by Laura Ziepe
‘You’re joking?’ Rachel interrupted, incredulous.
‘I wish I was,’ Amber answered miserably. ‘She just turned up with a cake and of course the others then felt the need to invite her in. I left as soon as she turned up. Anyway, Natalya is the least of my worries,’ she said, her voice breaking slightly.
‘Go on. What else happened?’ Grace gently pressed.
Rachel thought Amber looked thin and pale as she spoke.
‘My father showed up,’ Amber told them in disbelief, a look of puzzlement on her face, her eyes darkening. ‘He was there on Friday evening when I arrived home, looking for my mum. After all these years, he was just standing there, like he’d never been away. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I still can’t believe it.’
‘Oh my goodness, Amber,’ Rachel gasped, her jaw dropping.
‘Then to make things even worse I met up with Jack to tell him about it. We ended up having a huge fight and I told him what I really thought of Natalya; it all just came tumbling out of my mouth. I’ve ruined our friendship just like I feared I would.’
Grace bit her lip. ‘Oh, I’m sure things will smooth over between the pair of you. You’re so close. I’m sure this won’t change that.’
‘Yes,’ Amber replied wanly. ‘We were close. But not now. Not now that he’s met her and she’s trying to dominate him. He’s on her side. He seemed so surprised by the things I was saying, as though I’d lost the plot.’
‘What did your mum say about your dad showing up?’ Rachel wondered curiously. It seemed weird that Amber was talking about her father. It had always just been Amber and her mum since Rachel had known her. Amber’s father had never been in the picture and she never spoke about him.
‘I’m seeing her this evening,’ Amber said worriedly. ‘I have no idea what she’s going to say. I had planned to see her the day I met up with Jack but I was too upset. I had too much on my mind. Then yesterday she was out with friends and she sounded so happy when I spoke to her on the phone that I didn’t want to ruin her mood. I’m really dreading telling her.’
‘Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think,’ Grace said, lines appearing on her forehead as she squeezed Amber’s hand.
‘Anyway,’ said Amber in slightly brighter tones, ‘how were both your weekends? What did you get up to? I’m thinking tomorrow night we need to go out for Christmas drinks. I need cheering up.’
‘I was going to suggest going out too,’ Rachel replied, before telling Amber all about the play and seeing Nick and his family. Amber looked dumbfounded as the story unfolded.
‘Wow Rach, you seem to be having such a hard time,’ she said empathetically. ‘Looks like you definitely need drinks tomorrow as much as I do.’
The rest of the day seemed to fly by; Tidemans was manically busy with people rushing around, busy ticking presents off their Christmas lists. Rachel didn’t even notice the hours going past as she was kept occupied recommending make-up products to customers as well as applying make-up when they wanted it. She didn’t hear him approach her from behind and she didn’t hear him when he called her name. The Christmas music was blasting out making it difficult to hear much at all. But Rachel did see Amber gesticulate that she needed to turn around and Rachel almost gasped when she saw Nick standing there in front of her.
‘I can’t talk,’ she said, irritated that he’d actually turned up at her workplace and feeling flustered in front of the customer she was serving. ‘I’m busy.’
‘I understand that,’ Nick replied in placatory tones. ‘The store closes in fifteen minutes so I’ll wait. I really need to speak to you.’
‘What is there to say?’ Rachel snapped, ignoring the stares from the customers that were overhearing.
‘Rachel, please,’ he pleaded patiently. ‘I’ll be waiting for you outside. I’m not going anywhere until I’ve spoken to you.’
‘Ah, give him a chance love, he sounds like he’s sorry,’ said a grey-haired lady who had been browsing face creams, flashing her a smile.
‘Sorry?’ Rachel challenged. ‘He lied to me. I was seeing him and then found out that he’s married with a child!’
‘Oh dear, what an awful thing to do,’ said the grey-haired lady pushing her glasses further up her nose, staring at Nick with daggers in her eyes.
