by A. C. Wilson
“Let’s get some fresh air. Garrett can fend for himself for a bit.” Andy got up from the table as Nora and her mother cleared the dishes. Rayne could feel Garrett’s eyes on her back as she rose from her seat. Andy waved off Matt as he began to rise, clearly signally that he should stay inside. Rayne limped a bit as she took a couple of steps towards the door. Garrett’s sister-in-law handed Rayne’s jacket to her and swung open the door. Easing out onto the pretty wrap around porch, they found a couple of beautifully carved rocking chairs.
“I’m sorry about all that.” Rayne sighed as she took a seat in the chair and leaned back into the curved slats. “I’m not used to it.” She leaned her head back and took a bracing breath of cold air. Andy sat down in the next chair and shoved her hands into her pockets.
“I understand. The Johnson’s were a bit intimidating to me too when I first came. Although I wasn’t quite as well received as you were.” She chuckled and Rayne lifted a brow. Andy nodded. “Yeah. Lacey was bound and determined to hate me. No one could possibly be good enough for her baby boy.” Andy rolled her green eyes in exasperation and Rayne couldn’t keep the laughter bottled up. Garrett had mentioned that on their way over.
“I think it might have been easier for me if she had been that way.” Rayne offered as she snuggled deeper into her jacket as the cold wind nipped her cheeks. She couldn’t hear anything but the wind and her heart beating. Andy sat quietly, waiting for God knows what! They could hear everyone inside talking and joking with each other as they cleaned up the kitchen. If the cold wouldn’t drive Rayne inside, the perverse need to flay herself raw with what she couldn’t have might.
“I’m glad you came with Garrett tonight, Rayne. I hope we can stay in touch and maybe become better friends while you are here.” Andy smiled at her and it caused a chill to sneak up her spine. Rayne studied Andy for a second to judge her sincerity, but it was clear Andy was being serious.
“You and Matt make a great couple.” Rayne couldn’t think of anything more civilized to say so she chose a safe topic. “Harper is just a doll.”
“Thank you. Matt is wonderful and he absolutely dotes on Harper. They’re pretty special together.” Andy smiled softly to herself and she seemed to hug herself more tightly. Rayne watched Andy’s love for her own little family light the darkness that had clouded too closely.
“He is one proud father.” Rayne smiled and she saw a shadow pass over her friend’s pale face. There was a moment before Andy spoke and Rayne was starting to kick herself for saying whatever it was that caused that look of sadness.
“It’s amazing to watch those two together. You’d never know that Harper isn’t Matt’s biological daughter. Her real father was killed while he was serving in the army. He died before she was born.” Andy almost whispered the end and Rayne felt the loss.
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Rayne looked down at her hands and shook her head. It was a loss for that little girl to not know her real father, but from where Rayne sat Harper was one lucky little girl. Matt was the kind of guy who loved with every bit of himself and he loved Harper completely.
“Oh, it is ok, Rayne. It still makes me emotional to talk about it. It’s not like she will never know who her real father was. She’s met her uncle.” Andy grinned and her green eyes sparkled in the dim light. “Harper looks so much like her uncle. He dotes on her too. She will never be without people who love her.” Those words echoed in Rayne’s brain.
She will never be without people who love her. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She wondered just what this place was doing to her. What did South Dakota and these people have over her? Her head spun at the random thoughts that whirled around as if they were in a blender. She couldn’t even feel the cold anymore. Rayne leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes. Andy rocked quietly beside her and didn’t push or prod for answers.
“You know, Rayne, I don’t think this family would mind if you decided to take Garrett on. He’s a risk for sure, but aren’t we all?” Andy sat forward and shifted her shoulders against the winter chill. “Garrett has never brought a girl home for whatever that is worth to you.” That last was said as more of a secret than a declaration. Whether it was a warning or just a simple heads up, Rayne didn’t know. Everything was a great risk. The most dangerous thing was following her heart and not listening to the voice in her head that screamed to run. Rayne shuddered with the possibilities.
