by A. C. Wilson
“Is he the one who did the damage, Rayne? I mean, outside of your childhood issues?” Garrett’s voice was soft and soothing. There were far too many raw spots to try and cover them all.
“He likes women and women like him. He couldn’t remain faithful and I was battling my own demons. We are better off as friends and we are friends, Garrett. He still thinks he needs to take care of me.” She found the makings of a smile, but her brow furrowed in thought. She couldn’t believe she had shared so much of the truth. Something in Garrett begged her to confide in him. A heavy palm reached over to tip her chin up to look at him.
“He’s used to getting what he wants. He’s met his match. I am used to getting what I want too.” He grinned as his thumb brushed her cheek. She let the soothing touch ease her frayed nerves.
“You’re not competing with him, Garrett. He lost that race months ago.” She smiled at him and she saw the good humor returning. That personality suited him better than the brooding, angry man.
“He said he was bringing you some stuff and this guy here. What stuff was he talking about?” Garrett patted Ruger’s brown head and received a friendly lick. Rayne liked how her dog welcomed Garrett with little than a cursory glance.
“My clothes. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take before I could get this place sold. I called him when I got here and asked him to come. He didn’t know when he could get away, so I wasn’t sure when he’d arrive. It’s about a twelve hour drive from Harpersburg to here.” Rayne chewed on that thought for second. Royal must have drove all night to get here. Something was going on. She’d ask him about it when they were alone and she didn’t have to explain things to everyone. Garrett.
“He has impeccable timing I would say. He is going to stay in town, right?” Garrett asked, his male possessiveness showing once more. Rayne couldn’t help the giggle that came out.
“No, Royal is not staying here. I think it would be overcrowded to say the least. Besides, I’m sure it is a strange concept for him to grasp that another man is sleeping with his ex-wife. I don’t need that headache.” She shook her head and turned to get back under the covers. Even with the furnace working now, the room was chilly. She acknowledged that it could be because she was naked too.
“Good to know.” Garrett answered absently as he crawled back under the covers too. Ruger remained between them. She didn’t make him move to the foot of the bed. She couldn’t put her finger on it just yet, but she didn’t really want to be romantic with Garrett right now. Royal had thrown another barrier in her way and it was one that ached more intensely than the others. It was still too fresh to take out and examine.
“What do you think of getting dressed and going into town for breakfast?” Garrett’s voice punctured her thoughts and she took a deep breath.
“Getting out of here would be nice. Where did you have in mind?” She asked as she turned her head towards him. He grinned in that annoying fashion he did when she had no chance of getting a direct answer.
“It’s for me to know and you to find out.” He chuckled at her sigh. “Take your time. They serve breakfast all day.” He playfully tapped her on the nose and he got a huge lick from Ruger. Sputtering, Garrett got up and narrowed his eyes at the dog. She couldn’t help but find humor in Ruger’s acceptance. “I’m going to head up and take a shower. Do you want to come with me or wait until I’m done for a bath?”
Garrett Johnson just exudes sex appeal. Rayne’s brain was melting at the promise in his eyes. Her heart fluttered like a wild butterfly trying to escape a cage. No man had ever done that to her before and she wondered if anyone after Garrett would have the same effect. She doubted it.
“No, I’ll wait until you are done. I should probably call the funeral home to make sure we can still bury my father tomorrow.” She felt a cold shiver go up her spine and she tried to ignore it. If Garrett noticed it, he didn’t acknowledge it. That much was a relief.
“All right. Shout if you need something.” His brown eyes swept over her again and held a moment longer on her face. How could a gaze be so much like a caress? Without him physically touching her, he was touching her just the same. Rayne leaned back on the pillows and absently stroked Ruger’s silky fur. He put his head in her lap and sighed loudly. She listened to Garrett’s footsteps on the stairs and then finally she heard the water running in the shower. Reaching under her pillow, Rayne pulled out her cell phone and looked up the number to the funeral home in Hot Springs. Biting her bottom lip, she hit send on the number and it started to ring. With a deep resignation, she set about going through details with the director.
