“What aren’t you telling me, Nautia?”
“I don’t know. Kray says the wall in my head is breaking down, but instead of getting answers, I’m even more confused.” She sits back and unleashes her latest nightmare to me. When she’s finished, a million things run through my mind as I analyze it. From the identical Oriental rug, to the fact Cara used Nautia’s name instead of Nate’s, to exactly where Nautia felt the pinprick of the injection.
These aren’t just nightmares. They’re more like memories, except Nautia wasn’t there for the memories to belong to her. And she’s not a retrocognitive psychic.
“How much of the wall did Kray say is left?”
“Enough that he still can’t see behind it.”
The wall. Nate’s death. Nautia’s lack of control. Her memory loss. They’re all connected, but blocked from her consciousness. The truth, the answers are inside her head. And there’s only one way to get to them.
I stand up and extend my hand to her. “Come on.”
“Aren’t we doing another simulation?”
“Not tonight.”
“Emotional training over?”
I smirk as I sweep her up. “Not exactly. Remember that master bedroom I mentioned a while back? Wanna see it?”
A geyser erupts inside my stomach. Hot water falls into my blood and is carried through my body. My heart races as Riley opens the door to his captain’s quarters, located on B-deck and isolated from the commanders’ quarters. He flips on the light, letting me in.
I’d imagined a hotel room with soft blankets, six pillows, and a decent amount of space. What I get, though, is a queen-sized bed, the same scratchy standard sheets that are on my mattress, two too-soft, under-stuffed pillows, and barely more room than my own cabin.
Riley takes my hand and pulls me behind him to his bed. “I didn’t lie about the bed.”
I plop down, surprised when the mattress doesn’t creak like mine. It’s actually pretty comfortable.
“Okay”—I swallow—“what’s the plan?”
“Do you trust me?” he asks, taking my face between his palms and drawing my mouth to his. He stops just before our lips touch.
When I hesitate, he continues, “If you say no, then we stop here.”
I don’t answer right away. Some mixture of fear, anticipation, and passion swirls inside me, making my heart pound.
Breathe. Relax. Slow your heart rate.
I’m not sure what I’m so scared of though. Over and over again, Riley has proven himself; no one has been hurt during my exercises. Sure, there’d been a few close calls, but Riley had been prepared, stopping anything that could have jeopardized someone’s life.
“I trust you,” I hear myself say, and suddenly my mouth goes dry.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” he murmurs against my ear, the husk in his voice driving into my abdomen.
The energy in the room shifts. The air thickens, and I feel my body reacting to the heat racing off Riley’s skin. It’s warm, sensual—
Intoxicating.
I clear my mind. Focus on the sound of my heart. The shiver racing down my spine. The ache between my legs that already longs to be released.
Yes, I trust Riley.
Strong hands glide down my neck. Fingers intertwine through my hair, and he gently lowers me to the mattress. Smoldering gold follows me, revealing his desire. Lips press against my neck, and I let my knees fall open.
I barely register the sway of his bedroom as the ship rocks to one side.
“Control, Nautia,” Riley says. I slide my concentration to the pull of water all around me and command it to stillness. The ocean obeys, and the ship halts.
An impish grin plays on Riley’s lips before he smashes them against mine. He’s testing me. Pushing me to the limits of pleasure to see if I’ll maintain control.
I accept the challenge, responding by lifting my hips and wrapping my legs around him. I find him, hard and ready, and I work my hips, circling and pressing against him. He doesn’t move, leaving the rhythm up to me and driving me crazy. The small moan he makes in my ear almost undoes me.
Oh I want more!
Screw control. I grab onto the back of his shirt, clenching the material into my fists. I pull it up until the glorious warmth of skin grazes my fingertips. Hard muscle moves under my palms, exciting me even more. Waves of blood rushing like currents to my breasts, making them beg to be noticed.
“Nautia.”