“I have about as much as I can handle right now. As nice as Garrett is, Andy, I came to South Dakota to bury my father, sell his ranch, and start my life over in Kansas.” Rayne looked at her new friend and offered her explanation up as frankly as she could. She wasn’t sure what surprised her more that Andy understood or that Andy didn’t try to sway her one way or another. For the first time in a long while, there wasn’t a need to defend the decisions she was trying to make. It was a relief.
“I’m sorry about your father.” Andy offered, leaning back into her chair. “Death has a strange way of changing the game. One life is taken away and another is given life.” The wind died down and an eerie calm fell over the trees outside the porch light. Rayne closed her eyes.
“It’s a vicious cycle. One that has no rhyme or reason, at least none that I can see.” Rayne felt the anger and unexpressed grief well up inside her. She stared into the dark night. It was so quiet that she wished something would move, that some distraction would happen upon them. Staying in this vein was maddening and she didn’t enjoy feeling crazy. In fact she’d spent a lot of time trying not to figure out what she truly wanted. Just when she thought she knew what that was something so unfathomable was thrown at her. As if reading her mind, a deep tone of voice caused her to whip her head around to the front door of the house. She caught Andy’s smile. Rayne’s heart thumped loudly.
“When we lose one blessing, another is often, most unexpectedly, given in its place.” Garrett recited softly from the doorway. Rayne couldn’t help but stare wide-eyed and mouth agape. That familiar grin peeked through the mesh screen as he pushed the door open and walked out onto the porch.
“Who said that?” Andy asked him as he came to rest against the porch railing, his back to the yard.
“C.S. Lewis.” He grinned and Rayne melted a bit in the less frosty places. “I was researching some book report in school, and I remember that quote. Don’t ask me why. It came to mind listening to you two out here.” Garrett sat his cowboy hat more squarely on his head so that it shaded his eyes.
“How long were you standing there?” Rayne asked as innocently as she could. She swallowed hard but her mouth felt like it was full of sand. Garrett crossed his arms over his chest.
“Long enough to hear something about my family asking you to tame me.” Garrett grinned and then winked at both the women. Andy chuckled and Rayne took in a sharp breath, shocked by his words.
“Didn’t your parents ever teach you not to eavesdrop, Garrett? That was a private conversation.” Andy tried to sound offended, but she couldn’t contain the giggles. Rayne rolled her eyes. Clearly even Andy had fallen under his spell.
“Ah, they tried, but I am just so good at it. Helps me understand things a bit better.” He caught Rayne’s eye even though she wanted not to look at him. He was far better at reading her than she was comfortable with.
How had things gotten so complicated? All she wanted was sex, albeit hot sex with a supremely handsome cowboy, but it had gotten mired along the way.
Mired? Shit, it had only been a couple of days and he was changing her way of thinking and feeling.
“I am going to go back inside. I’m getting cold.” Andy got up from the rocking chair and tugged her jacket back down around her hips. She smiled at Rayne and there were no words needed. Andy would be there if Rayne ever needed her and it was all said with just a look.
The screen door banged behind Andy as she went inside and closed the interior door as well. The silence hung thickly about them as Garrett and she listened to the lig
ht breeze rustling the branches of the pine trees. The moon wasn’t anything more than a faint light behind the clouds that tried to smother it. She tensed when Garrett unfolded his arms and braced them against the railing.
“I’m sorry if tonight was too much. I know my family can be a bit nosy at times.” Garrett offered as he looked down at his boots. Rayne couldn’t see his face, because of the shadow from the brim of his hat. She couldn’t deny that he was handsome. Even against her better judgment, her body ached to be held and loved by his. Her breasts rose and fell with the speed of her breathing.
“I’m sorry for being so distant. I just have no idea what to do with family. It’s a foreign concept to me.” Rayne hugged herself and rocked her chair a bit faster. She didn’t know why she was apologizing, but she didn’t want Garrett to think his family had done anything wrong. The Johnsons’ had been welcoming and civil. She had expected some reticence from Lacey, which was a mother’s right.
