking him; and if on the island of her refuge she observed an old gentleman in a garish tie, striped red and yellow like a ripening pimento, her sympathetic imagination at once ranged over the whole field of English cricket—Dr. Grace, Ha’penny Down, “O my Spurling and my Hornby long ago”—as she mentally wished him on to a happy day at Lord’s.
These examples, however, are merely illustrative. Most men were reciprocally aware of Louisa. If she paid for her rangy height by cheeks thin as a whistling boy’s, if her fox-colored hair was turning like an autumn leaf—here a streak of cinnamon, there a dash of pepper—she had nonetheless only to stand still in any public place, at a bus stop or outside a telephone booth, and as to Red Riding Hood up came a wolf.
—Yet did she respond, and Louisa usually responded, how many a wolf turned nursling! To be listened to (wife not understanding wolf), to be found employment (wolf out of work), to have musical instrument (wolf potential member of dance band) got out of hock! It was extraordinary how swiftly they appreciated her special temperament.
Older acquaintances took it for granted. In June ’56, Louisa gave evidence as to character three times in one week. This was a record, but only in its own field; no one, least of all Louisa, ever counted the times she got suits back from the cleaners, washed socks, or carried prescriptions to the chemist …
Bachelors in lodgings going down with influenza employed their last spark of consciousness to telephone Louisa. Sometimes their landladies telephoned her. Publishers of books commissioned but overdue telephoned Louisa. She was constantly being either sent for, like a fire engine, or dispatched, like a lifeboat, to the scene of some masculine disaster; and fond of men as she was, by the time she was thirty she felt extremely jaded.
2
“You know what?” said Louisa to the milkman. “I feel jaded.”
“No one would tell it to look at you,” said the milkman handsomely. (Louisa was wearing a rather rowdy housecoat, zebras on a pink ground, and the overnight skin food gave her face a healthy shine.)
“I’ll tell you something else,” said Louisa. “I dare say I’m what suffragettes chained themselves to railings for.”
“My Auntie was a suffragette,” offered the milkman.
“I dare say I’m even Bernard Shaw’s Intelligent Woman, I’m the independent self-supporting femme sole, up the Married Women’s Property Act and I hope Ibsen’s proud of me.”
“He’d be a fool if he wasn’t,” said the milkman.
“And I spend as much time running about for men as if I was a Victorian nanny.”
“Why not take a spot of cream?” suggested the milkman.
“Thanks, I will,” said Louisa. “And you might leave a yoghurt for Number Ten.”
The milkman glanced at the neighboring door—not more than a yard away, in the converted house where dwelt Louisa—and cocked a deprecating eyebrow.
“To go down with yours as per usual?”
“Well, of course,” said Louisa.
“Which is okay with me ’n the dairy,” said the milkman, “but you’ll regret it at the month’s end.”
3
Louisa knew damn well she’d regret it. Yoghurt for Number Ten (an indigent and vegetarian flautist) was becoming a noticeable item on her monthly budget, moreover his very gratitude was a nuisance, since besides teaching the flute he fabricated costume jewelry out of beechnuts. Louisa had a whole drawerful; it attracted mites.
Standing cream jar in hand, as the milkman clattered on—
“It’s not the suffragettes who’d be proud of me,” thought Louisa bitterly, “it’s the Salvation Army. I may be the modern woman, the femme sole with all her rights, and I’m very fond of men, but it’s time I looked out for myself. In fact, it’s time I looked out for a rich husband, just as though I’d been born in a Victorian novel …”
4
A rhythmic tapping on the party wall called her back inside her room. Number Ten had formed the pleasant custom of thus conveying his morning greetings—usually with the opening phrase of a Beethoven sonata. Louisa, who wasn’t musical, knew this only because she’d been told, and herself customarily banged back no more than “Rule, Britannia.” She did so now—POM, pom-pom-pom!—set down cream jar on sink, and returned to her meditations.
For once, rarely, contemplating an abstract conception: the position of the independent woman in modern society. Better their lot by far, Louisa was sure of it, than that of the timid Victorian wife trembling at a husband’s frown. (On the other hand, not all Victorian wives were timid; Mrs. Proudie, for instance, browbeating her bishop, couldn’t have been wholly fictional?)—Better their lot, again, than that of the Victorian spinster with no other economic resource than to become a bullied governess. (But some governesses achieved the feat of becoming bullies themselves.) Louisa had a higher opinion of women than might be expected; for those committed to any vocation, a genuine, wistful regard. If it was they who’d inherited the world the suffragettes fought for, that was fine with Louisa. But considering the average run of independent self-supporting modern women—
Here Louisa broke off to consider the case she knew best: her own. The way she, individually, supported herself was as a photographer of dogs. (Originally, of men and dogs; but the men became more of a hobby, also dogs didn’t need retouching.) A nation of dog-lovers hadn’t let her starve; but she noticed Number Ten’s yoghurt on her milk bill. She was certainly independent, she hoped intelligent; and possessed only five pairs of stockings, two laddered.
