by Laura Ziepe
‘Do you want to sleep in my bed?’ she’d asked Nick boldly. The glasses of wine she’d drunk at dinner had given her a new-found confidence.
Nick had laughed and then his brow furrowed. ‘You’re being serious?’
She’d shrugged then and stood up from the sofa, tucking her hair behind her ears. ‘I’m going up to bed. You’re more than welcome to join me, but if you’d rather sleep here…’ She smirked as she walked slowly up the stairs, hearing his footsteps behind her.
As soon as Nick was in her bedroom they were kissing, grabbing each other and pulling at clothes. It had been amazing. Passionate and lustful, the complete opposite of how it had been with Mark. The word to describe her sex life with Mark had been ordinary. Like the flavour vanilla.
‘You’re sure?’ Nick had whispered before they dived under the covers.
‘Yes,’ she whispered.
Rachel hadn’t even felt awkward the following day like she thought she would. Nick hadn’t ditched her and left at 5 a.m. before she woke like she’d panicked he might. He was still there, smiling at her and playing with her hair. She was relieved he still wanted to know her, even though she’d slept with him so soon. There had been nothing to worry about at all. It had been difficult to get out of bed that morning and tear herself away from Nick’s warm body, but they’d both had to get to work.
Nick had texted her all day at work, and Rachel felt like she was floating. She was giddy with happiness and excitement. When Grace had arrived at work, she’d seemed happy too and Rachel couldn’t believe how both their luck in love was changing so soon. As much as Rachel liked being in a relationship, after Mark, she expected to be single for a while. She really hadn’t planned to meet someone else she liked so soon. But didn’t people always say you found love when you least expected it?
Rachel was brought back to the present as she heard Grace’s footsteps coming down the stairs.
‘Morning.’ She smiled brightly.
‘Cup of tea?’ Rachel offered, jumping up to make her one.
‘I’d love one,’ Grace smiled, sitting down at the kitchen table and looking outside. ‘The sun is shining; I was hoping it was going to snow again,’ she commented.
‘It’s going to again according to the weather forecast,’ Rachel replied happily. She loved the snow. Rachel adored Christmas, especially when she felt as happy as she did right now.
‘What are you up to today?’ Grace asked.
‘I’m seeing Nick this evening,’ Rachel couldn’t hide the enormous grin. ‘Are you seeing your lover boy today?’
‘This evening, yes,’ Grace answered, studying her nails. ‘But I’ve agreed to watch my niece in her nativity play this morning.’
‘Ahhh cute,’ Rachel replied, picturing Grace’s niece, Poppy, dressed as an angel. She had a curly mop of blonde hair if she remembered rightly so she would certainly look the part.
‘You don’t fancy coming along, do you?’ Grace invited, looking hopeful. ‘Please don’t leave me alone with my sister and her mum friends. The mum friends’ chat is so dull and somehow they always involve me in their conversation as though I’m interested in talks of potty training and chicken pox. I’ve promised I’ll go now so there’s no getting out of it.’
‘Well…’ Rachel didn’t have any plans, but couldn’t say the thought of a nativity play was the most appealing thing in the world. She’d much rather be lying around relaxing, daydreaming of Nick all day.
‘I’ll cover the next late shift at Tidemans,’ Grace said hurriedly, now looking desperate that she was going to be left to attend alone with her sister.
Rachel laughed. ‘I was going to say yes anyway, but you’ve offered now. The next late shift is all yours.’
‘It’s worth it. As soon as the play is over, I can use you as an excuse as to why we have to leave. We’ll just say you have some make-up clients, something along those lines,’ she planned, looking satisfied.
Rachel smiled. She didn’t mind going to the play, not really. She was looking forward to the day she had her own children. If everything had all gone to plan with Mark she would have been pregnant by the end of the following year, straight after the wedding. Not that he’d proposed or had any intention of proposing. He’d always made it clear that children should come after marriage. It was laughable when she thought that he was about to become a dad with Bianca now. She pushed the thought far from her mind and concentrated on the weekend and the future instead. ‘I was thinking we should have a few nights out in the run up to Christmas,’ she said to Grace. ‘Let’s plan some dates with Amber.’
