by Walls, Annie
She grumbles and peeks at me, red-faced. I give her a half-smile in sympathy, remembering those days all too well.
The door shuts behind her and Nastas sighs. “Please sit. I’m just going through a list of names that could help fix the irrigation system. There’s no running water on the north side of town.”
I plop in the spinning chair. “Oh man. They must think the world’s coming to an end.”
He leans back and studies me for a long minute. “Where’s John?”
My insides freeze, but I shrug. “At home?”
Nastas’ hair gleams from the sun shining through the window as he shakes his head. “He was never admitted back into the city. Last night or this morning.”
“I’m not sure who he rode with, but I’ll ask around. Maybe wait a while longer to see if he shows. He can’t be that far behind.” It’s normal for the team to arrive in separate spurts. We plan it that way for this purpose.
“You do that.” He leans forward, placing his elbows on the table. “You didn’t find any survivors?”
I shake my head, sliding the folded envelope to him with my finger tip. “The details.”
Instead of looking at the report, he moves it to the side. “The others are doing labs on the zombie. I’ll keep you posted on any new findings.” He sounds about as confident as I feel on the matter. The virus has never been a real interest for him anyway. His benevolence gets in the way of that. I feel like it blinds him to the bigger picture. They’re helping, but they’d be doing the ultimate task by prioritizing research.
It takes me a minute to realize he’s staring at me in a probing way. Suspicious? Or am I just paranoid? His eyes narrow, barely, but I catch it. I force myself not to fidget under the scrutiny. I’m sure there’s some skin I can bite off my finger, or a piece of loose denim I could pick from my shorts.
“What?” I ask, narrowing my own eyes.
“I think we need to look at some compounds. The rest of the council agrees. We have a place in mind.”
Why does it seem like he’s trying to distract me? I don’t like it. At all. I feel my face slacken a bit, going into neutral mode. “Where?”
“Bring your team in tomorrow after you talk at the school at ten tomorrow morning.” There’s an excited squeal in the hallway. I expect Nastas’ lips to thin out as he shakes his head at his eavesdropping daughter, but he sends me a tiny smirk—his eyes gleaming like polished cherry wood.
Dammit! He knew Hanna was listening in and now I can’t back out. “Fine.”
It’s a little early, but I go to the fitness center, which is right outside of my neighborhood. I grab my pack, removing the bow and heading inside the open double doors. Craig has the blinds shuttered to keep the sun out. It gets hot in here.
He spots me from his office through the little window and grins. “Hey,” he greets. I stop at the doorway, handing over the bow. His smile turns mischievous. “Now I don’t have any excuse to hound you.”
“That’s right,” I clip out and head further down the hallway toward the locker room. “I think I’ll get in a swim before Sam gets here.”
“You sparring?” He follows me. I nod. “I’ll spar with you until he gets here.”
“I won’t go easy on you.”
He smiles. “Good. I’ve been practicing.”
I drop my pack, heading to the mat without a backward glance. He shoves me forward and I fall to my knees. “That was—”
Then he’s on top of me, not giving me a chance to complain about his dirty tactics. I elbow him in the gut. He grunts, trying to grab my hands, but I grab for his neck and shoulder, flipping him over me. His back hits the mat. I make a move to stand, but he wraps his arms around my waist. He pulls me on top of him and before I know it, he’s kissing me. I freeze for a second before I push off and sucker punch him in the nose.
“Shit!” He holds his nose. His eyes widen as he sneezes out snot and blood. “Fuck!”
“No. Fuck you, Craig.”
As soon as I get to the hallway, a hand wraps around my arm. “Wait a minute.”
I stare at his offending hand with a scowl and then remove it with a jerk of my elbow. “What?”
He’s holding his balled-up shirt to his nose and he tosses it away. Blood is smeared on his face and a little more trickles out. “I, uh…” He rubs the back of his neck. “Did I do something wrong? I guess I forgot what happened to you in Tennessee. I didn’t mean to trigger your, uh—”
I glare, crossing my arms and going with this. If he thinks I’m scared of sex, if he thinks he won’t get any, then maybe he’ll go elsewhere. “I’ve got issues stacked higher than the seven summits put together.”
