As though in slow motion, Lori replayed the scene in her mind. She’d been so out of control while completely in control at the same time. Margaret had to be confused as hell, but Lori couldn’t bring herself to discuss the awkward elephant. She couldn’t begin to articulate how she felt, let alone talk it over with her sub. And that sucked more than anything else. It wasn’t fair to Margaret to leave her sitting in silence with no explanation.
Lori had never shared intimate details about her past. Margaret knew the gist of things, but not the specifics. That part of Lori’s life was in the past. She’d never expected to drag those skeletons out and toss them around. Both she and Margaret had skirted the edge of certain topics about their pasts. It was understood they both had baggage.
Margaret stared out the passenger window, away from Lori. Lori swallowed around the pain she felt, knowing she was hurting Margaret.
The dark, mysterious world passed by outside, revealing very few of its hidden secrets. Lori wanted answers to questions she was afraid to ask. She blinked, praying she’d imagined the entire evening and Jude Cavanaugh had not just waltzed into Emergence this evening and taken over as though he’d never left.
When they pulled into the garage, Lori exited the car as though she’d driven there alone. She left Margaret in the front seat and entered the kitchen through the side door. She left the door open when she passed, trying not to be a complete bitch but needing space and time to think.
Lori headed for the master bedroom and then made a beeline for the bathroom. She had the water running and was in the shower before Margaret stepped into the room. The first thing she needed to do before she could breathe properly was wash Jude’s touch off her skin.
As she regained control over her heart rate, she could sense Margaret watching her. She stared at her sub through the glass door. Margaret dropped her jacket on a chair and peeled herself slowly out of her tight denim miniskirt and the bra she’d worn as a shirt. She kicked off her heels and lifted her gaze to Lori. Head held high, she padded across the room and didn’t hesitate to enter the shower behind Lori.
Lori was her Domme, and they’d worked things out perfectly so that Margaret held the role of sub about fifty percent of the time, basically when they were both home and not working. However, Margaret was taller than Lori by several inches. She easily wrapped herself around Lori and pulled her body back until they both stood under the cascade of hot water nestled together.
Lori watched the steam rise as Margaret held her, feeling as though Margaret were the top and Lori the bottom. That had never been the case for a moment in their relationship. But Lori needed consoling, and she relaxed into Margaret’s embrace.
Lori gripped Margaret’s forearms where they rested under her breasts. She held on tight, her head hanging. “I’m so sorry. So sorry…”
Margaret kissed her temple and wiped Lori’s thick red curls from her face. “It’s okay. I’m here.” Was that even a good thing? Lori gritted her teeth, afraid anything she said would hurt Margaret deeply.
Margaret rocked Lori back and forth as Lori released her tears and let them slide down her face. Margaret didn’t comment. She just held her tighter.
When Lori was spent, she sucked in a long breath and forced a smile. She didn’t mention the tears, but she wiggled free of Margaret’s grasp, grabbed the shampoo and proceeded to squeeze a line onto her palm. “Kneel,” she said as she nodded toward the tile.
Margaret flinched, but she did as she was told, her body conditioned to follow instructions. She kneeled on the hard floor as she had many times, and Lori worked her magic fingers into her scalp.
It felt so good to pamper her sub. Normal. Maybe she could use the daily routine as a way to apologize. When she finished, she helped Margaret stand. “Keep your eyes closed.” It wouldn’t be hard with shampoo running down her face.
Lori popped the lid of the body soap and smelled the scent of gardenias as she poured it on the loofah. Margaret moaned as Lori gently washed her body. Lori turned her around and took great care caressing the lines that stretched across her back. Normally Lori would comment on how sexy they looked. Tonight she said nothing.
Lori let the loofah roam over Margaret’s entire body, caressing even her intimate areas as always. Margaret gripped the wall with both hands when Lori nudged her legs apart and washed her pussy with precision.
“Step under the spray, pet.” Lori held Margaret’s arm and angled her toward the water.
When Margaret finally opened her eyes, Lori felt more composed. Almost normal.
Lori smiled, flipped off the water and then stepped out of the shower. “I’m exhausted.” She grabbed her favorite fluffy towel and wrapped her body in the enormous terry cloth that almost reached the floor.
Margaret followed as Lori moved through her nightly rituals, a lump in her throat making it difficult to complete her routine.
Minutes later, they climbed between the sheets.
Lori pulled Margaret to her chest and held her, stroking her hair, tangling her fingers in the wet locks.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Margaret finally asked.
Minutes passed. Lori closed her eyes and pondered the question.
Chapter Three
Lori’s brain ran a mile a minute. She couldn’t find the words to express what she didn’t understand herself. It was late, three in the morning. But she wasn’t tired and she knew Margaret wasn’t sleeping either.
She needed to open up and spill some of her past. It was the only way. Words she’d never wanted to speak, ones that had no business ever leaving her lips, had to escape. The damage was done. There was no other option that would be fair to Margaret.
Lori licked her lips and steadied her hand in Margaret’s hair, holding her lover to her shoulder. Maybe if she didn’t have to look her in the eye, it would be easier to talk.