—Considering the average run of independent self-supporting modern women, Louisa honestly believed they’d all be better off with rich husbands.
“And I’m one of the average,” thought Louisa.
This obviously, given her special temperament, wasn’t stric
tly accurate, but Louisa was in no mood to split hairs; the general proposition stood.
Her eye traveled to the row of photographs adorning her mantelshelf. As though in summary of her career, they showed about two dozen men, all broke to the wide, and in pride of place My Lucky of York, champion greyhound ’56 to ’58, the best provider Louisa’d ever struck. Besides photographing him, she backed him regularly at short but safe odds.
Or used to; My Lucky had been retired after the last season.
“I need my breakfast,” thought Louisa.
5
She always had breakfast. With a really good dinner in prospect Louisa frequently skipped lunch, as after a really good lunch she could carry over, on cups of tea, till next morning; but she never went without breakfast. She instinctively agreed with the essayist Hazlitt that only upon the strength of that first and aboriginal meal could one muster courage to face the day. She now turned on a tap, filled a kettle, lit a gas ring, laid the table and reached down the coffee tin, all without moving her feet. Such are the advantages, to the long-armed, of a kitchenette-dinette.
Louisa’s domain offered several other advantages: it was actually a divan-bedroom-bathroom-kitchenette-dinette. Except in very coldest weather, fumes from the penultimate area warmed all dependencies. There was a flap that let down over the bath, very convenient for ironing or making pastry on, and plenty of room, in the bottom of the hanging cupboard, for such essential stores as shoe polish and sardines. Some tenants found it a nuisance to be perpetually carrying down paper bags of tea leaves, potato peelings and other organic matter besides, to be deposited in one of the communal dustbins by the area steps; but such was the genre de la maison, and by a civilized convention they never recognized each other when so engaged, particularly if on the way out in evening dress. Louisa didn’t mind in the least, and it was only because she’d temporarily run out of paper bags that her sink basket now overflowed—and smelt a bit.
The table itself was gay with brightly striped oilcloth, china of several patterns, and paper napkins advertising cider. It was also, comparatively speaking, laden: marmalade and margarine elbowed a whole untouched loaf (the sustaining rye variety, with poppy seeds on top), and there was even a half slice of toast left over from the day before, which Louisa intended to tidy up first. The cream was merely an extra.
Louisa looked at it uneasily.
“What am I doing with cream, anyway?” thought Louisa. “I can’t afford it, it was sheer greed …”
By a fortunate coincidence, however, she had promised to look in that afternoon on a producer of off-beat plays recovering from bronchitis. She took just one spoonful, neat, and set the jar on the window ledge outside to keep cool for Hugo.
The kettle boiling, she made her coffee and sat down.—How good the bread and marmalade—marmalade masking the flavor of margarine—how good the taste of coffee, enriched by an aftermath of cream!
“You know what?” Louisa addressed the absent milkman. “I’m actually on velvet.”
She chewed with conscious deliberation, making each mouthful last as long as possible; was careful not to lose any of the poppy seeds. There was no hurry; she had no professional engagement that morning—or indeed that day. A nation of dog-lovers obviously wouldn’t let her starve, but the whole week was in fact a bit of a blank, in the dog line.…
“I’ll take it easy,” Louisa consoled herself. “I’ll have a good easy …”
On the thin party wall Number Ten rapped again.
“Miss Datchett?”
“Outside the door,” called Louisa impatiently.
“Thank you, I have found it,” called back Number Ten. “Thank you very much.—Just to say, Miss Datchett, I have the box quite ready!”
With sinking heart Louisa recalled one of her rasher promises: she was going to try and peddle some of his horrible beechnuts for him round the artier and craftier boutiques.
She recalled also Hugo down with bronchitis, and a Hungarian sculptor for whom she was finding a studio. Dogs might be lacking, but never men, to keep her occupied …
“I feel jaded,” thought Louisa.
At that moment the milkman yodeled again. (On top of everything else, she had a histrionic milkman.) She opened grudgingly, while her coffee cooled.
“Hope on, hope ever,” said the milkman. “There was a letter for you below; I’ve brought it up.”
Chapter Two
1
Louisa didn’t often get letters. (She got telegrams, or picture post cards.) She examined the envelope with what she afterwards believed to be prophetic interest.
