by Stacey Ritz
FACTS: Donkeys are lovingly protective of their friends, which often include other donkeys, sheep and goats. Donkeys can hear up to sixty-miles away in ideal conditions. If a donkey senses something is wrong while traveling, they will stop and dig their heels into the ground , refusing to move until they sense the danger has passed.
The continuous lap of ocean waves supplied an endless calming ambience. A few hundred feet away, the serene deep blue waters of the Sound gently grazed the shore as jet skis and boats basked in its quiet stillness. At any given time, pods of dolphins could be spotted from a distance. Sharks and whales were no strangers to the Outer Banks, either. Broken sea shells and pieces of colorful sea glass lined the shores, gifts from the sea for early morning runners and walkers. The wild horses that ran the beaches made occasional appearances, especially in the evenings as they trotted along the sand or played in the waves of the Atlantic Ocean. The truly magical moments, some believed, happened in the off season; in the winter when vacationers were absent from the sandbar and Corolla was once again inhabited by the mere five-hundred residents of the town. In the summers, thousands of vacationers graced the beaches. In the winters, the horses enjoyed more room to roam freely. The ghost crabs fearlessly danced across the night sand. Shops closed, sitting quietly throughout the cold months. The muted calmness restored the towns natural state.
Rainie looked at her phone, dusting off several stray pieces of sand. Cooper hadn’t called or texted all day. They hadn’t spoken since he’d texted her that he loved her. Feeling guilty, Rainie sighed as she plopped down on her bed. Pressing the phone to her ear, she listened as the phone rang four times before sending her to voicemail. She decided not to leave a message. He would see that she had called. She didn’t want to send a text. After all, it had been a full day since he’d texted her that he loved her. She wanted to talk to him, not text with him. The words he’d written her were much too big to be spoken for the first time via text and any reply she would have typed back would have lacked the emotion she wished to convey.
Rainie tossed her phone onto the pillow and stared at the ceiling. Her thoughts drifted to Milo. She still couldn’t believe he was here in Corolla. She couldn’t believe they’d ran into each other this morning and then again on the beach this afternoon. And she couldn’t believe how much he hadn’t changed. His dimples, the ones that reached out and hugged her every time he smiled, remained untouched by time. His thin muscular build hadn’t altered much in fourteen years, either. Running, she supposed, didn’t hurt. Even the way he cleared his throat when he was nervous, none of it had changed. He was everything she remembered and more. He was still her best friend from kindergarten. And he still stirred up a flutter of butterflies in her stomach. Seeing him today felt as if time had stood still, as if the last fourteen years hadn’t passed. But as much as she still felt she knew him, she couldn’t pretend she knew about his life now. She’d missed so much; college graduation, starting his career as a veterinarian, attending his brothers weddings, not to mention, the ups and downs of his everyday life. Her heart ached at the thought.
Rainie’s fingers reached for her phone. She twisted it over in her hands. She didn’t want to spend time worrying about Cooper’s last text. She didn’t want to spend time grieving about what she’d missed with Milo. Maybe it was the salt in the ocean air. Or maybe it was that constant clamor of the ocean waves that pushed her rational thoughts away and left her in a blissful state. She didn’t know what it was, but she knew she wanted to see Milo again. She had to see him. After all, she might never see him once she returned home. What if it was another fourteen years before they ran into each other again? In fourteen years, they’d be nearly fifty; their hair flecked with gray. By then, a lifetime would have passed between them. Some claim we have one-hundred years to live, but no one ever tells us how short those years really are. Our time is fleeting and our choices, even those that are ostensibly small, are weighted.
Rainie dialed Milo’s number and pressed the phone to her ear. She squeezed her fist into a ball, hoping he’d answer. Hoping he wanted to hear from her. Hoping they could meet again. Hoping, if it was possible, to make up for lost time.
〜
“Pick up, pick up, pick up!” Ronnie gritted her teeth. She hadn’t spoken to or received a text from Andrew since she’d arrived in Corolla. She knew he worked crazy hours, but she also knew he wasn’t so busy that he couldn’t send his wife a text. Didn’t he care that she’d arrived safely? Last year, when Andrew had traveled to Tampa on a work trip for a week, Veronica called him every day. Now, she was starting to worry that he’d gotten sick. Was something wrong? Was he okay?