“So? Maybe—”
“You’d die from lack of oxygen. It is what it is, so now you can focus your efforts on someone else.”
He shakes his head. “God, you’re so cold.” He palms the wall, tilting his head down for a second before meeting my gaze again. “Don’t you think I would if I could? I don’t want anyone else, Kan.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t do anything to lead you on.”
He barks out a laugh. “You’ve got to be joking?”
“I’m not. Now if you’ll please leave me alone.”
“You kissed me back. Again.” He moves closer and I turn my head the other way, freezing when I see Sam standing at the end of the hallway. Craig leans near my ear, not knowing about our audience. “I think you’re just scared.”
“She asked you to leave her alone,” Sam speaks up, stalking our way. His devil’s lock is in a little bun on the top of his head, ready to spar. Craig backs off, not taking his eyes off me. Sam’s eyes blaze at him, but he doesn’t care. Craig shoots an unconcerned look at Sam and walks out of the hallway. Sam pushes me into the locker room. “What did you do?”
“Nothing!” I sit on the concrete bench and slouch against a locker.
“Bull. You kissed him apparently. I think the “again” part means more than once.” There’s no judgement in his tone but contemplation as he sits across from me.
I shake my head. “Did you not see the bloody nose? You think I did that for fun?”
He goes silent for a long moment. “You know, it might be a good idea.”
I give him the side-eye. “I’m afraid to ask what you mean by that.”
He kicks his feet out in front of him, crossing at the ankles. “Having a boyfriend side-piece.”
“That’s a terrible idea.”
“It might get the council—”
“I know why you have the idea, it’s just… bad.”
“Okay, I get it.”
I sigh. Craig’s just annoyingly persistent. I’ve never done anything with Craig that I don’t do with Sam or Reece. He’s just delusional and mistook my sarcastic joking around as flirting. When I figured it out, I stopped, but by then he’d already set his sights on me. A night of tequila and lost inhibitions—a night the notebooks weren’t working. I’d been missing him so bad. Tears start trailing down my cheeks for more than just the situation but for everything. And there’s the doubt. It creeps in with absence especially when we don’t communicate in the absence.
In the past five years, I’ve gotten to know Rudy, not only from what he tells me but from what others tell me. I’m not perfect, but Rudy isn’t either. Gwen’s tried her best to keep my mind at ease, sharing her experiences with Mac’s father and giving me strength. But comparing our situations is like comparing a fish and a dolphin. A little the same but not really. In the end, Rudy and I might have chosen this, but we were manipulated and backed into a corner. We now live on stolen moments. A few nights at a time here and there. Months apart without even talking. I have too much shit to worry about already and I hate having these emotions piled on top of that.
“That’s why you stopped drinking,” he states out of nowhere.
I nod, covering my face with my hands. “I need to keep my wits about me, yes.” And of course, my mother always drowned herself in alcohol, but I k
eep that to myself.
“Kan. I don’t think you did anything wrong,” he says, still thinking I feel bad for whatever happened between Craig and me. “I mean, I wasn’t there, but shit happens. Your situation sucks. You’re… decently attractive in a hippie, Helter Skelter sort of way, I guess. Everyone thinks you’re single. You spend a lot of time here.” I peek through my hand and he’s gazing into space, ticking his fingertips. “You’re funny. A smart ass. Talented. Can you blame the guy for making a move?” I scowl, and he grins. “And you can kick some serious ass. That’s hot. I mean, you’ve even given me a stiff—” His smile widens at my glare and he throws his hands up. “Just kidding,” he singsongs, winking at me. “And besides, if the incident made you stop drinking, maybe it was meant to happen.” He grabs the handle of the door. “Hurry up so we can spar.”
“Thanks, Sam,” I say, wanting him out of here.
