Tired Of Surviving

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Tired Of Surviving Page 20

by Naomi Amanda


  Once I was discharged from the hospital, we got Cody ready to move to Essex with our grandparents. He didn’t seem so torn up about having to move. He seemed happy, even. Maybe he liked their house beside the river more than I knew. He cried because he’d miss me but I promised to drive down to see him every weekend.

  Laura’s parents offered to let me stay with them until school was over and I accepted gratefully. I had to finish my senior year so I had no other choice.

  Susan lost the trial. She was charged for child abuse and sentenced for lifetime imprisonment, especially after Logan, Laura, Marika, Ava and even Cody told the court everything she had done. My father lost his mayoral position and suffered the backlash of ignoring Susan’s abuse. He was sentenced for a five year imprisonment. Everyone in town found out about everything but I got used to the looks of sympathy or pity.

  Logan and Laura remained my contestant supporters, along with their parents and my grandparents. I spent the last few months of school at Laura’s house, finally feeling what it was like to have a real family. And every weekend, I’d drive down to Essex to spend time with Cody. Most weekends, Laura and Logan tagged along. Cody had gotten close to the two of them, too.

  He had settled at his new school, made new friends and seemed happier than he had ever been before.

  Every week, Laura’s mother handed me an envelope with a letter from my father. He was allowed one letter a week and he chose to send them to me. And although I should have been happy about it, I had mixed feelings. Yes, he had been the one who admitted to the horrors that went on inside our house, confessed, lost his mayoral position and even went to prison but I wasn’t over it yet. I hadn’t completely forgiven him for leaving my mother and letting Susan abuse me the way she had. And so his letters were left unanswered at the bottom of one of Laura’s drawers.

  Maybe one day I would reply to them. Maybe one day I’d even forgive him. But it was going to take a while.

  ***

  “We’re high school graduates, bitches!” Laura hollered as we exited school for the last time, in our graduation gowns and caps.

  Marika squealed, hugging both of us as we jumped up and down. Then Logan appeared behind us, jumping along and mimicking our girlish squeals. We burst out laughing and broke apart just as everyone’s families came into view. Cody let go of grandma Maria and grandma Mary’s hands and barreled toward me.

  I bent down to receive him, almost falling backward as he threw his arms around my neck. I laughed, standing up once he let go.

  “Congrats on graduating high school.” He grinned. “I liked your speech.”

  “You probably didn’t understand half of it,” Laura joked and he stuck his tongue out at her.

  I felt my chest swell with happiness as my grandparents all hugged me in turn, congratulating me and then my friends. We took turns taking pictures of all of us with our families and each other. Marika and Ava took several selfies as well. Even Dayle joined us after a while, introducing us to his family.

  Then we took our mandatory picture of us all throwing our caps into the air.

  “I’m so happy you’re here with me.” Logan leaned in and whispered in my ear as everyone celebrated around us.

  “I can’t imagine being anywhere else,” I whispered back and his eyes widened as I grabbed his face.

  I smiled at him coyly before I pulled his face to mine, placing a kiss smack dab on his lips in front of everyone. One of my friends let out a hoot and I laughed, pulling away from my red-faced boyfriend.

  “You’re so immature.” I shoved Laura playfully and Dayle caught her by the shoulders.

  “Logan and Cheyenne sitting in a tree-” Cody started and I burst out laughing with the rest of the adults.

  “No, that’s immature,” Laura pointed out and I rolled my eyes at her.

  “You talk too much,” Dayle told her. “Don’t I get a kiss?”

  “Not here!” She whacked his chest, her face turning red. “My parents are watching.”

  “Chey.” Logan pulled me aside. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “Why’re you getting cheesy now?” I asked him even though my cheeks turned pink at his words.

  “We’re both going off to college and we’ll be miles away from each other-”

  “You’re not breaking up with me, are you?” I asked, my heart doing a summersault.

  “Did you not hear me just say that you were the best thing that ever happened to me?” he asked, chuckling. “I was about to tell you that I’m going to drive down to meet you every single weekend so I hope your grandparents don’t kick me out.”

  I laughed at him, shaking my head. “They won’t,” I assured him. “Besides, Laura’s staying with us, too, which means Dayle will visit-”

  “It’s going to be a full house,” he breathed. “But at least it’ll feel like home, right?”

  “You’re my home, Logan Kendall.” I smiled, pecking his cheek.

  “Now you’re being cheesy.”

  Epilogue

  “Logan is coming, right?” Laura asked me as we waited outside my grandparent’s house in New York.

