by Blair Drake
“It’s there, and it’s a big one. It’s up to you whether you want to open that door. The thing is, if you do open that door, it’ll be open forever. But if you keep it closed, it will remain closed.”
Melissa stared in surprise. “I don’t even know who you are talking about.”
Her mother gave her a sad smile. “That’s because you don’t want to think about it. As long as you can blame others, then you don’t have to take any responsibility.”
Melissa snorted. “Is that like not knowing you were there, not recognizing you were there? Turning the blame around on my shoulders?” She stood up. “If this is all you can help me with, then I’ll head back to my dimension, my flat world, while I think about this some more.”
Her mother stood up, equally as tall as Melissa, her frame and form very similar to Melissa’s. “What you need to remember is the one who has to love you first is you.” And with that, her mother released her hand, and Melissa was back in the headmaster’s office.
Outside the darkness howled, as if thwarted a kill.
For the moment.
Chapter 19
Nothing had changed. She could feel the almost invisible threads connecting her heart to her parents, even though she hadn’t deliberately opened up a pathway between her heart and her mother’s. She might slam the door on her mother and keep her out of her life, but now that the pathway was opened, it would always be there.
She got up on her feet and paced the hallway. She set Gideon on the floor, where he stretched out on the polished wood and slept. She walked, placing one foot in front of the other, as she worked through all she’d learned. “That means I’m no longer alone and really have never been alone. Not in theory anyway. I just didn’t know it.”
It took a moment for that to really sink in. She went from having little to no relationship with her parents to having a tenuous bond with both of them. She couldn’t quell the shiver of delight coursing through her. She wanted to stomp her foot and scream, yet shout for joy. Then she realized maybe she was better off if she did. Maybe it was better if she was a completely crazy teenager for once, instead of this buttoned-down reserved adult she spent her lifetime trying to be. With that thought in mind, she suddenly sprinted forward and did a series of cartwheels all the way down the hallway past Gideon, who looked at her in horror, his tail flicking in shock as she went past him.
She carried on all the way back to her spot, where she stopped. She was so dizzy she half fell onto the floor, laughing. Afterward she bolted to her feet and started to dance. Nothing coordinated, nothing pretty, and certainly nothing with any style, but she just let her body move for the first time in a long time, shaking it in any way that felt good. She released years of repression as she spun and cavorted happily in the hallway.
Finally, she collapsed beside Gideon, exhausted. But inside her heart swelled. “If I’d known it would feel this good, Gideon, I’d have done it years ago.”
She rolled over to stare at him, but his eyes had closed as if she exhausted him beyond thinking.
She laughed. “Look at you. Anybody would think you are a slug by the way you lay around all day.”
Gideon didn’t even bother to flick an eyelid at her. Then again, why would he? He was happy, content. She could do a lot to learn from him too. She reached up a gentle hand and stroked his stomach. He gave a half murmur, stretching out his front paws and then his back paws, making him look almost twice as long as he actually was.
She laughed and smiled. “Okay, I’ll stretch next then.” And she did, with her arms and feet pointed, she made herself as long as she could possibly be, then rolled several times down the hallway. It was so weird to do things like this inside the school so well known for its strict and proper behavior, as if they’d never had a breakout child before.
But of course they had. Every child had the ability to toss the rules and regulations out the window as needed. But so often they never had the chance—or they didn’t make the most of the chance when it happened, just like she hadn’t.
At the time she arrived, she was so worried about getting kicked out, thinking they might’ve made a mistake accepting her in the first place, that she’d been so perfect all the time, never crossing the rules and getting into trouble. Just in case they decided she wasn’t a good fit after all. Somewhere along the line, she learned keeping her head down would also keep her out of trouble, so she managed to do both. Of course she was never an A student or gifted at anything. She was normal, average. As she lay here, she froze, thinking about that. “Have I been sabotaging my abilities in order not to stand out in the crowd?”
She frowned. “'Cause that would suck.”
She glanced at Gideon, her gaze caught by the entryway and the darkness now pounding and slapping against the glass. She shivered, bolting to her feet, her hands diving into her pockets as she searched for the talisman.
And realized it was gone.
She shrieked and spun around. The cartwheels. Had she lost it while doing the cartwheels? She quickly patted down every other pocket she had, in case she accidentally put her talisman in the wrong place, but there was no sign of it.
Panicking now, she raced up and down the hallway, searching for the lost talisman. She didn’t have a clue what would happen if she didn’t have it with her anymore, but she knew it couldn’t be good. The fact that the darkness was tapping on the windows already scared the crap out of her.
She needed more time. She’d come a long way, but she didn’t have near enough time. If she had less distance to cross, and fewer emotions to deal with, she’d be done already. She wished again for a much more physical quest to beat. That was so much easier than this emotional crap.
Finally, she caught sight of the glowing pin under one of the pictures on the far side. She raced toward it and snagged it up. Only three lights left. Mentally she tried to calculate what happened. Then she realized, when she’d cut the connection to her mother and reestablished it, that probably counted for two.