“No. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not crying anymore. You’re an ugly crier, and I never want to see it again.” With that, he’s gone in a swoosh of the door, leaving me with my guilt. Not over Craig. I haven’t done anything wrong, but because I feel ashamed for being so weak. Weak over a man hundreds, possibly thousands, of miles away. He’s my weakness. I feel guilty for being ashamed of my weakness, of my humanity. A weakness that’s being used against me.
When I get home later, I’m enervated from sparring and swimming myself into exhaustion, but I try to reach the general again. If there’s any chance we’re going to another compound, I need him in my corner, but there’s no answer again. Tapping my finger against my lip, I wonder about the possibility of his silence two nights in a row. It’s strange to say the least and it gives me an uneasy feeling. If I knew for sure Rudy wasn’t there, I’d give it another day. Yes, he’s supposedly on another mission but I don’t truly know where he is, I never do until I see him and he tells me himself.
I hop to my feet and go across the street, but instead of Reece’s house, I go through his backyard to the next street over. The houses here are a bit smaller and have super flat roofs. They’ve always looked weird to me. I bang on the side door, not caring if I’m interrupting anything. All the lights are off inside. I give it another whack right before it opens and the porch light flares to life.
Sam doesn’t look happy as he crosses his huge arms. “You’re not here to cry any more, are you?” he asks, searching for any signs of my female tears. He’s nearly naked and lets out a sound of disapproval as I slide past him and slam the door closed. We’re drenched in darkness but a voice comes from the end of the hall.
“What’s wrong, Kan?” Mya is bathed in light when she turns it on, illuminating her creamy coffee skin. She tightens her hold on the sheet covering her body at the look on my face.
“Heard from your father, lately?”
It reeks of sex in here. Mago would not approve, and at the beginning of their relationship, we all worried for Sam.
“You know she can put spirits inside rotting corpses, right?” I’d asked him a few years back when she came to live here.
He shrugged. “Someone needs to keep an eye on her. I get laid. Win-win.”
Right now, Mya abandons all modesty and walks into the living room. “No, should I have?”
“When’s the last time you talked to him?”
“I don’t know. I talked to my brother a few weeks ago. Dad was in Louisiana for a bit. Why?”
The floor feels like it falls out from underneath me and my body holds me up by floating. Taking a deep breath, I share a look with Sam. He shifts on his bare feet.
“Try to call him. Please. If that doesn’t work, try to get in touch with anyone.”
Sitting at the kitchen table, I wait with bated breath as she goes to the back of the house to where she has her own satellite phone. My hands clench into fists even as they bounce on my knees. Sam brings me some water in a homemade pottery mug with strawberries painted on it. I take it but don’t drink any, placing it on the table. He leans against the counter, playing with the strip of hair that he had in a hair tie earlier today. Now it hangs down his face, gelled to a point in a devil’s lock style. Very Misfits of him.
I notice the strawberry statue as the table centerpiece along with strawberry salt and pepper shakers. Huh? I peek around. I’ve only been in here a few times, only to get Sam for meetings and the like. Even then I only saw the living room. Everything is decorated in bright pinks and reds. The kitchen is a subtle explosion of the bright red berry. Strawberry pot holders. Strawberry canisters. Strawberries are stenciled on the cabinets. Red rugs. My mother would roll over in her grave. I snort. “It looks like Strawberry Shortcake had a long night with tequila and then puked her strawberry guts out in here.”
Sam looks around as if he never really paid attention to it. “Yeah, I guess it does.” The more he takes in, the more taken aback he seems. “What the—?”
I grin, glad to relieve a little tension and immediately start thinking of clever ways to write this down for Rudy. I’m not sure if it’s hilarious or just sad. Sam and Mya have lived together for a while now. “All you need is a ruffled apron. With a cherry print to mix it up a bit.”
He purses his lips causing his septum piercing to move upward. “I could rock it.”
I almost laugh, but Mya comes into the kitchen fully clothed. She shakes her head. “Nothing.”
“We need a team meeting. Now.”
