I slice off the button. Aldridge whimpers, and I look up at him. The earlier venom is gone, replaced by fear. I make a long incision down the front of a trouser leg, down the next one, and then tear the garment off completely, tossing the tattered remains of the trousers aside. Coarse straw-colored hair covers his calves and thighs. What of the hair between his legs? Only his drawers remain, made of a fine burgundy silk, and they cover most of his thighs. It is almost a shame to cut them away.
“Answer me. Why do you find men attractive?”
“They are strong. Powerful. There is a side of me that is not fulfilled by a woman because I must be gentle with her. She cannot cope with my need for domination. For that, I require a man.”
“Like Tewkesbury.”
“Yes.”
“Are you not ashamed of your lust? You are a Uranian!” I say the word with savage revulsion, yet I do not care a whit for his sexual preference. Society, however, would condemn him for his predilection.
“I denied my needs for years after I married Virginia. I tried to be loyal to her. But when I was in the presence of men, I felt a powerful attraction. I thought marriage would kill those desires. It did not.”
“When you marry a woman, you must be loyal to her,” I say fiercely. “Always and forever.”
“I tried my best.” His face contorts into a grimace.
“Yet you succumbed to your Uranian desires. You did not try hard enough.”
“I…I…went to see a…” The words come out with effort. “A physician of the mind who specializes in…sexual perversion. I confessed everything. He prescribed cures. All of them failed. My desires remained.”
A man can attempt to be cured of his inclination? I did not know. Interesting that he went so far to try to conform to society’s standards. “You have caused your wife immense suffering.”
“It was never my intention, but she did not satisfy my needs.”
I angle the blade so it catches the light and hold the knife to his lips. They are full, desirable. Lady Aldridge must have enjoyed kissing him when they were first married. His entire body quivers as I press the tip of the blade against his lower lip.
Grabbing his drawers in my left hand, I whisper, “Do not move. Or my knife may slip.”
Aldridge closes his eyes. His body becomes rigid. Tingles run down my spine as I slash at the silk, exposing Aldridge’s member and the pouch that sags beneath it. Dear Lord, his sex is the size of my thumb, almost hidden by a thick bush of hair.
Despite its shrunken appearance, the sight of his member stimulates me, and warmth spreads through my cunny. When I stand behind him, I touch myself through my clothing. But I will not allow myself to reach orgasm. Self-control is everything.
I slap the paddle against my hand, and Aldridge jumps. “Do you love Tewkesbury?” Although Aldridge sees other men, he spends most of his time with the boxer.
When he does not reply immediately, I aim the paddle at his rounded buttocks and swing it hard. Slap!
He stifles a grunt. “Yes, I do!”
Moments later, his skin turns fiery red. The marks arouse me more, and when my thighs rub against each other, I sense a warm wetness in my cunny.
“Tewkesbury completes me in a way no one else can.”
“Are you not ashamed to commit sodomy, to give in to your carnal desires?”
No answer. I hit him harder. Slaaap!!!
Through clenched lips, Aldridge utters a groan. “Not anymore.”
“Why?” I am ashamed of my baser needs. They are always there, but I try my best to rein them in. A proper woman should not feel what I feel, should not hunger for carnal pleasures.
“Because these desires, despite society’s condemnation, are part of me. I have chosen to accept them. It is the only way I can be complete.”
I had never contemplated my own condition in this manner. The idea of giving in to my desires did not occur to me, because it would be a transgression of society’s rigid rules. And since I enforce those rules, I must live by them. “So why do you bed your pretty housekeeper?”
“Because I am a cad and a philanderer,” he admits. “Because she is young and beautiful and I want her under my control. I lift up her skirts and fuck her in the kitchen while my wife sits upstairs sipping tea and planning balls.”
“You are abusing an innocent girl. And betraying your wife. There must be consequences.”