Nick held his hands up. ‘She hasn’t even given me a chance to talk to her. I need to explain a few things…’
‘Are you or are you not married with a child?’ Rachel demanded to know, noticing that more customers were now standing around listening to what was going on.
‘Yes, be honest with the girl,’ another tall lady commanded in an angry voice.
‘Okay, okay,’ Nick responded, sounding beaten, looking round at the crowd of furious faces gazing in his direction. ‘Yes, I’m married and I do have a child…’
‘Then that’s all I need to know. Now leave me alone,’ Rachel barked icily, before swivelling round and getting back to her customer.
She swallowed hard. That really was all she needed to know.
Chapter 26
Amber felt nervous as she knocked on her mum’s door, holding the letter from her father. This was it. There was no turning back now and no excuses; she needed to tell her mum that her father was back. She just hoped it wouldn’t upset her too much.
‘Hello, how was work?’ her mum said as she opened the door. ‘Your make-up looks lovely. I have a little work Christmas do I’m going to on Friday and was wondering if you could do my make-up? I’ve taken the day off so will pop into the store to see you.’
‘Yes of course,’ Amber smiled, sitting down in the kitchen. ‘Perhaps come around two o’clock when we’ve all been on our lunch breaks. I’ll put you in the diary.’
It was clean and tidy as usual, the surfaces sparkling and the grey tiled floor gleaming having just been cleaned. The little Christmas tree in the corner of the room was immaculate; red and gold decorations scattered perfectly covering the whole tree as though she’d measured the space between each ornament. Amber always wondered why she hadn’t inherited her mother’s need for everything to be spotless; she had a much more relaxed approach when it came to house cleaning and decorating.
‘I’ve made us spaghetti Bolognese,’ she said, stirring the mincemeat on the stove.
‘Perfect. Thanks,’ Amber replied, her heart beating a little faster as she held onto the letter, her hands starting to become clammy. ‘Mum, I need to tell you something.’
Her mother turned round to face her, a look of confusion on her face. ‘What’s up?’
Amber took a deep breath and swallowed hard. ‘On Friday night when I came back home after Jack’s dinner, Dad was here. He was looking for you and I recognized him. He wanted to tell you his cousin, Michael, has recently passed away.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Anyway, he’s left you this letter.’
‘Well, I never,’ her mother finally said in amazement as she took the letter. ‘Talk about blast from the past.’ Her mouth fell open as she read the letter in silence.
‘Are you okay?’ Amber panicked when her mother put the letter on the kitchen surface and stared out of the window vacantly.
‘Mm?’ Her mother span around looking a million miles away, her eyes filled with tears. ‘Yes, it’s just come as a bit of a shock, that’s all. I haven’t seen your father, Phillip, in years and Michael, well, I haven’t spoken to him in a long while either. Though he did always keep in touch. What else did he say?’
‘He said he was sorry and that he wanted to see me.’ Amber blinked a few times, adding hastily, ‘He doesn’t deserve it though of course, and I’d never speak to him again if I knew it would upset you. I know he’s a waste of space who ditched us, and you’re the one who has been there for me.’
Amber’s mother gulped and looked distracted. ‘There’s a bit more to the story than I told you, Amber.’ She sat down opposite Amber and held her hand, looking a little guilty.
‘What?’ Amber ventured.
Her mother inh
aled deeply. ‘Perhaps it wasn’t all your father’s fault for what happened.’
Amber frowned intensely. ‘What do you mean, Mum? Don’t go making excuses for him. He had a gambling problem. He left us. He’s never tried to contact me all these years. There’s nothing you can say to excuse that.’
