“Sure. The more the merrier. However, you’re all mine on Saturday night, right?”
I could see the laugh lines around his mouth and the corner of his eyes. He’d sent me a small picture of himself on some sunlit summer vacation. I kept it on my nightstand and picked it up. “Just promise me you won’t wear that awful yellow Hawaiian shirt you have on in this picture,” I teased.
“Okay. That’s a deal. Oh, yeah. When is your flight to Barnesville?”
“August 30. Why?” I held my breath and wished.
“The San Francisco office is telling me I’ll be done there on Tuesday. Give me your flight number and I’ll see if we can fly back together.” I could hear the smile in his voice as I heard just exactly what I wanted.
“Okay,” I squeaked out. I could handle the wedding and I could handle the dinner but sitting close to him for four hours made my palms sweat.
“Everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine. Mollie’s pulling at my nightgown. I should take her out.”
“And, Addie, I…ah…I…I’ll see you then.”
“Talk to you tomorrow, Gary. Bye.” What was he going to say? I love you? I knew it. Or do I? Is this wishful thinking on my part? Do I want him to say it? Whether I am ready or not, I do think that is where he is going. He’d gotten close before but never as close as today. He never mispronounced a word, never stumbled in his conversation. He always spoke so eloquently.
So that must be it and he’ll probably tell me when he arrives. I’ll probably faint. I needed to get some fresh air. Was I ready for this? On one hand I hardly knew him. I’d mistrusted him and had hung up on him. The little voice in my head was irritatingly silent.
Mollie ran through the living room to the sliding glass door by the patio. I let her out and warmed up a cup of yesterday’s coffee in the microwave.
My brain on overload, a merry-go-round of thoughts traveled my theory-stuffed head. If I grabbed the brass ring, it would bring my family together. I wanted to stay focused on the reason for our trip. I needed to worry about Donnie and whatever his intentions were.
Then again, maybe the brass ring represented Gary. So many thoughts. At the very heart of the matter, I wanted both. Was I being greedy? Just once I wanted everything to be the way I’d planned it. Not the way someone else had planned it for me.
I sat at the patio table and traced the circle my coffee cup made on the white surface. The sunlight through the leaves made lacy patterns on the back of my hand. The morning air was sweet and cool, not yet stagnate as often happened in August. I thought about Gary and how he’d almost told me how he felt. The warmth of love crept into my heart. Was it time to let go? Time to let my feelings be what was important?
He might not want someone who had my adventurous spirit. I wanted a few things in life that up until this point no one could give me. I didn’t want to be an accessory, a bonus point to someone else’s life or career. Would I need to give up part of me to have him? That wouldn’t be fair to him either. But yet, the attraction was there. I couldn’t let go of my dreams. Not again. Then there is also Gary’s faith in God. I’d have to tell him what I’d done. But then what was it Grandpa recited? A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away.
Chapter Sixteen
It was noon on Friday, August 24. I waited in the San Jose Airport, in front of Starbucks, the place Gary and I had arranged to meet. It was close to the baggage pickup area and the first entrance to the lobby from Gate A-7 where his flight would deplane. Nervous as a caged animal, I paced back and forth. I should have gotten a latte, maybe that would have calmed my nerves. No time now; the plane’s arrival was announced over the muffled loud speaker. I planted both feet firmly on the ground and braced myself.
Airports always excited me. Whether leaving or picking someone up, I liked the sizzle of the place. It held a fascination. I watched the people–those coming in, those going out and the reunions, the hugs and kisses, the good-bye tears. I looked at the passengers who got off the flight from Texas. Businessmen. Real Texans in cowboy boots and hats. Families and tourists.
About half the people were off the plane. No Gary. Where was he? Had he decided not to come at the last minute? I spotted him wearing the yellow Hawaiian shirt. It had become our secret joke. We decided I’d wear a flower behind my ear. Stupid idea. I still held on to it. I quickly placed the flower behind my left ear, fully knowing the Hawaiian custom meant I was taken. I wanted to see if he noticed.
