by Laura Ziepe
‘No, we’re friends with Jack Wyatt,’ Amber explained.
‘Ah yes, I know Jack. Good guy. I’m Duncan.’ He put his hand out for Amber to shake it.
‘Amber,’ she smiled back.
‘Grace.’ She shot him a natural smile.
‘I’m just going to find Jack,’ Amber said quietly to Grace, thinking it was the perfect time to leave her newly single friends talking. She wandered through the sea of people looking for him when she heard her favourite Christmas song. Amber remembered when she was sixteen sitting upstairs in her bedroom with Jack on Christmas day and playing it on her CD player full blast, over and over until he’d begged her to change it. She’d found it hilarious and played it every year after that. She even hunted it down a few years ago on a CD and wrapped it up for him as a present for a joke. Whenever she heard it she thought back to that time in her room. Being young and happy, her only worries being about school exams and how they were going to sneak some cider past their parents.
She had to find him before the song finished and drag him to the dancefloor.
She felt a tug at her hand and Amber’s face exploded into a smile as she swivelled round to see Jack.
‘Our song!’ she shouted happily over the music.
‘Dancefloor?’ he questioned, seeming to read her mind.
‘Of course,’ she answered excitedly, following his lead.
They laughed together as they danced, Jack spinning Amber round in circles until she became dizzy.
‘This song will always remind me of you,’ Jack told her affectionately.
‘Of us,’ she corrected him, with a huge smile as she thought back all those years. She loved it being just the two of them, she realized. She got on well with Jack’s brother too, but no one made her feel as comfortable as Jack did, and they’d often gone off when their families met up, just the two of them.
‘Fancy a shot?’ Jack asked when the song was over.
‘Do you really need to ask me that?’ Amber quizzed him, raising an eyebrow.
They downed a shot and Amber felt the warmth of the alcohol burn her throat, making its way down into her stomach. ‘I still need to buy tickets for the winter market,’ she mentioned to him. It was a Christmas event in London they attended every year together, walking round stalls and picking out gifts for their families as they drank mulled wine. ‘You need to text me with dates you can do,’ she added. ‘Once I know that, I’ll book it for us.’ Amber was looking forward to it. They usually had dinner nearby afterwards and a few drinks. It was a little tradition.
‘Ah I was going to ask you about that,’ Jack said, ‘I was telling Natalya about it and she was saying she’d love to come along. That’s okay, isn’t it?’ he questioned innocently. ‘You can get to know her better and she’ll probably be better at helping you pick presents than I am,’ he laughed.
Amber’s heart sank, but she smiled stiffly. ‘Of course. More the merrier,’ she said, unable to help feeling incredibly disappointed. It wouldn’t be the same with Natalya there. It was something they did together. Just the two of them. Couldn’t he see that she would feel like a gooseberry? The odd one out. The little tag-along.
He looked shocked suddenly as he stared at something behind her.
‘Speak of the devil!’ His eyes were aglow with delight.
Amber turned round, unable to believe that Natalya was making her way towards them. She looked amazing, her blonde hair bouncing as she walked sensuously in her little black dress.
Natalya ran into Jack’s arms, kissing him hard on the mouth.
‘You said you couldn’t come,’ he said to her, looking thrilled that she was there.
Natalya was grinning from ear to ear, ‘I didn’t think I could. But here I am,’ she squeaked, looking pleased with herself, kissing him again ‘I had to sweet talk my way in as I didn’t have a ticket. Apparently being your fiancée has its benefits as the doorman let me straight past.’ She looked completely smitten as she stared at him. She glanced at Amber quickly. ‘Amber, hello again,’ she giggled, shooting her a smile.
Amber made herself smile back, but imagined it appeared like more of a grimace. ‘Hi.’
‘I was just talking about you coming to the Christmas market,’ Jack explained.
‘Oh, I hope you don’t mind, Amber,’ Natalya said in saccharine tones. ‘It’s just Jack was telling me about it and I’d love to come along. I’ve never been to one before.’
‘Perhaps you two should just go alone?’ Amber suggested stubbornly. There was no way she was playing piggy in the middle with the newly engaged couple.