Two hours later and they were sitting in an assembly hall at Grace’s niece’s primary school.
‘I remember primary school as being big,’ Rachel said, glancing round at the miniature chairs stacked up in the corner of the hall. ‘It’s actually really rather tiny though, isn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Grace agreed. ‘I guess we were smaller so everything seemed bigger back then. Makes sense.’
Grace’s sister, Amanda, was sitting next to Grace chatting to a petite woman next to her with pointy features. She could hear them saying something about the latest homework and another woman in front was now turning round and joining in with the conversation interestedly. It was easy to see why Grace had wanted Rachel to go along as well. Rachel had never seen three women talking about something so mundane as homework with such enthusiasm and vigour; watching them was like looking at the definition of a mothers’ meeting. It was as though they were fighting to speak, desperate to get their words out.
A teacher appeared on the stage to welcome everyone and Rachel’s thoughts turned to Nick and what they should do that night. As much as she’d love him to, he wouldn’t be able to stay at Grace’s house again if Grace was going to be there; it would be disrespectful to bring him back when it wasn’t her house. Rachel wondered if she would be invited to his place and what it would be like. She hoped he was clean and tidy; there were just so many things she didn’t know about him, and again, she felt the feeling of fear creep up on her that she’d slept with him so soon. He was practically a stranger, and if he never contacted her again or answered her calls, she wouldn’t even know how to reach him.
Some little boys came on the stage dressed as shepherds and one of them tripped over his gown, falling straight over into a little heap on the floor. As a teacher reached to help him up, his chin started to wobble and he looked out into the audience to his parents.
‘Oh, bless him,’ Grace said compassionately.
‘Poor little thing,’ Rachel replied, narrowing her eyes in sympathy as she watched him run over to his parents in the crowd. She couldn’t quite see them.
‘His mother won’t be pleased about that,’ Amanda pointed out in hushed tones. ‘She’s like Little Miss Perfect. The poor child is probably so anxious to be the best that he’s tripped over. The dad is kind of hot though,’ she whispered, her eyes twinkling.
It was at that point several people sat back further in their seats and Rachel could see the parents of the little boy that Grace was talking about. Rachel gasped, instantly bringing her hand up to her open mouth. There, sitting alongside a tall, blonde, immaculate woman was Nick. What on earth was he doing here? Rachel’s heart thudded violently as she watched the little shepherd boy run straight into Nick’s arms, Nick hugging him tightly and kissing him tenderly on the forehead.
‘Oh my goodness. Am I going crazy, or isn’t that Nick?’ Grace questioned looking perplexed. ‘You only showed me that photo from his LinkedIn profile, but he looks identical, doesn’t he?’ Her eyes darted to Rachel and her face dropped. ‘Oh Rach, it is him isn’t it? Are you okay? You’ve gone all pale.’
‘What’s that?’ Amanda asked in puzzlement as she gazed at Rachel. ‘What’s happened?’
Rachel felt her face becoming hot. ‘That man over there. It’s Nick Cunningham, isn’t it?’
Amanda was frowning as she nodded, looking intrigued. ‘Yes, Claire and her husband,
Nick Cunningham. They’re Noah’s parents; he’s in the same class as Poppy. Why? Do you know him or something?’
Rachel felt like she had been kicked in the stomach. ‘Oh my God. This isn’t happening.’ She put her head in her hands feeling hurt and betrayed. He was married. He had a child. Of course he did; why had she not questioned why a man of thirty-five was still single with no baggage? She hadn’t ever asked him. She’d been such a fool.
‘She’s been out with him on a few dates,’ Grace explained quietly to Amanda. ‘He never told her he was married.’
‘Oh my God,’ Amanda looked astounded by the news, her eyes as wide as saucers. ‘He failed to mention he was married?’
Rachel nodded, feeling humiliated.