His head hangs forward. Is he nodding? His lips barely move and I catch the barest whisper. “Punish me for my sins, for I am guilty of all the things you say.”
Our eyes meet. “Ten strikes of the paddle.”
He licks his lips. “But first, let me tell you a secret. I know I am arrogant. I know I am flawed. But I try to be good to my daughters. And sometimes I still bed my wife because I want to pretend everything is all right, that we have a normal relationship, that we are a couple in every sense of the word. I do not wish to hurt her, so I slake my thirst for women elsewhere. My hunger for men will never disappear, so I accept it, give in to it. I now embrace all aspects of my personality, even if society does not.” He strains against the wrist cuffs. “What are your secrets, Miss Covington? For we all have them, and I believe yours are darker than my own.”
I lower my eyes, for I feel as though he can see inside my soul. We are even more alike than I first suspected. What a horrible thing to discover. Is there anything else I should know about myself?
“Punish me,” he says. “Then release me.”
My arm swings back. “You will count every strike out loud.” The paddle swishes in a wide arc, landing hard on Aldridge’s arse, and the blow reverberates up my arm.
He doesn’t stifle the cry, and it is loud and pained. “One.”
From behind me comes a sharp gasp. I spin around. Lady Aldridge holds her hand over her mouth, and she sags against the door.
“Virginia!” Aldridge cries out, twisting at the end of the rope. “Leave immediately. Leave!”
“Silence!” A second time, I strike his reddened buttocks with a pleasing thwack! Aldridge grunts, and his eyes screw shut. “I invited her. Come in, Virginia.”
Her skin is as white as fresh cream. She takes halting steps until she is standing before her husband. “I did not know what to expect.”
He hangs his head, hiding behind a tangle of blond hair.
She examines my breeches, my flimsy camisole, and backs away. Then she glares at her husband. “You have caused me endless suffering. My greatest fear has always been that someone would uncover your lust for men and the scandal would ruin us all. Think of our daughters.” Slowly, she circles him, and her eyes widen when she sees the red marks on his backside.
“I’m sorry, Virginia.”
“An apology will never suffice. Do you know what my second greatest fear is?”
He stares blankly at the floor.
“That our daughters will marry men such as yourself, and they will experience my torment.”
He gazes at her, his chest rising rapidly with each anguished breath. “I cherish them. I wish them only happiness.”
Despite his many flaws, he truly loves his daughters. After his trip to the milliner’s he took them to another shop for tea and cake, listening to them prattle about their teachers at finishing school, the new dance steps they learned and Sarah’s upcoming debut.
“This is the instrument you use?” Virginia tilts her head at the paddle and holds out her hand. “May I have it?”
I place the paddle in her open palm. Her slender fingers close over the handle.
“I have never seen such an instrument. It is specially designed for punishment.” As she looks at her husband, legs spread helplessly, arms over his head, a vengeful gleam lights up in her eyes. She holds the paddle out to me. “Continue.”
Aldridge stutters. “N-no, Virginia!”
“I wish to see her punish you,” she says.
Perhaps I should allow her to feed the current of anger that runs through her. After all, Aldridg
e betrayed her, not me. She might find that playing the role of punisher has a soothing effect on her soul.
I shake my head and refuse to take the paddle. “Virginia, it is up to you to confront him and mete out sufficient castigation. I will watch and offer instruction.”
Her pale pink mouth opens, and her lips tremble. “Me? You will give me power over him?”
“Never wait for anyone to give you power, Virginia. You must take it!” Grabbing hold of her arm, I guide her behind Aldridge, stopping within prime striking distance of his buttocks.
“No, Virginia! As your husband, I command you—”
Before I have a chance to silence him, Virginia shouts, “Be quiet!” The paddle smacks his reddened skin.
Bravo, Virginia! It is a clumsy blow, but she will improve with practice. “How did it feel?” I ask her.
She gazes at the paddle as though it has taken control of her. “The heavy burden I’ve been carrying…feels lighter. And if I strike him again?” She seems to be asking permission.