Rayne sat in the passenger seat as Garrett drove them into Hot Springs. She felt oddly at home as if this was where she was comfortable and calm. It was a strange development since she had never felt at home anywhere in the years after she went to live in Kansas. The roads were still heavily packed with snow and in some spots it had drifted over in the night. The north wind was bitterly cold and Rayne wondered if she had ever worn so many layers in her life. She had opted to leave Ruger at the house where it was warm. Once they had reached the highway, the road was clearer and more manageable.
“How did it go with the arrangements for tomorrow?” Garrett didn’t take his eyes off the road, but she felt his attention anyway. She swallowed and took a deep breath. It was still hard to talk about her father really being gone. She had never planned a funeral before either.
“It’s at ten in the morning. Just a graveside ceremony for me and whoever else shows up. I didn’t make it public, so I imagine it will just be you and me. I haven’t asked Royal, but I probably should.” She didn’t realize how shrill her voice was starting to sound. Normal females would have called it close to hysteria, but for Rayne, it was a crack she danced around.
“It’s ok to be sad, Rayne. It’s also ok to not know what you’re doing. I don’t know anyone who likes to plan a family member’s funeral, if you discount the funeral directors themselves.” His voice was thoughtful and warm. She wanted to keep her emotions in check, but a single tear slid down her cheek. She hastily brushed it away with a fingertip.
“I don’t have a good view of death. It haunts me.” Lowering her head, Rayne tried to breathe normally, but her chest seized up. Her lungs felt like they were working in concrete. The pain that weighed on her heart and her mind was devastating. Sadly the only person who might actually understand her mood swings would be Royal. She wondered how tough that would be to explain to Garrett.
“I don’t doubt that at all, darlin’. It is unfair how much some people are forced to endure and others are not.” Garrett glanced her way and then reached for her hand on the seat between them. His big fingers interlaced with her own and she felt tethered to the earth at least. She watched the road pass them by and then looked at their clasped hands again.
“I guess if it doesn’t make you stronger then it breaks you.” The words resonated in her heart and she didn’t think she had ever said anything so true. Garrett squeezed her fingers affectionately.
“You’re a survivor. You’ll get through this too.” The warmth of his words didn’t quite reach the iciness of her soul. She hoped it was the truth. Hadn’t she only been surviving for all these years? What if she wanted to do more than survive? What if she wanted to live?
Garrett navigated the town of Hot Springs and a couple of turns he pulled into a parking spot just outside of a beautiful sandstone building. There were very few cars out front of the tiny restaurant. She was grateful for that. He squeezed her hand again and stopped short of opening his truck door. His eyes were fixed out to the front of the building.
“What is it?” Rayne asked, wondering what caused the hesitation.
“Um…I guess this is the price of a small town. Prepare to meet my sister and my sister-in-law.” He gestured to the two ladies just leaving the restaurant. Suddenly Rayne wanted to be somewhere else. Family questioned outsiders and she didn’t want to have to justify her relationship with Garrett to these
women. Garrett opened his door and stepped out. He stood next to the front of his truck and greeted the women. They were lovely and Rayne suddenly felt drab. She was definitely not in the same league. Garrett looked at her and she sighed in frustration. Slowly she pushed her door open and got out with as much care to her ankle as she could muster. He met her at the curb and gave her his arm to balance her on the icy snow.
“Rayne, this is Nora and Andy. Nora is my sister and Andy is my brother, Matt’s wife.” Garrett indicated each woman as they stood there. Rayne knew instantly who his sister was. Nora had jaw length short dark hair and sharp blue eyes. Andy had long, light brown hair and green eyes. Both of them wore jeans and snow boots.
“Hello Rayne. It is nice to meet you.” Nora said as she smiled at first Rayne and then her brother. Rayne acknowledged that her smile was genuine and friendly.