It was large and expensive, and the writing was unfamiliar, for F. Pennon had never written to her before.—Indeed, Louisa didn’t even know, till she read the letter inside, that his initial was F.
Upon large expensive paper, headed Gladstone Mansions, W.I.—
My dear Louisa (wrote F. Pennon)
I hope you may remember me from Cannes last spring—the lonely old bachelor you were so kind to? I remember you very well indeed, and would very much like to see you again. Will you come and have tea with me as soon as possible? I remember your saying you enjoyed a good tea, and scones and honey shall await you here daily. I telephoned you several times during the last week, but you were always out—though not, I sincerely trust, out of Town.
May I say, à bientôt?
F. Pennon
Prophetic interest or no, Louisa had at first some difficulty in placing F. Pennon at all. That week at Cannes had been hectic: it was the single burst of luxury her career had ever brought her, when an Italian film star whose poodles she’d photographed in London summoned her out to the film festival to photograph them again with additional publicity. In gratitude for the gesture Louisa cooperated wholeheartedly—even to the extent of faking a Rescue by Poodles in Rough Sea—but she’d also enjoyed herself.—How she’d enjoyed herself! Among so many breath-takingly beautiful women, each soignée to the last eyebrow, Louisa’s harum-scarum looks seemed to bring many a cameraman relief. (The likenesses of Bobby and René and Kurt still hailed her from the mantelshelf, affectionately dedicated in three languages.) With Bobby and René and Kurt, Louisa, whenever off poodle-duty, had for a week made such carefree fiesta, the details were naturally blurred … Thus when after a little thought F. Pennon’s image finally emerged (like a weak negative in the hypo bath), it was merely as that of the man Bobby hit with a roll.
And who’d been so nice about it—the image became more precise—they asked him over to their table—at the Poule d’Or, at the Moulin Vert?—and who’d afterwards rather strung along with them, picking up the bills.
Which he invariably paid by check …
Louisa found herself remembering this quite clearly—and indeed it was a circumstance to excite general admiration: absolutely anyone in Cannes took F. Pennon’s checks. And not only took them, but if necessary cashed them …
Than which there is no more infallible sign, as René pointed out, of truly formidable riches.
At this stage in her recollections Louisa carried the letter back to her kitchenette, and there dissected it like a biologist dissecting a frog.
2
My dear Louisa …
He knew her Christian name. But then men always did.
I hope you may remember me …
Louisa had. With an additional effort, however, she now recalled something of F. Pennon’s appearance: he resembled a Sealyham. Whether it was because of this that she also recalled him as elderly—all Sealyhams looking elderly from puppyhood—or whether it was the other way round, she wasn’t quite sure. “Let it pass!” thought Louisa, reading on.
… would very much like to see you again.
He’d liked seeing her at Cannes. A certain shy attentiveness had been unmistakable; it was upon Louisa, they all agreed, his benevolence was chiefly directed—the others just cashed in. She herself, having such a good time, merely scooped him up into her all-embracing bonhomie without learning so much as his
initial. (His address was indeed peculiarly stiff: like a Sealyham’s. “Come on over, this is Uncle Bobby apologizing!” shouted Bobby. “The name is Pennon,” said Mr. Pennon; and Mr. Pennon he’d remained to them throughout the week.) But attentive he’d certainly been, in a cagy way, and Louisa seemed to remember him more than once providing her with aspirins.
Her eye traveled on.
I remember your saying you enjoyed a good tea …
What meal didn’t Louisa enjoy? It was a pity she hadn’t said a good dinner, or even a good lunch; even so, F. Pennon plainly recalled her slightest word.—At this point Louisa opened the window, reached in the cream, and poured a good dollop into her coffee.
I telephoned you several times …
Yes, but why only during the last few weeks? A year had elapsed, since Cannes; it was now May again. Perhaps he’d been abroad again, thought Louisa; perhaps he’d been abroad the whole time? He was certainly staying on at Cannes, and she had a vague recollection of his mentioning South Africa.—In any case, several times—let alone as soon as possible—he was eager enough now!
May I say, à bientôt?
“The more bientôt the better!” thought Louisa warmly.
Then she read the whole letter through again, and came to a swift decision.
Her first impulse was to telephone herself; on second thoughts she sent a telegram. She felt that a preliminary, disembodied conversation would somehow take the dew off their meeting—and wasn’t the day hers to name? WITH YOU FOUR-THIRTY LOUISA, dictated Louisa confidently. She very nearly made it a Greetings Telegram, only none of the forms suggested by the operator seemed quite to meet the case.
As has been said, she had no professional engagements; and could easily take round Hugo’s cream in the morning instead of the afternoon.
Something Light Page 1