‘Just keep it quiet,’ Grace said sternly before turning to Rachel who was still in a state of shock. ‘Shall we leave, Rachel? Perhaps it’s best we just go.’
‘Yes,’ Rachel replied, putting her coat on. ‘I can’t stay here. He lied to me. How can I just sit there when he is playing happy families with his wife and son just a few feet away? I feel like such an idiot.’ Her eyes were burning with tears.
‘You’re not,’ Grace said putting wrapping her scarf round her neck. ‘Don’t say that, Rach. Don’t let him upset you; he’s not worth it.’
‘Sorry Amanda. I’ll see you soon,’ Rachel said, turning to leave.
‘Yes, sorry,’ Grace added. ‘Make sure you video it and send it to me.’
‘You don’t have to leave,’ Rachel pointed out to Grace, feeling guilty.
Grace eyed her with a look that said, ‘Shut up, I want to leave’. ‘No, I won’t leave you on your own. Let’s go.’
Rachel swallowed the lump in her throat and stood up, hunching down as much as she could, not wanting to cause a scene as she made her way to the exit at the back. She was mortified, stunned to the core. She couldn’t believe he was married! How glad she was that she’d found out sooner rather than later. How would she ever trust a man again? Were they all just lying cheats? It certainly seemed that way. Why did she seem to pick the wrong ones all the time? She was trembling in shock.
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Grace said softly when they were outside in the car park. ‘I’m just so sorry.’
‘I just can’t believe it. He acted single. I didn’t feel the need to ask him! He told me how much he liked me and I believed him. Stupidly, I trusted his every word. I slept with him on the third date,’ she said regretfully, shaking her head in disgust. ‘He must have been laughing at me the whole time. I hate men. I seriously want to remain single forever!’ she declared dramatically. ‘I wasn’t even looking to like someone else so soon after Mark. I wanted to date people, go out with you girls and enjoy myself. How have I ended up feeling like this again so quickly?’
‘I don’t know, but you’ll be okay,’ Grace said supportively. ‘What are you going to say to him? Aren’t you supposed to be seeing him later?’
Rachel’s heart plummeted as she thought about how excited she’d felt earlier. She felt both nauseous and sad. How could Nick have done that to her? Especially after she’d told him the story about Bianca and Mark. She didn’t know if she was more disappointed with him or herself for falling for him. She didn’t even know him and somehow she’d managed to get feelings already! She was being hurt by someone who was practically a stranger. She felt pathetic. So worthless. Had he been feeding her a load of lies, amusing himself that she was so gullible? Did he not think she’d had her fair share of heartache for one year? What kind of monster was he? She breathed slowly to calm herself down. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to see him but I want him to know that I know. I can’t speak to him tonight though; I’m far too angry and upset.’
‘Do you want me to stay in with you? I’ll happily do so,’ Grace offered kindly. ‘We can get a takeaway and some wine. Spend the night slagging men off.’
Rachel smiled, despite the way she was feeling. ‘Thanks Grace, that’s really nice of you, but no. You go out with Steve. Just because I’m down in the dumps doesn’t mean I should be dragging you down with me.’
‘You’re sure?’ Grace checked.
‘I’m certain. I’ll just be drinking myself into a drunken stupor and eating ice cream anyway.’
‘Well, if you change your mind,’ Grace said softly.
Rachel shot her a grateful smile as she put her seatbelt on. She was angry and decided there and then to never let a man treat her this way again. She had her guard up and knew it would take someone extremely special to ever break it down. She was going to be looking out for herself now and felt as though maybe Amber had it right all along; there were tons of reasons why it was better to remain single. She wasn’t sure what would happen in her future and she was really okay with that. If there was one thing she was certain of, she wanted nothing more to do with Nick Cunningham. She never wanted to see that man again.
Chapter 23
Amber sat on the park bench watching a group of teenagers waltzing by smoking. She remembered the first time she’d tried a cigarette. She and her school friend, Lindsey, had met up with Jack and a few of his friends after school one day in the summer. They’d only been about fourteen, and when Jack’s friend had offered her one, Amber had felt silly saying no, so she took it. Jack had tried to stop her; he’d hated smoking and had never been one to cave into peer pressure. He’d always looked out for her, even back then. Of course she’d brushed him off, terrified of not looking cool.