“Hello?”
An answer. Finally. Veronica began breathing a sigh of relief, but her breath caught in her throat when she realized the answer wasn’t Andrew’s. Instead, the voice she’d been greeted by was cheerful and chirpy. The voice was a woman’s. Why was a woman answering Andrew’s cell phone? “Hi…” Veronica tensely echoed. “Is Andrew there?” She felt silly asking this unknown woman for her husband.
“Who’s calling, please?”
Who was this woman? His gatekeeper? Why wasn’t Andrew answering his own phone? Why hadn’t Andrew called her before now? Veronica cleared her throat and tried not to roll her eyes. “This is Veronica.”
“Veronica who?”
“Veronica Jorgenson…Andrew’s wife. Who’s this?” She stood and slammed the door to her bedroom feeling the frustration course through her veins. Click. The mysterious woman had hung up on her. Instinctively, Veronica dialed again. Not surprisingly, the call went directly to Andrew’s voicemail. This time, it was her turn to hang up without a word.
Veronica’s mind was racing. When she’d left on Monday morning, Andrew had already gone to work. They’d said their goodbye’s the night before. He’d kissed her and told her to be careful on the trip and to “stay as long as you need to.” At the time, she had swooned, melting into his embrace. He’d made her think a lot of things that night, including the thought that he cared about her. Now she was starting to rethink his parting words. Stay as long as you need to. She’d misinterpreted his meaning. How long had she been seeing only what she wanted to see? Veronica powered off her phone and tucked it in the nightstand drawer. She doubted Andrew would be calling her now. But if he did, she didn’t want to hear from him. Not tonight. She stood from the bed, feeling her stomach grow queasy before rushing to the bathroom.
〜
Her bare feet gripped the sand as she ran alongside the waves. Sarah-Jayne had always found solace in running, but this morning, she’d decided she’d never experienced anything quite as wonderful as running this way. The seagulls called out above her, families were beginning to stake their spots for a day on the oceanfront. She’d even witnessed the preparation for a beach wedding ceremony. It was reminiscent of every romantic movie she’d ever seen. Everyone was smiling as the sun warmed their skin. The laughter of children drifted along the breeze. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this free; this happy. She’d already ran two miles in one direction and figured it was time to turn around and run back to the beach house. Sarah-Jayne watched as a mother walked her two children, both toddlers, to the edge of the ocean. The children screamed in delight when the white foam of the waves touched their toes.
Her heart ached at the memory of her own girls, Rainie and Veronica. She longed to be part of their adult lives. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Geographically, if nothing else, they were spread apart; Veronica in Cincinnati and Rainie in Lexington. But Sarah-Jayne knew it wasn’t the physical distance that was the problem, it was the emotional distance. She smiled and waved as she passed the mother and her two jaunty children. The memory of tucking her own girls into bed at night, when she could, flooded her mind. Rainie and Ronnie often slept together in Ronnie’s double bed. For a period of time, Sarah-Jayne would read the girls a chapter of E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web or Stuart Little, their favorites. Well, Raini
e’s favorite. Ronnie often mimicked Rainie and said Rainie’s favorites were her own, without further thought. When she’d end a chapter and say good-night, Rainie would always beg her to read “just a few more pages.” They both knew the reality of these nightly tuck-in’s. The lack of consistency left Rainie wanting to get as much as she could from every moment with her mama. Sarah-Jayne knew this at the time and it made her heart ache. She’d always wanted stability, too.
The sand was growing hot beneath her feet as the time passed. Sarah-Jayne moved closer to the waves, switching from running on the soft sand to running on the hard sand, left wet by the waves. When Rainie left for college, she remembered she’d given her a silver heart necklace. “This is your chance to break away…to have your own life.” Sarah-Jayne had told her oldest daughter. She wanted more for Rainie than she’d gotten from her own life. Once she’d traded home for a dorm room, she realized how much she missed her and she saw how much Ronnie did, too. She’d called her at college a few times and Rainie had occasionally taken Ronnie to her dorm room for a week at a time. Ronnie would miss school during those times, but both Rainie and Sarah-Jayne knew it was better for Ronnie to miss a few days of school and feel safe and loved by her family, than it was to sit in class and wonder what may be going on at home.