“I knew it would be tough for you. I did want you to know that to this community and your neighbors, you are family. You don’t have to be blood to feel a connection with someone.” Garrett pushed off the railing and took a couple of steps towards her. She slowed the rocker to not much more than an occasional push. His face was still in shadow, but she could see the sincerity from his brown eyes. They held her transfixed in the warmth and gentleness. Her lips trembled and she pressed them together.
“I understand your need to leave all of this behind and start fresh. I won’t ask you to stay if you really don’t want to. Heck, I’ll even wish you well, Rayne.” He stopped beside her chair and lifted her chin with his index finger. Rayne forced herself to look up and take stock of this man who had so unexpectedly walked into her life.
“But.” Rayne knew there was more to what he was saying and she figured she’d better hear it all. She’d been known to jump to conclusions based on half of the story. Garrett swallowed, tilting his head.
“I don’t think you know the whole story. I have this feeling that there has to be details that a young girl wouldn’t understand and that a grown woman might now.” He gripped her hand in his own and pulled her to her feet. She felt shocked by what he had said. She wanted to negate the logic of his thinking, but damned if she couldn’t. At twelve years old, of course there were things her parents hadn’t shared with her. Up until her mother died, Rayne had no idea there was anything wrong. She still couldn’t quite let go of her anger though. It had been her constant companion for far too long to just let it sit unfounded now.
“Would you mind taking me home now?” She almost didn’t recognize her voice. Even to her ears she sounded beat up, pushed down, and weary. Garrett tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and helped her out to his truck. She scarcely noticed where they were or how they got there. All she could feel was the security in the warmth of his body. A security that she wanted to wrap herself in before she crumbled to pieces. Garrett reached out and pulled the door handle. As it swung open Rayne stepped into the gap between the door and the interior of the cab. She bit her bottom lip as large hands spanned her waist, fingertips gripping her tightly. Words were beyond her as her breath stalled in her throat.
Turning slowly in his arms and finding nothing to do with her hands but to press them flat against his chest. The darkness surrounded them and tucked them into a cocoon of every heightened sense minus vision. Rayne experimentally slid one palm up so that her own fingertips grazed his stubbled jaw to the soft spot behind his ear. She trembled with expectation as he took a half step into her and their chests brushed. Both their breaths mingled in white puffs in the cold night air. Garrett’s lips brushed her ear and Rayne shivered at the intimacy.
“Take the jump, Rayne.” His whispered words slid over her conscience and curled deep inside her heart. There was no explaining just what those words unlocked, but there was definitely an opening. She furrowed her brow and closed her eyes. Swallowing hard she said what first came to mind.
“I don’t know how.” The whisper was out in the world and she couldn’t retrieve it. She didn’t know what she should have said, but the truth wasn’t all that sexy. She didn’t think so anyway. Garrett brushed his lips across hers and wrapped his arms around her waist firmly.
“Let me show you.” The kiss that followed was sweet and passionate. It stole her heart along with her soul. She couldn’t breathe, but he breathed for them both. Rayne threw herself into it and snuggled into his warmth. His tongue swept into her mouth and she felt it clear to her rather freezing toes. His hands roamed down her back to the back pockets of her jeans and pulled her against his erection. He groaned into her mouth when she shifted against it. There was a want and need to be with Garrett. Just imagining the moment he entered her swift and sweet, she felt her stomach clench.
“Garrett, let that poor girl breathe.” The words were like ice water throw on top of her and Rayne froze. Garrett grinned against her mouth and squeezed her bottom playfully. He didn’t move back from her as quickly as Rayne might have expected. His mother stood on the front porch watching them.
Holy Mother! Rayne could have growled with frustration as Garrett helped her into the truck’s cab and closed the door firmly. She watched as he waved to his mother and she waved back. Rayne leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. It wasn’t quite the ending she had hoped for.