‘It’s only a cigarette, what’s the big deal?’ Amber had asked casually, inhaling the nicotine and trying not to cough. She’d passed it over to Lindsey in the hope that she’d smoke the majority of it. She wasn’t about to admit she hated it. Jack had shrugged helplessly but Amber had secretly loved that he cared about what she did. When her father had left Amber had thought there wouldn’t be a male figure to look out for her again, but Jack had always been protective over her, giving her his opinions and guidance. It had felt so comforting that she could ask him for some male advice and he would be honest and open with her. She knew he had sympathized with the fact that her father had left, especially seeing as he was so close to his own, but he’d said things to make her feel better.
‘It’s his loss,’ she remembered him saying once. ‘He’s the one losing out, Amber. He’s lucky to be your father; anyone would be proud to have you.’
He’d understood that she hated talking about her dad and when one of Amber’s friends once asked why she hadn’t searched for her father, he’d replied for her. ‘Why should she? If anyone should be searching it should be him.’
As Amber sat on the park bench she felt a chill run down her spine. It was still freezing outside, despite the ray of sunshine. The threat of snow remained and she wished she’d wrapped up a little warmer. Seeing her father waiting outside their block of apartments had been the biggest shock in the world. She’d recognized him almost straightaway; he hadn’t changed apart from his hair now being grey instead of black and a few more wrinkles, as though someone had taken a pencil and drawn lines around his eyes. But other than that, he was still the same man in the photographs from when she was younger. He was still the same faded memory.
He had looked gobsmacked when he realized who Amber was.
‘Amber?’ he’d half-laughed, half-gasped. ‘It can’t be you, can it?’ He’d looked her up in down in awe. ‘Wow, you look so grown up. So beautiful.’
Amber had felt unsettled and angry suddenly. Her father was standing opposite her, but he was a complete stranger. What was he there for? What did he want after all this time? She was annoyed that he hadn’t announced he was coming. What right did he have to suddenly turn up on their doorstep without letting them knowing he was coming after all these years? Who did this man think he was?
‘Yes, I grew up,’ she stated harshly. ‘Who were you expecting to see? The five-year-old girl you abandoned?’
He looked ashamed, shifting on the spot awkwardly. ‘I know you must be angry, sweet
heart. I know there’s absolutely no excuse for what I did all those years ago—’
‘And to my mum too,’ she interjected in steely tones. ‘Why are you here after all these years?’
He looked tormented. ‘I’ve been meaning to come back for years, darling. It’s complicated; there’s so much more to it than your mother has probably told you. You were just a child, Amber. Times were hard back then. I don’t want to cause you or your mother any stress or upset by showing up. I came here to tell your mother that my cousin, Michael, recently passed away. I know she hasn’t seen him for years, but they were close back then and I’m aware they sometimes call each other for a chat. She’d want to know. I thought by coming here I might be able to see you too. I’ve thought about you every day.’
Amber had frowned furiously. ‘All this time you knew where I lived. You’ve never once called. You’ve never even wished me a happy Christmas or birthday; why on earth would I ever want to talk to you? You deserted me, Dad, and you’ve never looked back.’
‘That’s not true. Like I said, it’s complicated.’ He looked humiliated and clearly he was finding the situation terribly difficult, his eyes darting from the floor to her face as he spoke. ‘I want to see you. I’ve always wanted to see you but the longer it went on, the harder it was. I know there’s nothing I can do to ever make it up to you, but I’d like to get to know you again, Amber.’
Amber didn’t know what to say so remained silent, unable to believe that her father was really standing in front of her. Over the years she’d dreamt of this moment; hoping that one day he would realize he was an idiot who wanted her back in his life. She’d always had a feeling of rejection, and no matter how many people told her it was his loss, she couldn’t help but feel unwanted and disregarded.