The fourth light she didn’t know what happened, but she’d lost that one too. Instantly, she bolted toward the headmaster’s office. Three lights were not good. She needed those lights just to make it back home again. She placed the talisman on the cigar box on the headmaster’s desk. The fourth light brightened immediately. “I sure hope you’re recharging because I need more than that just to get back again. Apparently I have one more major bond to work through.”
Luke immediately came to mind but she dismissed him immediately. Maybe wishful thinking but she wasn’t going to go there yet. She figured it had to be somebody who she treated badly. If there was ever a child who blamed herself first and foremost, it was her. Why couldn’t she remember a major fight—for that matter, a small fight? Now, of course she had her mother and father back. Didn’t that beat all? She watched the lights brightening.
Horrifying thoughts crept into her mind. Was it Annalise? Was Annalise in such grave danger it was important for Melissa to connect with her? But Melissa didn’t have a problem with Annalise. She really liked her. They were good together. They’d been best friends within weeks of Annalise’s arrival. How the heck could that be the problem? Melissa could hear her mother’s voice, now that she recognized it coming far away in the background of her mind. She wondered, “Were you doing that the whole time I was growing up?”
A startled gasp came from her mother and then a slow answer as she said, “Yes. In many ways, I was. I told you I popped in and out all the time.”
“Now that I know you’re in there all the time, it feels weird.”
Her mother’s tone changed, becoming almost apologetic as she responded. “I can tone it down slightly.”
“I’m not sure that’ll help. It’s more than just noise. I can sense you there. I can’t sense Dad.”
“Why would you? He’s not magical.”
“Maybe not, but I opened up the bonds between his heart and mine.”
“So maybe check your heart.”
&n
bsp; Her mother’s voice was so gentle and soft, it almost brought tears to her eyes. Thank heavens she’d cried herself out. The last thing she wanted to do was start bawling again. The logic of her mother’s words was sound. She reached up a hand, crossed her heart, and pressed her palm against where she imagined her heart lay inside. Then she closed her eyes again.
In a gentle voice, she whispered to her father and waited. Instead of a voice, it was kind of like a rolling wave. This was the best way she could describe it. It’s as if, now that she was connected to her father, her father’s conscious mind didn’t need to be involved. Like his spirit or his soul, whatever the hell part she connected to, was wrapped around her in the most caring and loving way possible. She smiled, knowing instinctively it was his energy.
“Interesting I can know and understand he is who he is, but I still have trouble with you,” she said quietly to her mother.
“Of course. Your father was always there. In your mind, maybe not the best father, but he was still present in your life. Because you couldn’t feel my presence, it felt like a bigger betrayal.”
“He told me you were gone, and I wouldn’t see you again.”
“That’s what I told him when I had to go, those exact words. I didn’t know what else to tell him.”
“Did you ever think maybe you hurt him terribly too?”
“I know I did. I shouldn’t have been with him in the first place but I loved him.” Her mother’s voice took on a sad tone. “He was my first and only love.”
“So you haven’t replaced him?” Melissa asked, relief in her own heart. It made no sense to want her mother to have suffered the same as her father had, but in some way, it made things slightly better. How twisted was that?
“Will this cigar box recharge my talisman or not?” she asked her mother.
“I can’t tell you that answer,” her mother said slowly. “I’m still bound by the rules of our world.”
Melissa nodded absentmindedly. She hadn’t expected anything less. “Is there anything you can do to protect me when the darkness finally reaches me?”
“Is it that close?” her mother asked sharply. “We don’t know why it’s doing what it’s doing.”
“Well, I can tell you it’s tracking me, getting closer and closer. Every time I lose a light on this talisman, it’s that much closer. That’s how I knew I was in trouble. The darkness is sitting at the window now, scraping along the edge of the glass.”
“Where was it before?”
“In the beginning, it was a long way away. But, as time has gone by or the talisman loses a light, it gets closer to me. I hate thinking it’s pushing me to the edge, and I might not make it, or at the very best, I get home in the nick of time.”
“I vote for just in the nick of time,” her mother said drily. “And, on that note, you better get at it.”
Just like that, she disappeared.
Melissa crossed her arms, her fingers tapping, as she considered only one other person who she hadn’t heard from. One of the people who she had a relationship worth talking about. It was the one she really didn’t want to face. Rejection from her mother was one thing. That was abandonment at the most basic level. She still wasn’t sure how she would deal with her going forward. But as an adult, the maternal bonds had fallen in such a way Melissa didn’t feel she had to pick them back up again if she didn’t want to. She could have a relationship with her mother now but as adults.
Facing Luke, however, presuming she could find him and make peace with him, was a whole different thing.
He was her first love, her first taste of womanhood. Being rejected on that level was way worse than her mother’s actions. Facing Luke’s rejection again terrified her. She glanced at her talisman. It was low on energy, although four lights were left, and they were bright while resting on the box. Still, it was only a temporary measure.