Using the back of her hand, Sarah-Jayne wiped the sweat from her forehead. Two-hundred meters away, she could see the yellow beach house. She’d run four miles this morning and found her body thanking her now as she came to a halt. The water was beckoning her to enjoy its coolness and she happily obeyed, wading up to her knees.
She thought about how much the girls looked alike now. She’d seen it when they were children, but as adults, their big blue eyes and long lashes still mimicked one another’s. They each shared her button nose. At twenty-five, Ronnie’s hair was dark blonde and wavy. She wore it in a loose braid that she tossed over one shoulder. From what Sarah-Jayne had gathered in their short time together at the beach, Ronnie’s quiet demeanor was rooted in her lack of confidence. She longed for Andrew’s approval and she herself admitted that she often turned to shopping to help her cope with feelings of inadequacy. Sarah-Jayne understood. Running filled the same void for her. Running had been the only thing she’d hung on to throughout the years, despite her chaotic life with Dan. In contrast, Rainie’s bright blonde hair danced in the breeze and she wished her oldest daughter could more carefree. But Rainie hid behind a sternness. Her tough exterior, Sarah-Jayne suspected, was serving her well in life, but she worried that her daughter might never find true love without letting down her guard, at least a bit.
Wading further into the ocean, Sarah-Jayne smiled as the waves splashed her body, soaking her shorts and the bottom of her tank top. She turned, looking out at the sea in time to see a mammoth wave rolling toward her. The strength of the wave knocked her off her feet, pushing her swiftly beneath its weight. Frantically searching for air, she paddled her arms and scurried to position her feet on the sandy bottom of the ocean. A moment later she finally popped out on top of the water, desperately gasping. Looking around she focused on the shore. She didn’t spot any beach-goers, but kept her eyes trained on the dry land. When the next wave rolled toward her, she threw herself on her stomach and rode the wave toward the sand until she could stand solidly on her own, ankle deep in the blue water.
She shook her head, grateful to have made it back to land. As she walked back to the house, her running clothes soaked from the ocean, Sarah-Jayne smiled to herself, pushing strands of her short blonde hair away from her face. Similar to the waves, sometimes life knocks you down, she thought. But, if you keep moving, if you learn to ride the waves rather than resist them, you’ll get back to solid ground.
“I made breakfast!” Ronnie called out to Sarah-Jayne from the beach house deck. “Are you hungry?”
She nodded. “Starved!”
“Meet us in the kitchen once you’re changed. Everything’s ready!” Ronnie shouted back before disappearing through the glass doors.
Hurrying up the stairs, Sarah-Jayne went to her room to change into dry clothes. It was the start of a new day. She couldn’t focus on the wave that had knocked her down in the past. She couldn’t focus on what waves might come in the future. Instead, she had to ride the one she was on right now.
〜
“Do you know where it is?” Rainie questioned her dad upon leaving for college. She was asking about her coin collection, the one he’d encouraged her to start when she was seven. For eleven years she’d diligently collected coins and added to her growing collection. She’d been incredibly proud. Her favorite, to date, was her 1909 VDB penny. While she knew she would likely never own the S version of this particular penny, she knew how special she felt holding such a rare coin. It was her prized possession. Two years ago, her dad had taken her to the coin shop downtown. With wall to wall coins for sale, ranging in dates and conditions, Rainie was mesmerized. It was then that Dan showed her his favorite coin, the 1909 VDB penny, and offered to purchase it for her.
“How about I buy this for you, Rainie? That way when you have kids of your own, you can tell them how good your Daddy was to you.” He’d told her.
For years, Rainie held the coin before bed, feeling a kinship with her father. She knew as long as she had it, she would always carry a piece of her father with her.
“I’ll look for it tomorrow.” Dan repeatedly told his daughter. He’d given her this line every time she’d asked for an entire year, until he finally acquiesced.