Taller, more handsome than I remembered, Gary walked toward me. Butterflies danced in my stomach. We’d never dated. Never kissed, yet I loved him. I could only hope he felt the same way. Before I knew it, he stood in front of me.
“Hello, Wahine.”
“You wore your ugly yellow shirt. I wasn’t sure you’d be brave enough.”
“You have the flower behind your ear.” His fingers gently grazed the flower. “You know what wearing it on the left means, don’t you?” He flashed that gorgeous smile and the violet-blue eyes turned liquid.
“Yes. I know.” I pulled the flower out of my hair and gave it to him. He kissed the back of my hand and picked up his carry-on bag. Relieved he didn’t try to kiss me in the middle of all the airport chaos, I stood dangerously close to him. I had an unnerving feeling I shouldn’t let myself continue this endeavor. I’d let myself fall in love with him when maybe I shouldn’t have. I longed for a real relationship and possibly one with Gary was exactly what I was looking for. I had come to the realization over the summer I’d held on to Jim, let our attachment linger, long after the flame of love had died.
Concern grew within me that, at some point, I would have to tell Gary my secret. I wasn’t ready to do that. I wasn’t ready to reveal to anyone what I’d done. It wouldn’t be fair to him. If I’d let myself think about all the things Grandpa had taught me, it wasn’t fair for me to hold on to my secret either and not settle things with God. Right then and for that weekend, I planned to let things happen as they would.
We made our way to the baggage area to wait for his luggage. “So, you said you had everything planned. Tell me about our weekend.”
“I have to go by the office and drop off something I picked up for Mitch. Then take your things to my place and we’ll head for Sacramento.”
“Mitch? You have to go see Mitch before we go?”
“I have to give him some last minute instructions and a couple of shirts I picked up for him at the mall.” Mitch had turned out to be a great assistant. I’d done as much as I could to make him macho man instead of nerd boy but Sherry had gone back to school without ever giving him a second thought. I still tried to change his looks and had bought him two polo shirts at the St. John’s Bay Outlet at the mall near my condo.
“You’re buying his clothes, too?”
I’d been over this with Gary about my “Mitch make-over plans.” He didn’t sound as if it bothered him at the time but now I wondered if it did. “Are you jealous?”
“Maybe a little. You aren’t buying any shirts for me.” He smiled. I knew he liked to tease me and seeing his smile made it worthwhile.
“Take me to Hawaii. I’ll pick you out a better shirt there. How’s that?”
His bags slid down the ramp and onto the carousel and he reached over to pick them up. I noticed how muscular his arms were; it was like I’d never seen him before. Everything about him was new and exciting. Most of this experience thrilled me beyond words; some of it made me feel really stupid and a small part of it was scary. We started out to the parking lot.
“Nice car.” He gave a low whistle as he ran his hand over the fender. I’d rented a red Mustang GT convertible. The drive to Sacramento would take a couple of hours and I thought it would be fun to travel down Interstate 80 with the top down. It would give us a chance to talk and get to know each other. I wanted to see his expressions when I talked to him. See what made him laugh. Know everything about him.
“Yeah. I wish it were mine. I r
ented it for the trip since my car probably wouldn’t have made it out of the airport, let alone Sacramento.”
It took me a while to maneuver through the airport parking lot but we were soon at Docurestore. I introduced Gary to Catherine and asked if Mitch was around. He’d started the last minute preparations for the showing of the Cairo project at the museum. I worried at first he couldn’t handle it with me leaving for Barnesville right before the premiere but Mitch would be fine.
When I introduced Mitch, I thought Gary looked relieved. I’d have to torment him one day about them competing for my affection. On the way out of the office, he slid his hand onto the crash bar and held the door open; I shot him a quick smile. A gentleman, what a rarity.
“Where to now?” He grinned.
“We need to drop by my place and get Mollie.”
When we arrived, she pounced on him, wagging her tail. Good sign.
