by HJ Bellus
My mother collapses to the ground in a sobbing mess. We’ve all put on the brave face when Guy and Amos were here. It was the pride stemming from our hometown heroes, but now that they’re on their way overseas for an entire year it’s a different story. Our hearts are silently breaking in this moment.
It’s the first time I see my dad wipe a tear from his cheek while helping my mother to her feet. She’s broken. I’ve never seen her like this. I feel the dirt below my feet fade away and my entire world change.
8
Molly
All of the red, white, and blue makes me physically sick. It’s a cruel reminder of the freedom our men are fighting for. Everyone sings with excitement celebrating our great country. It seems all the citizens rather enjoy hotdogs, beer, and fireworks.
I’ve received a few letters from Guy. Each one has made me smile. He shares some of the experiences over there, but mainly talks about coming home. Amos always scribbles some lame put-down on the page with his signature by it. The last letter I gasped when I read what he wrote.
Don’t worry pretty boy’s black eye will heal nicely. I mean I had to punch him when he told me he was in love with my little sister. It’s the brotherly thing to do, you know. Oh, and his other black eye when I put together why you came out of the barn the morning we left will take a little longer to heal.
I indulge my mother and go to the parade with her and then the community barbecue. I pulled from the Fourth of July rodeo to stay home for a call from the boys. It will be the first call and makes this day creep by. I’m so thankful they can actually make calls and send emails this deployment.
I see friends from high school and it takes everything in me to foster up a fake smile and speak to them. They’re all excited to move off to college and live in their dorms and blah, blah, blah. I never had college in my life agenda, even before Guy. My heart has always belonged on the ranch.
I train horses and help with the cows. The whole barn is practically mine now. People from surrounding towns bring me their horses to train. My heart really belongs in training horses to run barrels. There’s big money in it and it makes me happy, so not attending college has never even been a decision.
My mother nudges me with her elbow as we finish our meals.
“Trig is over there.”
I look up to see her eyeing down the one man she’s always wanted me to marry. We’d dated for nearly all of my sophomore year, but he wanted more and I simply wanted less.
“Not going to happen, mother.”
“Sweetie, c’mon. I refuse to let you stay home on the ranch and become a hermit.”
“I’m not.”
“Are you sure you’re not a lesbian, dear? I mean I’d be okay with it and all.”
I spit the beer all over the picnic table. I’d been sneaking drinks off my dad while he was off shooting the shit with local friends.
“Jesus, mother.” I dab my mouth to soak up the beer dripping from it. “That burned.”
“Serves you right for drinking that trash, but like I said…”
“Enough. I’m not a lesbian,” I squeal all too loudly.
“Molly.” I look up to see Trig standing before us. He’s dressed in swim shorts, his shirt off and thrown over his shoulder with his snapback on backwards.
The thing about Trig and I is that we’re made from the same cloth. We both love the cowboy way and the ranches we grew up in. Seeing him in this attire is a rare sighting.
“Hey, Trig.” I smile and wave weakly.
“Mrs. Marshall.” He dips his head to my mother and I swear I can already hear her planning my damn wedding.
“Molly, we’re going out to the lake in the next hour. A bunch of us before we all head off to college.”
“Nice.” I nod.
I have no damn interest to go. Nothing there for me.
“Oh, honey, you should go,” my mother squeals way too delighted.
I shift on the bench and clear my throat. Thoughts of how to get out of this all race through my mind. Diarrhea…I could tell him I have the liquid shits and shut down Operation Get Molly Out Of The House immediately.
“I haven’t been feeling too well,” I reply.
I start lightly to see how far these two will push me. It’s the actual truth. I’ve felt like shit lately, beyond exhausted.
“It will do you good to get out, Molly. Fresh air and all.” My mom swings her hand in the air.
I hear Grandpa clear his throat across from us and I want to kick him in the leg. I need his help right about now.
I’m left with no other option than to pull out the big guns. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to go swimming with…”
“She has to work calves.” My grandpa cuts me off. “She’ll have to take a rain check this time, Trig.”
Trig tips his head to Grandpa and then leaves. A friend of my mother’s stops by the table to chat, so I’m off the hot seat from her.
“Thanks.” I look up to my grandpa.
“Didn’t want you to have to pull the diarrhea card.”
I chuckle knowing this man can practically read my mind. “I’m not a lesbian.”
He stares back at me. “I know, Hop, I know where your heart is. I may be old, but I’m not dumb.”
“Do you worry about them?” My question comes out of nowhere.
“Every day.”
“Me too.” I offer him a weak smile.
My mother and dad spend the rest of the afternoon chatting with their friends answering all sorts of questions about Amos and Guy. They enjoy being social where Grandpa and I would rather be spectators.
By the time we make it back to the ranch dusk is settling in. Mom goes to the computer and phone to wait on standby in case today is the day we get the call. She has strict instructions to come get me if today is the day the call comes.
I work a few of the horses, feed, and clean out their stalls before heading back to the house. I stop by Guy’s room like I do every night and fall into the bed. His scent barely lingers in the bedding. I bury my face in and cry. I miss him so damn much.