Chapter 15
Rayne couldn’t remember a time when her world seemed so upside down. The reality had become so skewed and twisted by the things she knew and the things she didn’t. She took a deep breath in the cold morning air and watched the warmth puff into a small, white haze. It was as fine a morning as one could ever want in December in South Dakota. The brilliant sunshine was almost enough to slide her dark sunglasses back over her eyes. She looked out across the other headstones, each unique in name and position. Some had plastic flowers in stone vases and others had American flags waving in the slight breeze. Rayne swallowed hard. There was a lump in her throat that she couldn’t quite cast off.
She was flanked on either side by Garrett and Royal. Royal was dressed in black jeans and dark sport coat, his hands folded in front of him. Garrett had on a pair of grey trousers and a matching suit jacket. His black cowboy hat completed the image that was both respectful and eerie. They were at her father’s funeral.
The man she had adored for half her life. The man she had hated for the other half. She looked down at the mound of earth that had been dug up. The differing shades of brown were similar to the dead, dry grass of the lawn.
Dead. The word resonating in her head. It pounded with finality.
“Today we gather to say goodbye to Ripley William Randall. A husband. A father. A friend and neighbor.” The preacher’s speech began clearly and unadorned. As hard as she tried, Rayne fought the tears. She looked over the light blue casket wreathed in white roses. She had laid a single red rose in the center of the wreath in tribute to her mother. The pain seared like a red hot blade to her flesh.
“Lord, please take into your arms this grieving family. Give them comfort and peace that Ripley has found his just rewards in Heaven.” The preacher continued and the knife twisted brutally inside her.
Just rewards. If her father had gotten his just rewards, it would be one fiery walk. Rayne was distracted for a moment as a red-tailed hawk made a shrieking cry over head. She watched the bird for a second, spinning and swooping in the clear sky. The freedom looked inviting and to not have any worries would be a blessing. Rayne felt a hand squeeze her arm and she turned to Royal. He tilted his head and as she looked around her, she noted the preacher and Garrett did the same.
“I’m sorry.” She tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear and waited. Royal leaned closer.
“It’s your turn, babe.” Royal took in Rayne’s unvoiced question. “It’s time to say something for your father.” That jarred her back to the present and she took a deep breath. Nodding, she dug into her jacket pocket and pulled out the folded piec
e of paper. The poem had come to her last night as she laid awake next to Garrett. His presence had given her the courage to write what was in her heart. She only hoped that she had given enough credit to it for her poetry skills were sorely lacking. Clearing her throat, Rayne began.
“Snow covers the big South Dakota pines and ice hangs from their boughs. The world sits silent and idle, waiting for spring to renew her vows.” She took a deep breath and felt her inner self tremble. “And here I stand at a lonely grave site with the earth piled around. Final farewells given to a human soul who once was lost and now is found.” Her voice broke. She closed her mouth against the cry that welled up inside her. Tears blurred her vision. She hadn’t expected to be this emotional for a person that had been all but dead to her for fifteen years. It only came to her now that he hadn’t been dead any more than she had. The loss had to be recognized. Royal reached for her hand and held it firmly. No one rushed her to speak or to finish the service. The men stood there as she tried to come to terms with the weight of the world that had come crashing down.
Five minutes passed and she wasn’t able to continue. She could have walked away. It surprised her when Garrett took the piece of paper from her hand and replaced it with his own. His brown eyes caressed her face and waited a moment before he continued on with her words. His soft, respectful tone rang clear in the winter air.
“There are no words that share the pain of a loss so deeply endured. The sacrifice of a loving family left your little girl shattered.” He squeezed her hand a bit before going on. “These years have left a great rift so wide and deep it echoes. You’re gone from me with no recourse; no mending, no explanation, no forgiveness.” He took a deep breath and Rayne noticed how affected he was by her words. She was touched by his thoughtfulness and by his ability to carry on when she couldn’t. “You’ve found an immeasurable pardon from the many questions I have. There are no answers to these fears or any way we can get that time back.” Garrett folded the paper back up and tucked it away in his pocket. Rayne could feel Royal’s hand in hers, but what she focused on was the heat suffusing her body through Garrett’s hand. That lifeline was the only tether that kept her sane. Her heart kept an even beat so long as she concentrated on their hand to hand connection.