‘Yes, he did have a gambling problem.’ Her mother nodded, looking deep in thought. ‘He had been lying to me. So many lies,’ she said, looking as if she still couldn’t take it in all these years later. ‘He was in lots of debt and it became his whole life; the obsession of trying to make the money back was his main priority. He lived in a dream world, his own little bubble. I hardly ever saw him and when I did, he was quiet and tired, his mind on how to make his next bit of money. How to win back what he’d just lost. He believed he would be up in the end. That’s the problem – gamblers can’t see when to quit and they really do think they can win more, until it’s too late. He was depressed, but I didn’t realize at the time. His cousin, Michael, was there for me. He was the one I confided in when your father didn’t come home after losing loads of money or spending all his nights in casinos, and I’m ashamed to say that our relationship grew to become more than just friends. I was fond of Michael, he was a lovely man, but I never loved him like I did your dad. I just relished having someone there to comfort me.’
Amber was astounded. ‘You had an affair?’
Her mother bit her lip and nodded, looking ashamed, her eyes downcast. ‘Yes. I’m certainly not proud of it, but you can’t imagine what it was like to live with your father, Amber. He became a stranger to me and the constant lies and deceit just got too much for me to handle. When he found out, he was devastated and left. That was the last time I ever saw him. I was so angry that he hadn’t stuck around to even attempt to make our marriage work; he wouldn’t take responsibility for anything. He was devastated and so hung up on the fact he’d been betrayed that I don’t think he took enough time to consider that he was leaving you. He blamed the failure of our marriage on me,’ she said defensively, looking sad. ‘He did write to me about six months later asking whether he could see you, but I was so irate and angry that I ignored him. I didn’t see Michael after that either, though he’s always called me throughout the years just to catch up. I couldn’t be with Michael though; it wouldn’t have been fair to him. I would have been using him because I was lonely. My whole life had been turned upside down but I vowed to get through it all on my own. When your father left I told myself I was better off alone than ever depending on a man again.’
Amber couldn’t believe it; her mother had had an affair and she’d never been told. She was furious that her mother had never told her the whole story, but it still didn’t make it acceptable that her father had just left them. One little letter asking to see her six months later didn’t make much difference, did it? He’d hardly made a massive effort. But at least now she could understand her father’s reasons for having to go. For just getting up and departing. It made much more sense and the thought was easier to bear now she knew he’d had his heart broken.
‘Please say something, Amber. I feel really bad for never telling you the truth, but I was just terrified you’d blame me for your father’s absence. I’ve felt guilty for years, wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t had the affair. We could have seen a counsellor. I should have got your father more help, perhaps, I don’t know. He wasn’t a good husband when he became an addict, but then I wasn’t a great wife in the end either.’ She sniffed and wiped under her eyes.
‘I don’t blame you, Mum. I don’t know what to think, but I do understand there’s a lot more to the story now than I ever realized. I just wish you’d been truthful; for all these years I genuinely just thought my dad left me for no reason at all.’
‘And for that I’m really sorry. I just didn’t want you to hate me,’ her mother said, a tear rolling down her cheek. ‘The truth is, I really loved your father. I truly loved that man and a part of me always has. His gambling was an illness; it didn’t mean it was okay for him to lie, but he needed help. I should have tried to get help for him rather than turn my back on him and cheat myself. I’ve always wished that things had turned out differently. The truth is, I’ve blamed myself for all these years, though I’ve never agreed with the way he just run away either. If I have any advice, it’s that when you find love Amber, never let it go. Do everything in your power to keep it and make it work, because true love doesn’t come around very often,’ she told her seriously, gazing into her eyes. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying, Amber? If you find love, grab it with both hands and never let it go. Do everything you can to keep it.’
Amber nodded. ‘I’ll bear that in mind for future.’
Her mother looked at her knowingly. ‘Darling, you need to tell Jack how you really feel about him. I know you too well. Don’t be stubborn and proud like I am. Tell him how you feel before it’s too late. You’ll never forgive yourself otherwise,’ she told her sagely.
Amber was about to deny it and tell her mother she’d got it all wrong, but realized at that point that it didn’t matter what she said, her mother knew the truth. Obviously to her mother, it was clear to see how she really felt about Jack. ‘I’m scared, Mum. We argued on Saturday about Natalya. If I tell him how I really feel, I’m petrified I’ll lose him forever.’