The ranch is the perfect viewing point for nighttime fireworks. It sits higher on a butte and the firework show can be seen from three other towns. As kids, we use to climb up onto the top of the hay shed with blankets, pillows, and white chocolate dipped pretzels. Amos groaned and bitched about me going up with him and Guy, but he knew he’d get a whipping if he didn’t take me.
It was Guy who’d hold out his hand and help me up. This will be the third Fourth of July where the tin roof of the hay shed won’t have its kids up there. It didn’t feel right once they were gone. So much in my life changed when they left.
I walk down the hallway with my wet hair pulled up high on my head, white tank top, and black shorts. The house is quiet with anticipation floating through it.
“Hop, it’s ringing get in here.”
I pick up my pace down the hall and take the stairs two at a time.
“The damn computer is ringing.” I hear my dad growl.
Jesus, technology and my parents do not mingle at all.
I race to my open laptop and click the green button. The screen is black for several seconds. Chills of excitement race through me while we wait for them to appear on the screen. I can feel my parents hovering over my shoulder, but it doesn’t stop the resolve coursing through me to see Guy’s face and my annoying ass brother.
The screen flickers several seconds until they appear side-by-side. Both of them with a white toothy grin, olive tans, and dusty fatigues covering their bodies.
“Hop.” My brother hollers garnering the attention of the men behind him.
“Hey,” I squeak out and offer a pathetic wave.
My mom pushes me out of the way and taps the screen. “Boys.”
“Mom.” I see the sadness seep into Amos’ eyes when he sees her on his side of the screen.
It crushes my heart and I miss my annoying ass brother. He’s always been a momma’s boy and always
will be. It’s cruel punishment to watch her miss her son so damn much every single day. The ranch isn’t the same without them. They need to get home.
I sit back and give my parents time to talk to the boys. It’s just comforting hearing their voices stream over the line. They share laughs and explain their daily routine. I don’t miss the gunshots. I hear them in the background and all the other ruckus. I tell my mind it’s just training and nothing else. It’s the only way I can survive.
I grow greedy as their conversation goes on. I want my turn to sit in front of the screen and that’s when I hear my name.
“Hop, tell you she’s in love?” I hear Amos’ voice.
I recognize the mischievous tone in his voice. The jerk face even miles away is being the asshole big brother.
“No, she didn’t,” my mother replies.
“Seems her and ol’ Guy here finally gave in.”
“Amos!” I holler and then bury my face. I know they can see me on the corner of the screen.
I hear Dad clear his throat and then speak. “Just what does ‘give in’ exactly mean here?”
Amos is going to pay for this little stunt. Pranks of all pranks will be pulled. I search my mind for something to bust his balls on, but nothing comes to me.
Soon Guy’s voice fills the room.
“Sorry, sir, I wanted to tell you.”
When I look up, I catch the end of the hard smack Guy sends to the back of Amos’ head.
“What the hell, man?” He replies, rubbing the back of his head.
Guy shakes his head and smiles back into the computer. On cue my mother gushes and I can see my dad still trying to absorb the clear meaning of all of this. I thank the good Lord when the topic swiftly changes from how much Guy has had of me to more of their everyday routine.
“I’m so happy to hear this. I was beginning to think she was into women,” my mother says.
After my mother is satisfied about their safety, her and my father walk out onto the porch to give me some private time.
I pull down the bottom of my shorts as I walk up to the computer. When I sit down on the floor cross-legged, I pull the MacBook into my lap and flip the bird to Amos.
“Whoa, little sis, no way to treat a modern day John Wayne.”
“You’re a dick.”
“I know,” he snorts. Amos pops open a Snickers candy bar and begins chomping on it.
“I see you got our package.”
“Yes, we did.” Guy leans in, so the camera is only on him. “Thank you for everything. We’ve been sharing the Mountain Dew and candy with the other men.”
“Don’t share!” I exclaim. “It’s all for you.”
He gives me a sideways smile. “I know, Molly.”
God, every time he uses my name and not my nickname I fucking swoon. Yes, an out loud and very real damn swoon.
“Most of these guys don’t get anything from home. We can share.”
“Okay.” I bite down on my bottom lip. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You, too, baby. Makes me miss home so much.” He mimics my lip biting action. “Sorry, about douche nozzle finding out about us.”
I shrug. “It was inevitable.”
Because honestly it makes me feel liberated he isn’t hiding us. It’s a topic we never discussed and late at night I had a feeling he’d want to hide it. Leave it to Amos to rip the damn Band-Aid off.
Amos focuses the computer on him. “How’s my coloring look? I mean, it’s been nearly a few months with no pussy.”
“You’re dumb.” I know he’s trying to get his kid sister reaction out of me.
“Are the women in the States handling my departure okay? I mean it has to be hard since the King of the Bed is gone.”
“You’re a pig.” I stick my tongue out at him. “But seriously how are you guys? Mom and Dad aren’t here.”
I want the goddamn honest truth, not the filtered version to ease my mom’s heart. Amos doesn’t have to talk back to me. I see it in his eyes. All the lingering jokes and smartass nature evaporate. My loving asshole brother just broke my heart and doesn’t even know it.