“Yes, it’s always good to meet a friend of Garrett’s. Will you be in town for long?” Andy asked, her interest clear. Rayne shrugged her shoulders slightly.
“I’m not sure how long I’m here. Just long enough to take care of some family business.” Rayne offered, feeling a bit uncomfortable and not wanting to overshare.
“You should come over to Crossing Pines tonight. My mother is planning a meal to feed an army. You’d be more than welcome.” Nora looked pointedly at Garrett. Rayne didn’t want to be rude. She looked up at Garrett for a suitable answer.
“Thing is, we have her father’s funeral tomorrow. I’m not sure Rayne will feel like a rowdy family dinner before that.” Garrett squeezed her hand on his arm for reassurance. Apparently his sister, Nora was more like him than he thought. Their tenaciousness was identical.
“Oh, but you can’t be alone before a funeral. Please, say you’ll come over to the ranch?” Nora’s blue eyes sparkled with some curious meddling. Andy nodded in agreement. Garrett looked down at Rayne and she tried to push down the doubts.
What could it really hurt? That question had gotten her in trouble before, but from where she was standing, it would be rude to turn them down. It was only dinner after all.
“Dinner would be nice. Thank you.” Rayne agreed and Nora instantly reached over and embraced Rayne warmly. It was such a shock that Rayne hugged Garrett’s sister back. Andy clapped her gloved hands in excitement.
“Well we came for breakfast, so we’ll see you tonight for dinner.” Garrett began moving towards the restaurant door and Rayne limped a bit in his wake. Andy and Nora waved goodbye as they moved down the street to their cars.
“There was no getting out of that was there?” Rayne asked as they stepped into the warm lobby. Garrett turned to her and grinned. “That’s what I thought.” She huffed as they were seated. The Johnson family didn’t take no for an answer. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
Chapter 13
The day had gone as smoothly as it could possibly go with a painfully sprained ankle and an ex-husband in town. Garrett remained fairly quiet through breakfast except for imparting some town history and some youthful antics he and his brother had gotten up to. The more stories she heard of Garrett’s younger brother, Matt, the more she looked forward to meeting him. When she was a young girl, she used to wish she had a sister or a brother. It was so lonely having no one to confide in and share secrets with. The isolation gradually pushed out the barriers that she erected towards people and that was probably a good reason why she hadn’t any close friends.
Rayne looked around the broken down ranch house and sighed. Garrett had brought her home to rest since her ankle was the size of a softball again. If she knew what was good for her, she’d go see a doctor to make sure it wasn’t fractured, but that seemed like an inconsequential thing compared to what was on her mind. She leaned back against the lumpy cushions and pulled the quilt up over her legs and chest. Silly how something like a quilt could make her feel closer to a mother she could barely remember in appearance. She blinked quickly to fight the tears that came on demand now. Years of not shedding a single tear and the last few days have been like a monsoon.
Beep, beep, beep. Her cell phone chirped from the cushion behind her head. Shaking off the urge to cry, Rayne attempted to find the darn thing before it went to voicemail. She dropped it in her lap and scrambled to right it. One look at the screen had her rolling her eyes. Tapping the screen, she spoke.
“Hi, Royal.” Her voice was flat with some annoyance at her ex-husband for picking this time to call.
“Well I just love your enthusiasm, Rayne. I can’t believe I drove over six hundred miles to bring you Ruger and some clothes and this is the thanks I get.” Royal complained in her ear. Hearing the familiar tenor of his voice was soothing in its own way. Even though they weren’t married any more, he was still a part of her life. She leaned her head back into the cushion and closed her eyes.
“Thank you for bringing Ruger. You just surprised me by showing up this quickly, Royal.” She sniffed.
“You mean I surprised your new bed partner, don’t you? He looked fit to spit nails.” Royal chuckled on his end and Rayne shook her head.
“Garrett is none of your business, just as all those other women are not mine.” Rayne softly reminded him. She waited for a witty return on that one. Surprisingly, none came.