‘No way!’ Natalya looked mortified. ‘I know you two do it every year and I wouldn’t want to get in the way.’
It was irritating how nice she was. It would have been easier to dislike her if she’d been a bitch.
‘Don’t be silly. You won’t be in the way,’ Jack reassured her. ‘If anything, I will. I was just saying how you two will enjoy the shopping a lot more than I will. I’ll probably just sit in a bar somewhere. We’ll all go.’
Amber nodded, her lips pressed into a line. ‘Course we will. It will be fun,’ she managed to reply as convincingly as possible. It wouldn’t be the same though. Amber wanted to go with Jack. Alone. She hated that Natalya would be joining them.
‘I’ll introduce you to some work colleagues now you’re here,’ Jack said, linking arms with Natalya. ‘They’ve been dying to meet you. You don’t mind, do you Ambs?’ He asked, oblivious to how sick to the stomach Amber was feeling inside.
‘Course not,’ Amber responded after clearing her throat. She stood frozen on the spot, watching the two of them walk off together.
A voice came from behind her then. It was Grace. ‘I got away from that Duncan. Thanks for leaving me with him; he wouldn’t stop asking me out on a date. He’s completely not my type either. I felt so awkward trying to come up with reasons why I couldn’t.’
Amber was hardly listening, still gazing intently at Jack and Natalya through the crowds.
‘I thought I’d come and see if you wanted a drink. What are you looking at? Rachel is still speaking to that David bloke. He seems quite nice. Oh no, Amber,’ she heard Grace say, making Amber shift on the spot to face her.
‘Oh no, what?’ Amber asked feeling puzzled.
Grace’s eyes were wide in surprise as she too, looked through the crowds to where Amber had been staring. ‘You’re in love with him, aren’t you? You’re in love with Jack.’
Chapter 10
Rachel was in a good mood as she made her way to work. She’d done all her Christmas shopping the previous day, despite her slight hangover from Jack’s Christmas party, and when David had sent her a text message asking if she wanted to meet up for a quick coffee, she’d accepted. David was a nice man, and she’d enjoyed spending a bit more time with him, despite deciding on her way home she would prefer him as a friend. There just hadn’t been that spark for her, and though he ticked all her boxes, Rachel was determined to only settle with someone who made her feel excited and alive. A man that made her heart flip over just at the very thought of him. Still, she felt happy. She was looking forward to meeting new people, enjoying the thrill that she didn’t know what would be happening and who she would be going out with in the future. Being single wasn’t too bad at all.
‘Hi,’ she greeted her friends as she made her way over to the make-up counter.
‘Morning,’ Amber replied, looking a little depressed.
Rachel felt sorry for her. Ever since Saturday night when Grace had said she was in love with Jack, Amber had appeared beaten. As if she only now understood her true emotions towards him. She hadn’t realized it, mistaking her strong feelings for those of an overprotective friend. Rachel had never seen Amber act like this over any man before. She was usually so casual and in control. So blasé. Was she surprised about Amber’s feelings? Perhaps Rachel was in a way. Amber always went for any man she liked without batting an eyelid. She was assertive and confid
ent, so to see her like this was strange to say the least.
Grace smiled as she applied some pink lipstick in the mirror. ‘Good morning. All packed and ready to move?’
‘I sure am. I should be over around eight o’clock this evening,’ Rachel said cheerfully. She was really looking forward to moving into Grace’s place that night. It was a new start. A little adventure. She turned to Amber, ‘So how are you feeling since the weekend?’
Amber exhaled slowly, thrusting her hands into the pockets of her trousers. ‘My head is a complete mess,’ she muttered despondently. She looked confused. ‘I mean, growing up, we were often teased about being more than just friends, but we laughed it off. I’ve always cared so much for Jack. He’s such an important person in my life, I guess I’ve been terrified to imagine anything other than friendship between us. Just imagine if it didn’t work out? I couldn’t lose him as a friend and I couldn’t bear for things to be awkward between us.’