The sound of Riley’s voice pulls me from my frenzy long enough to hear the warning in his tone. The ship is swaying again, and it takes more of my energy to focus on bringing the ocean back to equilibrium. I fight the emotion pooling in my stomach, crying out for me to just let go. But I force it back. Keep it in check.
I can’t lose control.
When I exhale, the humidity has evaporated, and I concentrate on Riley again. How he’s slowly working my shirt up over my breasts. How my skin absorbs the warmth in his wake. I lift my arms above my head, and a sexy smirk appears on his face.
Hands smooth down my arms, the material pushed up with them. Riley dips to my neck again, and the tip of his tongue runs along the sensitive skin under my earlobe.
“God, you’re beautiful,” Riley murmurs. “What should I do to you tonight?”
I forget how to swallow. Words catch in my throat, and all I can do is squirm under him in an effort to maintain discipline.
Like he had last time I was under him, he unhooks my bra with the stealth of an aircraft bomber. He flings it onto the floor, then circles my areola with the pad of a finger, slowly swirling it upward until he reaches the peak. My panties are soaking wet. I tighten my inner muscles to hold back a climax.
“I haven’t heard an answer yet,” he reminds me, his voice dripping with sex. “How do you want me to make you come?”
I know he’s working up my emotions, my hunger, to teach me control, but I don’t give a damn. Riley is half naked, his body pressed against mine, and I want to lose control. Have him plunge deep inside me until I scream out his name in complete and utter surrender. Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.
“Fuck me,” I say, and after the words are out, I realize I’m begging. And not only with my mouth. My body wiggles beneath him, pleading for skin on skin.
Golden irises sparkle as they cut to mine before moving down my torso. His mouth clasps onto my nipple, his tongue lapping and stroking and driving me crazy. I’m not paying attention to the energy in the room. How can I? I’m lost in the sensation ripping into my abdomen and down to my core.
Riley sucks one last time before he lets go. Teasingly, he places a trail of kisses between my breasts.
“I’m not going to fuck you tonight,” he says as he descends to my stomach. At my belly button, he hooks under the waistband of my yoga pants. A few more kisses replace the elastic he lowered. “But you know what I am going to do?”
He doesn’t wait for my answer before sliding the pants and my underwear down my legs. Fingers glide over the jagged scar on my calf, but he doesn’t seem to register the imperfection. He slips my clothes over my feet and they land on the floor.
Riley grabs my hips and pulls my ass down to the edge of the bed. “I’m going to suck all that sweet honey off these gorgeous lips.”
I watch as his head lowers. Then I close my eyes in an anticipation that’s killing me. Warm breath flows over me.
A touch.
A lick—
Ho. Ly. Waterfall!
Riley’s tongue rolls over me like a river, consuming me. I lift my hips. Press into him, unable to get enough. He cups my butt cheeks and squeezes as I move.
I widen my legs. Place both of my hands on his head to bring him closer. Wet laps echo in my ears, building my pleasure. Drops of rain plop onto my forehead, my stomach, and I know I should stop. I should concentrat
e on the water molecules filling the room, on the rocking of the ship.
I should—
But I don’t. I can’t. My entire body is consumed with Riley’s tongue. He doesn’t stop even though raindrops fall over him too. He releases me with one hand to grab ahold of the bed and steady himself as the ship lurches to one side. Still, he keeps licking me, pleasuring me into a state of absolute ecstasy.
And that, I figure, is why he’s not stopping. He has warned me twice. Now it’s my turn to recognize my loss of control and correct it.
My fingers dig into his hair. I squeeze my eyes closed, fighting against the mounting climax of my body and the rising waves outside. Riley moans, sucking my clit into his mouth. I’m on the verge of climaxing.
I shake my head, torn between my emotions and their effect between release and restraint.
Riley pauses. Feeling his gaze on me, I open my eyes and look at him.
“You can do this. It’s inside you. Break through.”
Somehow I nod—I think—and with his eyes still fixed on me, his tongue goes back to playful abandon.