“It’s hard, Hop.”
“I’m sorry.” I pause trying to find a question that won’t offend or seem idiotic. “Are you guys…Are you guys safe?”
“Honest answer?” He drops his head.
The computer on their end moves once again, so Guy is in the frame as well.
“We’re fine, Molly. Doing our job. We have the best men on our team.”
He’s feeding me the same line of bullshit they fed my mother. I notice Amos’ chest swell right back up with pride and know it’s their way of coping, so I go on about the new horses in the barn. I share everything with them about the ranch.
9
Molly
I tap the grocery belt listening to the most obnoxious cashier on the planet. I can’t stand her and avoid her line like the plague. But today is my lucky day…her lane is the only one open.
We’re getting a call tonight, so patience is nothing I have right now. On days that I suspect calls are coming I’m glued to the ranch with Mom on high alert. The last call was only a week or so ago, but they let us know that over the next few months the calls will be limited if any at all. The tones from the boys have also been disheartening.
Their safety guard has risen even higher with saving us from their daily trials. Amos lost one of the Iraqi soldiers he’d been training. The man died in his arms. It was the first time he showed any type of emotion on a call besides his goofball personality. They called the soldier Sam because Amos couldn’t pronounce his name. They took pictures of the three of them enjoying soda and candy bars. It hurt my heart to see how young the man was.
“Molly, how’s your brother?” The annoying Betty coos.
Nice to see you, too, asshole!
I fake a grin. “Doing well.”
I mean, how else are you supposed to respond to that. Because he’s not doing fine and struggling to make it every day, but he still fights day after day for our freedom.
“This town is just so darn proud of him and Guy. I mean they’ve always been destined to be heroes since they were young.”
She scans one item and then stares up at me.
“Well, you know that since you were always tagging along.”
“Yep.” I bite the inside of my cheek.
“We are just so proud of those boys. Mae is so excited for them to get home.”
“Mae.” I raise an eyebrow.
“Mae Robbins. She’s attending the community college and her and Guy had a thing before he left.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
A sharp jab of pain flashes low in my abdomen. I’m sure it’s from her revelation and I do my best to ignore her. I gather my few bags and head to my truck. Once I’m in the driver’s seat another flash of pain strikes me hard. I cringe on the drive home. It never stops and only gets worse.
I do my best to ignore it. My body barely makes it through chores and I decide to skip working the two new barrel horses. I manage to make it to the couch throwing my body on it. I find a position where the pain dulls a bit, but it never stops throbbing.
The sound of my MacBook rings and my mother and dad are there in a flash. They’ve become experts on answering FaceTime calls, even Grandpa knows how to answer one. For those three Marshalls that’s like landing on the moon.
I hear Amos’ loud greeting and it instantly makes me smile. Then another flash of pains strikes hard reminding me of the dumbass clerk’s comments. I sit up and become dizzy, so I take a few moments to steady myself.
I let my mother rattle off her usual questions. She checks in on them and if they received our packages. Her smile widens when Amos munches on a Twinkie. Soon enough they pass the MacBook to me. I’m thankful my dad doesn’t make me get up. I’m not quite sure I even could.
“Hey.” I wave and muster up a weak smile.
“Hello, gorgeous.” Amos drags the lapto
p closer to him so he’s only in view.
He has a light scruff covering his face and a new scratch on his forehead.
“What happened?”
He rubs the deep scratch. “I ate shit.”
It makes me chuckle.
“What’s wrong, Molly?”
I shrug.
“Molly.” Guy’s voice is laced with a warning tone.
I decide to just come out with it. I don’t need him worrying about me when he’s out their risking his life every single day. “Did you and Mae have a thing before you deployed?”
His forehead crinkles in confusion. “No.”
We remain silent for a long moment and I instantly feel like shit. I’ve ruined this whole conversation.
“Why?”
“Ugh.”
“Now, Molly,” he growls.
“You know Betty, the annoying town gossip, clerk at the grocery store?”
“Yes, pretty sure she even knows my blood type. Go on.”
“She said Mae was waiting for you because you guys had a thing before you left.”
“Bullshit.” The one word is harsh.
Amos appears back on the screen with white cream from the Twinkie on the corner of his lips. “Mae and Guy, now that’s fucking funny, Hop.”
“So, you didn’t do anything with her?”
Guy doesn’t answer. Amos does. “A big group of us went out for lunch and Mae made a show of dry humping Guy in a booth. Guy gagged. End of.”
“What dipshit said.” Guy points to Amos.
I shake my head and smile a genuine one for the first time in days. “Sorry, I asked, but I didn’t want to worry about it and…”
“Stop.” Guy leans toward the screen. “Never say sorry and always ask. Our timing wasn’t the best, but Molly it’s all you. It’s what gets me through the day. It’s all you.”
“Same here. I miss you so much.”
Our conversation carries easily. Guy shares a lot about life over there. He seems more chipper than usual. It makes me ecstatic and nearly forget the pain low in my abdomen.