Rachel frowned, not able to imagine how Amber must be feeling. What was the right thing to do? Not say anything and let Jack live happily ever after with Natalya? Or should she tell Jack how she felt? At least then he would know and she’d have been truthful about her feelings. ‘What are you going to do?’ Rachel asked delicately.
Grace put her arm around Amber and rested her head on her shoulder. ‘If only you’d realized before he got engaged.’
Amber groaned. ‘I know, I know. Nothing with me is ever simple,’ she sighed. ‘I’m not going to do anything. How can I? Jack seems happy with Natalya. What kind of a friend would I be to suddenly just drop it on him that I’m in love with him? I’ve probably always been in love with him; I’ve just been too blind to see it for all this time. I don’t even know what I want either. Yes, I love Jack, but do I want a serious relationship? I’ve been so happy on my own. It’s easier that way. It’s what I’m used to. Even if I told him I liked him as more than a friend, I still don’t know what I’d be offering him. I’m so messed up.’
‘But say he feels the same?’ Rachel questioned seriously. ‘I’m not so sure you should keep it a secret. It will eat you up for the rest of your life, the not knowing. How can you watch him get married and spend time with him and Natalya when you’re in love with the guy? Your feelings could change everything if you tell him.’
Amber looked into the distance deep in thought. ‘I just can’t,’ she explained, her mouth twisting awkwardly.
Grace nodded. ‘At the end of the day it’s up to you, but I think I’m with Rachel on this. Jack should know how you feel.’
Amber shook her head with more certainty. ‘No, I won’t do it. I could ruin everything. I’ll just push my feelings away, to the back of my mind. I don’t have a choice.’
They stood in silence for a few moments.
‘Changing the subject,’ Rachel began, ‘I went out for coffee with David yesterday.’
‘David from Saturday night?’ Amber perked up. ‘That guy from Wimbledon?’
Rachel nodded smiling widely. ‘Yep. He’s a lovely man, but I can only see us being friends. Still, aren’t you proud of me?’
Amber’s face lit up. ‘Of course I am! I knew it wouldn’t take you long to embrace being single. It’s nice to see you enjoying yourself.’
‘Yes, well done. I’m still yet to do it,’ Grace said, clenching her teeth as though it was going to be painful.
‘It’s actually not all bad, you know,’ Rachel told her sagely with a smirk. ‘I’m quite enjoying myself. I’m even thinking of trying dating online too.’
Later that afternoon, Rachel made her way outside on her lunch break for a wander around the shops. All her Christmas shopping was already done; she could never leave it until the last week like Grace did. The thought brought her out in a cold sweat. Rachel liked to start buying gifts from August onwards; that way she had plenty of time to find the perfect gifts for everyone. Still, it didn’t hurt to have a browse for herself now, did it? She was bored of her wardrobe, hardly ever buying new things when she’d been with Mark because he always commented that she had enough already and what a waste of money it was. He’d made her feel guilty for any purchases she made. She smiled; she was single now, so to hell with what Mark thought. It was her money and she would do what she liked with it! She needed some nice new winter clothes and a few going out tops and dresses wouldn’t hurt either. After all, she wanted to look nice if she had any new dates in future.
Despite the sun shining brightly on Rachel’s face, uplifting her mood, it was freezing outside and Rachel searched in her bag for some gloves, pleased when she found a soft, leather pair that Mark had bought her for Christmas the previous year. She looked ahead at the busy shopping parade, people darting in between each other, frantic expressions etched on their faces as they attempted to buy gifts ready to hand out on Christmas morning. It would be like this every day now leading up to Christmas, she thought, and then just as manic after the New Year when the sales were in full thrum.
Rachel spotted a beautiful black dress on a mannequin in the window and decided to go in and try it on. She left thirty minutes later with two jumpers, a top, two dresses and a scarf, pleased with her purchases. Things were really looking up.