“He was my Dom.”
Margaret didn’t move or speak, bless her. The only sign she was awake was the way she stroked Lori’s belly with the hand she’d flung across her.
“I lived under Jude’s charge for two years. He was my…everything.” There was no sense sugarcoating it. “I thought…I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life. He’s very…overwhelming.”
Margaret chuckled gently. “That’s an understatement.”
Lori smiled. “I fell under his spell quickly when we met. I was young. Twenty-six. He was older. Wiser. Larger than life. And he adored me.”
“Did you meet him at Emergence?”
“Yes. He was the head Dom at the club when I first started going there. I was new to the scene. A guppy, he said. I had dabbled in BDSM for several years, but Jason had put me off.”
“Why?”
Lori had never told Margaret any of this. She knew the woman was curious. She couldn’t blame her. “Jason is like a father to me. You know that part. When my own father died when I was young, he was always there for me, guiding me. He paid my college tuition. He helped me find my first apartment. He did more for me than my own mother.”
“Why?”
“He was my dad’s best friend. Felt like he owed it to his friend to help make sure his daughter was taken care of.”
“And all the while you never knew you had a half sister, right?”
“Oh, I knew. I just hadn’t seen her more than a handful of times as a toddler, and when her mother ran off with her, I didn’t know how to find her.” Stephanie’s arrival just months ago, after all those years, still made Lori smile. The woman was a godsend. Lori loved her to pieces.
“Anyway, Jude was not just a regular at the club, he was the top dog. Jason was still trying to talk me out of the lifestyle when I started attending. He feared he’d influenced me in some way and felt responsible for my ‘demise’.” Lori smiled into Margaret’s hair again.
“Yeah, he was beside himself when Stephanie sho
wed up as a submissive. I can imagine him trying to talk you out of it.”
“Also an understatement. So when Jude showed an interest in me, Jason was less than pleased. Jude initially insisted he was just looking out for me, showing me the ropes. I knew better. Jude did too. Jason kept a watchful eye, but I was a consenting adult and made my own choices.”
“You moved in with him.”
“I did. It happened fast. One day he was teaching me about bondage and the next minute he was topping me himself. We’d been skirting the issue for weeks. I know he tried to keep from falling for me, but it was inevitable, like a chain bound us to each other and we couldn’t escape the pull.”
“I can see that. He’s…”
“Yeah, he’s all that…and more.” Lori closed her eyes, trying to keep on track. “I lived with him for two years as his submissive. It seemed like the perfect arrangement. He was in the military. I assume he still is. He never spoke much about it. He worked normal hours most days, with the occasional times when he went away for training ops.”
“And you?”
“I…stayed in his home.”
“You didn’t work?”
“No. I had been working in marketing when we met. My job was demanding, however. I worked long hours for little pay at a small firm. Jude hated how unavailable I was, and then when I got home I was always exhausted and worried about the next day. He wanted more of me and convinced me he made enough money to take care of me.
“He nagged me for weeks until I finally relented and quit my job to become his full-time submissive.”
“Wow. I can’t picture that from you.”
“I’m sure you can’t. I’ve changed. A lot.” Haven’t I?
Margaret pulled herself free of Lori’s clutches and sat up. She tugged the blanket around her naked body and sat cross-legged, facing Lori. “Go on,” she encouraged. Nothing in her face said she was angry.
“There isn’t much more to tell. I’m sure you can fill in the blanks.” Lori felt the flush rise on her cheeks. “I was happy. Ecstatic. I took over Jude’s home and ran it like a perfect tight ship. I did everything domestic out of a need to be busy, not because he asked it of me. And when he got home each night, I was available to him.
“He ruled my nights. I ran his home by day.”
“And then?”
“And then he came home one day, or some possessed version of him did anyway. He was distraught, running his fingers through his hair, panicked. He said he was tired of the D/s life. It didn’t suit him anymore.”
Margaret gasped, her jaw hanging open.
“Yeah, I knew he was full of shit from the moment he walked in the door. He’d been fine the day before. Hell, even that morning. There had never been any indication he didn’t want me anymore.” Lori lifted her arms and speared her fingers into her hair. Memories of that day would haunt her for the rest of her life. Dragging them to the surface could be her undoing.
“He darted around the house like a lunatic, not himself at all. I stood in one spot, naked the entire time, and watched him toss things around while he ranted about how he didn’t want me anymore and needed space.
“I didn’t realize what he was doing, but all the while he was packing. He filled several suitcases with his most important belongings and set them by the door.”
“You just stood there?”
“What could I do? I didn’t know who he was at that moment. My head was swimming and the details were floating around me like an old-time film reel. I don’t even think I saw in color.”
“God.”
“After he’d packed, he went to his home office. I stood rooted in the living room, where I’d greeted him when he’d entered. I listened as he rummaged around for several minutes. Finally he returned and set a stack of papers on the coffee table. ‘Everything you need is here,’ he said. ‘The house is yours. Do whatever you want with it. The deed is in your name. The car is too.’ He didn’t even look me in the eye as he walked away.