Her mother nodded in understanding. ‘Just tell him, Amber. At least then you won’t live with regret. There’s nothing worse than that. He can’t hate you for loving him, can he? Follow your heart.’
Amber looked into the distance, unsure what to do. Jack wasn’t even talking to her at the moment. It definitely wasn’t the right time to come clean. Would there ever be a right time? Was her mum right? Would it be worse to live with the regret if she never told him how she really felt? ‘What shall I do about Dad?’ she wondered. ‘I had a missed call from an unknown mobile number last night that I’m assuming was him, but I wanted to talk to you first.’
‘Amber, please don’t worry about what I think. If you want to see your father then I won’t ever blame you. You only get one, after all. He may not have been the best dad in the world running off for years and only ever sending one letter, but I do feel partly to blame for that. I broke his heart. Maybe just hear him out? Then if you decide you never want to speak to him again, at least you know you did try.’
Amber nodded slowly digesting what her mother was saying. She was right. Perhaps her father deserved a chance, even if it was just one.
She couldn’t deny that meeting her father again was going to be scary, but it was nothing compared to telling Jack how she really felt. Amber took a deep breath making the decision to call her father back as soon as she went home.
She didn’t know exactly when she would tell Jack she loved him as they’d left things on such bad terms, but she knew it would be soon. She just prayed to God that he felt the same way or she was going to be spending Christmas with an extremely broken heart.
Chapter 27
Grace giggled as Simon quickly zipped up his jeans and did the buttons on his shirt up.
‘Quick,’ she hissed. ‘I think I heard someone go into another cubicle.’
They were late night shopping as Grace needed a new dress to wear to her work Christmas ball. No sooner had Simon caught a glimpse of her stripping down to her underwear through the curtains he’d pounced on her, and, as much as Grace had found it a turn-on doing it in such a risky place, she also hoped that no one would actually catch them; she would be mortified. She cringed as she imagined a sales assistant flinging back the curtains and catching them during the act. The thought made her more flustered than she already was. What had got into her lately? This kind of thing only happened to couples in a new relationship during the honeymoon period, didn’t it? As she ushered Simon back to the seating area outside the changing room, she smiled, unable to believe what they’d just been up to. Their relationship hadn’t been half as exciting before she’d left Simon, and it was remark
able what a change there was in him. It gave her hope for their future together.
Grace buttoned up the long sleek, black dress which was a blend of cashmere and silk and felt completely effortless. It was perfect for the party and the look on Simon’s face as she waltzed out of the cubicle and span around confirmed this.
‘Wow, you look incredible,’ he said genuinely, his eyes lighting up.
‘Do you think?’ Grace said, turning round to view herself in all angles. ‘You’re sure it doesn’t make my thighs look big?’
He shot her a look as though she was crazy. ‘Grace, you look stunning. I swear to you. That’s the dress, trust me.’
Grace couldn’t help but smile. ‘Thanks,’ she said, walking back into the changing room to get dressed back into her clothes.
‘Are you taking it?’ Simon asked as he stood up moments later when she walked out, ready to go.
‘Yes.’
‘Let me buy it for you,’ he offered kindly, taking her hand as they walked to the cash register.
‘No, don’t be silly,’ Grace replied, not used to Simon being so generous. He’d never been one to splash his cash on clothes and usually hated shopping. He’d been giving and thoughtful at the start of their relationship, often buying her flowers and little gifts, but all that had soon faded away the longer they were together.
‘I want to buy it for you, Grace,’ he said earnestly. ‘Please let me get it. It can be part of your Christmas present. I’ve already bought you a few things but I’d like to pay for this dress too; you look beautiful in it.’
Grace smiled widely and kissed him on the lips. ‘Thank you, I really appreciate it.’
As they shopped for the rest of the evening, Simon seemed quiet and withdrawn.
‘Shall we stop quickly and get a coffee?’ Grace suggested, wondering if he was tired with shopping. It certainly wasn’t normally something they would do together and she guessed Simon was most likely getting bored.