“It will be lighter still.”
“No, Virginia!” Aldridge grimaces.
“If you continue to shout I will…I will…” She pauses. “I will gag you with your servant girl’s washing rag. Because I know you are molesting her!” Gripping the paddle until her knuckles turn white, Virginia strikes at Aldridge’s buttocks again and again. His cries echo loudly.
Oh I see such marvelous potential in her. She is glorious to behold. She stops to catch her breath, the paddle in mid-air.
“You can also use this as an opportunity to force him to confess his sins,” I suggest. “Think of what you would like him to say.”
“Describe your first encounter with a man.” She waits for him to respond, but he merely glares at her.
“May I show you how?” I ask.
“Please.” She steps aside.
I stride forward, grabbing his hair, holding him from behind, exactly as he held Tewkesbury. “How does it feel to bugger a man? How does it feel to spill your seed inside his arse?” I slide my hands over his skin. I have often tormented my victims, struck them, humiliated them. Part of me, the powerful part of me, wishes to know what it feels like to have the ultimate sexual power over a man…penetration.
“The first time?” He grunts and shifts on his feet.
“Yes, the first time,” Virginia says.
“It was after I was thrown from my horse during a stag hunt. The doctor came here to examine me several times.”
Virginia gasps. “Doctor Ferrengeld?”
“While you were downstairs gossiping with your friends over sherry and pastries, he was…initiating me to the joys of male love.”
“Dear Lord.” Virginia’s hand flutters to her breast. “In our bedchamber.”
“In our bed. He wanted me to bugger him. And I did, and I enjoyed it more than I had imagined. Like a bull, I thrust into him. Again. Again. I had always fantasized about a man. Always. Finally my fantasy was fulfilled.” He sags against the rope, as though the confession has depleted him physically as well as emotionally.
“Have you ever been buggered in return?” I asked.
“No. I do not allow it.”
Still holding his hair with my left hand, I slide my right down his back, down the cleft of his tightly clenched buttocks. He does not want me to touch him there. Good. I want him to resist. I want him to try to get away, to be frantic to get away, but not be able to. My gloved finger presses against his puckered hole.
He twists and writhes, but it is all in vain. “Why don’t you allow it? Tewkesbury enjoys it. Perhaps you will too.”
“No!”
To be penetrated by a woman would add to his humiliation.
“Please! I will give you True Pride!”
“And one of your prize mares.”
“Yes!”
Very well. I have put fear in his heart and shamed him before his wife, so I will grant him a reprieve. I place my hand on his shoulder, and a shuddering sigh escapes him.
“That is how it is done,” I tell a wide-eyed Virginia. Shall I entrust the wife with my evidence? Why not? She will need leverage against him.
“Thank you, Camilla,” she says.
I take the Panoptographs from the desk and offer them to Virginia. As she looks at them, her lower lip trembles and her eyes become glassy.
“Keep these. Threaten to use them against him if he ever displeases you again. Do not keep them in this house.”
“I have a place,” she says.
“Now set conditions.”
“Conditions?”
“For your marriage. He must do as you say. After all, you now have the power to send him to prison.”
She faces her husband with renewed strength. When he looks at her, she slaps his face. “I don’t want you to touch me anymore. Ever!”
“All right,” he says.
“Or the servants. You will not touch the servants!”
“All right,” he repeats.
“Have as many men as you like. But never in our home and always in utmost secrecy!”
“Yes, Virginia. I know the cost of discovery.” He raises his head.
“Now thank me for giving you permission.” Fire gleams in her eyes.
“Many thanks, Virginia.”
“Remember that I have the power to withdraw permission at any time,” she threatens, “and I am only granting it because I want you to spend as little time as possible in our home.”
“I understand.” He twists at the end of the rope and stares at the floor.
“Good,” I say. “What else?”
“I don’t know,” she says.