“Yes, you’re right. I’m glad to see you’re moving forward at least. You deserve to be happy, Rayne.” His words were so sincere and again, tears filled her eyes.
Shit! What is wrong with me? Her heart slammed against her chest. She didn’t like being nervous or unsure. It made her feel weak and needy. Needy was not something she ever wanted to be.
“Too bad happy doesn’t seem to want me.” She paused, swallowing past the lump in her throat. “My father’s funeral is tomorrow morning at ten. Could you come, please?”
“Of course. Should I come by in the morning and ride with you all?” Royal asked hesitantly, but Rayne suspected a hint of humor. He was liking that Garrett wasn’t immune to the annoyances. Rayne wasn’t sure what Garrett would say about Royal riding with them, but she clung to the familiar like it was a life line.
“I think that would be fine.” She let her thoughts wander and it was Royal who pulled her back.
“What else is bothering you?” His voice sounded so warm and certain. She wanted that reassurance.
“I should probably say something at his interment, but what could I possibly say? I haven’t spoken to the man in fifteen years.” Any correspondence had always gone through her aunt first and then it was directed to her. It seemed like a good system until now. Now she knew nothing of the man she was burying tomorrow. Her chest ached and her eyes burned from unshed tears.
“Write whatever comes to mind and put it down on paper. You told me you used to write poems, maybe use that talent now?” As self-serving as Royal was he still listened to her and it shouldn’t have surprised her that he mention her poetry now. She hadn’t written in years though. She had probably forgotten how.
“I found a poem my mother wrote to me just after I was born. I suppose the talent came from her.” Rayne mused absently, holding the quilt tightly to her chin. It caught some of the tears sliding down.
“We all inherit something from our parents.” His words struck like a death knell to the quiet around her. She wondered if she had inherited something from her father even though the thought made her ill.
What if I destroy my own happiness just like my father did? It seemed a fair question to ask as the silence continued on the line. Royal was no doubt waiting for her to say something snippy back, but she couldn’t force words past her lips. Her heart felt like a wounded bird fluttering inside her chest.
“Breathe, Rayne. Not all of your father’s traits are bad ones, I’m sure.” He paused and she still couldn’t answer him. “Call me later if you need to talk. Bye, Rayne.” He paused and then hung up. Stiltedly she dropped the phone from her grasp and it landed in her lap with a dull thud. She tried to take a deep breath but it was more of a shudder.
; Damned if things didn’t have a way of becoming muddled! I’m always scrambling to find the missing pieces! She was. None of the jigsaw pieces in her whole life had fit together properly. They were jagged and flattened by half-truths and outright lies. She covered her eyes with her hand and tried to take another breath. She wanted to share all of her feelings, but the words never seemed to exist. She could never voice them when the time mattered. Perhaps a poem was really the right way to start, but she hesitated a moment wondering just what it would be like when the flood gates opened.
~~~
Garrett walked into the house to find Rayne on the couch and the floor littered with wadded up pieces of paper. He came around the corner of the couch to find that she was still bent over a sheaf of papers and a pen scratching quickly as she thought. She was concentrating so hard on what she was doing that she hadn’t noticed him standing there. He took a moment to study her. Rayne Randall had to be one of the most beautiful and unhappy women he had ever met in his life. Somewhere underneath that frown that always hinted on her lips, he knew there had to be a brilliant smile waiting to shine. He wanted to be that man who could make that happen for her. He wanted to be the one she relied on to change the stormy weather into springtime all year long. As scary as that need was to him, there was another side that screamed for him to run for the hills.
Literally. Garrett had fought like hell never to get wrapped up in another woman. It had been over a decade since he had gifted his heart to a girl he had loved and she had shredded it. He thought about Lena McCoy every so often. He tried to warn off his heart from succumbing to the feelings he was starting to have for Rayne. Lena had been his high school sweetheart and for the four years of high school, they had been inseparable. Everyone thought it was a done deal- marriage, kids, and taking over the ranch. No couple had ever been spoken more highly of and smiled upon than Garrett and Lena.