  It had been more than a year since Laura and I had moved into my mom’s childhood home in New York. Our colleges were about fifteen minutes away by car. I was working hard to keep my scholarship and grades up so I wouldn’t put pressure on my grandparents and NYU had offered Laura a scholarship when they saw how amazing her clothing designs were. I didn’t feel guilty about making her lose her cheerleading scholarship anymore. Logan went to Harvard which was a little over than three hours away but that didn’t stop him from meeting me every weekend.

  “He’s on the way,” I breathed, exasperated that she had asked ten times. “He’s driving here, not flying on his magical unicorn.”

  “Unicorns can’t fly,” she pointed out and I laughed. “But you should know that, miss fiction novelist.”

  “I don’t do paranormal.” I lightly shoved her. “Just like you don’t design wedding dresses.”

  Logan’s car sped into the driveway and the two of us jumped out of the way. I gave her a look and she pulled open the door, getting into the backseat. I got into the passengers’ side and felt my heart skip a beat at the sight of Logan’s spiked up dark hair and stormy eyes. He leaned in to kiss me and I accepted, kissing him back until Laura made a gaging sound from behind.

  “Can we get on the road?” She groaned. “Mr. and Mrs. Pereira must have already reached Essex. We don’t have time for-” She pointed at us. “-this.”

  “We didn’t say anything when we had to sit through your puke fest,” Logan retorted and I let out a laugh. “Remember last week? When Dayle came over, too, and we had to watch you stick your tongue down his throat? Yeah, I could see the tip of your tongue come out of his butthole.”

  “Logan!” I gasped, laughing and Laura laughed, too.

  “What has Harvard done to you?” she asked jokingly. “It’s changed you, Kendall.”

  “As NYU has done to you, McQueen.” He grinned and stepped on the gas. “Only Chey hasn’t changed-”

  “Say that when you’re at my book signing,” I joked and Logan smiled. “I might refuse to acknowledge you.”

  “Like you’d dare,” he shot back as he drove. “You love me too much.”

  “Oh, how’s your partner - David, Chey?” Laura asked and I turned to shoot her a questioning look.

  She made a face at me and I realized that she was trying to make Logan jealous because after all, David did not exist. My lit partner was a girl.

  “He’s amazing,” I played along.

  “I know he doesn’t exist.” Logan rolled his eyes. “You guys underestimate how much I actually listen to conversations. Your partner’s name is Ruth.”

  “Well, hot damn.” Laura smacked her thigh. “This boy really does listen. Will you teach Dayle how to?”

  We laughed until I had tears in my eyes. And then I turned up the music and we sang with the radio even thou
gh we didn’t know most of the songs until we reached Essex.

  I hopped out of the car, Laura in tow, grabbing the gifts we had stashed in Logan’s car the week before. She handed me two and handed Logan enough for them to tower over his head. I laughed, offering to take more but he started toward their door.

  Laura rushed after us, bags in her hands and rang the bell. We waited, listening for footsteps and then the door flew open and Cody jumped out, throwing his arms around my waist and making me stumble back. Luckily I caught myself or we both would have rolled down the porch.

  “Chey!” he exclaimed. “I missed you!”

  “I saw you two weeks ago.” I laughed.

  “It’s too long!” he mumbled into my stomach.

  “Sorry, I’m late,” I told him, handing the gifts to Laura so I could ruffle his hair.

  “You’re not late.” Grandma Maria came to the door. “You’re just in time. I just put the pie in the oven and the parents haven’t arrived yet. Come in-”

  All of us stepped into the house, smiles on everyone’s faces. Then we were engulfed in hugs in turns from all of my grandparents, Cody still clinging to me.

  I laughed as my friends set the gifts under the Christmas tree and I took Cody by the hand. He was already ten years old, taller and heavier and definitely smarter. Maybe even smarter than the rest of us.

  “You better have gotten me exceptional gifts to make up for not coming last week,” he told me and my eyes widened.

  “Wow, you use such big words,” Logan commented from behind, putting his arm around my shoulders. “Laura, do you know what exceptional means or should I explain?”

  “Logan, do you know how my foot will feel when I kick you between your legs or should I show you?” she shot back and I laughed.

  “Chey, she’s threatening me,” Logan pretended to complain. “She’s so scary.”

  “What’s all the commotion about?” grandma Maria asked, coming behind us.

  “Nothing,” Laura and Logan said at the same time, making Cody laugh.