“Gary. Before we go, I found a couple of pictures in my grandparent’s things.” I’d left them on the kitchen table and walked into the room adjoining the living room. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away. When I turned around, he quickly reached down to pet Mollie.
I couldn’t resist, “Looking for something?”
He flushed and cleared his throat, “Sorry. I…ah…”
A girlish giggle left my lips. “Never mind. Take a look at these pictures.”
Gary crossed the short distance and joined me in the kitchen. “These are great. I would really appreciate being able to make copies. They’ll be a great addition to the mapping project. I don’t think anyone has these since the church was torn down around 1980.” Gary put the pictures down on the table.
We both started for the living room at once and reached the door at the same time. He motioned for me to go ahead but misjudged my gait and followed too closely behind me. Entering the opening, we briefly lodged there shoulder to shoulder. I’d never been that close to him. Our arms touched and my head was even with his massive chest. I looked up into his eyes and he bent forward. Fighting everything within me, I stepped through and out into the living room.
Reaching for Mollie, I put on her leash. “We’ll drop her at the kennel.”
Gary added my luggage to his in the trunk. He walked around to the side of the car to open my door. I’d already placed my hand on the handle but decided to throw feminism to the wind. I’d let him be the swain. Somehow, when I released the door latch and stepped backwards, Mollie wrapped her leash around my legs. When my neighbor, Mrs. Nicholson’s, white Persian came into view, I knew I was in trouble. I dropped the leash but not before Mollie’s chase spun me around. I twisted around like a rangy ballerina attempting her first pirouette, landing next to the back tire, unharmed and embarrassed. So much for a light-footed first impression.
When Gary realized I wasn’t hurt, he tried hard not to laugh at me, “Are you okay?”
“I will be as soon as we get Mollie corralled. Let’s go.” From the heat I felt on my cheeks, I knew they were the same color as the car. How graceful could I be? I couldn’t even stand on my own two feet. Gary offered me his hand. I couldn’t help but catch his infectious laugh. He pulled me up. I swung in closer to him than I’d intended and for one brief moment, we stood toe-to-toe. I looked up at him and my blush grew deeper. Stepping back, I made room for him to reach the door handle. He placed his other hand on my waist. Opening the door, he guided me into my seat. He reached over and buckled the belt, turned and whistled for Mollie.
Lifting Mollie into the back seat, he brushed his lips across my forehead. “There, all tucked in.”
I touched his arm. He came closer, I closed my eyes and he kissed me full on the mouth. It was a long, passionate kiss leaving me hoping for more. I heard the little voice, Be careful, Addie. Don’t go too fast.
Silly little voice.
Chapter Seventeen
The weather cooperated perfectly for our drive down Interstate 80. The mid-afternoon sun wasn’t too hot and an unexpectedly mild afternoon breeze kept us cool. With one quick movement, I swept my hair off my neck and rested my head on the head rest. Content, I focused on the landscape around us and let my thoughts drift as I drove. I thought about the what ifs of our relationship. What if we…then, I remembered. We couldn’t have a relationship unless I let him into my past and let him know my secret and I wasn’t sure I was ready.
After a few miles, he startled me as he wound a loose tendril of my hair around his finger. He had broken into my silent thoughts. “Tell me. Why aren’t you off on some great adventure? You could be in Egypt right now with your boss getting ready for the premier.”
“I let life run over me. I always did what everyone else wanted. I was where I thought I needed to be. Did what was expected of me. Other people molded my life. I’m not complaining, I allowed them to do it. I had the perception that was what I was supposed to do.”
His voice lowered to a soft whisper. “Are you unique or lonely?” I could tell by the sincerity in his voice he really wanted to know.
“Oh, a little of both, I suppose. I always wanted a big family. Which, in actuality, I have. I just haven’t ever been able to get to know them. Not until this summer. That’s what this trip to Texas is all about. Whether we find the gold or not, we’re coming together. I’ll also admit I’m pretty unique. Not many people piece together old documents and get a big thrill out of it. Hanging in there with Jack paid off, though. I was rather surprised when he made me vice president.”