His belief in me is the spark I need. But instead of taking my emotion and rolling it into a ball to force back into the dark corners of my soul, I let it expand—spread through my chest, my legs, my arms. Carefully, I weave it around my veins until I’m full of my energy.
And then I—
Explode.
The fear, the pleasure, the pain I’ve buried deep within me pours out. I tilt my head back as unbridled floods out of me. The temperature in Riley’s room drops, and goose bumps poke up on my skin. Behind my eyelids, my wall crashes down and lost memories wash over me like the tide.
I relive the moments in my mind on quick-play until I open my eyes. Riley is studying me. Then he does a small flick up to the small window above his headboard. I tilt my head back to follow his gaze, expecting the worst, but I see nothing besides a starlight black sky.
The ship is perfectly still, reminding me of the calm before the storm. Except I know calms before storms well, and nothing in the atmosphere signals a tempest. In fact, the atmosphere is as quiet as the ship.
Riley combs his finger through my hair. “You did it. You were in control.”
“How?” I ask.
“You tell me. I didn’t do it.”
I sit up on my elbows and suddenly remember that I’m naked. Cold and slightly embarrassed, I reach for an extra blanket lying beside Riley’s pillows and pull it over my chest.
But Riley snatches it away. “Yeah, no. I’m still enjoying the view.”
Strange how I relax under his gaze. I smile despite myself.
He prowls up over me, his hands cupping his prizes. He massages them, giving my still-erect nipples attention as well.
“What did you do?” he asks, talking about my newfound control. “So you’ll know how to repeat it later.”
I bite my lip. What had I done? The answer seeps in, and I understand that, without Riley, I might not have figured it out. “I did you said. I set myself free.”
“The wall is gone?”
I nod. “I watched it fall.”
“So what changed?”
I study the man in front of me. The one who didn’t give up. The one who pushed and pulled me through the weeks I’ve fought my feelings for him. I’ve craved him, longed for his arms, and found ways to avoid getting close to him to protect myself and those around me. I’ve wanted him in ways I couldn’t have, because I couldn’t control my power.
But now? Now I can.
“I’m not scared anymore of what I’m capable of. I finally understand, Riley. All the fear, the pain of losing Nate, it chained me. Built that wall high so I could hide behind it.” I shake my head at my new revelation. “Hiding is for cowards. I’m ready to fight.”
“Good.”
The way he says it tells me he’s done talking. The tip of his tongue grazes my mouth in a half-circle, his breath coming faster. I can smell myself on his mouth, but I don’t care. I need his kisses, his body, his love. I need all of him.
I lower his head and kiss him like I’ve never kissed anyone. Hold him like he belongs to me, and I to him. And right now I do, because I never want him to let me go.
I circle my hands around the waistband of his jeans and undo the button. Riley finishes what I started, his pants disappearing somewhere on the floor. He pushes me up on the bed and settles between my legs. Rolls on a condom.
“You sure you can handle this?” he teases.
I puff out a breathless giggle. “Oh I’m sure. Are you sure you can handle me?”
“I’ll handle you, all right. Over and over and over.”
And then he’s inside me. Slowly rocking and beautifully consuming me. I’m lost. So utterly lost that my past falls away, leaving only the present; it’s Riley and me and the movement of our bodies, completely in sync with each other.
I bring his mouth back down to mine. Suck his lips and taste the sweetness of his need. This man. This man who broke through my walls has found me. And as he takes me with him to heights of ecstasy, I know I’ll never want to come back down alone.
A piercing pain screams inside my head, and I squeeze my eyelids tighter together. The air I breathe is fresh, the smell of the ocean carrying along the breeze. Heat from the sun burns, but the last place I remember being is inside an elaborate office—
With Cara.
Everything before that is hazy. Only pieces surface into my mind: a warehouse, a flood, blood.