  “Nothing, grandma,” I told her, taking her hand. “We’re just happy to be here.”

  “And we’re happy to have you all here.” She smiled.

  “So am I,” Logan whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek. “Spending Christmas with you is the best feeling ever.”

  “You guys are such nerds.” Laura rolled her eyes before I threw my arms around her, tackling her onto the couch. “But I love you anyway.”

  ***

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Logan asked me, leaning against his car. “You know you don’t have to.”

  “It’s been two years,” I pointed out. “I’m sure he’s been waiting for me. I never replied to any of his letters either.”

  “Okay, I’ll wait in the car,” he told me, giving my hand a squeeze before finally letting go.

  I forced a smile, held my head up high and took a deep breath. I was scared. I didn’t know how he would react since I hadn’t spoken to him in two years. Even though I hadn’t replied to any of his letters which Laura’s parents used to give me and my grandparent’s after that, he never failed to send them every week. But it took me two years and the distraction of a new city, college, friends and my life that had changed completely for me to finally get over it and forgive him for everything he had done. After all, he had been the one to step forward and accept his mistakes even though he had to spend five years of his life in prison for it.

  I tugged on my sweater and wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans as I made my way to the brick building. My stomach was already in knots at just the thought of seeing my father again.

  I tried my hardest not to hyperventilate as I made my way to the reception. There was a male officer at the desk, looking slightly bored as I stood in front of him. He handed me a clipboard with a pen attached and told me to sign. I did as he said, my heart hammering against my ribcage.

  Then he gave me a key and told me to keep my mobile and other personal items in the lockers they provided. So I made my way toward the lockers along the side of the wall and stuffed my things inside before I was led through security. I felt a wave of nausea hit me as I walked through the metal detectors. A female officer stood on the other side, ready to check my person and she smiled at me, easing the sickness in my stomach. At least some of the staff seemed nice. Although, I wasn’t sure how hard it probably had been for my father to get used to sleeping in a bunk bed with other inmates, behind bars.

  I was finally led toward the sitting area but I wasn’t allowed physical contact. So I was taken to a long room with chairs facing glass windows. I blinked back my burning tears when I saw my father sitting behind one of them. His hair had greyed slightly, his eyes looked droopy like he hadn’t been sleeping well and he looked noticeably thinner. But as soon as his eyes connected with mine, they widened before a hopeful smile lit his face.

  “Cheyenne,” he said as soon as I took a seat on the chair in front of him.

  “Dad,” I murmured back. “How are you?”

  “I’ve been better,” he answered honestly. “What about you?”

  I forced a smile and nodded. “I’m fine. And Cody – he’s doing well, too.”

  “Have you been getting my letters?” he asked and I felt a pang of guilt for never replying to him.

  I nodded but his expression didn’t change. He didn’t seem upset that I hadn’t replied. He probably knew how I felt.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t reply,” I said quickly, rubbing my hands against my jeans. “I just needed some time.”

  “I know, sweetie.” He nodded in understanding. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

  My eyes flickered to his and warmth filled my chest. I forgave him. I really had. It had taken a long time but somewhere along the way, I had started to understand why he had done what he did. I didn’t agree with his actions but he had been the one to take the first step. And I guess that was all that mattered.

  “I’m glad I’m here, too, dad.”

  Acknowledgments

  Writing this book wasn’t easy. In fact, it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And so I owe immense thanks to those who helped and supported me through it. Firstly, this book would have never existed had it not been for the passion and steady help of my friends, who took the time to read through all my drafts, pinpoint parts that did not make sense and help me change those ideas into better ones and continuously urged me to continue and finish this book. I want to thank Rohan Mohindra for his constant support and encouragement, his belief in me and my work and for always being curious about my plots and characters. I also want to thank my friend Aparajita Yadav for understanding my need for constructive criticism and Melissa Armstrong for helping me as much as she could. Immense thanks to the other constant supporters in my life – Sabrina D’Souza, Wesley, Leon Santy, Viktor Gomez, Shruti Verma and of course, my family.

  Special and very heartfelt thanks to my readers because I wouldn’t be anywhere without your support and love. I only have this job because of you.

  Love to everyone for all the writing years I have left in me, especially mom, dad and Zoe. You mean the world to me.

  About the author

  Naomi Amanda is the author of Sweet Serendipity, which was her debut novel. She grew up in Gurgaon, India and has dreams of travelling the world. She’s a hopeless romantic who believes that true love exists for everyone.

 

 

 


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