She brushed her hair off her face.
What did any of this have to do with her creating portals?
At that, her mother’s laughter slipped through her mind. “How is it you think you contacted your father and me?”
Then she was gone once again. Melissa spun around in the headmaster’s office as she thought about it. “So a portal doesn’t have to be just for me to move into another dimension but also for me to see in another dimension.” Her face lit up with wonder.
Maybe she could contact Luke that way. Maybe she could reach out to him through a window to see what he’s doing, see who he’s with.
She winced at that. The last thing she wanted to do was see him with another woman. But maybe, just maybe, she could open a little bit of a window and get her feet wet, so to speak, without having to dive in.
She glanced around the room again to see the darkness swirling at the windows. She raced over to the window where she saw it come in last time and checked to make sure the locks were secure. The last thing she needed was to have a swirling cloud in here again. She leaned forward, studying the darkness as it wove and twisted in front of her in an angry fury of black. Shades of gray wove through the black, there was no brightness, only the absence of something. She didn’t know if that was somehow important. “Darkness, why is it you’re here? What do you want?”
No answer.
Of course. There was never an answer.
Yet in her mind, she swore she heard a squeak.
Winter.
Chapter 20
She bolted toward her bedroom, Gideon running alongside her. She opened the door carefully, but in spite of her efforts, Gideon slipped in first.
And he froze.
She raced in behind him to find the two of them staring at each other. “Gideon, no. That’s Winter. He’s a friend.”
Gideon made an odd sound in the back of his throat as if arguing with her.
“No,” she repeated sharply. “You can’t have him.”
He shot her a disgusted look yet seemed to relax. Then he rolled onto his side and let out a heavy sigh.
In delight, she leaned down and stroked his long back. “That’s wonderful. You did great.” She barely got the words out when Winter raced up her arm to her shoulder. He squeaked in her ear for several seconds. She thought she understood something about food and eating. Her gaze scanned the small room to see the remnants of an open granola bar on the desk.
“Looks like you ate well,” she said. He squeaked in her ear again. She chuckled, then stepped back into the hallway. “Come on, Gideon. Back to the headmaster’s office. We need answers. They won’t be found here.”
With Winter riding on her shoulder, and Gideon walking at her heels, she returned to the office. Once inside, she walked over to the darkness, sitting, just scratching against the window of the headmaster’s office. She reached out a hand and placed it against the glass. And damn if the energy on the other side didn’t buffet up against it. “What is it you want?” she cried out.
No answer.
“Why did you want me?”
No answer.
She shook her head and turned to look at the opposite window. The blackness was there too, always watching her, waiting for her to make a mistake or fail. “What could you possibly want with me?” she yelled.
But again, there was no answer.
She walked over to the headmaster’s desk and plunked herself down on the big chair. Gideon lay in the doorway, keeping an eye on everything happening upstairs. Winter, tired after his big meal, curled up on her shoulder, tucked into the crook of her neck.
She smiled, realizing the fact Winter was here was a sign of her own progress. She felt connected to him too. The big issue in her world was still Luke. “Why do I have to heal that relationship?”
“Because it’s stopping you from moving forward,” her mother said.
“But it hurts,” Melissa snapped. “Don’t you understand? It hurts so much to even think of him.”
“And that’s why you have to heal this. You can only move forward as a whole if you deal with your issues.”
&nbs
p; “I don’t want to see him or the rejection on his face.”
“It might not be that bad,” she said quietly.
She was wrong. It would be worse, way worse. But the powers seemingly in control decided this was what Melissa had to do. She took a deep breath and reached out a hand, opening a window in time.
And found Luke standing there. When he saw her, his face closed, and he blinked out of sight.
She gasped and sat back. “What just happened?”
“You can only heal a rift if the other person is ready to change too,” her mother said.
“Why wouldn’t he want to talk to me? I’m the one he hurt. He abandoned me, walked away from me,” Melissa said in anger.
“Are you sure about that? Are you really sure about that?” With that, her mother disappeared.
Of course Melissa was sure. Wasn’t she? Melissa sat in the chair, her head bowed. “Is nothing ever easy?”
How had Luke managed to disappear in front of her? Should she try again? What if he disappeared again? Trying a different tactic, she opened a small window and peered through at him.
He sat at a desk in front of a large set of windows. He raised his head, took one look at her, then shook his head. “Open the portal, Melissa.”
“Hi, Luke.”
He nodded at her, his face sad. “Hey.”
He picked up his pencil and went back to doing whatever he was doing on his desk.
“Is that all you have to say to me?” she cried out. “After all the hurt you dished out? Why couldn’t you say goodbye to me? Why couldn’t you explain to me why you didn’t want anything more to do with me?”
He threw his pencil down, bolted to his feet, shock and pain on his face. “What are you talking about?”
Just then she realized her portal was fading, and the entrance into his world was closing. She would have to make a full portal—or back out and maybe not manage to establish this link again.