I lift an eyelid to peek out, but sunlight assaults me and the pain in my head soars. I snap it shut again, and the taste of bile rises in my throat. Somewhere behind me, I make out hushed voices and echoes of footfalls. As they get closer, the sound intensifies. I try to hold back, to not move and pass out, but my body rolls to the side, keeping me conscious. My stomach clenches, and I throw up.
I’m on a table. I grab onto the edge to keep from falling off. Below me, over-polished wooden planks mirror my image. I look as though I haven’t slept in a week. Bright red pumps stop on my reflection.
“Good morning, Nautia. I trust you slept well?” Cara’s voice sounds like razors in my ears, and I cringe away from it. She grabs my chin and forces me back to her. “No? No matter. You will be soon.”
“Why?” I rasp out.
“Why what, honey?” she says in a motherly tone that makes me want to puke again.
I slit my eyes open enough to see her own blazing ones. “Why set us up?”
Cara scoffs, shrugging. “Ji-jin offered me more than Brighton, more than the United States government, so why the fucking hell not?”
“People are going to die,” I say.
“People die every day. It’s the way the world works. Come on, Nautia, don’t take it personally. You’ve heard the phrase ‘It’s just good business,’ right?” She runs her fingers through my hair. “Politics, military, borders controversy, weapons, all the fucking red tape—trust me, it’s insane. Anyway, it’s survival of the fittest out there, but I’m going to change that. Equal opportunity for everyone.”
“By blowing them up?”
Cara smiles. She grabs my wrists and pulls them over my head. What feels like rope cuts into my skin as she wraps it around me. I struggle against her, but the movement shoots daggers into my brain. I cry out as black haze creeps into my line of sight. I hold out a hand to summon a wave, a thunderstorm, something, but only drizzle sprinkles over us.
I’m powerless.
Cara shoots a glance over her shoulder and yells to someone, “One more shot should do it. Get it ready.” Then she turns back to me. “You won’t drown, so more than likely you’ll die of carbon monoxide poisoning. But on the off chance your precious water decides to protect you again, the memory serum will wipe the slate clean. In minutes, you won’t remember who you are or that you can contro
l water.”
A soldier hands her what I assume is a syringe.
“Sleep tight, Nautia,” she says and jabs the needle into my neck.
I jolt awake as the rest of the missing pieces of my past fuse together again. Beside me, Riley is sound asleep, the sheet half off him. My legs are tangled with his, and the warmth of his body is the last catalyst I need.
I hadn’t woken up screaming like I usually do. My fear is gone. The wall inside my head is gone. And I’m finally thinking clearly.
TorpMissionTwo’s objective is to retrieve information from North Korea’s weapons program. Specifically the hydroplexasma. Get a sample, if possible. I’ll do everything in my power to help the mission succeed.
But I have a new mission now:
Avenge Nate.
Kill Cara.
“Ackley, the top floor of the abandoned building is only forty percent stable, but stick to the perimeter, and you’ll have a decent sight line. Get Kray and Britta set up, then meet us at the south doors,” I instruct.
“Yes, sir.”
They leave and I face the rest of the crew. “The east and west corners have watchtowers that house a few soldiers each.” I swing. “Gibson?”
“Yes, sir?”
“You are the east group. Understood?”
“No problem.”
“Haskal and Rogers, you’ve got the west tower. Keep it quiet and clean.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Ivan and Nautia, you’re with me. Everyone—move out!”
Heads down with weapons drawn, we creep out from our cover. Now we’re targets to Korean military, but it’s the best strategy we have.
Nautia stays behind me as we shuffle around the construction separating us from the south entrance of the weapons facility. The short puffs of air coming from her makes me swivel my head.
“No fear,” I remind her. “Only control.”
She squeezes her eyelids shut and nods. Her shoulders rise in a deep inhale, then lower as she blows it out. When her eyes open, they lock onto me. For a few seconds, I abandon my role as captain and trail a finger down her face to calm her. I need to know she’s okay.
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