I felt uneasy. I’d kept busy with my job and distanced myself from everyone else since my mother died. I kept my brother at bay simply because I didn’t like his meddling. There were plenty of nights I’d spent curled up with Mollie and a good book when I’d rather have been out with friends, but I let myself carry too many burdens, too much of my past weighted me down. I wouldn’t verbalize it to him, but, yes, I was lonely.
Noticing my discomfort, he changed the subject. “How’s the Cairo Project coming?”
I explained in detail about the find of the documents in Egypt. How we’d painstakingly pieced them back together. "Mitch has become such a great asset to me.” I gave Gary a sidelong glance when I mentioned Mitch’s name but noticed no reaction. How could Gary think he had any competition? Please. I’d told Gary Mitch just about drove me crazy those first few weeks. “The opening of the museum should turn out nicely. I hate that I’m going to miss it but if I do my job well, I’m just part of the background when the work premiers.”
Gary reminisced about growing up in east Texas. He’d mentioned several times over the last few weeks the ranch his parents owned outside of Rusk. “You know, I even did the rodeo thing when I was a teenager. I love to ride and thought I could tame every horse in the pens. Being dumped face down in the arena a couple of times cured me of that.” He laughed about the pranks he’d pulled as a frat boy when he’d gone to college in Houston. He’d mentioned his antics briefly before, but he was more at ease with me now, telling me all the details. “After college, and a few trips on digs, I decided archeology wasn’t exactly as glamorous as I thought it would be. Then, I landed the job with the BLM.” He told me when his parents retired and moved to Alvarado, he’d become interested in helping his mother locate and map the old churches in the area.
“I always wanted a big family, too. Growing up an only child has definite advantages but it is lonely sometimes.” He looked over at me and I thought I glimpsed a distant sadness.
We were so wrapped up in our conversation the two hours flew by. The last few miles we each sat silently consumed by our own thoughts.
He smiled over at me with questioning eyes, “What are you thinking about?”
“Ecclesiastes.”
“Ah, a time and a season for everything?” He reached over and placed his hand on my knee. “You’re familiar with it?”
“It was read at my grandfather’s funeral, then I found it marked in my grandmother’s Bible.” I let my hand rest on his. “The verses seem to explain my lif
e right now.”
“It’s good you can relate to it.” He squeezed my hand. “That excerpt explains all life to me. I try to live what I believe and I believe deeply in those passages.”
“It refers to killing.” I glanced appallingly toward him. “You think there’s a right time to kill?”
“No. Not like that but the killing of evil. The killing of sin. It refers to wars, too. There were many wars in the Bible. They were wars to justify a purpose.”
I wish I could tell him about the war going on within me. I’d only ask for one thing. It wasn’t sinful to ask but I’d bargained and lost. The loss was too much. “There is a time for everything in one’s life, I guess. I can’t help but feel I’m missing the point. Is it all that simple?”
We needed to exit the freeway. I didn’t wait for his answer and I didn’t want to discuss theology with him. I needed to make my peace with God on my own terms. I didn’t want Gary to tell me what I should do. Deep down inside, I knew. I knew what God wanted of me but I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to give in and admit…maybe…I’d been wrong. If there was a time and a purpose for everything, then it was Mom’s time to go and it was God’s will she die. I just didn’t want to accept His will. That was more devastating than the secret I kept. God made a decision and I wasn’t willing to accept it.
I moved the vehicle towards the ramp we needed to take. “I think that’s our turn off. We need to go over the tower bridge. Susan and Brad have this old Victorian house. I’ve never seen it but Mel says it’s really something. Can you see if you can find H Street on this city map? It’s near the Governor’s mansion.”
He asked a question then that changed the focus of our conversation. “What does Brad do for a living? They must be pretty well off.”
“He’s in investments. I think they’re doing well but I also know they’re careful. Susan said the money from Grandpa would come in handy for the boys’ college fund. So it doesn’t sound like they’re totally rolling in it.”
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