“When your daughters have found husbands, approximately three years from now, you can ask for a divorce.”
She nods, considering it.
“Or you can travel to Italy for several months of the year to escape him, saying you need the fresh air to restore your health.”
A small smile tugs at her lips.
“There are many possibilities.” There, Lady Aldridge has been empowered. One final detail remains. I grab him by the neck. “Next week, Aldridge, you will vote to pass the law that will allow women to have control over their assets after marriage.”
He stares at me, blazing with anger. “I will.”
“Yes,” Virginia echoes. “You will. If you do not I will revoke your privileges and you will never associate with men again. You will spend every evening alone in your library.”
It is time for me to go. “Shall I release him?”
“No. I haven’t finished with him. May I keep the paddle?”
“Certainly. I have many more.”
A smile twitches at her lips as she strokes the black leather and stands behind her husband.
“Virginia, please, enough!” He squirms and his buttocks clench.
I do believe you have some difficult times ahead of you, Aldridge. I put on my skirt and blouse, take my handbag and leave the room. Before closing the door, I catch a glimpse of Virginia swinging the paddle toward her husband’s buttocks.
The housekeeper is in the kitchen, tending to the cooling scones. She jumps and lowers her eyes when she sees me.
“How long has he been abusing you?”
“How did you know?” She quivers, transferring the scones to a serving dish. “I didn’t want to, but he’s a Lord. I can’t say no to a Lord. If I hand in my resignation, he will never give me a reference to find work elsewhere and I’ll end up in the Warren, selling the only thing I’ve got left.”
“He will never hurt you again.”
Her hands fly to her face and she bursts into sobs. I wrap my arms around her and hold her to my breast. “I promise he will never hurt you. That power has been stripped away from him.”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
“I am the sponsor of a girls’ boarding school.” Finding an opening for one more girl will be difficult, and she will be one of the eldest in attendance, but I will ensure she is taken care of. “I woul
d like you to attend. How old are you?”
“Seventeen, miss.”
“Girls are schooled in all the basic subjects, such as reading, writing and mathematics, in addition to deportment and etiquette. Students are also given the opportunity to learn a trade so they can seek employment after graduation. Do you have any special skills?”
Wiping her eyes with her apron, she nods and gestures for me to follow her to an adjoining room. One of Lady Aldridge’s gowns lies across a sewing table. Rarely have I seen such exquisite beadwork.
“I sew some of the lady’s dresses.”
Wonder of wonders! The girl is already an accomplished seamstress. “I believe you will be able to open your own dressmakers’ shop.”
The girl beams. “It’s my dream.”
“Then let us ensure it becomes a reality. Take this.” I offer her a calling card with the name of the headmistress, a woman I trust implicitly. “Mrs. Fotheringham has dealt with many young ladies in your situation. She is strict but kind. Fetch your belongings and we will go there immediately in my carriage. It is time to put Aldridge behind you.”
“Thank you dearly, miss.” She wipes more tears from her face and smiles. “You have a kind heart.”
Do I? Few people would agree. “Now hurry and we will be off. I will wait in my carriage.”
She scurries through another door and disappears. As I exit the house, I cannot help but think of the letter. Who sent it? It is as if I can feel the weight of a stranger’s eyes upon me. A tremor comes alive in my breast. So this is what it feels like to be observed, scrutinized. Who is watching me? What does he really know of how I obtained my fortune? I swallow, and my mouth is strangely dry.
Chapter Five
My bedroom’s red brocade drapes are drawn shut against the late afternoon sun. Alone in the dark, the Panoptoscope projection machine whirring beside me, I sit in my plush armchair and watch Samson embrace Delphine. My fingers dig into the upholstery. She is sitting on the edge of his bed—what should have been our marriage bed—completely nude, thighs apart. As he kneels between her legs, he cups her breasts, presses his lips against her nipple and kisses it, then takes it in his mouth.
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