Since she’d turned fourteen, she’d worked a summer job. She started with babysitting on weekends and during summer breaks. Later, Rainie worked at the local car wash and then at Taco Bell. She loved earning money and tucking it away for her future. She didn’t know what that future might hold, but she knew she wanted to have her own money. She’d watched the way her mama had relied on her dad for money. Because he was the only one who worked outside of the home, Sarah-Jayne had been dependent on Dan’s paycheck. When Dan went missing for weeks, his paycheck went missing, too. That meant paying for groceries with a credit card which meant debt. Rainie, from a young age, promised herself that she’d never put herself in the same position as her mother had. She didn’t look down on her mama, rather, she wanted to make a different choice for herself.
Rainie kept her summer earnings hidden in an envelope that she hid between her mattress and box spring. She did the same thing every summer. Every two weeks she’d proudly place her earnings in the envelope. She’d total up the money and write the date and the amount on the outside. She wanted to be sure no one took any, although she kept it hidden. At the end of the summer, when school was ready to start, Dan would pat her on the back, the only sign of affection he’d ever given his daughter. “Good summer?” He’d ask with a twinkle in his eyes.
Rainie nodded proudly.
“You’ve kept your money safe like I told you, right?”
Rainie nodded again.
“Good, good.” Dan smiled down at her. “Now, how much did you make? Do you want to count it together?”
“I already know.” Rainie told her dad to turn around and close his eyes as she retrieved her earnings from her secret hiding spot.
When she told him that it was okay to turn around again, they sat on the edge of her bed and looked at what her hard work had earned her. The summer before her senior year in high school, she’d earned five-thousand dollars. It was the most she’d earned in a summer. This money, added to her summer earnings from previous years, would be a huge help to her when she left for college the following year. Rainie basked in the attention her dad gave her over the money. He’d rarely shown interest in her life and the focus on something she’d done felt good. Although he was absent in many ways, she still yearned to make him proud. And she dreamed of having control over her own life, and she thought saving her money would be one way to accomplish that dream.
“You want me to invest your money again, right?” Dan patted his daughters leg
and smiled.
Rainie nodded eagerly. “Will you?”
“Of course.” Dan opened his hands to receive the envelope from Rainie. “The post office is the best place to invest.”
“All of my summer money is there.” Rainie raised her chin, sitting proudly on the edge of the bed as she handed her earnings to her dad.
“It’s a good investment.” He assured her. “You’re being smart with your money.”
“How much do you think I’ll have when I pull it out at the end of next summer, before I leave for college?”
Dan shrugged as he stood from the bed, envelope in hand.
“A lot!” His eyes grew big as he shook the envelope.
Rainie’s eyes widened, too. “I love earning money.” She told him.
“You did good this summer.”
“Best summer yet!” Rainie agreed, thrilled with how much she’d saved.
“I’m going to head out. I’ll invest your money today.”
“Okay. Thanks, Dad.” Rainie watched as her dad closed the door.
Dan never gave Rainie a bank statement or any paper for that matter that confirmed her investments. Still a child herself, Rainie never thought to ask.
It was the same scenario at the end of every summer. And then, school would start and Dan would disappear. She didn’t see much of him the few times he was home. He didn’t take any interest in her or Ronnie’s schooling or activities.
Sometime that same year, Rainie had briefly forgotten about her coin collection. She’d been keeping her neatly organized coin books in a large box beneath her bed. She’d been busy with school and track practice, not to mention deciding what college to attend and spending all of her free time with Milo. Amongst the chaos, she hadn’t collected any new coins that year and therefore hadn’t pulled the box out to look at them. She’d forgotten all about her coin collection, in fact, until the next fall when she was leaving for school. Rainie wanted to take it with her. She didn’t collect the coins to sell them for a profit, that had never been her intention. She collected the coins to enjoy them. She collected them because it was something she’d started years ago with her dad. It made her feel happy. She’d hoped she could pass her collection on to her own children one day. And now that she was leaving home, she wanted to take them with her. But, when she’d gone to pull the box out from beneath her bed, it wasn’t there.