Chapter Four
Dead silence meets me when I relay my findings a half-hour later, including what Nastas told me about a new mission. I pace my living room, passing Reece, Glinda, Sander, Sam, and Mya into the kitchen and then back again. Besides Bunyan, this is what our original group has been reduced to. Ty opted out after the Seattle disaster, right around the time his girlfriend, Felicia, became pregnant. We lost Thomas in a freak accident when we started building the treehouse.
“Try Stevenson again,” Sander says, who knows nothing even though he takes orders from the coalition. The general recruited him right after he “recruited” Rudy. Sander is stationed here to aid us, to keep a watchful eye on the council and a soldier who flipped sides to spy for the council. Cam Wells thinks he’s got one over on the general, but I’ve seen firsthand how Stevenson plays him like a fiddle.
“I did while I was waiting on you guys to get here.”
Reece looks doubtful. “Kan, maybe you’re overreacting.”
“I’m not!” The words come out forceful and on edge. I take a deep breath to calm myself. “Something happened. He always picks up. Always.” Because he needs me in his pocket to stay under wraps from the revolutionists. As long as they think, “Oh look. It’s just Kansas City Sunshine Moore. So cute with her little boomstick,” then Stevenson can get away with important intel the revolutionists think I can do nothing with. They think all I do is come in, kidnap survivors, and destroy the place. I used to think they couldn’t be that oblivious, but after five years? Maybe they really do see me as a pesky little fly in their pie.
Reece holds up his hands. “Alright, alright. So, what do we do about it?”
“Kyle and I can do some finagling to see if they’re online. If not…” I stop pacing because it seems to make everyone more nervous. Kyle is my main information tech guy, and one I keep close but not too close. I met him at the compound in Montana. He informed the team that we have people all over ready to join our cause and he’s helped come in contact with a bunch of them. Kyle also does IT work for the council—in our favor—and I don’t want them onto him. “We need to go there. Maybe I can get the council to speed up a mission trip and we can sneak it in without them knowing.”
After a few long minutes, Reece speaks up again, “Maybe waiting is our best bet. Don’t you think this will be the first place Rudy will go?”
“And if something happened to him? What then? I don’t want to waste time.”
“Then half of us go and half of us stay,” he says.
I pause. He has
a point. Sierra Vista will be the first place Rudy turns up when he can and I want to be here if that happens. But I know they’d need me to get to the general. Unless… “Sander can go. Mya, too. So, Sam, you’re going on the trip.”
Mya opens her mouth to speak, but Sander talks over her, “No way. I stay with you, chinonga. Besides, this will look weird to the council.”
I glare, anger bursting forth. “What the fuck, Sander? Just go. Why are you always chinonga this, chinonga that?” One would think he harbors romantic feelings toward me, but I know that’s not the case.
He shakes his head with determined eyes. “It’s just the way it is.”
I meet him toe to toe. He doesn’t like me above him, so he stands, meeting my glare. “I don’t care what kind of deal you and Rudy have going, I can take care of myself.” The flash of surprise across his face confirms my intuition. I’ve let it go on this long because it gives Rudy peace of mind, but this is different. “You’re going,” I grit out with no room for argument.
“Fine, chinonga. Just give me the word, and I’ll be ready.” With that, he pushes past me toward the front door. When it slams behind him, I sit on the couch, feeling the weighted stares of the rest of my team. I clear my throat and assign duties for everyone to prepare.
Sam gets to his feet. “Want me to send Kyle over?”
“He’s working and coming straight here after. I’m thinking you guys can leave in two days.”
A few minutes later, Sam and Mya leave. Glinda keeps eyeing me in that way she does. “He’s okay, suga’.”
Reece nods. “Don’t let your emotions get the best of you, Kan. We need to plan. Gather facts. We can’t rush this.”
Dex jumps next to me, purring. His little feet massage my thigh and the couch before curling into a ball. I run my fingers through his thick fur. He peeks his eyes open as if to tell me, “It’ll all be okay.”