“He paused for a moment at the door, his fingers on the handle. Without turning around, he said his last words. ‘I won’t be back. I promise. I’m sorry.’”
“Fuck.” Margaret lifted one hand and tentatively set it on Lori’s arm.
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“What’d you do?”
“I stood there for a long time until it grew dark. When I got too tired and my legs wouldn’t hold me up, I lay down on the couch and pulled the afghan around me. Hours went by before I cried. And then I never stopped for the entire night. I lay there sobbing like a baby, unable to comprehend what had happened.
“The next morning Jason showed up. The front door hadn’t even been locked. I was still on the couch in a pool of tears and saliva. I barely remember what happened over the next week as Jason dragged me through the process of living.”
“How did he know?”
“Jude told him. He texted him and told him to take care of me. Then he must have destroyed that phone because no one was ever able to contact him on it again.”
Lori took a deep breath. It felt good. Better than she expected. Getting that story off her chest and out in the open purged her of some of the pain. She’d never shared the tale with anyone. Jason was the only person alive who knew any of the details. Others at the club had known Jude left town, but none were privy to the nitty-gritty.
“I’m so sorry,” Margaret said.
Lori wrapped her arms around her current lover and tugged her down next to her. She needed human contact. It wasn’t fair and she had no idea what was going to become of them, but she needed skin on skin to make her feel alive.
Margaret easily complied, wrapping herself around Lori, stretching a leg across her body and kissing her temple. “It’s going to be okay.”
Lori didn’t believe a word of it and she doubted Margaret did either, but she slowed her breathing and eventually fell asleep in her lover’s arms.
Carlton sat in one of the plush, comfortable chairs in Jason’s office. It was noon and Jason hadn’t made an appearance yet. He was on his way, though. This, Carlton knew from a brief text that didn’t indicate whether or not Jason was already informed about last night’s antics or not.
In either case, Carlton was right where he needed to be. Waiting. Either he was going to be the informant or he was about to get an earful from Jason, filled with questions to which Carlton had no answers.
Sure enough, the door at the rear entrance opened and shut in just moments. Jason hustled around the corner into the office and paused when he saw Carlton lounging away in his space.
“Hey.” He smiled as he dropped his briefcase on the end of the table and rounded to his chair. “The traffic was crazy out there this morning. There was some kind of accident on the highway and—”
He stopped talking and lowered himself to his seat as he stared at Carlton. “You weren’t sitting in my office alone because you like the décor, were you?”
Carlton smiled, or tried to anyway. “Nope.” Clearly Jason was privy to nothing yet, which meant Lori hadn’t called him last night or this morning. Neither had Jude. Interesting.
Carlton sat up straighter, steepled his fingers in front of him and leaned on the desk. There was no easy way to start, so he jumped. “Jude was here last night.”
“Jude?” Jason froze. “Our Jude?”
“Do you know any other?”
“Holy shit. What did he say? How is he? Wait. Was Lori here?”
Carlton nodded. “She was here all right. She enacted a shibari scene with Maggie. Or tried to anyway.”
“What do you mean?” Jason shook his head.
“When Jude came in, he more or less took over.” Carlton flattened his hands on the mahogany surface in front of him as though it would ground him in some way.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.”
“It wasn’t. Well, to anyone else standing around, it seemed rather normal I suppose, but nothing about Jude’s presence was run of the mill.”
“When you say he ‘took over’…”
“I mean he stepped onto the mat and directed the entire scene as though he were Dom to both women.”
“Shit.”
“Exactly.”
“And you let him get away with that?”
Carlton rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t happy. Believe me. But Lori insisted. I think she was trying to save face. Half the club watched.”
“How did Lori take that?”
Carlton shook his head. “That’s the thing. It was weird. At first she rebuffed Jude, but then it was like she fell into a trance. She followed his demands just as she had years ago. Anyone who didn’t know them would never believe the three of them didn’t do this sort of thing every weekend.”
“How did Margaret react? I bet she was pissed.”
Carlton swallowed. He gripped his thighs with both hands and then shook his head. “Not really. She looked a little stunned and confused at first, but then Lori reassured her and she went along. A little too easily for a woman who doesn’t do men.”
Carlton stood and began to pace. He ran his hands through his hair and then swiped them down his face. He was tired. He hadn’t slept more than a few hours. His heart pounded from the visualization of what he’d witnessed. “Jude has a way…”
Jason chuckled sardonically. “Yes, he does. He’s a powerful Dom.”
A shiver made Carlton shake. “I’m kicking myself for not stopping him. Even though Lori gave me the evil eye.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. When Jude is in a room, everyone takes heed.”
Carlton shook his head. “Not me.”
“And yet?”
“Okay, me too. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t watch the entire scene. I was needed at the front door. Besides, Lori brushed me off, making it clear she wanted no interference from me.”
“God. Lori must be stomping angry. They didn’t fight after?”
Carlton shook his head again. “Nope. Jude disappeared the second the scene ended. Never saw him again.”
Bound to be Tested: Emergence, Book 3 Page 4