As Rachel turned the corner to head to another little boutique she’d been meaning to have a look in, she stopped dead in her tracks, her body frozen to the spot as blood pulsated loudly in her ears. Her heart was crashing in her chest as she gazed at the couple before for. Standing in front of a shop with their backs to her were Mark and Bianca. She could tell by Mark’s tall stature and Bianca’s long, wavy black hair that it was them from a mile off. She even recognized Mark’s red jacket. She remembered he’d bought it in a shop in Brighton when they’d gone away for the weekend.
‘Practical, lightweight and waterproof,’ he’d said sensibly in satisfaction. ‘And good value too,’ he added, looking at the price tag.
Rachel stared at the pair of them holding hands and looking in the shop window and immediately she felt sick. She’d pictured them together countless times, often forcing the image of them to the back of her mind; to a place she didn’t allow herself to go. Seeing them here in person, her whole world came crashing down all over again. She wanted to forget about them both, to pretend they didn’t exist, but seeing them together was definitely going to set her back. It made it all seem so fresh and new again. She’d been doing so well the past week, she thought sourly, getting on with her life, only looking forward and attempting to remain optimistic about the future. She hadn’t expected to see them. She hadn’t been prepared for this at all.
Rachel watched carefully as they moved on to the next shop, chatting away together. As though someone had taken over her body, she found herself following behind them, as far away and inconspicuously as possible. She felt the anger well up inside her. How dare they be out shopping together, acting like everything was perfect in their lives when they’d treated her so badly? To look at them you would think they were just an ordinary, happy couple; no one would ever know how deceitful and disloyal they’d been in order to be together or all the heartache they’d put her through. She knew that she should look away and leave, but she couldn’t help herself. It was like watching a horror movie that you knew was going to give you nightmares, but you couldn’t take your eyes away.
Mark would never normally have had a day off work to go shopping. It was so unlike him; work had been one of the most important things in his life. He was always striving to get a promotion and Rachel usually struggled to get him to take a day off if they were going away at the weekend. She remembered when it was his birthday a few years back and she’d booked a short break in Croatia. Mark had loved the present, but seemed put off when she told him he needed to take three days off work to make the trip worthwhile.
He’d huffed, looking really put out. ‘Three days? Rach, I’m so busy at work,’ he’d said, shaking his head as though she just didn’t understand.
‘I spoke to your boss and it’s al
l sorted,’ Rachel had replied enthusiastically. She’d been so excited about giving him the gift; she couldn’t believe he was being negative about it.
He sighed. ‘It’s a lovely idea and I’m sure we’ll have fun, but maybe just run it by me first next time, eh?’
Yet here he was with her oldest friend, Bianca, shopping. Happily taking a day off for her. The thought really stung. He was still continuing to hurt her without knowing it.
They stopped suddenly outside a café and were obviously discussing whether to go inside. As Bianca led the way in, Mark pulled her arm back and span her round, putting his arms round her.
He’ll never kiss her, Rachel thought, Mark hates public displays of affection.
To her surprise Mark leant forward kissing Bianca softly on the mouth, completely oblivious to the people around them. Not caring because they were clearly in their own little, joyful world.
Rachel’s nose tingled, her eyes clouded over and her chin began to wobble. Did she even know Mark at all? She couldn’t deny that she’d hoped, deep down, that they would split up now the thrill of being caught had been taken away. She’d prayed they’d get bored of each other and realize they’d both made a huge mistake, begging for her forgiveness. How ridiculous she was. Though they’d both contacted her, and she’d ignored their calls, watching them now gave the impression that they really couldn’t care less about her and the fact she hadn’t spoken to them. All they needed was each other. It hurt in a way that Rachel didn’t think it would. She was certain she’d been getting over it. In fact, she knew she was getting over it; she could see now that Mark had never really been right for her. She didn’t want either of them in her life ever again now she’d taken time to think about the situation, so why was seeing them together bothering her so much? All her happiness from earlier had evaporated in one fell swoop, as though someone had burst a bubble. Three years she’d wasted on bloody Mark! Rachel was furious. Bianca too, who was her oldest friend; how could she be standing there, as cool as a cucumber kissing Rachel’s ex-boyfriend? What kind of person was she exactly? Rachel would never, in her wildest dreams have betrayed her like that.